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Allergies and intolerances

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Original poster

Multiple Severe Allergies + School Won't Allow Packed Lunches?

221 replies

AllergyMumma · 07/06/2022 16:52

Hello,

Please could I get some help/guidance?

My daughter has multiple severe allergies (Anaphylaxis) to:
-eggs
-nuts
-peanuts
-dairy
-sesame
-lentil
-penicillin

She is due to start primary school this sept, she will be joining Reception. I've spoken to a senior member of staff at the school regarding my daughters allergies and they have informed me that they do not allow packed lunches. They seem very adamant about this..

Last year at her first nursery (who also banned packed lunch), they made a mistake and gave her dairy cheese which resulted in my daughter having a severe reaction and nearly dying. Obviously after all of this I want to avoid anything like this ever happening again. She's 4 years old and she trusts any adult that helps her, I want to provide her safe food from home and eliminate anyone 'giving' her food that could potentially cause her harm... It's a large school with 90 children in Reception so I just want to reduce the risks as much as possible but I feel like I'm fighting against the school and getting no where.

The staff member made a flippant comment that "it's like opening your door and being hit by a bus, you just never know what will happen" which is NOT the same as suffering from multiple severe allergies. I feel really alone in dealing with this and wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar?

OP posts:
CaptainBeakyandhisband · 07/06/2022 18:58

Honestly? I would be looking for another school. Yes they have a legal obligation to accommodate her needs and they should, but they clearly think they know best and this is not a good start to a parent school relationship. You really don’t want to be fighting an uphill battle with a school from day one and honestly it sounds like they are complete idiots. So many children have allergies today, it’s not like a new and unknown thing. At our school nuts, eggs, and kiwi are all banned from lunchboxes entirely. And I’ve never heard of family style food for young children, that’s just bonkers.

Original poster
AllergyMumma · 07/06/2022 19:00

krazykatzlady · 07/06/2022 18:58

Yes it's a IHCP she will need. Individual Health Care Plan.
Input from parents & medical staff.
Plan for medical eventually.
Includes training for staff, and what to do in emergency.
The school/local authority arrange it and it is reviewed annually or when something changes.
Plans for in school & school trips etc.
Where EpiPen are kept, who is the trainer etc.
You can apply now yourself to get the ball rolling, look on your LA website for help, or IPSEA.

thank you will do this

OP posts:
Eightiesfan · 07/06/2022 19:05

If the HT refuses, go to the governors, they are the ones that make the rules, I’m sure their intention was not for the school to adhere to them with such inflexibility that it would put your child at risk.

Original poster
AllergyMumma · 07/06/2022 19:05

CaptainBeakyandhisband · 07/06/2022 18:58

Honestly? I would be looking for another school. Yes they have a legal obligation to accommodate her needs and they should, but they clearly think they know best and this is not a good start to a parent school relationship. You really don’t want to be fighting an uphill battle with a school from day one and honestly it sounds like they are complete idiots. So many children have allergies today, it’s not like a new and unknown thing. At our school nuts, eggs, and kiwi are all banned from lunchboxes entirely. And I’ve never heard of family style food for young children, that’s just bonkers.

As I read on I'm also getting quite worried and reconsidering if I'm making the right decision.

Fair point though thanks for your opinion

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 07/06/2022 19:06

My local school can't even deal with an intolerance for a teen who is capable of managing this when we eat out. I'd never let him eat school meals if he had an actual allergy.

I'd go the reasonable adjustment route.

Original poster
AllergyMumma · 07/06/2022 19:06

Eightiesfan · 07/06/2022 19:05

If the HT refuses, go to the governors, they are the ones that make the rules, I’m sure their intention was not for the school to adhere to them with such inflexibility that it would put your child at risk.

exactly.

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 07/06/2022 19:08

BadlydoneHelen · 07/06/2022 18:46

Will there be a potential problem with her sitting next to the boy who eats his packed lunch? Because presumably you won't be able to dictate what is or isn't in his lunchbox. I would be worried about the possibility of contamination from that.

Yes but that is not the same as she's going to be actually eating the school lunch. She's not going to be eating this boys lunch.

When you have a child will allergies you drum it in to them that they only eat food you tell them they can eat. Not another child's lunch.

alrightfella · 07/06/2022 19:08

With regarding the other kids in the classroom having milk/snacks at break you may want to ask how they will clean up the milk if it spills especially on a carpet. Presumably you'll need some sort of cleaner to be used rather than just rubbed with a bit of wet paper towel?

Innocenta · 07/06/2022 19:09

Please let us know what they say so we can continue to support you. It's terrible that you and your DD are being treated like this. What you're asking for is so incredibly reasonable - both in the legal and ordinary sense.

