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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask people to take their shoes off?

107 replies

loopyloops · 13/07/2010 12:38

... just in one room, the one where DD crawls around. She's at an age where she picks up the tiniest little thing and puts in in her mouth.

Responses I've had (I always explain the reason why I ask them to):

"oh, my shoes are clean"
"I'd rather not, I'm not wearing socks"
"a bit of dirt won't hurt"
"oh but I'll have to put them on again when I leave"

...then there are the people who conveniently forget and you have to ask them every time they come round...
...and those who take heir shoes off but leave their kids' shoes on.

Am I being unreasonable? Over the top? Should I just forget the rule and let them traipse dog shit into my living room?

OP posts:

Firawla · 13/07/2010 12:39

can you sit them in a different room if they refuse? like in the kitchen or something?
no yanbu but if they really refuse i suppose its not really worth making a scene

ben5 · 13/07/2010 12:41

i would be happy to wear no shoes but then i hate wearing shoes anyway. in the middle of winter you'll only ever find me in a pair of sandles!

bbee · 13/07/2010 12:42

If they can't be bothered to take their shoes off then only let them in the kitchen where you can explain if necessary that there you can clean the floor. I always take my shoes off when entering someone else's house but some people don't when they come to my house family included. There is only one person who has explained that they feel uncomfortable taking their shoes off because they have ugly bunions. You are not over the top but some people really don't like to andI suppose if you don't like it then do just let them in the kitchen where you can clean because... you don't like it.

luciemule · 13/07/2010 12:42

can you not just hoover once they're gone?

diggingintheribs · 13/07/2010 12:43

i'm surprised people refuse. only the no socks one is a reasonable excuse. Who are these people?

How abut getting some of those slippers like the ones in hotels and offering people those

we have always had a no shoe rule in our house. it is unhygienic - especialy with carpet

What do you say? if someone said their shoes were clean I'd ask how they had managed to get here without touching the floor!

As Firawla says, don't let them in the room

IFancyKevinELevin · 13/07/2010 12:45

YANBU and for some people it's a cultural norm.

In Switzerland, my DS removes his shoes for class learning periods and puts his slippers on.

Did have a chortle at my mate having to squeeze his size 13 flippers into pair of size 4 ladies flip flops at a Korean friends house once at her request.

noraa · 13/07/2010 12:45

you can put a wet (with antibacterial) towel at the entry to wipe the bottoms of their shoes.
but, put a huge one so they can see

lolapoppins · 13/07/2010 12:45

Sorry, but I could not imagine someone asking me to take my shoes off in thier home, and then refusing to with a lame reason as to why! How incredibly rude of them!

I always ask (while stooping to remove them!) if they would like me to remove my shoes as soon as I enter someones house. I always make ds remove his as well.

SalFresco · 13/07/2010 12:46

I'm afraid I think YANBU because I don't like being asked to take my shoes off. ALthough even worse is being asked to take your shoes off and then offered a pair of guest"" slippers. I know loads of people are going to come on and say that's how it is done in Japan, etc, but I just don't care.

I don't have a no-shoes rule (obviously!) and both DS's seem to be unaffected by the amount of crap they have no doubt crawled in.

SalFresco · 13/07/2010 12:46

Oops, I meant YABU!!

LadyBiscuit · 13/07/2010 12:47

We've had this before. I think it's a bit precious and I don't like to be asked to take my shoes off. I might have horrible chipped polish on my toenails, stinky feet or holey socks

Thousands of babies crawl and put all sorts of stuff in their mouths with no ill effects

AgentZigzag · 13/07/2010 12:51

It's your house, even if you didn't have your DD you're not BU.

We have hard floors downstairs so I'm not too bothered about shoes on, (not sure how DD2 will get on with no carpets when she starts crawling) but even so if it's been raining it's just polite to take your shoes off.

You'll have to make sure you return the favour to those who ignore you when you ask, and trapse dog shit mud into theirs when you visit...'a bit of dirt wont hurt'.

diggingintheribs · 13/07/2010 12:51

Well I think it is rude not to offer to take your shoes off and always expect it! I guess it is cultural.

