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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect not to have to feed my sisters cats while she is on holiday

93 replies

IloveTakeThat · 16/07/2010 09:49

Hi, This is my first post so please be gentle with me. lol
The prob is my sis and her 4 cats, dont get me wrong, I love cats, have one myself and love him to bits,
Im peed off cos my sis is going on holiday yet again for 2 weeks and its just expected that I will go round and feed the cats twice a day, There are other family members that live much closer and drive whereas I will have to bus it to and from, She is also very friendly with her neighbours either side but wouldnt dream of asking them,
Ive mentioned to my mum that I feel taken for granted but she doesn't see why I have a prob with it, She is gonna be on holiday with my sis so doesnt want me to cause bad feeling, and says I should be gratefull that Im trusted enough with my sis's keys.
This happens at least twice a year and i'm fed up with it.
My sis hasn't even mentioned it to me yet even though they go in 2 weeks, She never does until the day before when she pops her keys round, my mum has a few times though and knows im not happy about it,
I wouldn't mind so much if she offered me the bus fares which over the two week period cost about £30, I am a lone parent of 2 on benifits at the moment although been trying to get back into work for the last 6 months, My sis is working, has one child and money is not a worry for her,
I'm supposed to feel grateful cos she brings me back a pressie from holiday even though she also brings one back for everyone else.
I guess I am just sick of being taken for granted and its not just with the cats, although thats maybe another post sometime.

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 16/07/2010 10:45

YANBU - tell your sister you will feed them this time, but in the future she'll need to make alternative arrangements as it's not convenient for you. Then she has warning, and you don't need to worry about starving cats and hungry foxes.

piratecat · 16/07/2010 10:45

if she can afford these holidays, she can stump up to put them in a cattery. I know catteries are pricey, but why should you be out of pocket too?
or put them one week in a cattery and you can do them for one week?

GetOrfMoiLand · 16/07/2010 10:46

If your sister is the kind of person to prevent your children from seeing hers if you dare to refuse to feed a pair of bloody cats, then you have bigger problems than pet feeding, mate.

piratecat · 16/07/2010 10:46

i m sorry op, sounds like your mum favours her and it all sounds very mean to me.

Original poster

IloveTakeThat · 16/07/2010 10:50

GeekOfTheWeek Where in any of my posts did I say I would have kids in tow?

I do have 2 kids but they are old enough to be left for an hour or two.

I have decided from these comments to do it but only once a day, I will keep the cats in and just make sure there are no cat smells when she comes back,

As for letting her take the piss out of me, maybe I am and I know she does, hopefully not intentionly but My family is important to me and I'm not gonna risk falling out over this,

My family are the only family my kids have so not gonna risk losing that now.

OP posts:

5DollarShake · 16/07/2010 10:54

So your solution to this is to keep the cats inside for the full two weeks??

That is so not the answer.

You need to speak with your sister about this. No use whinging to us about how unfair it all is, if all you're going to do is go along with it so as not to rock the boat...

Seriously.

loopyloops · 16/07/2010 10:55

Could the cats stay at yours?

Whippoorwhill · 16/07/2010 10:56

Personally I'd tell her where to get off but I understand you don't want that. Surely she could get someone else to call the cats in and close the cat flap at night though.

Then you've only got a single trip each day.

5DollarShake · 16/07/2010 11:00

The fact that she'd never dream of asking the neighbour - even just to do one of the feeds - means she knows what an imposition this is.

And she clearly doesn't care - when it comes to imposing on you. And here you are walking on eggshells around her. How does that work, exactly?

BrightLightBrightLight · 16/07/2010 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

IloveTakeThat · 16/07/2010 11:06

Thinking about it what would be the harm in keeping them in for 2 weeks? As long as they have food and water,

I'm afraid they cannot stay at mine as I have a cat of my own and bringing 4 other adult cats in woud seriously distress him even though one of them is his brother they have had no contact since they were kittens, (they are both 5 now) and if I did this they would need to be kept in anyway.

I am not whinging about this, just wanted some feedback as was feeling like I was being unreasonable in feeling put out,

Thought that was the whole point of this forum, I have taken all comments on board both positive and negative but to be honest feel more shitty than I did before,

OP posts:

paisleyleaf · 16/07/2010 11:07

" and says I should be gratefull that Im trusted enough with my sis's keys".

Yeah! This is a great opportunity for you.

Doing the once a day sounds better. I'd be inclined to let them come and go though.

BrightLightBrightLight · 16/07/2010 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PadmeHum · 16/07/2010 11:16

Are you mad?

Sorry if that sounds rude, but I can't believe you'd put up with this.

These are not your cats. You are ok with your sister presuming that you will look after her cats (TWICE DAILY TRIPS to boot)!

Your sister sounds like an ungracious, controlling cow. I can't believe that she'd expect this of you.

I am with the "grow a backbone" brigade. You REALLY need to put a stop to this. It's not a normal family dynamic - made even worse by the fact that you feel as if you can't stand up for yourself because you may lose your relationship with your niece.

Assuming we've heard the whole story - this is a crazy scenario. If you really sat and had a good think about this (without worrying about repercussions), you'd see this.

