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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in not bothering to buy presents for teachers?

148 replies

luciemule · 16/07/2010 13:40

That's it really.
Every year, you see all the mums bringing in beautiful gifts for the teachers and I just think WTF?

They are there to teach my children; that's their job.

My SIL is a primary teacher and you should see all the crap gifts she gets every summer/xmas. She even had 3 of the same teddy bears one year all telling her she's a great teacher. She gave loads of her chocs and gifts away.

I feel like a scrooge but I'm sure I'm not the only one am I? The kids haven't asked me to buy anything anyway.

OP posts:
staranise · 16/07/2010 15:00

I agree pozzling, it's outrageous and some people, as this thread shows, don't want to give a gift for whatever reason and that should be their choice.

Bumblelion · 16/07/2010 15:05

My dad always had the thought that you do not 'tip' when someone is only doing their job, i.e. you feel you have to tip the taxi driver, hairdresser, etc. but if you buy something from a shop, do you tip them? When you buy petrol, do you tip then? Do I get a tip when I prepare someone's flexible benefits?

... but my daughter has a 1-2-1 helper in school and I like to buy her something (and the teacher) but, this year, first year at junior school, the school has requested that, instead of buying teachers lots of 'unwanted' presents, can we buy a book for the school library that all the children will appreciate.

This year, for the first time, we are buying a book for the school (which my daughter will choose as a book that she would like to borrow from the library) and she is making 'hama' coasters for her teacher and helper. Whether they want to use the coaster or not is up to them, but I hope they will appreciate the time and effort that my daughter (and me) have spent in making these 'hama' coasters (my daughter making it, me hitting it and the plastic bits falling out and me trying to re-fit them back in, in the pattern they were).

I find that when children reach high school, this doesn't happen so much (I have one going into year 9 and one in college, they have the same tutor all through high school so the 'leaving' present is not so much an issue).

greygirl · 16/07/2010 15:20

i also get the school secretary a present - that lady wields a lot of power, and it can be very advantageous to creep a bit....

elsiepiddock · 16/07/2010 15:36

We do £10 each and give vouchers. Most go to the teacher and a small portion to the TA.

Works well, imo and the kids all write messages on a label that goes into a big card

gagamama · 16/07/2010 15:58

YANBU not to buy a present, they aren't obligatory and rarely anything spectacular. You would be unreasonable not to thank the teacher at all though, a letter or card costs next to nothing and would be really appreciated. Unless the teacher was truly horrendous in which case thanks does not need to be forthcoming in any shape or form.

It's a form of tipping, really, isn't it? If you're happy with the service, it seems a little mean not to reward it, especially if you or your DCs have built up an emotional connection to them and want to treat them.

M44 · 16/07/2010 16:01

There are so many people involved in ds's class I have decided to make lovely cakes for MOnday so they can all share something. THere are at least 5 if not 6 people as they job share....dd's class the at least 3 teachers so something for the staff room I feel!

SanctiMoanyArse · 16/07/2010 16:01

With 3 children in school, all of whom have addiitonal help and special diets requiring extra inpout from dinner ladies etc, we end up with 20 gifts to give. i don't mind it though, I am aware we use a lot of teh school's time and energy, and they have some wonderful staff.

I can't buy that many gifts though- the same issues that mean the kids need TA's mean I am a carer. So this year ds1 made necklaces (beautiful they were, easily saleable- will be looking into car boot sales next year if he continues) and I amde a little gift of home made jam / chutney / brownies for the ootehrs to take in, and dinner ladies etc got a disposable foil try of brownies.

not hugely costly but the boys really enjoyed giving tehm and seemed proud that they ahd helped with the making.

SanctiMoanyArse · 16/07/2010 16:04

Oh and wrt to colections, I agree. Each eyar ds1's class does that, a fellow teacher who ahs a child in ds1's class arrnages it- it feels a bit as if she is saying 'skip teh shite dears and give us hard cash'. Normally I aovid like the plague but ds1 ws old enough to catch on this year and I felt like I had to contribute, ahd already amde jam etc as well. And yes every penny had already been accounted for so it came from my birthday money Mum gave me to buy some books for college.

onebadbaby · 16/07/2010 16:06

I gave my dds teacher and ta a bottle of wine each- these were my fav. prezzies when I was teaching- never wasted!

cory · 16/07/2010 16:12

I would give a gift on the same principle as I have sometimes been given gifts by my own university students: when someone has gone over and above their duty. So ds' class teacher will get something (she has been good with ds' SN) and the Senco should probably have something, and dd's class teachers too.

RiverOfSleep · 16/07/2010 16:22

All the staff at our school go way above and beyond the call of duty so 'just doing their job' argument doesn't apply. We've given to class voucher collection
and will write something nice in a card.

melikalikimaka · 16/07/2010 16:27

I gave £5 to a collection for the teacher, everyone but one parent gave, 29 x £5 = £145. That's not bad for Y6 teacher is it?
Also, gave £5 to 4 teachers who did the residential trip. It's not much when you think over a year its a tip for looking after your child.

Think about when you go for a meal, do you leave a tip then [when sometimes the service hasn't been that great!].

LacksDaisies · 16/07/2010 16:40

I won't this year. My DS (Yr 3) has really turned things round from the start of the year workwise, putting in a tremendous effort when it doesn't come naturally and his behaviour has improved beyond belief (from 15 yellow and 2 red cards last year to only 2 yellow cards this year) and he has had not one single bit of recognition for that...so in a curmudgeonly fashion, if they can't be arsed recognising his effort, why should I recognise theirs? They had already sent a letter home saying he was included in this year's "golden" activity, but when I collected him from school that night I had his teacher telling me the letter had been given to him by mistake and his second yellow card had excluded him.

