Support thread for anyone trying to lead an Alcohol free life - Winter 25

[Lavrander]

Hello and welcome!
This thread is for anyone who is trying to live an alcohol-free life. It was first set up by @drybird and has grown into a safe, supportive space to share thoughts, ask advice, swap experiences, or simply check in as we give up and keep off the booze.

There’s no judgment here – just encouragement. Whether you post every day, once in a while, or just read along quietly, you’re part of the group. Many of us have found this thread invaluable, whether brand new to abstaining or years into AF life.

Wherever you are on the journey, someone here will have been there too. Don’t be shy about posting – we love celebrating successes of all shapes and sizes, and we’ll support you through the tougher times as well.

The only thing we ask is that your aim is complete abstinence. If your goal is moderation or a break, there are a couple of really good threads on this board that will be a better fit. That doesn't mean that slips don't happen, and we'll support you in picking yourself back up and carrying on.

Living alcohol-free isn’t always easy in today’s world, but it is absolutely worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone – we’re here to help each other realise just how good AF life can be.

Checking in. I used to love a drink on a Friday, my treat for getting through the week and a long lie on a Saturday, no work! As the days are all muddled up because of Christmas it doesn’t actually feel like a Friday 😂

That said, I’m happy, sitting with a glass of my fav AF wine (a white from Aldi), watching the telly with the cat and dog. Life is so much better without booze in it.

165 days and counting.

Happy New Year shipmates! I've been struggling to be honest. I've had a lot of cravings today. I'm telling myself that having cravings/drinking thoughts and not drinking is a good thing, because it's improving my sober 'muscle'. The days when I don't feel like drinking are easy. It's the days when I do feel like drinking that I need to get through. The field of bunnies seems very distant at the moment though.

I think I have the January blues a bit. It's so cold outdoors. I was going to go into the centre today, but ended up staying home just because I didn't want to brave the cold, wimp that I am. I did manage to get a few bags of clothes and books to the charity shop though. That was my big accomplishment of the day. That and not popping to the Tesco across the street from the charity shop for wine.

The house is warm and we had Japanese from deliveroo for dinner tonight, which was delicious.

It's lovely to see so many people making it through the Christmas festivities sober. Here's to a sober New Year 💥

Hello. Please can you tell me the name of the AF white wine from Aldi x

Hello. Would love to know the name of the AF white wine from Aldi x

Morning
It sounds really hard for you @elusivehopeespecially with a Tesco across the street. You are right though - every time you choose not to drink is a new habit you are forming.

I had an awful night sleep. managed to work myself up worrying about loved one's drinking habits. This seems to happen whenever I'm reading quit lit and I just started the audiobook of the Joy of Being Sober. It's excellent and really helping me but also makes me think of my parents. I worry about them a lot but also angry and sad that they won't change and one day I'll pick up the pieces. Lord Grant me the serenity and all that but from the bottom of my heart thank you to the parents on here that are making a change. In fact anyone with loved ones that have seen the impact that alcohol has on them - your sobriety will mean more to them than you realise.

Still, got to pick myself up today and focus on myself and this dog so it's a walk in the snow and then I'm going to tackle the wardrobe. Not just clear but actually write down what I have and what I need. Very happily I've managed to sort my finances out in the last six months from not spending more than I have on booze so I'm saving up for some new clothes and I'm going to be intentional about it this time rather than a magpie. Wish me luck.

Well i'm back after falling off the wagon again. Ended up getting back involved with that utter arsehat of a man, who previously dropped me like a hot coal, on boxing day evening.

I've been an utter up and down mess since. Drinking ALL of my feelings, the good, the bad, just using alcohol to 'deal' with it all.

Enough said about that. In the end my sobriety is up to me, not anyone else. So here on day one pledging not to drink with you all today 😊

@Becky3825 so happy to see that you’re back, whether it’s day 1, 10 or 100 doesn’t matter, you will not drink with us today & I’m delighted about that. You’ve got this, new year new start.

Morning all,

I'm late today as i get a secomd sleep if the DH goes into work early.

I had to be tough yesterday with my carer who has been absent for nearly four weeks. I know its been too much for her but I need some help and I always find letting people go hard. This would have been a booze decision in days of old. Even I don't like conflict!

Hello @Becky3825 keep going. I shall come down to see you in the spring if you'd find it useful. Rep and I will be having a day out.

@ThatCleverFox this is the wine from Aldi that is the best I’ve tried so far.

Keep going Becky & Elusive - my absolute favourite nursing and academia ladies!

Hello shipmates, sending love and strength through the webwaves.

Definitely up for a day out @WendyWagon 😀

Glad you are back on board @Becky3825.

