71 days sober and struggling not to drink after chat with DD

[MaggieBsBoat]

I am now 71 days sober. I’ve been doing really well. This is the longest I’ve ever managed and I feel proud.
Today my daughter opened up to me about her experience of childhood sexual abuse. It was bad. This is the first time she’s spoken to me about it. I had no idea. It’s lunchtime and I feel broken and want to drink a bottle of wine or two and take pills to sleep. I need to post to say something aloud. It isn’t about me but I feel distraught and murderous. I would be so grateful if someone could reply, telling me how to stay calm and not drink. At the moment I am justifying a bad decision with it’s just one day. But I can’t. I mustn’t. Thank you if you can. 🙏

73 days! You are doing a great job. You are sober and available for your daughter - no one can ask for more. Keep going!

Hi @MaggieBsBoat I imagine that opening up that old wound has left her feeling very vulnerable and also exhausted and that she just needs the company of people who are not thinking about it all the time for a while, she will know that is on your mind and maybe she just needed you to know, but not to talk about it to much just yet. My feeling when I read that last post of yours what that you probably do need to talk about it, so maybe you need to find yourself a place where you can, whether with a very very trusted friend, or counselling of some sort. You are amazing by the way. I have still not got to 73 days, but I will this time!

Cry it out. That’s the only thing that works. Let the tears flow.

Well done on your sobriety. Join AA yesterday. Lots of support and you can get a sponsor who you can call in moments like this. Addiction is tough to kick alone and there’s no need. A friend is in NA and it’s been life changing for her,

It's possible she's afraid you'll drink and she doesn't want to make it harder for you to resist the urge by being around you.

She 100% told you now because you're sober, no doubt about that. That's what dealing with life on life's terms means. She held it in in those early days because she loves you but now she felt you were committed and present enough to tell you. It's a gift she's made you and you repay her with every day you spend sober. Your sobriety is now something even more precious than it was before when it was about getting your life back. I can't imagine the strength it must have taken to resist the urge to drink, I'm sure I would have caved because it's such a horrible thing to happen.

But you came on here asking for help. And you'll also be there for your daughter once she's ready to talk some more if she wants. That is amazing and you're an amazing mother. So proud of you OP.

You can do this @Manyanamanyana !

Thank you so much for your continued support and kind words. My DD was home yesterday for the first time and we hugged. I told her that I was on day 74 and she said she was super proud of me. I deliberately kept the conversation relatively light and I told her how very wonderful she is and that she’s my heart. It will be ok. I’m just trying not to dwell on things. I do know I need to talk though. I have a therapist but she’s not been available for a while. It’s made a massive difference to not talk to anyone. I need AA too I think. Previously I felt like I had to prove myself first by managing some time (I don’t know where that thinking comes from. The shame of not being able to go more than a day? Worrying about committing to something too difficult?). But now I am on day 77. I can.

and I was wrong it was day 76!!

You’re amazing. You might not feel it, but I hope you do, even though this is difficult. What a gift to your daughter and yourself! Being tempted and not doing it takes real strength. Seriously, you’re amazing 🥰

🥹

@MaggieBsBoatsuper update, so glad you’re staying strong, for both of you! Well done, you’ve been brilliant, I know your daughter will be so grateful of your reaction and tenderness.

Well done @MaggieBsBoat!

Day 77 will arrive soon. Just keep on keeping on through day 76. That’s all you are asking of yourself to keep going through this day. I am so so sure your dd is just so so proud of you. You are so aware and on it and strong. Strong un mumsnetty encouraging vibes coming your way.

Well done, everyday a new day! Your bravery is incredible - remember that it comes from you, from your heart, from your love for your daughter - it is you doing this, your courage and your determination! Find the things that help you - and treasure them. We all need help, so don’t forget about those little treasures that keep you going.

"Previously I felt like I had to prove myself first by managing some time (I don’t know where that thinking comes from. The shame of not being able to go more than a day? Worrying about committing to something too difficult?)."

To prove yourself worthy of support, maybe. Yet you did it, and you would be no less worthy if you had 2 days under your belt. It's why in AA they say ODAAT, one day at a time. AA groups can be hit or miss but a listening ear alone can make a difference, and if the first doesn't work then maybe the second. Still hope you'll soon get to go back to therapy as it's a hard thing to process even without having to drink.

Telling your daughter your sober days count must have felt good. It sounds like now that you're realizing it can be done you can tell others this is what is happening because you want this and know you can make it happen.

Hi, I wanted to come back and give a wee update. I am managing my emotions well with the help of a therapist and my DD, though struggling, I believe sees me as a strength, someone she can rely on. This wouldn’t be the case otherwise as yesterday evening I got to 100 days!!!! I am so secretly proud of myself. If I can do it, I know that others can. As you say @fuchsteufelswild ODAAT and I know it won’t suddenly get easier. I realise that now. I’m accepting that the need is something that sits inside me forever. I thought that it magically goes. It doesn’t. This makes me a little sad, but at least in this acceptance comes management.

Thank you again for all your kindness. ♥️💖❤️

So happy to hear this update @MaggieBsBoat. Well done! Sounds like a useful few weeks and your dd is really benefiting from yoh being strong. Keep going! Thanks for sharing with us. Congratulations on what you’ve achieved so far

So happy to hear this update @MaggieBsBoat. Well done! Sounds like a useful few weeks and your dd is really benefiting from yoh being strong. Keep going! Thanks for sharing with us. Congratulations on what you’ve achieved so far.

So happy to hear this update @MaggieBsBoat. Well done! Sounds like a useful few weeks and your dd is really benefiting from yoh being strong. Keep going! Thanks for sharing with us. Congratulations on what you’ve achieved so far.

I’m four years sober . Keep going … it’s the most incredible thing . I could list you a 100 ways in which my life has got better . You just wait and see !! It’s incredible. You get a dip around 6 months usually . This is when you start adding hobbies in 🤣🤣

100 days!!! Well done!

OP, you are doing really well!!!

If you enroll in Alcoholics Anonymous, you will have a sponsor who you can call at times like this.

Do NOT drink! Have some chocolate or cake or anything else that you find soothing to eat or drink that is not alcohol. Distract yourself. Book some counselling asap. If you can afford a few private sessions, you can get in quick.

Call Drinkline Sunday morning. Here's the info from the link below

• Drinkline is the national alcohol helpline. If you're worried about your own or someone else's drinking, you can call this free helpline in complete confidence. Call 0300 123 1110 (weekdays 9am to 8pm, weekends 11am to 4pm).

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/alcohol-advice/alcohol-support/

Don't try to do this alone. You need help and support, because alcohol addiction is a terrible disease. It's not your fault. Please do access whatever support you can.

Hugs xxx

So proud of you. You are an inspiration.

Well done! You should be proud of yourself!

Thank you for the lovely update @MaggieBsBoat. 100 days is a major milestone- you may feel your baseline happiness and anxiety starting to shift (in the right directions!).

You are incredibly strong to do this, and it’s good your DD recognises this.

The need may always be there, but over time your perspective on it will change. At first, it is so close to us it seems enormous - it fills our vision and all our thoughts.Over time, as we put distance between us and that need, we can see it clearer, and it becomes less immediate, and less intimidating.

Thank you @Onewildandpreciouslife this is very good to hear. It’s like a constant noise in the background. It’s wonderful to hear that this noise gets quieter 🙏

Amazing news @MaggieBsBoat 💕