Calling Time on Wine - 100 Day Reset | Thread 2: One Day at a Time - Together

[therockingbird]

Welcome to Thread 2 of Calling Time on Wine 100 Day Reset 🍵

If you’re here, you’re doing something genuinely brilliant. This reset isn’t about perfection, shiny lives, or pretending it’s easy. It’s about choosing ourselves one day at a time, even when life keeps lobbing chaos our way.

We’ve already proven we can sit with hard evenings, bad days, stress, boredom, celebrations, and still not reach for wine.

Thread 2 is about keeping the momentum going, supporting each other, being honest when it’s tough, celebrating the wins and remembering why we started when motivation wobbles. Clearer heads. Stronger bodies. 💪

So pull up a chair, grab your tea, water, or AF alternative, and keep going. You are not doing this alone - and you are doing so well. 💛

I just had my third social occasion of the weekend. No wine urges at all and my mate had one then stopped. I’m still at the stage where I just couldn’t imagine doing that. I haven’t seen her since before Xmas and she said my skin looks great and I look ten years younger!
Yes and what has shocked be over the weekend is how little people drink. My problem was I would have always had one or two before I even went out ( embarrassingly)

Yes and what has shocked be over the weekend is how little people drink. My problem was I would have always had one or two before I even went out ( embarrassingly)

I did that too - in my case to calm my nerves! I’d always assumed everyone else was drinking tons as well and reassured myself the next day that no one would remember if I’d said something stupid for that reason. But maybe it’s not the case 😳

I’m feeling low tonight - holidays are over and I have a major case of Sunday night blues.

@Hedjwitch did you go in? 😱

I did. It was 6 degrees!!!
But it energised me and proved I can overcome challenges. It was good.

I’m envious @Hedjwitch, I love a cold swim! Not been for ages, have been planning a trip to a new spot with a friend but will admit the grey wet weather has not spurred us on to go for it yet!

Huge well done @Hedjwitch - that’s awesome!

I’m in bed already with another day (and another week) ticked off in my app. Hoping my low mood improves overnight. Sleep well all.

Well done @Hedjwitch - apparently cold water swimming gives a good dopamine hit so it's a good alternative to drinking!

Has anyone read The Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Mate? I am listening to it rather than reading it and I found the start a bit slow but I am finding it so interesting. Sorry to be lazy but AI summary below;

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction by Dr. Gabor Maté is a compassionate, evidence-based exploration of addiction as a response to severe emotional and psychological trauma, rather than a moral failing. Drawing on his experience in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside, Maté argues that addictions—from drugs to behaviors—stem from early childhood adversity and unresolved pain.

Key Takeaways:

• The "Hungry Ghost" Metaphor: Based on Buddhist philosophy, this refers to a realm of existence where beings have insatiable cravings but can never be satisfied, paralleling the constant, unfulfilled desire of addicts.
• Roots in Trauma:
• Addiction is rarely about the substance itself but is a coping mechanism for early childhood stress, neglect, or "proximal separation" (parents physically present but emotionally absent).
• Brain Chemistry & Environment: Maté explains that trauma physically alters brain development, particularly the dopamine-driven reward system, making individuals more vulnerable to addiction.
• A Call for Compassion: The book criticizes the "War on Drugs" and advocates for harm reduction, understanding, and trauma-informed care rather than shaming and criminalizing addicts.
• Connection and Healing: Lasting recovery requires addressing the underlying emotional pain, building supportive communities, and fostering self-compassion.

Maté highlights that addiction is a spectrum, with many "respectable" behaviors (workaholism, shopping, social media) acting as substitutes for the same inner void.

I haven't but I have it on my tbr list.
Day 1 again for me today and feeling full of anxiety and reminded why I don't want to drink anymore. I only had a couple of glasses but no, not worth it!

@ElizabethBennetsFineEyes I hope you are feeling better this morning. The anxiety after drinking I experienced was dreadful but it does pass eventually, your post has reminded me.
@2026x I did listen to this book while I was still drinking and remember bits of it but as you can imagine I wasn't in the right headspace so I will listen again. I'm currently listening to "Beyond Booze" by Sarah Rusbatch and I am finding it really relatable.
@Hedjwitch well done I bet you felt amazing after your swim, I couldn't imagine swimming in those waters I'd be too scared.

Day 49 for me, I'm feeling OK my sleep is the best thing at the moment.
I feel like I'm sat in a waiting room of sobriety at the moment where I've read all the magazines and wall posters several times. Any minute now the door will open and I will be able to move on to the next stage.
This time of year has always felt a little bit like that but without the sedation of booze I'm feeling it more. I planted some more seeds yesterday my windowsill is full of trays.

Morning folks on day 54. No weight loss for me this week - a bit demoralizing but it was to be expected after my week off the diet. I’m relishing getting back to my routine today and only have 5lbs more to lose, so am going to target that with renewed focus!

My sleep is wonderful at the moment. I fall asleep quite quickly and if I do wake in the night for a wee, I go back to sleep again easily. When drinking I was awake every single night between about 2.30-5am. I still have vivid dreams but I had those when drinking too. The difference is that now I have one long dream, rather than flitting between dozens of dreams and waking feeling exhausted.

@2026x that book sounds very interesting. I did struggle in childhood (and still do) with low self-esteem, anxiety and debilitating social anxiety. Discovering alcohol could take all those feelings away was probably the start of my problem with drink.

@Icecreamhelps planting seeds - wonderful! 💚

@ElizabethBennetsFineEyes interesting how almost everyone who has had a drink then feels it wasn’t worth it the next day. It’s something I’m going to try and remember next time I’m tempted. Today is a new day… well done for getting back on the wagon!

