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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH'S SPEEDING FINE

113 replies

stickyj · 13/07/2010 11:59

OK Mumsnet jury. Firstly, when a speed camera takes the picture, does it just get the number plate or a face? I need to know as DH wants me to take his latest speeding fine and claim it was me. I understand that as he already has 6 points, this will take him up to 9 and then he could lose his licence if he gets another fine, but I have just read the form and it's scary. You can get a prison sentnce for falsely claiming, and have to go to court etc. I have my own business and this wouldn't look good, would it? he also got arsey with me and said he wouldn't do my tax returns if I didn't take the points, also implying what kind of wife was I?

AIBU not to want to take them or should I help him out? He can't lose his car as he travels all over to meetings etc.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
stickyj · 13/07/2010 12:30

We both have our own cars, seperate insurance as his is higher but I can drive his if I want to. I have major problems with memory and need help doing the tax stuff as I often forget to put in vital stuff. He's always helped me, I'm sure he wouldn't "not" do them, just a bit mad at the fine, which he knows is his own fault. There's a lot of stuff going at at the mo, DS1 and his gilfriend, DD being 15 and having to move my Dad tomorrow, with dementia, from his care home because he's run out of money and has to move to a cheaper one. Life is very stressy at the mo!!

OP posts:
Original poster
stickyj · 13/07/2010 12:30

We both have our own cars, seperate insurance as his is higher but I can drive his if I want to. I have major problems with memory and need help doing the tax stuff as I often forget to put in vital stuff. He's always helped me, I'm sure he wouldn't "not" do them, just a bit mad at the fine, which he knows is his own fault. There's a lot of stuff going at at the mo, DS1 and his gilfriend, DD being 15 and having to move my Dad tomorrow, with dementia, from his care home because he's run out of money and has to move to a cheaper one. Life is very stressy at the mo!!

OP posts:
Callisto · 13/07/2010 12:30

I quite regularly go faster than the speed limit, but never, ever in a 30 or 40 zone. Speed limits this low are there for a reason and speeding in a 30 zone during school run time is a very nobbish thing to do. Your husband is behaving like a prick over this, he absolutely deserves to get done for speeding in a 30.

Original poster
stickyj · 13/07/2010 12:30

Sorry, double post

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StealthPolarBear · 13/07/2010 12:31

SagacityNell the tax return threat was after drinking NOT the driving
I hope - I did a double take too

pumperspumpkin · 13/07/2010 12:32

By the way, if you've seen the letter from the police, does it include a link to the photo-evidence? DH's did so you could see exactly what the photo was. You might find that it's obviously him anyway so that's another reason to point out to him you're not doing it before this nonsense goes any further.

Original poster
stickyj · 13/07/2010 12:33

Callista, I bet everyone here speeds occasionally, I defy anyone who's driven on the motorway to tell the truth. He got caught on the motorway doing 85, clear run and got done by an unmarked police car. How many people have you seen doing well over a 100 and they don't get done?! Not making escuses really, just life's shit sometimes.

OP posts:
FlexibleAccountant · 13/07/2010 12:33

stickyj - sorry I don't think my post was clear enough.

I was guessing that your DH is an accountant? If not then my point is not so strong (but it will depend on what his job is).

So my point is - if you take the points and you are both found out - you will both have committed fraud - he will lose his licence anyway AND - if he is an accountant there may be additional professional repurcussions (sp?!) for this - struck out of membership of his professional body.

Does that make better sense?

SagacityNell · 13/07/2010 12:33

I am confused now so shall revise my other post to:

Don't take his points. He needs to learn to stop speeding.

Original poster
stickyj · 13/07/2010 12:33

PP, where would the link be, on the paperwork? Just going to find it.

OP posts:
Citrus81 · 13/07/2010 12:34

No way in hell would I do this for anyone. Its his own fault and its not as if its the first time by the sounds of it.

Tell him to fuck off and grow up. Please don't even consider doing this for him. i agree he sounds like a prick. Who would blackmail their wife into taking the blame for something they did???

GeekOfTheWeek · 13/07/2010 12:35

If he can't hack the time, then don't do the crime.

Morloth · 13/07/2010 12:36

Um no.

If he can't control his speed then he shouldn't be driving which is kind of the point of the points system.

Don't enable him to endanger everyone by breaking the law yourself.

Original poster
stickyj · 13/07/2010 12:37

He's not an accountant. I thought it was OK for self employed people to do their own tax returns?

