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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect not to have to feed my sisters cats while she is on holiday

93 replies

IloveTakeThat · 16/07/2010 09:49

Hi, This is my first post so please be gentle with me. lol
The prob is my sis and her 4 cats, dont get me wrong, I love cats, have one myself and love him to bits,
Im peed off cos my sis is going on holiday yet again for 2 weeks and its just expected that I will go round and feed the cats twice a day, There are other family members that live much closer and drive whereas I will have to bus it to and from, She is also very friendly with her neighbours either side but wouldnt dream of asking them,
Ive mentioned to my mum that I feel taken for granted but she doesn't see why I have a prob with it, She is gonna be on holiday with my sis so doesnt want me to cause bad feeling, and says I should be gratefull that Im trusted enough with my sis's keys.
This happens at least twice a year and i'm fed up with it.
My sis hasn't even mentioned it to me yet even though they go in 2 weeks, She never does until the day before when she pops her keys round, my mum has a few times though and knows im not happy about it,
I wouldn't mind so much if she offered me the bus fares which over the two week period cost about £30, I am a lone parent of 2 on benifits at the moment although been trying to get back into work for the last 6 months, My sis is working, has one child and money is not a worry for her,
I'm supposed to feel grateful cos she brings me back a pressie from holiday even though she also brings one back for everyone else.
I guess I am just sick of being taken for granted and its not just with the cats, although thats maybe another post sometime.

OP posts:

hatwoman · 16/07/2010 09:55

you really must ask her for the bus fares. and tell her that you'll just be going once a day. cats will be fine with that.(and if this really bothers sis she can ask the neighbours to do it once a day)

and, at some stage, but possibly not right now, you sound like you need to have a proper chat. tell her how you feel - quite possibly she doesn;t even realise she's taking the piss - you really ought to calmly let her know.

StewieGriffinsMom · 16/07/2010 09:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BaggedandTagged · 16/07/2010 09:57

YANBU. The least she can do is buy some of those timer bowls/ automatic water fillers so you only have to go round there once a day (actually, if they're not too greedy you can just pile the food up for them -dont even need the timer bowl) and refund your bus fare

lazylula · 16/07/2010 10:06

YANBU. That is a lot to expect of a person. I would tell her you can not afford the bus fare so if she still wants you to do it she is going to have to pay it for you, you actually shouldn't need to ask she should just offer it. My dad looks after my cats when I go away but I never take it for granted, I always ask and have a back up plan in place. We only live a couple of minutes around the corner. They only ask me to look after their cats when their neighbours can't as they realise that its not always easy or convenient with 2 small children.

GetOrfMoiLand · 16/07/2010 10:12

(a) ask for the bus fare money. Say you don't want an ashtray with a flamenco dancer ot whatever on it, you want cold hard cash for the bus.

(b) go every other day. Give the cats plenty of food to last two days. There is absolutely no need to go twice a day fgs. I often go away from Fri - Sun and leave bowls of dried cat food out for my cats. They are fine. Your sister will never know and the cats will not tell her.

Original poster

IloveTakeThat · 16/07/2010 10:12

The resaon I'm expected to go twice a day is so the cat flap is set in the morning so they can go out and changed in the evening so they cannot go out again once they are in at night, she doesnt want them in all the time cos they will make the house smell but she also doesnt want them to be out at night,
I can get a weekly bus pass for £15 so wont cost me anymore to go twice but its just the inconvienice of it, I really cant be arsed,
I know I should talk to her about this and other stuff but its really hard as she doesnt listen, I think if I kicked up a fuss it would couse probs in family, Both myself and my kids are very close to her 4 year old daughter and think that she may restrict contact if I piss her off.

OP posts:

GetOrfMoiLand · 16/07/2010 10:14

Again, the cats will not tell her about the bloody cat flap.

Just set the thing to let the cats out at night. Nothing will harm them.