Strength and courage. Hopefully back to relative normality on Monday, that should make things a bit easier. xx

Good afternoon shipmates! And big hugs to you @elusivehope and @Becky3825
Im keeping on top of the booze cravings well but my god I’ve done nothing but stuff my face for the last week. My jeans are starting to feel a bit snug despite the gym!
But I’ve been out for a decent walk and got lots done. I seem to have more time these days as I’m not constantly sozzled or thinking about when I can get sozzled. Who knew?
im still waiting for the field with bunnies to come but I’m not going back on that leech filled obstacle course again (Claire pooley reference for anyone new!),

Do you mind me asking - did your husband get any treatment other than the drain(s) or did the ascites resolve on its own after a period of sobriety? If so, how long did it take? Also, did he have other symptoms of cirrhosis, and have they gone too?

Good afternoon/evening, shipmates! Congratulations to those who have got this far - one more day to go before things are officially over and it's back to work or other forms of normal life.

I've taken the tree down, and the sitting room feels huge. I've enjoyed the holidays, but am pleased it's over if I'm honest. It seems to have gone on for ages this year, and I'm getting a bit stir crazy. We have snow, which put me off going out today. I don't know where I was going to go - maybe just for a walk around the shops - but I haven't left the house since before Christmas. I hope the snow doesn't set in for any length of time. I have yet another Christmas meal out on Wednesday - this one was a last minute arrangement that we decided to leave until the NY. I'm not really looking forward to it. Well, I'm looking forward to seeing the people, and to eating something I haven't cooked, but the thought of being bothered to get ready and go out in the dark, then come home on icy pavements is doing nothing for me.

Hi ShyMaryEllen. He had the ascites in his stomach drained, and then was put on a diuretic to reduce his swollen legs and breast tissue. There was a significant improvement within a week or so, but it took about two months before the swelling had completely subsided. He stopped drinking completely at the point of having the ascites drained. His drinking pattern had been different from mine - I was a binge drinker, he was a drip-drip continual drinker, not usually huge amounts in one go, but all the time, even first thing in the morning, so his liver had not been getting even temporary respite.

Another symptom he had was jaundice - not violently, but noticeable if you knew his normal complexion; and he had swollen blood vessels in his oesophagus.

He is still being monitored and has an ultrasound and blood tests twice a year. I think the doctors were impressed that he had managed to give up alcohol completely, I don't think they expected it to be honest.

It is still a worry to me that he will return to drinking. His mum is very elderly now and not in great health and I worry that when she passes, he will want a drink, and it will be hard for me to tell him not to in those circumstances. But I can only cross that bridge when I come to it, and do my part by staying strong myself.

Thank you, @PhantomOfAllKnowledge. That's helpful. I wish him well. It won't be easy, but knowing what the end result would be may well be enough to put him off the thought of another drink.

Hello everyone. I cannot tell you how happy I am to have found this group as most of the forums I have dipped into seem to focus on moderation whereas my goal is complete abstinence. I don’t want to bore you all (for now!) with my reasons for arriving here but suffice to say that today I went out to lunch with friends for a birthday celebration AND that is the first time in the last 40 years plus that I have not automatically ordered a glass (read glasses) of white wine. I had a mixed berry mocktail and thoroughly enjoyed it. I’m looking forward to getting to know you all 😊

Ive had cravings too the last few days @elusivehope
you're not alone. I guess the important thing is how we cope with them, I have the house well stocked with soft drinks and AF beers and I'm throwing myself into beng cosy and hibernating this January and this is helping. This month unlike last is a great time to be a sober person :)
I really enjoyed the posts yesterday about boozing and parenthood, this was a great motivation for me to get sober having grown up with a parent who drank to excess. I know i didn't put the kids first when drinking and don't want to repeat what i experienced.
Enjoy the Joy of Being Sober @Lavrander i read it a few months ago and it has really helped me. I keeo reading about celebrities who are sober and yesterday read that actor Stephen Graham is now teetotal, it always spurs me on when it's someone I admire.
Went for a 5km walk today and did some tidying at home . Thank you to a poster here who recommended having a to do list. Its really helping me ticking off simple things.
Welcome back @Becky3825 and welcome @ThatCleverFox we've got this.

Just marking my spot for when I’ve got time to post properly. Another newbie here. Glad I’ve found you. I’ll be back properly. Promise.

welcome @ThatCleverFox and @TheMentalMentalLoad ive found this a lovely place to be.Although confess I’ve had a few goes at it in the last couple of years. But I’m currently enjoying my sobriety and finding this forum a supportive place to check in. There’s lots of advice on being AF but also much jollier topics like the correct way to eat a scone (cream first 😄 then jam obviously).
Its been an absolute game changer for me posting here.

