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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get upset with my DD being split from her best friend?

37 replies

knackered76 · 13/07/2010 19:42

DD in reception and today they found out who their teacher will be next year. We have 2 reception classes which are being mixed up. My DD is not with her best friend from who she is almost inseparable. This would not bother me so much but have since found out that all the other pairs of children haven't been split so am getting increasingly wound up by it. Why would they split my DD? I know they aren't trouble and they work well in the class so what is the point. I even went to the head pre the split and checked that they wouldn't split friends just for the sake of it but looking at the new classes that's exactly what's been done. I am furious and so upset for my DD who has just spent the whole evening in tears because she won't be with her friend I've put a happy spin on it and explained she'll still see her at playtime etc. but inside I am soooooooooo . Am going to see the teacher tomorrow to find out why she split them and ask her to explain to my DD.

Sorry for long post, really needed to vent!

OP posts:

BoysAreLikeDogs · 13/07/2010 19:48

perhaps DD and other friend will benefit from being split? Partic if she has spent from 3.15 onwards in tears

Or perhaps it's just tough tit that this how the cake was cut

Hulababy · 13/07/2010 19:49

Speak to the teacher and find out whattheir reasoning was behing it.

There may be issues at school with them being too exclusive perhaps, or one leaning on the other too much.

Don't go in all guns blazing.

dorie · 13/07/2010 19:50

Is one child one of the oldest in her present class and the other child one of the youngest?

Ladyanonymous · 13/07/2010 19:52

I once asked for my DD to be split from her best friend (my best friend and next door neighbours DD).

I never admitted it thouygh and shared in my friends incredulity at the descision .

Dropdeadfred · 13/07/2010 19:53

hi sexact scenario has happened to my dd this week - I think in the long run it will no harm either of them

larks35 · 13/07/2010 19:55

I know you're upset cos your DD is and I agree you should ask why this has happened.

But, it really isn't the worse thing that can happen. What is likely to happen is that your DD will socialise with others in her class and still have her "bessy mate" to hang out with at break and lunch. Maybe it'll be good for her?

Original poster

knackered76 · 13/07/2010 19:56

They are the same month birthday within a few of days of each other. I did wonder about the exclusive bit but then quite a few other exclusive children haven't been split. I'm not even expecting the children to be moved, just want to know why. I'm not going to go in guns blazing, more worried about crying myself and looking like an idiot (had a missed miscarriage this week so feel a bit emotional!). I'm probably taking it hard as it's the first time I've seen her really upset by something something someone else has done that probably didn't need to be. Parenting is a joy!

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Snobear4000 · 13/07/2010 19:57

Best to split best friends up as they have a tendency to distract each other in class, and form bonds that can make romantic love between adults look like mere trifles.

If it was me I really would not give a shit.

larks35 · 13/07/2010 20:00

Ladyanonymous, my sis did this with her DD and teachers were happy to help, mainly because the two of them just used to screech a lot together. I think the teachers were very glad to separate and it didn't do my DN any harm at all.

grapeandlemon · 13/07/2010 20:00

DD is being "split" from her BF as she moves up to reception.

I am secretly relieved, I know DD will be really upset at first but their relationship was far too intense and mature for 3/4 yo. I am dreading these extreme bonding relationships girls get into later on, I think they end in tears.

Original poster

knackered76 · 13/07/2010 20:01

I know it's not the worst thing that can happen and I am totally thinking all the worse things, like she'll have no friends because they have all been kept with their best friends so no-one will want her. I never thought I would be like this as a parent, I even used to teach so I know children are fine in these situations!!! For some reason this seems to have made me lose the plot .

Ladyanonymous - you could be onto something there

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larks35 · 13/07/2010 20:02

knackered - so sorry to hear of you mc, poor you. Don't fret about DD, she'll be fine and it probably will be good for her to work at socialising with others.

mumtoabeautifulbabyboy · 13/07/2010 20:03

If they are that inseparable and your 5 year old has been in tears over it for hours then that may well have been why the teacher thought they would benefit from time apart. It may help her to socialise/cope with change/widen her circle of friends.

They will still see each other at break and lunch and you can have her round for tea etc.

As a teacher I was in situation that Lady anonymous desribed where one parent of the 'best friends' had actually requested the split and the other came in to me upset. I obviously could not disclose this information to the upset parent. Something to keep in mind perhaps.

Teachers are very aware of who best friends are, so if they were split up, there was probably some reason.

Well done you for putting a happy spin on it for your DD. So many parents don't and are end up making the situation far worse .

