71 days sober and struggling not to drink after chat with DD

[MaggieBsBoat]

I am now 71 days sober. I’ve been doing really well. This is the longest I’ve ever managed and I feel proud.
Today my daughter opened up to me about her experience of childhood sexual abuse. It was bad. This is the first time she’s spoken to me about it. I had no idea. It’s lunchtime and I feel broken and want to drink a bottle of wine or two and take pills to sleep. I need to post to say something aloud. It isn’t about me but I feel distraught and murderous. I would be so grateful if someone could reply, telling me how to stay calm and not drink. At the moment I am justifying a bad decision with it’s just one day. But I can’t. I mustn’t. Thank you if you can. 🙏

I am so so glad I posted here. You‘ve all been so so helpful and honest and kind and hard when you ought to be. I am on my 3rd cup of tea and I am sat here reading your messages with tears rolling down my face. Please do not underestimate the difference you have made to a sad woman sat here not able to make sensible choices. You’ve really made a difference. I am so very grateful.
@SleeplessRoads I‘ve not tried any kind of support but I think I maybe need to. For those around me too.
I will google Box Breathing @theemmadilemma all these things will help.
I will make it to 72. I will. I promise. Not least because, as you’ve all pointed out, it maybe now that my DD has come to me as she felt she could. She couldn’t before. This is an amazing gift and I need to respect that gift and be here for her. I can’t do that with a bottle in my hand.

Thank you all. Typing through tears

Not drinking tonight will feel magical when you wake up tomorrow. I always tell myself if you’re not pissed or hungover you can do anything. And you can xx

Would your DD have spoken to you about this if you were still drinking? Probably not because when you were drunk she knew you couldn’t be relied on to be helpful or there for her. Don’t fuck this up by opening the bottle, this particular situation isn’t about you so don’t use it as a handy excuse. She is probably so relieved you are trying to be sober, you can do it!

Ahh I'm so glad @MaggieBsBoat.

The stressful times are the times I (sometimes literally) run into the garden and just BREATHE for a minute. Because that stuff does pass. Another thing I often remind myself is to sleep on it. Sometimes that means a nice early night with a cuppa, but so be it - it does ALWAYS look easier to tackle in the morning with some space between the inital reaction and some time to think.

I've faced and got through some very big challenges, and I'm 2,530 days sober.

Big love and sending strength.

You’re doing wonderful OP, there are so many people rooting for you

One of the worst things about having a functionally alcoholic parent is emotional absence. They numb their feelings so they can’t truly empathise with you. But you did it. 71 days and you were there for her. She had an emotionally present mum to talk to. Now make sure she has one going forwatrd!

Wow, your daughter has trusted you with something she’s kept to herself for years, you should feel very rewarded by that, trust is something that’s earned and you’ve obviously earned it.
You can, and I’ve no doubt you WILL, make it to 72 days and beyond! Well done, this is magnificent, I only wish my mum would have done the same.
You’ll wake up tomorrow with a clear head knowing that you can support her, in whatever way she feels she needs, that’s amazing.
stay strong, you’ve got this!

Can you do an online meeting? Or go to one locally? Do you have a sponsor? Or just a sober mate you can call?

I'm so sorry for what happened to your daughter. She wouldn't want you to break your sobriety because of something she confided in you. The evil person who hurt her shouldn't get to do any more damage to her or you.

I hope she's seeing a counselor?

Can you go for a run, walk the dog, go swimming? Do some yoga? Something healthy to take your mind off all this.

Well done. I can see why such a horrifying conversation would lead to you feeling the need for a crutch. But remember hat drinking won’t help the situation and your daughter may feel angry, abandoned or even to blame if you start drinking again after she felt safe to confide in you. Try a meeting - AA or SMART. Even online.

Sometimes when I have an incredibly hard day I have a sneaky single cigarette.

If you drink today, tomorrow will feel even worse. If you don’t drink today, you will slowly feel better.