In case anyone is considering reading / listening to In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts - I found the start a bit slow. It's a long book but the first couple of chapters focus on the plight of life long drug addicts, who are in many cases homeless. Gabor encounters them at a clinic where he prescribes methadone. Whilst this was interesting to an extent, I think my inability to identify with that version of addiction made it a bit less compelling for me. If you stick with it, he goes on to talk about his own addiction (buying classical CDs) and makes parallels between his behaviour and those of the homeless drug addicts he supports. In doing so he talks about the addiction to the build up / the anticipation and a feeling of emptiness, disappointment, shame once he has actually bought the CD (which he often does secretly). It made me think alot about the way I often drink these days. If I go out (rare) or share a drink with someone I enjoy it. When I drink on my own at home, I actually don't enjoy anything about it; I don't enjoy it even at the time anymore, but I still crave it.

He goes on to talk a lot about the neuroscience of addiction and also the impact of our upbringings. I guess most of us haven't had the very extreme experiences of the homeless drug addicts in his book (abused, abandoned, neglected) but he also talks about how small deficiencies in our formative relationships can impact how our brains develop. As a parent, I found it quite terrifying to be honest. "Children swim in their parents subconscious" was a phrase I particularly remember. I am genuinely thinking about seeing therapy to try and work through what ever issues I have to try and limit the extent to which I am fucking up my poor kids 😂. It made me realise that there is probably a lot of work to do beyond stopping drinking.

@freshstart2026 There was a really insightful part about self esteem in the book now you mention it, which is something I think about a lot too. This is a quote; "Genuine self esteem needs nothing from the outside. It doesn’t say, “I’m worthwhile because I’ve done X, Y or Z.” It says, “I’m worthwhile, whether I’ve done X, Y or Z.”…. Self esteem is not what the individual consciously thinks about themselves, it’s the quality of self respect, manifested in his emotional life and behaviours." I have realised I show myself very little respect.

50 days for me today 🎉. And half a stone down since beginning of Feb (and probably more as I didn't have a scales till then ) .

Feeling motivated to keep going

When I drink on my own at home, I actually don't enjoy anything about it

I must admit I do enjoy it unfortunately, as I find it very relaxing. Obviously I very much don’t enjoy the aftermath the next day!

Interesting about the book. If only my addiction was buying classical CDs! 😭

It’s so true about the parenting thing too @2026x. It’s something I think about quite a lot with my kids - how I can ensure they don’t become hugely anxious like I did.

Congratulations @Lilly11a! 💥 🙌 💪

@freshstart2026 It’s funny because I did enjoy it a lot until very recently but now I think something has changed - I think the negativity of it all just feels overwhelming now. Thats not the case if I am with other people drinking ‘normally’ it’s just the solitary drinking at home that I don’t seem to enjoy now. In some ways that sounds positive because surely it’s gotta be easier to stop doing something you don’t enjoy, right?? On the other hand it actually feels worse and a real hallmark of an addiction, because I have still not managed to stop entirely, in spite of not enjoying it.

Day 50 🎉.

👏💥💪

Day 55 here, which means there’s “only” 45 days “to go”. If I’ve managed 55 days sober then 45 days should be doable - it’s 10 days less than what I’ve already done! I know I shouldn’t be counting down the days DJ style as this is more of a reset than a white-knuckle challenge, but I must admit I really struggle not to.

Morning.

What an insightful post re self esteem @2026x, it’s really stuck with me. I didn’t get chance to post yesterday but did read it and thought about it lots. I fall into the low self esteem category and having this time away from alcohol has given me the headspace to reflect on this a lot and start to make small steps to rectify this, even if it’s just mindset changes and how I speak to myself.

Lovely morning for an early morning run, it’s spring like out there and my legs felt very fresh and springy (they can often feel tired and leaden too!!). That can be my gratitude for the day, to write in my notebook.

What do you envisage you’ll do after 100 days @freshstart2026 ?

@ElizabethBennetsFineEyes it’s totally your choice, but I don’t think you need it to be day one again, more of a learning day. You tested the water, or wine in reality, it didn’t serve you, and that’s a lesson to take forward when you want a drink again. I did it too, over a month ago. I’m ’sort of’ glad I did because it didn’t hold all the magic ingredients to my life that I thought might be at the bottom of the glass x

Good question! I would like to drink again, mainly because I find social situations so hard to deal with sober. BUT I’m determined not to go back to anywhere near the amount I was on before (70+ units a week). I’m thinking of restricting myself to 2-3 days a week drinking and 4-5 days sober. Or maybe only drinking on social occasions.

What I do know is that I need a clear plan if I’ve any chance of moderating. I’m also very conscious that I’ve tried to moderate before and never managed it. Then again, I’ve never stopped drinking for 100 days before either (except during pregnancy) and am hoping it will be a major reset. How about you, @needastrongone?

I'm finding it very powerful to tell people I don't drink any more. It helps me stick to it as I don't want to go back and say I've gone back on that.

I know I’m still not at the stage where I could moderate. I know I would be right back to where I was in no time. Socialising I find I’m ok for two hours but then I’m ready to go. Not sure how long that lasts or is that it now!? I also find I get a headache too not sure if that’s the stress of upholding the rictus grin fir two hours!
My big drinking friend said to me on Saturday that she was quite jealous of me really.
I Would love to be able to moderate… when I did 105 days a few years ago I moderated well for a couple of months then I tore into it again with an unquenchable thirst…