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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

(and I know this might be a little contravesial but) do you thing we're all being a little too judgemental?

86 replies

loopyloops · 14/07/2010 17:59

There seems to be quite a lot of judging other people's choices going on (on here and in RL). Do people do it because they are genuinely concerned, or because they like to feel a little superior? Isn't it better to express your beliefs on things (ie. breast v bottle, smoking/drinking in pregnancy) without talking about it in terms of judging people?
Sorry if this offends anyone, but I wonder if the reason the media judge Mumsnet so negatively is perhaps because there is this culture of holier-than-thou going on?

Thoughts, please.

OP posts:
Original poster
loopyloops · 14/07/2010 17:59

(sorry, just noticed my terrible spelling)

OP posts:
purepurple · 14/07/2010 18:02

YANBU
It is really easy for others judge people on here and look down look down their nose at them.
It probably gives them an inner smug glow.

funnysinthegarden · 14/07/2010 18:02

I think MN has become a lot more judgemental in the last 5 years. When I first started Mnetting, when pregnant with DS1, folk were hung drawn and quartered for being judgemental.

Now it seems to be the norm.........

faddle · 14/07/2010 18:02

I am holier than thou. So there.
Seriously though, there is a lot of judging on here, I hate seeing the unpleasantness of it when someone gets a flaming, and I've been on the receiving end of it aswell.

GloriaSmut · 14/07/2010 18:06

Tsk, tsk! If one wishes to be controversial then one really ought to be able to spell it. Especially in the title of the thread.

See how much holier than you that makes me?

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/07/2010 18:06

But here on MN we are all perfect!!

TrillianAstra · 14/07/2010 18:08

If you ask 'am I being unreasonable?' then that is an invitation to judge.

Original poster
loopyloops · 14/07/2010 18:14

true TA, true.

OP posts:
wouldliketoknow · 14/07/2010 18:16

judging seems the national sports here, and confronting those who judge, intentionally or not, is even funnier, plus add that tone cannot be added in the text, and you can read anything as an insult, if you chose to, some people also confuse having a strong opinion with being judgemental, and making direct questions doesn't go down well either, and let's face it, some discussions you feel like telling the op what a stupid cow she is, you probably don't do it, but...
is this judgemental?

Quality · 14/07/2010 18:25

Ah but I love a good judge, i never judge people I know in RL so couldn't care less whether my judging is wrong.

Alouiseg · 14/07/2010 18:27

It's human nature to judge. Don't take all the fun away

WinkyWinkola · 14/07/2010 18:29

People are by nature judgemental. If you see some unfair judging, pipe up and say something.

I don't think you can bleat about MN as a whole when there are so many different posters with different approaches.

slushy · 14/07/2010 18:30

Do you know I have judged on a few threads and the other day I was called scum, and suggested that I give coke to my dc in bottles and don't care about them. This was said about a choice I feel guilty about and I felt like crying then I wondered how many people had I made feel like that.

So from now on I am going to try really hard to remember there is a real person behind the screen. So YANBU I am going to try and be less judgy although I was never as bad as some and always made a effort not to hurt others.

gorionine · 14/07/2010 18:35

Yes I think we are.

I was talking to Dh about someone I barely know the other day in less than flatering terms. He looked at me very and said "that's not like you!"

OOPS MN started to leak on RL!

I will have to seriously controle myself from now on!

usualsuspect · 14/07/2010 18:36

The judging on MN is hilarious sometimes...I think the cook from scratch/no sweets/no tv/ brigade are secretly scoffing big macs while watching eastenders

gorionine · 14/07/2010 18:36
Gigantaur · 14/07/2010 18:40

I think it is very natural to judge people. whether it is negativly or not.

We walk down the road every day and we look around and see things that make us go
in normal polite society we keep those opinions to ourselves but in MN there is the relative anonymity allowing us to vocalise those thoughts.

what and how we judge a situtation will vary from individual to individual. what one feels is disgracefull another will find acceptable.

its human nature to compare ourselves to others.

foureleven · 14/07/2010 18:41

I am judging you on your poor spelling as we speak

I think that judgypantishness comes from 3 places

1, The need to justify to ourselves (via anyone who will listen) that despite feeling a tiny bit guilty about what ever we have decided to do for our children - we are right in doing it. i.e BF/FF, SAHM/WOHM blah blah blah

2, We feel that other peoples choices are affecting us personally in a negative way. i.e. people relying on benefits.

3, We are all so much more aware of what everyone else is doing than say, 20 or 30 years ago... and there are so many more choices to make about how we run our lives and bring up our children. i.e. my sister and bro falling out over whether baby led weaning was lazy parenting or positive parenting... that conversation just wouldnt have happened before.

I do think though that forums like MN invite people to give their most honest and biased opinion because we dont know the people we are taking to. I enjoy reading conflicting opinions to my own because in RL most people wont tell you that they disagree with how you live your life so you could just walk around in a bubble thinking everyone thought the same as you..

2old4thislark · 14/07/2010 18:45

I'm relatively new to MN - I thought the whole point of it was to judge people.........and call them names with only the slightest provocation

TrillianAstra · 14/07/2010 19:09

Lets just settle this once and for all; anything I do is right and proper. Anything you do that is not exactly what I do is either pretentious or chavvy depending on whether or not I would secretly like to do it.

TrillianAstra · 14/07/2010 19:10
booyhoo · 14/07/2010 19:14

i love coming on here for a good judge. i dont do it in rl because everyone is oh so very polite. i like being able to judge here and not be ostracised (sp?) for it.

slushy · 14/07/2010 19:20

It is not the judging that bothers me but the nasty way it is sometimes put when they are being nasty and there is no reason for it IMO.

Original poster
loopyloops · 14/07/2010 19:23

I agree Slushy, perhaps that's more what I was "bleating" about.

OP posts:
FellatioNelson · 14/07/2010 20:14

I went to see friends recently and they have their first baby. I wondered whether she MN'd but didn't ask, as I don't want to be outed/searched for on here. But she started to complain that someone she knew was feeding her toddler fruit shoots (with appalled expression on face and tone in voice) and then I knew for sure I was in the lovely judgey company of another MNer. A bit like being a Mason, with the dodgy handshake. We can recognise one another without needing to ask.