(and I know this might be a little contravesial but) do you thing we're all being a little too judgemental?

[loopyloops]

There seems to be quite a lot of judging other people's choices going on (on here and in RL). Do people do it because they are genuinely concerned, or because they like to feel a little superior? Isn't it better to express your beliefs on things (ie. breast v bottle, smoking/drinking in pregnancy) without talking about it in terms of judging people?
Sorry if this offends anyone, but I wonder if the reason the media judge Mumsnet so negatively is perhaps because there is this culture of holier-than-thou going on?

Thoughts, please.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a gut reaction to seeing something happening that you don't like. I think the problem comes when you don't think about it, assess the situation and mentally slap yourself on the wrist. At least in most cases. Because you never see the whole picture.

I also think that MN, by nature of it's demographic, tends to put way too much emphasis on the minutiae of being a parent. In reality very few of the micro-details of a child's life are going to have a major impact on their futures. But reading MN you'd think that one fruit shoot too many is going to lead to delinquency and drive-by shootings and cancer.

Once you accept that MN is like that you can learn to take it with a big pinch of salt and enjoy.

It has got more judgy over the years. I tend to shrug, mutter 'meh' to myself and click on another thread.

Sometimes it does wind me up though and sometimes I am in judgy mode.

All in all I am sitting on the fence not saying much here really am I? just blathering on but I have a new baby so it's allowed

I'm actually pretty judgemental in RL but there does seem to be an increasing amount of nastieness on here. I often cringe at some of the things I read and wonder how the poor OP must feel.
I think I'm a pretty normal parent, tending towards the strict maybe but I find that there often seems to be no middle ground on here, everyone seems to have such extreme views.
Posters must be very unrepresenative of real life parents or say stuff on here that they would never actually say to in person.

I haven't seen the smoking thread but was just telling my DCs yesterday that when I went to school on the bus the upstairs was for smokers and on cold days you couldn't even see who was sitting there as the fog of smoke built up.Its amazing how much attitudes have changed in the past 30 years.

This is going to get me flamed but I've often found women (sweeping generalisation) to be highly judgemental of other women. Not to their face, necessarily, but certainly in that arms-folded, nodding over the back fence, 'her at no.25 is no better than she ought to be... ' Les Dawson kind of way. And from the moment you conceive, it seems, there is a ready army among friends, rellies and even casual acquaintances, popping up resplendent in virtual wig and gown to say 'you know you're doing that all wrong, don't you?'

The freedom of posting anonymously on an internet message board means you're going to get cowardly snark and run tactics, & extreme views of all kinds (witness the bizarre FB Moat support site) Apparently there is an unwritten rule that all internet discussions eventually end up with someone being compared to Adolf Hitler. Such is life.

It's funny. I am staging my own little protest against judginess in RL. I just don't want to be around people who actually give a fuck about what other people feed their kids, or how they dress, or whether they have the odd fag or drink or work or stay at home or have tattoos or get their child's ear pierced or have casual sex ...or whatever.

I just don't and won't hang out with people who are 'judgy'.

I have gradually cut contact with anyone I find a bit too uptight about other people's choices and have got down to one very old, very good friend who I love as a sister, but who's 'judginess' has become unbearable.

I want an easy life. I want friends and associates who are basically good people - good hearted, kind. And as long as they are basically good parents - love and nurture their children (in whatever way they see fit), I really don't care about their lifestyle choices. Likewise, I am an adult, a good person who loves my kids, and I really am not interested in hearing what other people think about my choices.

reasonable - I did that years ago Life is so much nicer with people who don't really mind what other people do.

Thanks Fellatio thats the beauty of MN there are some lovely understanding, supportive people out there. Reading that smacking thread on AIBU made me feel like rubbish tbh as I have done the same thing and the responses to it are a bit heavy handed considering it might be a rear occasion. Mabey the op should point the friend to sources of help for her instead of casting judgement as its not all black and white, there are shades of grey.

I hate to blow my own trump0et but its really reassuring when my dd puts her little arms around me and gives me big kisses and she is always asking for mummy at nursery or even if my dh has her whilst I am out, so I cant be that bad . Some of those responses on that thread just made me feel as bad as baby Ps killers, but talking to other mums in RL and on here, its good to not feel alone.

I was smacked btw occasionally when I was a child, and had physical fights with my mum as a tween whereby my mum pulled my hair and I pulled hers. This was very rear and I look back on my childhood in comparison to some people who have experienced really horrific abuse and I am lucky to be able3 to say 'yes I had a lovely childhood with two parents who loved me very much and provided me with many wonderful experiences'

pigletmania can only advise you to focus on your own family and not to worry too much about what other people think. Remember, they are only words on a computer screen, you can switch it off and they disappear. TBH I do find a lot of the parenting threads rather judgemental and I wouldn't read them at all if my children were still little. As they are older I can remain detatched. These posters are parents, not 'child experts' or 'health professionals' and they don't necesarily know any more about anything than you do. You have done the right thing in seeking professional help and I'm sure they can help you. Just try and have confidence in yourself and your own abilities.
I agree with Reasonable Doubt and Orm renewed, there is absolutely no point in putting other people down or being negative.It doesn't help anyone.

reasonable thats the irony! I have nothing to do with judginess in real life. I can walk away from a relationship very easily these days. Losing DD put a lot of things into perspective.

I used to be one of those who would tie themselves in knots trying to please the unpleasable. You know those types who hold whole groups of people women to emotional ransom with their behaviour.

Not anymore and I am amazed at how many women get so involved with these manipulative Queens of drama.

So WHY do I spend so much time online witnessing judgments being made from everything from squash drinks to who should pay for disabled children?

Haven't read the whole thread yet but I think we would all like to feel holier than thou every now and again and like our decisions to be justified by convincing others how right we are and that others are wrong. It is easier to debate these things annomously on line and say things we would never say out loud to someones face.

i think people like to be judgemental and tell people how awful they are and how wrong they are doing everything online, 'cos in rl is not that easy, is it?, the trick is if you don't like what is been said, just start a thread with your question in another topic, aibu doesn't normally get you any help, or turn off the computer, at the end of the day, they are strangers, nobody cares what they think, and there are some lovely thread with very nice people here, got much help myself in several threads, got a lot of heat as well when not being very careful how i word a question, but then sometimes i feel like a good argument, write something controversial in the op, and you'll get it.