Not to let OH go to a lap dancing club

[YetAnotherIssue]

OH has been invited to a lap dancing club with his work colleagues. He doesn't want to go (phew) as he thinks it is smutty and degrading and he thinks he's "Above that sort of thing". Anyway I told him I wouldn't let him go even if he wanted to.

Is that being unreasonable? I think married/partnered men that go and leer at naked girating women 10 feet or 2 inches from their face is a form of cheating and shows a pathetic character.

No locking up here. OH lives away in the immoral capital of the world known as London 5 days a week so I have no idea what he's getting up to. He is lovely though so I have no fear, just one very strict rule on this.

In a healthy relationship nothing has to be banned. Because there is trust. If I told DH he wasn't allowed to do X or Y he'd be justifiable upset with me. I don't have to tell him not to have an affair - he knows that

Op - you sound a tad controlling! Your dh is an adult and as such has the right to make his own decisions.

Sounds like he made a good decision, until you spoilt it with all the "let" crap.

So - why are you posting on here? You're not even banning him - he doesn't want to go anyway?

This is a non-issue...

oooh. I live in the immoral capital of the world as well.

(Overshot yourself a bit quick there OP. You could have probably dragged out the thread a little bit longer, never mind. )

GETORF - What kind of a pervert are you?

Paisley??

but its not your RULE on this is it, its a shared loathing of lapdancing clubs - you trust him, he has said he doesn't like that sort of thing, respects that you dont either so wasnt coerced into going against his wishes

whats the problem??

FFS either you trust him or you don't. And what exactly gives you the right to grant or deny permission?

GetsAnnoyedWhenMrTiggaAsksIfHeCanDoSomethingYou'reAdultsNot4YearOldsTiggaxx

If he was going to go how would you stop him?

Dont be so uptight. If you trust him then what is the issue?

Bloody hell. YABU.

You can't "let him" do anything. He is an adult!

It's just one night. I think you are being insecure.

smallwhitecat - have you not read any of the earlier posts where people explain how adult relationships, vis-a-vis trust, communication and personal boundaries work?

dont be daft smallwhitecat

unless you have previously agreed to an open relationship and he is equally at liberty to do the same, that would be totally unreasonable

thats not the same as him BANNING YOU from doing it though - it is a mutaully agreed "rule" for want of a better word, based on like minded people, showing respect for one anothers opinions, beliefs, feelings

You would leave him, for going to a lapdancing club? Even if he didn't have a dance? It sounds like your insecurities are the problem here, if it was your principles you would be confident enough not to come on here and ask. If he didn't want to go anyway, what's the problem?

In fact I can't think of anything more irritating that an adult relationship where the couple asked for permission to do things. FFS! 'May I go to the loo?' 'Am I allowed to go to the pub' 'Is it OK if I make a sandwich now' It's bad enough with 3 DC

'Getting off' - are you 12?

There is a bit of a difference between going to a lapdancing club and snogging in a club.

But he doesn't want to go swc. That's the point. He doesn't want to go because presumably he shares her opinion of lapdancing clubs. Not because she won't 'let' him. I would be very unhappy about my DH murdering our next door neighbour and burying her body under the roses but I dn't think I need to tell him that he isn't allowed to.

If I want to go and see the Chippendales (are they still going???) I would, and my husband would be cool with that, as am I when he goes to a lapdancing club.

Him kissing another woman, or me kissing another bloke is another matter and has crossed our personal boundary from looking to touching and we would both not be okay with that.

when DH asks "is it Ok with you if i come home later from work after a drink with the guys", it is out of consideration - he is checking there are no other plans/problems with the kids and me before he goes off, he is not waiting for "permission" - if I said, today is the day you need to be home on time because of XYZ, that would be no problem. even if i jst said, id prefer it if you came home to help as i have a stinking headache, he would - hes just checking its convenient really

love
respect
trust
consideration
discussion
compromise
selflessness

ever heard of these things OP?

maybe she is only 12 (or 14 - some schools are broken up)

I think what would actually happen in a role reversal such as your money example is this:

You come home and say that Mr Surgeon Man down the street has said he will turn you into Kate Moss for £10K. You say no, because you don't agree with plastic surgery nor with spending your family's money in this way.

You go home and tell him about this, including your response and how you feel about it. (You declined, disagree with it etc.)

He turns round and says 'I should hope so too cause there's no way I would let you do it anyway. Don't you know that plastic surgery goes against nature etc etc?'

Now if you were anything like me, you would look at him like this "'let me'? You wouldn't 'let' me?'" Irrationally I would then want to argue with him and do it anyway (I wouldn't) because I have been told he wouldn't 'let' me do something.

LOL at Orm!

some people on this thread are being deliberately daft and misinterpreting things

of course what you suggest is not on smallwhitecat - wheres the love/trust/consideration of other peoples feelings in that set up?

suppose you have a strong aversion to, i dont know, bingo - but Dh does not know that as it has just never before come up. then he comes home enthusing about a works bingo night, and has bought you BOTH tickets to go. sensible folk would say, actually i really really dont like that sort of thing, but YOU can go on your own,I dont mind, or we could go out somewhere else on our own instead, or tag along afterwards to a curry/club

they would not yell YOU CANT GO I WONT LET YOU!!! Just as it would be completely not on for him to say "YOU HAVE TO GO IVE BOUGHT THE BLOODY TICKETS, or I'LL TAKE THE SINGLE SEX KITTEN FROM NEXT DOOR THEN

let your feelings be known in a sensible way, if DH respects and loves you there will be a sensible compromise