Original poster
AllergyMumma · 07/06/2022 19:10

DisforDarkChocolate · 07/06/2022 19:06

My local school can't even deal with an intolerance for a teen who is capable of managing this when we eat out. I'd never let him eat school meals if he had an actual allergy.

I'd go the reasonable adjustment route.

Allergies and intolerances are on the rise, you would think schools should be to manage them but it seems that these issues are quite common :(

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 07/06/2022 19:11

I would be worried about her eating on a separate table though. It's not reasonable to separate her from her friends because she's anaphylactic.

I would also start looking at other schools.

I have seen family dining in action and there is nothing wrong with it but it's not going to work for you and their inability to comprehend that is worrying.

Original poster
AllergyMumma · 07/06/2022 19:13

SavoyCabbage · 07/06/2022 19:08

Yes but that is not the same as she's going to be actually eating the school lunch. She's not going to be eating this boys lunch.

When you have a child will allergies you drum it in to them that they only eat food you tell them they can eat. Not another child's lunch.

Show quote history

Unfortunately after the nursery cheese incident she is quite traumatised so I would hope she wouldn't just grab food..but at the end of the day shes only 4 she's not mature enough to be making these kind of decisions she relies on adults around her to keep her safe.

ive taught her to ask if food is 'special' or 'yucky' and she knows her lunchbox is special only for her

OP posts:
SullysBabyMama · 07/06/2022 19:13

urrrgh46 · 07/06/2022 17:07

I would approach this from a disability point of view and special educational need. When a child has a special educational need or disability (schools use a wide view of what a disability is and no actual dx is required eg a child with asthma is disabled if the asthma disadvantages the child in relation to other children or how the child can participate in school) then they are REQUIRED BY LAW to make Reasonable adjustments for that child in order for them to participate fully int he education on offer. So I would argue that you providing a suitable lunch for her is a REASONABLE adjustment for her disability of severe allergy. I think you're entirely right NOT to trust the school to never make a mistake.

This.

Nursery school hospitalised my daughter so I understand the worry.

My son is badly allergic to dairy although luckily not as badly as your child. No one takes dairy allergies seriously.

I would NEVER trust school to feed a child with multiple allergies as serious as your daughters.

This is worth raising hell over.

Original poster
AllergyMumma · 07/06/2022 19:14

alrightfella · 07/06/2022 19:08

With regarding the other kids in the classroom having milk/snacks at break you may want to ask how they will clean up the milk if it spills especially on a carpet. Presumably you'll need some sort of cleaner to be used rather than just rubbed with a bit of wet paper towel?

will add this to my list of questions. thanks

OP posts:
CatatonicLadybug · 07/06/2022 19:14

You’ve had lots of excellent advice here already so I asked my DS who is in year 3 and also a multiple allergy sufferer. His school doesn’t do family style though. He has a mix of packed and school lunch as he is usually okay with a specified member of the lunch team sorting his meal, but if he is having symptoms or she is away, he takes his own. Here’s what he said:

’The worst thing in the canteen is the spoons. Some of the dinner ladies forget that that the spoons can’t touch other foods ever and if they’ve done that before I can see, I don’t know. Sometimes that makes me really nervous to eat, especially if it’s someone I don’t know.’

’The little girl needs to learn how to tell people really clearly about her allergies. And she needs to know that some people think allergies don’t exist and so to be careful. If there is a class party or activity and they give the same snacks to everyone in the room, do not eat it until you ask and make sure you get a real answer.’

(I agree with this one - almost every school exposure we’ve had has been a case of ‘oh a little won’t hurt and it would be a shame to not miss out’ and usually on the last day of term so I spend the holidays coping with the fall out!)

’Until she can read, can she have a laminated card with the allergens on and keep it somewhere she can always get it so labels can be checked in the classroom? And so those are some of the first words she can learn to read because she will feel better when she can read labels herself.’

and I will throw in that I would want a meeting with an epipen walk through before the school year starts. Don’t send her in until you know they can cope with using the pen correctly. (As an ex teacher, we used to have drills in this - it shouldn’t seem like a troublesome request!)

Beees · 07/06/2022 19:14

I'm another who says you should look at another school. Theyvwre doing everything they can to show you they don't take anything you're saying seriously.

It sounds like they will be very laissez-faire with regards to all aspects of her allergy so it's almost inevitable the poor kid will be the one who suffers.

SavoyCabbage · 07/06/2022 19:15

Yes it's very difficult.

LittleBearPad · 07/06/2022 19:18

Put everything in writing - follow up calls with an email.