I wouldn't walk down the street bare foot as it's filthy, and I don't want that filth traipsed through my home.

One of the reasons I have wooden floors in my home - you can clean it a lot more efficietly and throughly. Don't really want to shampoo the carpets all the time.

On the cultural note, would people who object to taking shoes off do it unquestioningly if they went to the house of a Japanese person but refuse in an English persons house?

luciemule · 13/07/2010 12:52

that's true ladybiscuit - I'm sure the germs on some peoples' bare feet would be worse than what's on the soles of their shoes!

diamondsandtiaras · 13/07/2010 12:52

Just wait until your little one is crawling/toddling around outside picking up every disgarded fag end......... I think you're being a bit over protective tbh......

Original poster

loopyloops · 13/07/2010 12:54

So should I hoover after every time someone comes round?

You don't like being asked to take your shoes off because.. what? You have ugly or smelly feet? Then wash them and wear socks. Chipped nail varnish? Who cares?
OR is it because you don't like other people having different expectations from you? I don't get it.

I have never had this rule before (even my new carpet didn't warrant it) but once DD got into this habit of eating everything and licking the carpet it seemed sensible. But if I let some people off then what it the point?

Sal Fresco and LadyBiscuit: do you actually refuse to take your shoes off? Does anyone ever insist (or are you too scary?!!)

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 13/07/2010 12:54

You'll have to get some cleanroom overshoes to make your point if they refuse, I used to wear them for work and you feel a right twat in them, especially if you're the only one wearing them

Original poster

loopyloops · 13/07/2010 12:56

Haha I had to wear those when viewing a house for sale once! I'd much rather take my shoes off (but then, my feet are clean and I don't care about people seeing my less-than-perfect pedicure).

OP posts:

luciemule · 13/07/2010 12:58

The only thing about asking people to take thier shoes off is that it does sound a bit patronising; as we're so used to people asking children to do that.

To be honest, I'd be really hacked off if someone walked into my house in winter (as they did when picking up DCs from my Ds' party this year) and trapsed mud all over my carpet.

Perhaps just say that "we have a no shoes in the house policy". That way, you're implying it's not just you but the whole family who made the decision.

Also, yes,if it's just one room, why couldn't you hoover after they leave?

Original poster

loopyloops · 13/07/2010 12:59

Dog muck doesn't hoover out very well.

and I hate hoovering.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 13/07/2010 13:03

The only way it's going to be patronising is if the other person takes it that way.

If you're rude enough not to just slip them off in someone elses house, and then make crappy remarks about how unreasonable your host is being for asking, it's possible you might have some sort of power issues ie 'nobody tells me what to do'.

SalFresco · 13/07/2010 13:06

I only take my shoes off if I am asked - I don't refuse. I just don't like it! And the argument about peole having different expectations work both ways - I think it is weird and quite rude to ask people, espcially adults, to take their shoes off, as if their evil, disugusting shoes are going to pollute your precious home, and I "don't get" why it is necessary for hygiene reasons; but then my standards may well be much lower than yours !! ANd I think it is quite inhospitable. BUT if I came to your house, and you asked me, I would do it. I'm not scary enough to argue

SalFresco · 13/07/2010 13:07

I forgot to add that if it was raining or wet out, or I had muddy shoes, then I would take my shoes off without being asked. But I think that is quite different!

purpleturtle · 13/07/2010 13:09

I had a friend who had a no shoes on the living room carpet policy, and she did actually ask a policeman to remove his shoes when he came to investigate a walk-in theft at her house. (The thief had left half a muddy footprint on the carpet, incidentally).

The policeman politely refused to remove his shoes, which I thought was fair enough, but my friend was less pleased!

Original poster

loopyloops · 13/07/2010 13:12

Why did he refuse I wonder? Is there something special that we don't know about PC's shoes? Maybe he needs them on in case he has to quickly run to catch a thief...?

OP posts:

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