Not to let OH go to a lap dancing club

[YetAnotherIssue]

OH has been invited to a lap dancing club with his work colleagues. He doesn't want to go (phew) as he thinks it is smutty and degrading and he thinks he's "Above that sort of thing". Anyway I told him I wouldn't let him go even if he wanted to.

Is that being unreasonable? I think married/partnered men that go and leer at naked girating women 10 feet or 2 inches from their face is a form of cheating and shows a pathetic character.

Eh? What's a single-sex kitten? Aren't they all single sex?

swc - you are making my brain hurt.

The OP and her DH agree on the lap dancing issue. Therefore there was no need for her then to re-inforce that boundary with him.

DH - "Guys are going lap dancing, I'm not going, it's degrading and awful"

OP - "OH MY GOD!!! I would totally split up with you if you went to a lap dancing club and I wouldn't let you go anyway and "

DH - Seriously, What The Jeff?

MRSC2010 in the example you give BOTH partners are unreasonable though

what the Dh should have said is just "I'm glad you would not change, i love you as you are, surgery can be dangerous..." and other supportive comments agreeing with your decision. Not just I would not LET you.

YANBU

I just think its arguing over semantics talking about the word 'let'.

sex kitten = floosie, trollope, OTHER WOMAN etc

LOL

Ohhh ... I was a bit perturbed by the idea of someone taking a kitten out to bingo

A hermaphrodite kitten no less.

Just to set the record straight I am not controlling. OH rarely asks "is it ok" more like "I'm doing this on..." and I'll be thinking "cheers for the notice, maybe I was planning to do something on that day".

So you are being pedantic over the word let. My conversation with him was, "If you go then I view it as X,Y,Z so don't expect to come back home on Friday". He said he didn't want to go but hadn't decided if he was going or not. As it is I'll have no idea if he goes or not as he lives away from home all week.

I don't understand what this thread is about. Your DH doesn't want to go to a lap dancing club so where is the AIBU - what is the point of your thread?

I have no idea why some women find it so threatening for their spouses to go to a lapdancing club.

If you are that sure that he will shag every half naked woman in it as soon as he steps through the door, then you have much bigger issues in your marriage!

My ex husband was very much into porn and it didn't bother me at all because it didn't affect the way he was with me (we split for very different reasons).

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that lapdancing clubs are the most salubrious of places, but they aren't brothels!

I'm lost! One minute I was on MN & the next I'm lost in some weird virtual playground

YABU. You have no right to disallow your partner to do anything. He is entitled to make his own decisions. Was there really any need to say that anyway about not allowing him to go? Just thank your lucky stars your man isn't interested in going!

Let/allow/forbid/request they don't...

s'all the same in this house.

i think if you think you NEED to 'not let' him do anything, there is a bit of a problem. I wouldn't like to be in a marriage where one of us has to give the other 'permission' to do anything - you are not a child / adult or boss / employee relationship, you rae a partnership of equals so decisions should eb taken togetehr i reckon. if my DH wanted to go to a lapdancing club I'd acually be completely fine with it, but if I was unhappy about it, and he wanted to go anyway, i wouldn't not 'let him', I'd just change the locks and cut all his clothes into tiny pieces.

proportionate, stylish, simple.

I'm not going to get on at you OP about the whole let him thing, everything I would say to you has been said. More than once.

I'm in agreement with Rocklover, I also have no idea why people feel threatened by these women. They don't want your DH/DP, they want their money.
The above came out of the mouth of my best friends mouth, who is a lap dancer.
I can assure you that most of these girls do not feel degraded or taken advantage of, they actually enjoy what they do.

LOL at sleepinglion's reluctant president DH

I can't be fucking arsed to read the rest of the thread (very unusual for me...but then I am not usually around on friday nights...)

my DH isn't "allowed" either

but only because he knows very well, it is a deal breaker for me

so there ya go, DH...visit lapdancing club = divorce = very clear message

Arrgghh - why is it on these threads someone always says that it is a trust issue!!?!!

I trust my DH thank you. I however would not have wanted to marry him if he thought it acceptable to go and get a lapdance.

It isn't trust, it's respect...

Agree with the dealbreaker comment.

Oh and not all these girls enjoy what they do, many have drug, self esteem and sexual abuse issues.

But OP you can't ban anyone from doing anything, although you seem to be on the same page anyway?

I wouldn't get too het-up about it YAI. Most of the girls in these joints are more plastic than fantastic & their mivi's smell of carpet vac (or so I've heard).

Anyway, your OH doesn't want to go, so no problem.

hehe @ Shirly

I am happy to b so clearly pathetic then

However, I am not sure how not wanting my H to visit a lapdancing club translates into "trying to control his every waking moment" and "abuse" though

Lap dancing clubs form no part of our life. They never have, and that is what we both expect will happen.

I wouldn't 'allow' my DH to go either.

It's not controlling.

Simply that I would have no respect for him if he did.