Lucy85 · 16/07/2010 11:16

You could ask her to buy automatic cat feeders. You can get them cheapest from Argos. (I think £20-25 each) They do four meals at intervals, and so you would only have to go once every 2 days. Leave cat flap open so they can come and go.

She is BU I think, the alternative is cattery which costs around £10 per day for each cat. An investment in feeders and your bus ticket is not much therefore.

She probably thinks you haven't got much to do as she is busy working and you are not of course [hmmm]

CakeandRoses · 16/07/2010 11:17

YANBU

Seems like a crazy situation. It doesn't sound as though your sister is at all appreciative of you doing it either.

If saying no to feeding her cats could result in your sister stopping your contact with your DN then what kind of person is she?!

I don't know about her cats but mine would be climbing the walls if he was locked in for two weeks. We had to do it once and he was so miserable.

Her cats may also damage the house if kept locked in - e.g. scratch the carpet by the front door.

Original poster

IloveTakeThat · 16/07/2010 11:28

PadmeHum To be honest I havnt told the whole story, there are reasons why my sis is the one nobody wants to upset but that doesnt change the situation for me, something happenend back in march but this situation with the cats has been ongoing for years.

OP posts:

Lovesdogsandcats · 16/07/2010 11:30

Getorf, your advice is wrong. I have 3 cats and they stay in at night. OP should NOT be pretending she is locking the cat flap and keoping them in at night, not pretending she is feeding them twice when she is really leaving piles of food out!

Cats need food regularly. Mine would eat it all on day one, and starve the next 2 days if I did what you do. And, I want mine it at night and would be bloody pissed off if you looked after mine, pretended you were doing it, and did not.

However, I think that this woman is taking the piss, and should be told to get a cat sitter and pay them instead of taking advantage of her sister - be upfront about this and tell her straight though, don't say you will look after the cats and end up not doing it how she wants,its sly and unfair.

ChippingIn · 16/07/2010 11:33

Sorry that you feel worse than before you posted, but really, if you ask a bunch of stangers on the internet their opinion, you will get it and as they (we) can't see you - they will be very honest.

You are being taken for granted.
Your Mother is favouring your sister.
Your sister is a cow if she would stop her daughter seeing you & yours if you don't feed her cats.
You need to stand up for yourself.
You sister needs to make other plans for her cats.
Your sister is not appreciative of your efforts.
You are putting yourself out for people who walk all over you and don't care about the footprints.

peed off/taken for granted/fed up/sick of - all statements you made - so yes, actually, you are whinging (with good reason I might add).

You said you were a single Mum with 2 kids who like playing with your niece - there was no need to jump down the throats of people saying about having your kids in tow - it was a reasonable assumption.

You are being very kind to her cats and that is lovely, but I am sure her neighbours could do it with far less effort required - perhaphs it's time to start being kind to yourself!!!

FakePlasticTrees · 16/07/2010 11:40

I think some of you are being a bit unfair on the OP - it's hard to say no to family sometimes.

OP, you've got 2 weeks to go and she hasn't actually asked you yet, right?

so send her a text today saying:

"Hi sis, I know you haven't asked yet and might have other plans for cats already, but just to let you know I'm not free to go to yours every day when you're away, and the days I can go, I might only be able to get there 1x a day. Can you ask one of your neighbours/aunty XXX/a friend to look after them this time as I know this isn't good enough."

That way you've told her you won't be there every day 2 times a day, she she can't get a strop on if you leave the cats in/out all the time. If she still wants you to do it, tell her you'd rather have something towards the bus fare than a gift from holiday. If she pushes, just say you've got things to do with the kids and a few dental/medical appointments that will take all morning etc.

She might surprise you by just finding a neighbour who'll do it. Esp if you say if there's any day said neighbour can't do then you'll 'clear your diary' on those days.

Good luck!

lovingthesun · 16/07/2010 11:44

love this - be glad your sis trusts you with her keys - it's not often I ROFL, but this is one of them.

Tell her no, put them in a cattery or pay someone else.

Please don't agree to do it & then leave the cat flaps open, you never know what will happen.

She is taking the mickey. So is your mother by supporting her.

Original poster

IloveTakeThat · 16/07/2010 11:46

I do not feel I jumped down anyones throat about my kids playing with my niece, I never once said they were her age, That was obviously just assumed.

My daughter sits for hours with her playing with my nieces dolls even though my daughter is 15, she makes them clothes which my niece enjoys,reads to her and dresses her up.
My son is 12 and does the rolling on the floor and pretending to be an animal stuff, all the loud things which she also enjoys,

From reading past posts on here I didn't expect everyone to be positive and agree with me but to be told I need to grow a backbone was pretty harsh,

Is it wrong to feel that are being taken for granted but yet not want to cause family rows?

OP posts:

greygirl · 16/07/2010 11:47

or you could all move into your sister's house for 2 weeks, how would that be?

you could eat her food and save money on your own bills!

StewieGriffinsMom · 16/07/2010 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Wallace · 16/07/2010 11:55

Could you send your kids to do it instead?

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