To be honest it's fine if you sister has mad rules about when the cats can come in and out, but it is unfair to expect you to traipse up there twice a day on the bus to uphold them.

SloanyPony · 16/07/2010 10:15

Right. She comes round with keys asking if you can feed cats while she is away.

You say "sorry, I can't".

End of conversation.

What is so hard about that?

lilllysa · 16/07/2010 10:17

Tell her you're busy! Say you have days out with the kida planned or something. Would get on my nerves to thinbk that shes just presuming you have nothing better to do with your days!

hatwoman · 16/07/2010 10:17

oo don;t set the catflap to let them out at night. we had a cat run over at night - if that happened your sis would never forgive you. assuming they have a litter tray keep them in - not out.

GeekOfTheWeek · 16/07/2010 10:18

Grow a backbone and say NO. Or demand the cost of travel and go every other day as GOML said.

If you arent prepared to do that then stop moaning about it.

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 16/07/2010 10:19

she is taking the mick

tell her no, you have something else on/not convenient/not got the time

just tell her NO

she can pay a pet sitter service or cattery, or ask a friend or neighbour

GetOrfMoiLand · 16/07/2010 10:22

Agree with geek.

Just don't go every day. And ask for the money. Job done.

Original poster

IloveTakeThat · 16/07/2010 10:28

I am laughing at the thought of the cats telling her, Thank you for that,

I cannot just say I can't feed them, I care about the cats, just wish it wasnt always put on me, I would love to be able to tell my sis how i feel but dont wanna fall out with her or other family members,
They just seem to think that cos im always at home im the easy option, I cant wait to get back working and feel in a position to say NO to either babysitting or other stuff, At the moment I'm the one who always has the pleasure of having their kids overnight while they have a night out together as im the one who cant afford to go.

OP posts:

lovely74 · 16/07/2010 10:29

This is ridiculour. You are a bus ride away, with children and no money. She has closer family and neighbours she likes. Why the heck did you ever agree to this is the first place?

Either tell her to sod off (don't just ask for the money, it's totally unreasonalble for her to expect you to do 4 bus trips a day), or accept that you can't say no and just do it.

lovely74 · 16/07/2010 10:30

Sorry if that sounded a bit mean to a newbie, but you have to say NO!!!!!!

lilllysa · 16/07/2010 10:30

Either grow a backbone or be walked all over by people that KNOW you wont say anything.

Thats the choice

GetOrfMoiLand · 16/07/2010 10:38

Look, you either accept this shite and just get on with it, or you learn to say NO.

What kind of mad family do you have where it will cause a Godfather esque saga of infighting and retribution because you don't want to feed her damn cats?

GetOrfMoiLand · 16/07/2010 10:39

Sorry - that was rude.

But come on OP - don't traipse up there twice a day. You will sit on that bus and think of us lot just going 'just say nooooo'

Original poster

IloveTakeThat · 16/07/2010 10:40

I have a backbone, Just don't want my kids and myself to miss out on seeing my niece,

I am not moaning about it, Just wanted some input as my mum thinks im being unreasonable and wanted to see if she was just siding with my sis,

I will go and feed the cats as I have for the last few years, It isnt their fault and I don't want them out at night as there are foxs around the area.

Thanks for your comments.

OP posts:

Morloth · 16/07/2010 10:41

Just say "No".

loopyloops · 16/07/2010 10:41

YANBU. Tell her no, get her to ask a neighbour. The fact that you have to get a bus there means that twice a day is not reasonable.

expatinscotland · 16/07/2010 10:43

Say no and leave it at that.

Tell her you don't have time. Tell her NO today so she has time to sort something else out.

Tell your mother to take a long walk on a short pier if she doesn't get it.

GeekOfTheWeek · 16/07/2010 10:43

It certainly doesn't sound like you have a backbone.

Never mind, you be tied to a bus journey twice daily, with kids in tow and be out of pocket too.

She is taking the piss out of you and you are letting it happen.

GetOrfMoiLand · 16/07/2010 10:43

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