I will not be taking his points!

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 13/07/2010 12:37

Don't take the points.
Tell your DS that it's up to him to prove he is reliable by getting ready on time.
Tell your DD that if she isn't ready, the car will leave without her.

If they shout at you about any of this, either ignore them or shout back - they are old enough to understand that driving from A to B takes X amount of time, and that their father is now risking losing his licence because of speeding, so the time cannot be shrunk to suit their convenience.

They can walk or get the bus, and be late for school/college - then they will face the consequences of their own actions.

Original poster
stickyj · 13/07/2010 12:38

Citrus, he wasn't being serious about the tax returns, just being arsey I think.

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Prinpo · 13/07/2010 12:38

OP, my best friend's brother was left severely disabled (and died in his 20s, many years later, as a result of the disabilities) by someone speeding through a village. As a result, I feel that doing 38 in a 30 is at least as bad as doing 90 on a motorway.

When you need your car for work you just have to be bloody careful. My DH travels all around the country, mostly by car, and would be absolutely stuffed if he lost his licence. Consequently, he's really, really careful to stay within the limit and drives, at times, like my mum.

I don't think you should take the points for all the reasons mentioned. I don't think that him asking you was the worst thing in the world - perhaps just a bit of a panicky response - but then saying that he wouldn't do your tax return sounds a bit like he's throwing all his toys out of his pram. It really is his responsibility. He already has points, so it's happened before, he'd had a couple of beers... the list goes on. He needs to change his outlook so that being late is no longer the worst thing that can happen.

coppertop · 13/07/2010 12:39

I see you've already decided not to take the points. Well done.

I hope everything goes as well as it can do tomorrow with moving your dad.

Morloth · 13/07/2010 12:39

Both DH and I have had speeding fines before, both "accidental" rather than deliberate, we both deserved those fines though and paid them and took the points. Tough shit if you break the rules you get the fine.

I parked illegally once as well, paid the thoroughly deserved fine even though I felt I had good reason to break the rules. That is the way life goes.

The rules are there for a reason, if you choose to break them you are choosing to bear the consequences.

pumperspumpkin · 13/07/2010 12:40

In our case it was a line on the letter - first the one sent to me as registered keeper, then also on the one sent to him after I'd dobbed him in - just saying something like "if you want to see the evidence we hold, go to..." and giving a website address - you had to type in the car reg and the number on the top of the letter or something and up it came. This was Wiltshire police - no idea if they all do it and hope to never receive another letter to find out!

Original poster
stickyj · 13/07/2010 12:42

AMum- I know they should be ready and he does give them warnings about time. There always seems to be just one more thing they need to do and then he gets really angry. I'm worried that with all the stress he's under, he'll have a heart attack one day. he needs to lose weight and get healthier too but he just gets so cross! It's even harder now than when they were little, as back then you just piled them in the car (I have done the four at different venues too!) and off they went. Now, DS is making huge decisions about his life and he does do a lot of it on his own, without telling us as he's quite like DH and they argue. DS was tested for all sorts when he was little, including Aspergers and his dx came back as "he's not wrong, but he's not quite right either Mrs Stickyj, I think you just have to accept that DS* is a bit odd

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Morloth · 13/07/2010 12:44

I got left behind on more than one occasion. when Mum said "Be in the car or I am going without you" she meant it!

SpiderObsession · 13/07/2010 12:44

Sit down with DH and DS tonight. Explain that at X time in the morning is when DH & DS leave the house so DS is on time and DH is on time for work. Get them to agree this.

I would advise making the time 10 minutes earlier than needed. Then they both know what's expected of them and both know they'll be on time.

Then explain you are not taking the speeding points from DH as ultimately it's his responsibility.

Citrus81 · 13/07/2010 12:44

Sticky, well done for not taking the points.

Even if the threat wasn't serious though, it was still a twatish thing to say. It really annoys me when I see men (or women) trying to skip responsibilty for stuff they did. It's never "their" fault. It annoys me so much.

Original poster
stickyj · 13/07/2010 12:45

Coppertop, thank you. He's been ill for a week so I had to tell his yesterday that he's moving tomorrow. He's been there two years and knows his way around and I feel terrible moving him but have no choice. The place he's going to seems lovely but it's like putting your child in school, you don't know what's happening during the day and he can't tell me usually if anything's wrong. He forgets or doesn't understand. It's heartbreaking watching someone you love like this and so bloody unfair!!

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