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I now have a house, but he wants me to stay

107 replies

DaisyDreams4 · 16/11/2025 08:06

Long story short..
I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we live together. He's an alcoholic and a cocaine user. Told me several times he would change, but never did.

He's at the pub from 4-9pm average 4-5 days a week. And will more cans after at home, and pop back to the pub for takeaway pints if he hasn't had his fix. He'll use cocaine roughly once or twice a week.

For the past year we've slept separately, done separate things, and he has constantly told me to leave and that he doesn't love or want me. But then once in a while would bring me back, change for a few days, and sleep in my bed.

The perfect house has now come up, and I've been accepted for it. It's literally less than a mile down the road. I've told him this doesn't have to be the end but I need to see him change.

Now reality has kicked in for him and he's telling me to stay, he's going to change, it's the kick up the butt he needed, he does love me, and doesn't want me to go.

I'm trying to fight my feelings, and still continue with the move. But he's now making it hard for me 😔 I just can't see him changing, or if he does he will fall back into old habits. And if I don't take this house, where does that then leave me if he goes back to it?! Back living in my bedroom being unhappy and unloved and crying every night.

Any advice please?

OP posts:
SliceofTosst · 16/11/2025 21:12

Seeing him outside the other pub is the icing on your decision cake. He doesn't even know that he inadvertently made your final decision easier 😂.

Have a wonderful moving in day tomorrow!

Jammington · 17/11/2025 00:07

Good for you OP.

All the best in your lovely new home.

mummytrex · 17/11/2025 04:40

He is being nice/saying the right things for now because he realises you have options. The fact he has gone to a different pub to try and manipulate you into believing he will change confirms he has no intention of changing and is trying to manipulate you so that you lose the opportunity to leave. I'd bet once you lost that opportunity he would go back to being abusive. You and your child deserve better. Definitely leave.

StewkeyBlue · 17/11/2025 07:27

Happy New House OP!

A home for you and your child to live in happily, and your child grows up seeing happy and healthy as normal - not drunk and absent and abusive.

This is YOUR house, your new start.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 17/11/2025 09:04

Hope you are happily settled in the new house!!

only one thing, if you are in contact with his family, let them know. Specifically, that you won’t be there when he has his dcs and the reason you left was his excessive drinking and drug use. Just so they are forewarned to step up for the kids if he’s drowning his sorrows about you leaving.

Nogoodusername · 28/11/2025 23:10

There are lots of us who have been in this situation - loving an addict. Lots of us made the mistake of staying and regret it, because we learned that words mean nothing and you can only begin to rebuild trust when you see his actions change for a consistent period of time.

In reality, the vast majority of addicts never conquer their addiction. It’s a tough daily fight and too hard for most. Mine certainly hasn’t and he won’t. Get your new house. Then your partner will see that you are serious and will maintain boundaries. Words aren’t good enough. You can continue your relationship while living separately, and reassess after a decent stint of sobriety. But honestly, he is very unlikely to change and you will thank yourself that you got out now that in months or years more time.

cocog · 28/11/2025 23:20

Who’s life is benefiting from you staying? So of course he wants you to stay you probably cook clean buy loo rolls and do washing and pay a good amount of bills.
You need to look at how your life will be in 5 years if you stay because if you don’t make changes nothing will change. Move out and prioritise yourself I would cut contact with him move on and create a decent life for yourself with out him dragging you down. Moving on gives you the opportunity to be happy.

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