They won’t take her place away but they need to take you seriously. Hopefully the HT is more sensible than their deputy. Go to the governors if they don’t shape up their act

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/06/2022 19:19

AllergyMumma · 07/06/2022 18:22

thanks will research

Show quote history

Yes, good point. Dd has an IHCP for a medical condition. The school organised this for dd. So I’d put this down on your list too.

Original poster
AllergyMumma · 07/06/2022 19:21

CatatonicLadybug · 07/06/2022 19:14

You’ve had lots of excellent advice here already so I asked my DS who is in year 3 and also a multiple allergy sufferer. His school doesn’t do family style though. He has a mix of packed and school lunch as he is usually okay with a specified member of the lunch team sorting his meal, but if he is having symptoms or she is away, he takes his own. Here’s what he said:

’The worst thing in the canteen is the spoons. Some of the dinner ladies forget that that the spoons can’t touch other foods ever and if they’ve done that before I can see, I don’t know. Sometimes that makes me really nervous to eat, especially if it’s someone I don’t know.’

’The little girl needs to learn how to tell people really clearly about her allergies. And she needs to know that some people think allergies don’t exist and so to be careful. If there is a class party or activity and they give the same snacks to everyone in the room, do not eat it until you ask and make sure you get a real answer.’

(I agree with this one - almost every school exposure we’ve had has been a case of ‘oh a little won’t hurt and it would be a shame to not miss out’ and usually on the last day of term so I spend the holidays coping with the fall out!)

’Until she can read, can she have a laminated card with the allergens on and keep it somewhere she can always get it so labels can be checked in the classroom? And so those are some of the first words she can learn to read because she will feel better when she can read labels herself.’

and I will throw in that I would want a meeting with an epipen walk through before the school year starts. Don’t send her in until you know they can cope with using the pen correctly. (As an ex teacher, we used to have drills in this - it shouldn’t seem like a troublesome request!)

oh my god this post made me cry, please thank your son for his thought suggestions..he seems like a lovely thoughtful boy you brought him up so well x

good call on the epi pen walk through thanks. i honestly just feel so fed up and worn out thinking about going through this whole battle again, starting school is scary as it is and i have so many allergy related worries that it seems almost impossible to keep her safe. I'm so worried for her after all she's been through and i'm so angry at the injustice of it all (sorry if this sounds a bit dramatic)

OP posts:
Original poster
AllergyMumma · 07/06/2022 19:23

SullysBabyMama · 07/06/2022 19:13

This.

Nursery school hospitalised my daughter so I understand the worry.

My son is badly allergic to dairy although luckily not as badly as your child. No one takes dairy allergies seriously.

I would NEVER trust school to feed a child with multiple allergies as serious as your daughters.

This is worth raising hell over.

Show quote history

thank you for the support, it's nice to know i'm not alone x

OP posts:
Phineyj · 07/06/2022 19:23

Wow, Catatonic, that's a sensible, mature, articulate child you have there!

savoycabbage · 07/06/2022 19:24

It does get easier as they get older, I promise.

people nit taking it seriously or assuming you are exaggerating or that you are a helicopter parent is very difficult to deal with.

Original poster
AllergyMumma · 07/06/2022 19:25

LittleBearPad · 07/06/2022 19:18

Put everything in writing - follow up calls with an email.

They won’t take her place away but they need to take you seriously. Hopefully the HT is more sensible than their deputy. Go to the governors if they don’t shape up their act

thank you yes i need everything in writing...the deputy is in charge of reception which is why i think they sent her to talk to me. but i will be asking to speak to the head next and escalating if needed

OP posts:
Paddingtonsmarmlade · 07/06/2022 19:26

I have 2 children with milk allergies (thankfully not anaphylactic) the oldest recently was given the wrong lunch. It was noticed before he ate anything thankfully but if he was anaphylactic there is no way I'd let him have school lunches.

Things that have also happened,

gone to the nursery sink and started to help do the washing up and other children had chucked in cups with milk still in.
picked up another child's beaker and taken a gulp before the teacher reacted
made cakes with milk chocolate and allowed to stir it

these all had reactions but not life threatening

i would ask about the allergy forms from the school caterer as the ones I had stated that whilst they would do everything they could they couldn't guarantee no cross contamination and potential consequences and a packed lunch from home was the suggestion for high risk students.

I would also start teaching your child to only eat from their lunchbox and refuse to eat anything else that anyone supplies, even if a teacher has said it's ok. They will get it soon, ds is 5 and now questions is this dairy free, obviously you've got a long list of things to avoid so maybe something like always check all food with mummy/daddy/gran before eating anything.