(...and he was exposed to porn on their premises thanks to a reception child bringing in a magazine last week, so I'm feeling a bit meh about the whole place at the minute)

Easywriter · 16/07/2010 16:43

I gave £10 (have twins yer see?) and am happy to.
DD's teachers are really lovely and as I help in class I see them actually doing what they do and one of them in particular, I am just in awe of. She's amazing!!

My mum was a teacher prior to fannying about all day , every day at her leisureretiring and she always gave my siblings and I first dibs on all presents and then charity shopped the rest. She basically thought they were all rubbish but appreciated the thought. She'd definately have prefered a home made card.

We're clubbing together and doing vouchers which at least is useful.

I don't think you should bother though unless you mean it. It's like tipping isn't it, don't do it unless the service has been good/great!

2babyblues · 16/07/2010 16:59

I don't think it should be an expected thing but I like to give something to show my appreciation. I know that the teachers and teaching assistants my son has had so far have worked above and beyond what was necessary.

flossieteacakeagain · 16/07/2010 17:14

The thing that pisses me off is the absence of any thanks for said presents! I'm a doctor, and if I get any gifts from patients, I either thank them in person, or write a note.I think it's always important to say thank you and perhaps some teachers regard the end-of-term gifts as a given and hence no acknowledgement..

SweetKate · 16/07/2010 17:20

We do the collection thing at school and get M&S or John Lewis vouchers. There are rough guidelines for how much each family put in but up to each family, particularly those with lots of kids at school. Then all the kids sign a card (stickers sent home to do). Nice and simple - teacher feels appreciated but no tat to have to find room for at home.

Spinkle · 16/07/2010 17:22

It's a blooming hard job. I'm a teacher. No we do not expect a gift. Lots of people have hard jobs.

Once I got a bottle of Moet though

I usually give most of the chocs away.

Zazacat · 16/07/2010 17:34

Teaching is an extraordinarily demanding job. I used to be a teacher, but have no desire to return to it now I have my own kids. I can't imagine coming home after a day teaching, and having anything left for my own children. However, whilst receiving any kind of card or gift was lovely, I certainly didn't expect anything. Actually, it was the parents who bothered to write a comment on the report slips, including a thank you, or a card with a personal message from the parents and/or the child, that probably meant most to me. I still have some of them stashed away somewhere!

(I did used to love nice bottles of bath stuff, though. V nice to sink into a bath after a hard day's teaching!)

moosemama · 16/07/2010 17:36

Flossie. At our school gifts aren't expected, but very gratefully received and every time my dses have given a present to a teacher and/or TA they have been sent a little thank you note by the relevant person at the beginning of the next term. Not a generic one either, one with a lovely comment about how much they loved the specific gifts my dses gave them. The fact that they take the time and trouble to send thank you notes, confirms my belief that they do indeed deserve the gifts in the first place.

I have given gifts every year so far (one ds in y1 and one in y3) and will be giving both of ds2's teacher a small gift along with something little made by ds2 and a card. Ds1's teacher however will not be getting a gift as dh, myself and most of the other parents feel she has been worse than hopeless, bordering on incompetent, so it would be hypocritical of us to do so. Ds1 will write her a thank you card on his own behalf though, as he is quite fond of her and is obviously unaware of how we feel.

Original poster
luciemule · 16/07/2010 17:39

Well - decision made then - think the general feelings on here is don't worry about not doing it and following my little chat with DS' reception teacher this afternoon, I'm not worried about not buying something. The class lists came out today and DS's 2 best friends are in the other class and the child who hurts/strangles DS (although it's his friend) is in the same class, even though I chatted to teacher about it and she said she'd see what she could do. Can you tell I'm a bit upset ????

OP posts:
WhereHasSummerGone · 16/07/2010 17:59

lucimule - that' s really awful. Can you not talk to someone else about the class lists. It's not too late to change. Or keep perstering until it is, I would though focus on the 'difficult' child in his class rather than being with two best friends!

sybilfaulty · 16/07/2010 18:36

Sorry to hear that Luciemule, hope it can be sorted out.

I am doing the collection for our fab reception teacher with another mum from the class. I found large card luggage labels on ebay and gave 2 in an env for each child to decorate, write a message, use stickers or whatever. We also included an envelope for return of the labels and a donation if wished. That way, people can give what they want and if they want. So far, several people have returned the labels by themselves, most have donated a bit and some have splashed out (£20 or more). We'll get them a present to open and to tie the labels to, and the rest in vouchers.

So they both get something personal from each child, a present for class (prob wine) and some vouchers to spend. No one is forced to contribute anything. All anonymous as well so works in lots of ways.

Fizzylemonade · 16/07/2010 18:36

I think it is nice to be thanked for the job you do, if you have done it well.

DS1's teacher has been truly amazing so I have got her a £10 M&S voucher and will write a gushing card.

The TA's of which there are 3 divided across the 3 classes I bought a nice box of biscuits between them (I know one of them has been sitting helping ds1 with maths)

I didn't buy anything last year just did cards but that was mainly down to the teacher and I not seeing eye to eye

It is not expected in our school, people just do it if they want. The idea of contributing to a collection horrifies me

LC200 · 16/07/2010 18:45

I think YABabitU. If you don't want to get a present, then don't. I always get one of the Oxfam good gift things, so this year the teacher and TA are sharing a desk and chair for a school in Ethiopia. DD wants to give them something, and I'd rather give them that and a card that she's written than a crap teddy.

I am a secondary teacher, and there are definitely less pressies there! My favourite ever gift was a mug with "Smashingest Teacher" on it, which two of my form had saved up to buy me out of their own money. Always makes me smile when I take it out of the cupboard.