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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to let OH go to a lap dancing club

77 replies

YetAnotherIssue · 16/07/2010 10:23

OH has been invited to a lap dancing club with his work colleagues. He doesn't want to go (phew) as he thinks it is smutty and degrading and he thinks he's "Above that sort of thing". Anyway I told him I wouldn't let him go even if he wanted to.

Is that being unreasonable? I think married/partnered men that go and leer at naked girating women 10 feet or 2 inches from their face is a form of cheating and shows a pathetic character.

OP posts:
BunnyLebowski · 16/07/2010 10:24

You have no right to 'let' or 'not let' another grown adult do anything.

Grow up.

ShirleyKnot · 16/07/2010 10:25

What is it with all these lap dancing posts lately?

GetOrfMoiLand · 16/07/2010 10:26

It is not for you to say if he can do something or not. What gives you the right to think you can 'let' your DH do something.

Don't be so damn immature.

GetOrfMoiLand · 16/07/2010 10:26

Lol at Shirley

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 16/07/2010 10:27

he sounds great in that he did not WANt to go anyway

but YABU in thinking you can forbid him

honesty/debate/compromise is whats needed in situations like this, not one partner laying down the law.

Original poster
YetAnotherIssue · 16/07/2010 10:28

Well he no longer functions as a selfish individual. So I'll just take £10k out of our bank account and spend it and he has no right to say I can't?

OP posts:
GeekOfTheWeek · 16/07/2010 10:28

@ shirley gyrating

loopyloops · 16/07/2010 10:28

YANBU. I would not expect DH to go as it is against my principles. If he wants to be single, he can go.

ShirleyKnot · 16/07/2010 10:28

A pound?

5DollarShake · 16/07/2010 10:28

I'm not usually one to say, 'oh God, here we go again' in response to a thread, but a lap-dancing thread was only started yesterday, just after another zillion-page one was still winding down from last week.

Seriously - how much is there left to say on the topic?

You're being unreasonable banning him from doing anything.

smallwhitecat · 16/07/2010 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
YetAnotherIssue · 16/07/2010 10:30

So if I'm unreasonable banning him from anything he is allowed to go and have an affair?

OP posts:
PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 16/07/2010 10:31

your £10k remark is bonkers,i said honesty/debate/compromise - which in that case would mean you telling him what you wanted the £10k for (eg new kitchen cos you are so down about the state of the one you have) and the compromise being you can have £500 to go treat yourself and you will save up for a new kitchen next year

its about respect for one anothers feelings and opinions, and where there a difference of opinions/priorities, then an agreed compromise

Sammyuni · 16/07/2010 10:32

He said he didn't want to go then you say you wouldn't even let him go if he wanted to i think that is simply rude of you and created a unnecessary situation of you telling what to do when he was not even going to do it.

Original poster
YetAnotherIssue · 16/07/2010 10:32

Well he knows where I stand and if he ever goes to a lap dancing club then I will leave him. I've told him that so their won't be any shocks. If he loves me and the kids then he won't do it as he knows the consequences.

By the way he does pretty much whatever he likes but this is where I draw the line!

OP posts:
Sammyuni · 16/07/2010 10:33

an*

Original poster
YetAnotherIssue · 16/07/2010 10:34

So what is the compromise then. You can't go to the lap dance club but you can watch hard porn on the internet?

OP posts:
ShirleyKnot · 16/07/2010 10:34

Oh stop being annoying and silly OP. What's the beef?

He said "I've been invited to a lap dancing bar, but I think it's gross and I'm not going to go"

and you said

"Excellent"

And then came on here and told us.

Now tell me about the time that you saw a woman breastfeeding in the street and you though "Oh, that's nice" so you went home a read a book and put your feet up.

5DollarShake · 16/07/2010 10:34

Parents ban their children from doing things.

Adults talk about things - make their boundaries known, and say what they do and don't find acceptable withing the realms of their relationship. If one person oversteps those boundaries, then it is up to the individual how to deal with it - work though it, forgive and forget or leave them.

They don't lock them into the house and put them on a curfew.

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 16/07/2010 10:35

no, you cannot even BAN him from having an affair, you should just TRUST that he wont. or make it plain that there would be consequnces if he did - ie youd kick him out/leave him, no second chances.

if you have a good relationship built on love and respect, he wont, and you would not need to consider that you needed to ban it

you sound very controlling and dictating TBH

GetOrfMoiLand · 16/07/2010 10:35

lol at cardigan.

Ooh you seductress you.

OrmRenewed · 16/07/2010 10:35

What do you mean 'let'?

Sammyuni · 16/07/2010 10:35

No i just think it was silly to forbid your partner something when they were on your side it kind of makes people irate somewhat.

Sammyuni · 16/07/2010 10:37

You should have simply agreed with him telling him that you are glad that he does not want to go because you hate that thing also.

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 16/07/2010 10:37

well put 5dollar