FIL won’t back down on nuts

[Toria33]

We had an incident lady year https://www.mylondon.news/news/real-life/i-severe-nut-allergy-father-25996677
that ended up here,
I have made it clear it isn’t safe for me to be around any traces of nuts and they seem to thing washing child (7 months) down will be enough.( Never mind bfing) I also believe my allergies are inherited from my mother who is also allergic, so am genuinely in fear of a sudden serious reaction in ds. And I know it’s suggested to expose children to nuts at 6 months and we intended to contact a dr but my health has been really bad since he was born and now unexpectedly pregnant. I just not sure what to say to make them understand that we want to do this under dr advisement it seems to be falling on deaf ears
he had had eggs, wheat, oats and all sorts I’m just not backing down on nuts and citrus / bananas as I literally cannot touch traces of them
a new article or something might be useful ?

The issue here is not actually your allergies; but that he is not respecting you or your knowledge and experience. This will never get better. I would seriously go no contact now and save a lot of future angst.

Literally no idea how that gif appeared….

Omg it’s every little thing with these people, we redid the kitchen and got a massive fridge and they still tell us every 5 mins to rip it all it and put it back 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ never mind our house and we would have to get rid of a really expensive new fridge .. just another example that’s it I think I give up on talking to these people

Serious nut allergies run in my family. We were told delayed exposure CREATES them and introduced peanut butter / cashew butter etc at 5 mths at the GP surgery (we made an appointment with a nurse). I think you need to be grateful to your in laws if they are doing this for you. Just get cracking at the GP surgery and expose him to the blasted things.

Yes that's right for most but from memory OP has had anaphylactic reactions on contact and is breastfeeding so the risk to her is too big. That's why she's getting specialist advice about when he's bigger.

Most families aren't dealing with allergies that severe.

Who told you this? Is this proper medical advice or are you using logic you learned to manage your allergy? I have an airborne peanut allergy and was advised to introduce it early by pediatricians as allergies in a breastfeeding mum are more likely to occur (as kids not get exposure via bm). I planned it. DH and DM took him in, I pumped for a week to allow it, and DH fed him.

So do I. OP clearly hasn’t sought proper medical advice.

You haven't read the posts properly - it is the continued risk to the OP (a life threatening one) that's the problem. They aren't trying to help, they're effectively going to deliberately expose the OP with her life threatening allergy to nuts by putting them into the baby, who will then be delivered back to his Mum covered inside and out with the substance that can kill her.

I was told to make an appointment at 6 months as I did in first post I have been seriously unwell (jaundiced and 3 surgeries/procedures) haven’t done so yet will be contacting my dr this week
thankyou @NeverDropYourMooncup you get it!

I have an airborne peanut allergy. Have yet to get anaphalaxis from Peanut butter. It’s not to say I won’t develop it (the airborne allergy itself is rare so there is a chance) but I can plan for it when breastfeeding.

He is a truly stupid, stupid cunt. Jesus. His insistence that he’s right, his astounding ignorance and his determination to sneak things that could kill you into your home, would mean that I would never see him again, and nor would my children. I would dare my husband to fight me on that.

They sound unbearable thick and overbearing in other ways, too.

Ask him why he wants you to die. Put him on the spot. Make him feel like an utter tit.

And obviously, don’t leave your child alone with him - ever.

After that long of him ignoring your needs and boundaries I’d be going NC.

Dear fil, that article you sent is general and not applicable to our situation. I don't understand why you continue to think you know better than my doctors but I am not going to change what we do and I'm going to ignore anything else you send about this.

Then disengage. It's not worth your energy. He sounds like a total twat.

I would add though that your partner should be dealing with him in this.

Your FIL, clearly, is an arsehole.

You need advice from your allergy clinic/immunologist or allergy specialist dietician, really not sure dermatology is best placed to support you with this.

Just to add though, it's totally normal to have 2 Epipens, anyone prescribed will have at least 2 as standard practice.

It doesn't sound like OP's FIL will introduce them in a controlled way. And even if he did, that's not his call.

We also have severe allergies in the family - DH carries 2 epipens for allergies to peanuts, tree nuts and sesame. We introduced allergens carefully, individually, and early, as advised by the GP. If I was OP, I would be extremely nervous about the delay. That doesn't mean I'd let my PILs (or anyone) just start handing out peanut butter.

Exactly this.

(But also yes to two epipens being the norm, and paediatric immunology being better to advise than dermatology.)

How is it coming up at every visit?

If he's bringing it up every time then why are you still visiting?

This is bigger than the allergies( although life threatening allergy is pretty big! ).
The man has no boundaries. If you must visit him then disengage. I would also not be inviting him round to criticise my house.
Stop feeding him - he clearly likes a debate. You do not have to debate. Then he can talk to himself. Smile and nod and ignore.

This will soon extend to choice of schools and anything else he fancies he is an expert on. You need boundaries and poor dh needs to look up toxic parents. Good luck.

My son and I both have anaphylaxis and my mum was the same. She made pesto pasta for my kids and when I said that he couldn’t have it because of the pine nuts, she tried to convince me that they weren’t nuts at all. Told me that “Nobody has ever in the history of human kind been allergic to kiwi”. She wanted him to have pavlova with kiwi. He’s violently allergic to all nuts, kiwi and horses. I have both coeliac disease AND a wheat allergy. She bought me bloody couscous, especially. Undoubtedly an attempt to kill me.

@Toria33

I'm Coeliac. Obvs my situation is not as serious as yours but OMG do people think they 'know better'. One bite won't hurt, try this 'supplement', etc, etc. Had someone tell me it was all in my head. So I do sympathize and feel infuriated on your behalf.

To the really pushy people I simply say "I'm following my highly regarded specialist doctor's orders and will continue to do so. If you think you know better please tell me, where did you get your medical degree?". The time for being polite with your iLs is over. Time to be rude.

They come to us, invite themselves, and DH says all ok regardless. The often invade the house when I am in Hospital (reorganise move and throw out loads of stuff) and I loose my cool big time when I get back. DH has only recently started pushing back when MIL implied I was pushing for an expensive car (like some money grabbing hoe) when I was pushing for second hand … hopefully the first of lots

I would seriously be telling dh that if his parents throw out anymore of your stuff and generally interfere with your house again that he could throw himself out with the rubbish.

I couldn’t cope with that. He needs counselling. He’s completely enmeshed. In the time honoured mumsnet phrase- you have a dh problem.

Why the fuck is he so desperate to see you seriously ill or worse. Absolute madness. What a prick

As I said on original thread they delivered us nut cake and nut chocolates for Christmas when I was pregnant.. insensitive thoughtless and vindictive