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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH'S SPEEDING FINE

113 replies

stickyj · 13/07/2010 11:59

OK Mumsnet jury. Firstly, when a speed camera takes the picture, does it just get the number plate or a face? I need to know as DH wants me to take his latest speeding fine and claim it was me. I understand that as he already has 6 points, this will take him up to 9 and then he could lose his licence if he gets another fine, but I have just read the form and it's scary. You can get a prison sentnce for falsely claiming, and have to go to court etc. I have my own business and this wouldn't look good, would it? he also got arsey with me and said he wouldn't do my tax returns if I didn't take the points, also implying what kind of wife was I?

AIBU not to want to take them or should I help him out? He can't lose his car as he travels all over to meetings etc.

WWYD?

OP posts:

YellowDaffodil · 13/07/2010 12:47

Up to you if you take the points or not.

I used to work in a garage and we would phone up and request a picture if tickets came through on the Demos and Company Cars because we weren't always sure who was driving at that time. If you request the picture (saying you aren't 100% who was driving that day) you will be able to see what sort of camera it was. Clearly if your husbands face shows you should say no - I'm sure he will understand.

I agree with posters that he shouldn't speed and should take the punishment. That said I can't claim I have never sped and I have no points.

Oh and I am sure I have tried to guilt DH into things after a bevy or 5. Not sure OPs husband needs to be vilified for doing this. OP has not implied this is a regular occurance when he doesn't get his own way.

Prinpo · 13/07/2010 12:47

sticky, you sound a bit like you're holding them all together. No easy answers, just wanted to say take care.

Original poster

stickyj · 13/07/2010 12:49

I get really embarrassed when it's time for them to leave! I'm usually trying to get in the bathroom and I know that the shouting is going to start, every day. DS is yelling out the front door that DH is a twat for going without him, DD is screaming for them to wait for her, the new kittens are trying to escape out the front door and I was brought up to never air your dirty laundry in public, so shouting outside the house is terrible to me! We have sat down and explained but DS says it's DD's fault, DD says it's my fault for not waking her up (she has an alarm clock and a phone alarm) and I do wake her up but she soemties goes back to sleep. There's 5 of us and 1 shower so everyone has their "shower spot". If someone's late, it screws up the shower queue!

OP posts:

SpiderObsession · 13/07/2010 12:49

Sounds like you have enough on your plate sticky. Best of luck.

Original poster

stickyj · 13/07/2010 12:50

Thank you yellowdaffodil. I'm sure we've all probably said daft things after a drink

OP posts:

Original poster

stickyj · 13/07/2010 12:50

Prinpo, thank you too!!

OP posts:

SpiderObsession · 13/07/2010 12:52

Some thoughts:

Try putting the kittens in with DD, that'll stop her going back to sleep.

Put everyone's alarm clock back 10mins (but don't tell them). It may work for a while.

Shower the night before?

Original poster

stickyj · 13/07/2010 12:54

Spider, they do try and sneak in with her but that's because she had a hampster for her birthday!! She can get up at 6am and still be late, don't ask me why but it takes her ages to get ready!

OP posts:

SpiderObsession · 13/07/2010 12:57

. Perhaps shove kittens in with one hand as the other is removing hamster for safe keeping?

I'd be interested if anyone has any suggestions for that lost time, as it happens to me too!

YellowDaffodil · 13/07/2010 13:00

Sticky - you sound like you have a lot on your plate. Don't worry about the points your DH will take them and learn a lesson I'm sure.

AMumInScotland · 13/07/2010 13:04

When the shouting starts, what happens? Do they still end up getting a lift? I'd be tempted to have a new rule - anyone who shouts can get the bus. I wouldn't give anyone who called me a twat any help at all. Specially if they shouted it in the garden where the neighbours could hear.

Can you and DH agree a plan? He has to go at X time - whoever is sitting in the car (or standing by the front door with their coat and shoes on) when he leaves gets the lift, anyone not there doesn't. No shouting, no blaming others.

I do think that having to cope with the consequences is the quickest way to learn.

Original poster

stickyj · 13/07/2010 13:04

Need to go and start wrapping up my Dad's knick-knacks now so off to buy bubble wrap and flowers for care staff. At least Dad is still here and today is a special day for me too. It's 12 years today that I first spoke to my "natural mum" on the phone and 12 years on the 17th that we first met. Today is a great day!