What immediately came to mind for me when I read your OP was put into words by a pp.
She doesn't need to feel guilt about you drinking again
If you started drinking because of this disclosure, she would blame herself.

But you're doing really well to just be drinking tea like your life depends on it! Hang in there, and all the best to both of you in navigating this.

Well done you.

Your DD went through a terrible experience.
She must sense that you, sober, are trustworthy enough to confide in.
You can't change the facts. You can help your daughter share her grief. You can show her a strong woman and help her succeed in her goals and not blame herself nor think of herself as a victim who can not control her destiny.

Control your destiny.
You don't owe any alcohol producer a living.

Ask your DD if she wants to write down any details and report the abuse to Police. If not help her seek and pay for counselling. Show her, too, that it would be futile to drown her sorrows and waste her wonderful life...

This thread is making my heart feel full.
My head is very sore now and I’ve taken a painkiller and am lying down.
I am going to see if I can find an online meeting later. I know they exist as I looked last year.

My daughter would feel horrendous if I drank today. And angry and let down. She of all people doesn’t deserve that. She deserves a strong mum. She has been very proud of me. I can do it for her. I can do this. You’ve all saved me from a dreadful mistake. I hoped and probably begged and you’ve all been like magic to me.

Well done @theemmadilemma, what a bloody achievement to have so many days sober - you should be immensely proud of your self.

@MaggieBsBoat One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Get yourself out, get moving. A cycle, a walk, a run, a swim. Has anyone got a dog you can borrow? Mine helps immensely in times like this, he's such a happy lad and seeing him run about like a mad thing is always a welcome distraction.

Get googling for a support group, like you say it may be time to have some help with this. You've done the hard part - choosing to get sober. Now you just have to keep it going.

She has been very proud of me. I can do it for her.

Yes. But also truly for yourself. Because it's important that you see the benefits. I have been fortunate enough to have a lot of people in recovery in my life. Healthy recovery is wonderful. It really is, I promise.

There's a new life right there.

Well done! OP - you are bloody amazing to stay strong! Keep it up, good advice from others to get moving and seek help in real life too.

You can do it OP!!! 71 day is incredible and you can do 72, take it one day at a time, you’re so right, your daughter needs you to be sober right now so do it for her first and then you’ll work out how to do it for you. It’s honestly so amazing what you are doing, addiction is so hard, but you’ve got this!

How will you feel tomorrow when you wake up hung over, anxious and still have this news to carry. Except it will feel much worse. Get busy to distract yourself from the overwhelming thoughts. Go out for a walk, have a shower anything to re centre your brain

And it’s not just your daughter - there’s a whole host of strangers here who are proud of you and cheering you on from many miles away!

It’s already been three more hours that you’ve made good choices, if getting to day 72 (or any day after that) feels overwhelming, you’ve only got to get through the next hour or the next minute and they’ll eventually add up to days and months and years. You’ve already got through 1,719 sober hours - what an achievement!

You're amazing op. You might not feel like it, but it takes such strength to see the issues, yup accept the vulnerability that comes with it, and even more to take action.

🩷🩷🩷

just do whatever you can to make it to the end of today without picking up a bottle. Hour by hour with an early bedtime? And then let tomorrow be just tomorrow that you worry about. If your daughter is your motivation to remain sober then cling to it. She deserves that. And so do you. She obviously really trusts you and you are so worthy of that trust because you are being so strong. Hang in there and there is always someone available on here if you need to reach out.

Oh thank you all so much 🥹

I slept for a bit to ease my headache. I am now drinking herbal tea and going back to bed. No drink for me! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

You’ve all been amazing. You’ve been on this journey and understand. I appreciate your wisdom and support so much. ❤️

Find an AA meeting and go and talk it through with them, they will get it

This is my plan for tomorrow ☺️

Well done, OP. You’re doing so well.
You’ll be feeling devastated by what your daughter’s told you - stay strong for both of you xx

Sending you my warmest wishes OP. U can do this.