Thanks @Lavrander , fortunately for me the Tesco isn't actually across the street from where I live, but it's close enough! It (and the charity shop opposite) are about a 5 min cycle ride away from my house. (Whereas the city centre is a 10-15 min cycle ride away.) I hope you sleep better tonight. It's very true what you say about other family members having to deal with the repercussions of one's alcoholism 😢

@Becky3825 I'm so glad you're back! Hurrah! I'm actually only on day 2 again myself. I just keep starting and restarting, hoping I'll finally crack it. It's ridiculous; I was so much happier over Christmas when I wasn't drinking, but it's very hard for me not to pick up again at the first sign of stress or negative feelings. This is what my Reframe app refers to as a 'maladaptive coping mechanism'. I need to replace it with positive coping mechanisms. The thing is, when the feelings of stress are minor and I'm numbing them with alcohol, I don't drink much, but when the feelings of stress are intense (as they often are when I'm working), I quickly fall into drinking far too much. And I start having all sorts of negative physical and mental side effects. So I just need to abandon this maladaptive coping mechanism ENTIRELY. I'm going to do it. I don't want to spend the rest of my 'one wild and precious life' fighting this daily battle. We can do it!

Aww thank you @taylorean for the warm words.

@Carpetburn I hear you on the eating front. I had an enormous portion of cheesecake for breakfast this morning. No, I can't do anything in moderation! In fact it was a Saga of Two Cheesecakes. I bought a massive one from Tesco on NYE (the aforementioned Tesco 5 min away), because it looked very tempting. Sadly, it tasted absolutely vile. I don't know what Tesco did in order to wreck a cheesecake so thoroughly, but both the base and the topping had an unpleasant chemical flavour. DS1, who shares my passion for cheesecake, came to the same conclusion. As a result, I felt so bitterly disappointed that I binned the Tesco one and impulsively added an M&S cheesecake to this morning's Ocado shop. Sadly the only size available was an enormous one with 10 servings, but my addict brain didn't care. It arrived by breakfast time and it is bloody delicious. Light and fluffy and tastes like proper cheesecake. The thing is, it would have been ample at half the size. I'm just hoping that DS1 will help finish it before his imminent return to uni.

I think I may be going a bit mad 😳😂But DH reassures me that this kind of behaviour (compulsive cheesecake purchasing) is in fact highly typical of me.

@ShyMaryEllen I sympathise about not wanting to leave the house and brave the cold, especially in the evening! I think our bodies are encouraging us to hibernate or something. I did cycle into the centre today to do a few errands though, and the cold felt bracing, invigorating even. As soon as darkness falls it's a different story however.

Well done @ThatCleverFox !

Thanks for the words of solidarity @Teaforthetotal . Your coping strategies sound very useful.

Welcome @TheMentalMentalLoad , that's a great username. My mental load also feels utterly mental at times!

Wishing everyone a restful night.

P.S. to @WendyWagon I meant to say well done for being firm with your carer. That's ridiculous on her part! I hope she shapes up or ships out.

Good morning all
A better night's sleep last night - hurrah! Apart from the neighbours going off somewhere loudly at 6am.
The M&S cheesecake sounds lovely @elusivehope- I'm not sure what alternative suggestion there is to get over the disappointment of the Tesco one. I'm all or nothing. I still vividly remember a conversation with a colleague who portions out Ben and Jerry's ice cream. What a monster.

Welcome @ThatCleverFox. Very glad you've found us. These threads have been captained by a few of the posters here before me and have been an enormous help to me in staying sober. I was a bit of an on and off lurker before and a serial stop starter. I started posting six months ago and that's how long I've stayed dry for. I wanted to captain this thread and the last one to give myself more of an accountable boost as I am very guilty of going at things with complete gusto and then moving on to the next shiny thing. I hope it's as much help to you as it has been to me.

Welcome back @Becky3825. IWNDWYT

Back to reading the Unexpected Joy of being Sober and I've been influenced now to find 28 days - the Sandra Bullock one.

I feel today would be a good day to remind of our words for 26. For those that missed it was shared by @Adsy1988to come up with a word for 2026 rather than a New Year's resolution and @PhantomOfAllKnowledgepulled them altogether for us. Today I'm showing strength through making good choices and doing some press ups! (Am aiming for 3!)

Prioritise
Free
Phoenix
Courage
Consistent
Strong
Powerful
Health
Choice

Hello all, I stopped drinking on January 1st having been thinking about it for quite a long time and after a few stabs at taking some time off. At the moment I’m focusing on the first 365 days and that’s what I’ve told people but I’m hoping that I don’t ever go back. I’ve found people to be almost universally unsupportive so hoping to find more support and understanding online!

Happy new year to you all!

Thank you for the lovely welcomes. Last night I very nearly caved and had a drink. I’m so glad I didn’t.

For context - I was drinking 2-3 bottles of wine a week, whilst looking after my DD and often on ‘school nights’. I’m on medication for anxiety, HRT and have just started wegovy.

i haven’t had a drink since Boxing Day and I do not intend to return to alcohol. I can’t have just one. I always want more, will order secret doubles, shots etc if out or a Tesco whoosh if I’m at home and thats where 99% of my drinking was. I worked out
last night that on whoosh deliveries alone I’ve spent £500 last year. The stories I’ve told myself to justify getting an order are ridiculous.

I like the AF alternatives so have had a couple
of those this week.

thank you again.