All the best.

Original poster

knackered76 · 13/07/2010 20:04

Have to admit was getting a bit worried over the jealousy my DD was showing over other friends of her BF but now I am overcome with irrational thoughts of no-one liking her and being mean to her. I think I need a drink and to pull myself together.

Thank you for no-one outwardly calling me stupid and irrational, even though I know I am being

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mumtoabeautifulbabyboy · 13/07/2010 20:05

Sorry x post.

See Knackered...you know it will be fine don't you

cupofteaplease · 13/07/2010 20:06

The same thing has happened to my dd last week, also in reception. She is currently in a little group of 4, who are 'best friends' but very combattative towards each other too.

So the teachers decided to split them up into two pairs to go up to year 1. Only problem is, dd's 'partner' is now emigrating, so dd was left alone. Teacher asked me to speak to her and find out if there was anyone else she would like to be with before they finalised classes. Dd mentioned 3 children, and when the class lists came out, dd wasn't with any of them either!

Teacher just said that dd has been railroaded and dominated by a couple of children and she wants her seperated from them for year 1 so she can develop her own character as she is 'a lovely little girl'.

I trust that the teacher knows best.

Original poster

knackered76 · 13/07/2010 20:07

I know All a bit hard seeing her so upset when it wasn't me who caused it !

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zam72 · 13/07/2010 20:08

This exact thing happened to my DS and his best friend today - although my DS is absolutely fine about it and said himself it would be OK if it happened a few days ago cos he'd still see his friend at play time (wonder if the teacher's had been sowing seeds in their minds beforehand). I spoke to the teachers a few weeks previous and they said they try and keep friends together - so I was a little that they didn't do it. But as my DS is OK about it, its OK by me too. I wondered whether the other mum had had a word - not at all in a malicious or mean way to my DS, just looking for the opportunity for her DS to maybe mix more? My DS and hers are quite inseparable and when my DS was off ill recently his best friend was apparently bereft until he came back (Snobear's comment about a love so strong is very true for them!) - so actually maybe the teacher decided it would be best.

Undoubtedly I would feel the same as you though and not just 'ah, the way of the world' if my DS was really upset over it.

Sorry to hear about your loss too...

clam · 13/07/2010 20:24

So, is there any chance that the other child's mum asked for the split??
Remember that some pairs of girls will be fine staying together, and others not. There will be a reason - but be prepared that you may not like it!
Sorry!

mrsfollowill · 13/07/2010 20:34

This happened to my DS when he moved from reception to year 1. With hindsight it was for the best.He and his best mate still saw each other at breaktimes etc but it gave DS the chance to make new friendships- something he would not have done so readily. His friend moved house and school a year later but by that stage DS had a much wider circle of friends. They were all sad to see the 'best friend' leave and still talk about him but the main thing is my DS was not left 'on his own'. At our school they mix up the classes every year- this has mostly been positive as all the kids now know each other well.

Original poster

knackered76 · 13/07/2010 20:38

I don't think the other mum has (although you never know!). I think she might possibly be more upset because there are 3 of them who play together and 2 are in one class and her in the other. The other girl also has a tendency to be mean to my DD when she wants her own way (pretty sure my DD gives it back though and probably invites it sometimes!). Now I have calmed down am just curious for the reason and whether that reason has been applied to the other children.

Off far a bath and a good book, there are slightly more serious things to worry about in life

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Original poster

knackered76 · 13/07/2010 20:40

Mrsfollowill - her being left on her own is exactly what I am worried about. The silly thing being I won't know that until next year anyway and can't possibly spend the next 8 weeks worrying about it, just doing so tonight has been exhausting!

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frenchfancy · 13/07/2010 20:42

This happened to my daughter when she moved up to high school. I was upset at the time as the only other child from her school in her class was the one child she didn't get on with at all.

One year on and it has all worked out for the best. She still has her best friend, but also has lots of other friends from her class, and her BFs class.

Teachers have lots of reasons for how they split up classes, and sometimes it is just random, either way they still get to spend alot of time together.

rocketupbum · 13/07/2010 20:46

I would also add that my I was never in the same class as my best friend all through primary. It was actually pretty cool having a pal who was not involved directly in the day to day politics of the class. We are also still best pals now - 35 years later!

Original poster

knackered76 · 13/07/2010 20:48

Actually I was never in the same class as my best friend either and 30 years down the line we're still going strong!

I always vowed I would never be the mum that got too involved in her children's lives at school and let them deal with things that come their way. Opps, appeared to have fallen at the first hurdle !

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