OP posts:

gerontius · 13/07/2010 13:09

Maybe your DH should just leave at a set time each day, whether or not your children are in the car with him.

TigerFeet · 13/07/2010 13:18

If I were the OP's dh I think I would:

accept that I had to take the points myself
make the dc's contribute to the fine as it was their pissing about that resulted in him running late
insist that from this day forth, I will be leaving the house at and anyone who isn't ready will just have to walk. And mean it, no idle threats.

Prinpo · 13/07/2010 13:27

sticky, enjoy the rest of your day. Put thoughts of speeding fines aside for now! When you go to buy the bubble wrap pick up a bottle of wine for yourself .

firsttimemum77 · 13/07/2010 13:33

As much as I love my DH I would never take his points!!! Why the hell should I? At the end of the day your DH was speeding and he should not have been - and it seems, as he already has 6 points, its not the first time, so he obviously thinks he is above the law...and he now he's trying to get you to break the law and say it was you driving!

You know what my DH would never even ask me to do that for him! You will have to tell your insurance company and your premiums will most likey be affected and the 3 points will stay on your licence for a minimum of 5 years....

Don't do it...your DH is a knob!

traceybath · 13/07/2010 13:40

I did a speeding workshop fairly recently and when I mentioned this at the school gate - 2 mums just casually revealed that they'd done them too - in place of their husbands

He needs to take the points or do the workshop - its actually very sobering and has changed my driving habits.

In fact - you really notice when doing 30 in a 30 zone how few other people do.

mumofthreesweeties · 13/07/2010 13:47

Do not take his penalty for him, he was speeding so he must deal with the consequences. Do not be bullied into lying for him.

thisisyesterday · 13/07/2010 13:49

no, it's his own fault

he's an adult not a child and he needs to take responsibility.

ffs

Oblomov · 13/07/2010 13:50

i would have taken dh's points, happily. but they had a photo of him and me in the car, the whole front windscreen. wasn't alot we could do. he went to a seminar.

SuzieHomemaker · 13/07/2010 14:06

IMO 38 in a 30 zone IS boy racer. My DD was hit by a car doing no more than 10-15mph and had to spend weeks on crutches as a result.

If hit by a car doing 38, the victim will most likely be killed (especially if a child)and no amount of weeping, wailing & wishing will bring them back.

If your DH is such a poor driver that he cant control his speed then he should get a car with a speed limiter - there are a number available these days.

Getting DCs up and ready is not an impossible challenge. We manage it now by getting up earlier and so spreading the load on the shower. Some of us have showers before breakfast and some after. It really shouldnt be rocket science.

I'm sorry that everything is stressy for you at the moment but that shouldnt be used as an excuse.

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/07/2010 17:39

i can undertand why you would offer to take his points, if he gets caught again, he could lose his license and screw your lives up as could lose his job etc

but emotionally blackmailing you is pathetic

my friend took points for her bf as he had 6, tho 3 were for being a few cms in a yellow box in london at traffic lights

ive been done for speeding, many have, its not something to be proud of and with any mistakes, as long as you/he learns from them then not so bad, but seem that he isnt learning as will be his 3rd time

where i have been much more careful and check speed i am doing

i do think speeding in towns is worse than speeding on a motorway as i was caught for

pointissima · 13/07/2010 17:44

This is fraud. Do not do it. If you get caught the consequences will be much worse than a few points on your licence. You will never work again and you are unlikely to be able to get credit.

Men tend to assume that speeding isn't really a crime. He needs to start taking some responsiility

MumNWLondon · 13/07/2010 20:40

Just say you can't remember who was driving can you see the picture.

whatkatydidathome · 13/07/2010 20:52

Is most of his driving work related? If so then assuming that you are spending half his salary then you should take the points. Having 9 points is a nightmare as you get tailgated ALL the time which is dangerous in itself and also if you need to drive for work (ie to get to meetings etc) then it is assumed that you will speed so not possible to do the job without getting tickets. When dh got 9 points (all work related) I moaned until we found out that he was the only one in his office who hadn't actually lost his licence for speeding. It is not necessarily his fault - it is our get-there-now company culture. Also if he does lose his licence you will get a huge fine. Some cameras take faces, some do not - it depends but often people are genuinely unsure who was driving at any one time - dh and I got them to send up the photos once as we could not remember who'd driven and you couldn't tell from the photo.

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