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I now have a house, but he wants me to stay

107 replies

DaisyDreams4 · 16/11/2025 08:06

Long story short..
I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we live together. He's an alcoholic and a cocaine user. Told me several times he would change, but never did.

He's at the pub from 4-9pm average 4-5 days a week. And will more cans after at home, and pop back to the pub for takeaway pints if he hasn't had his fix. He'll use cocaine roughly once or twice a week.

For the past year we've slept separately, done separate things, and he has constantly told me to leave and that he doesn't love or want me. But then once in a while would bring me back, change for a few days, and sleep in my bed.

The perfect house has now come up, and I've been accepted for it. It's literally less than a mile down the road. I've told him this doesn't have to be the end but I need to see him change.

Now reality has kicked in for him and he's telling me to stay, he's going to change, it's the kick up the butt he needed, he does love me, and doesn't want me to go.

I'm trying to fight my feelings, and still continue with the move. But he's now making it hard for me 😔 I just can't see him changing, or if he does he will fall back into old habits. And if I don't take this house, where does that then leave me if he goes back to it?! Back living in my bedroom being unhappy and unloved and crying every night.

Any advice please?

OP posts:
Thegreatbigzebraintheroom · 16/11/2025 16:18

onceuponatimeinneverland · 16/11/2025 08:08

You need to go.

This

Lennonjingles · 16/11/2025 16:21

Actions speak louder than words, the day before you get the keys and he’s at a pub, he’s not even trying, so sorry.

Pollqueen · 16/11/2025 16:26

Absolute no brainer, not sure why you even have to ask, but good luck in your new house. Onward and upwards x

BeMellowAquaSquid · 16/11/2025 16:31

If it’s going to work long term then this change needs to happen. I’m doubtful someone drinking and using on this level is ready to quit.

176509user · 16/11/2025 16:34

LEAVE !!
Do not be taken in by his manipulation tactics because he will never change !

Meadowfinch · 16/11/2025 16:37

Grab your chance and leave. Make 2026 a fabulous year. Meet someone lovely & kind.

Don't go back or he will drag you down with him.

DO NOT GIVE HIM A KEY.

Good luck OP xx

Justmadesourkraut · 16/11/2025 16:53

Glad to hear that you are going ahead op. Be prepared for him to now blame your moving out as the reason he needs to continue drinking/taking coke. It isn't the reason.

He has said this has given him the motivation to quit and get clean, but he has to do that for himself, not for you. And you need to protect yourself and your future. He can get clean and be in a relationship with you, but it will only last if he wants to do it.

By moving out, you are giving him every chance to reflect on who he is and what he wants in life. Sadly, he is likely to choose the booze, because breaking addiction is incredibly hard, but there is help out there for him if he does want to do it, and by being independent and strong, you are giving him a chance to work it out for himself.

Best of luck.

Gettingbysomehow · 16/11/2025 16:59

He will never ever change. They never do. You are literally scraping the bottom of the barrel with this man. You cannot ever live with him again.
He is revolting. Are there kids involved?

176509user · 16/11/2025 16:59

Seen your update.
Good youre moving out but never give him a key and don’t ever let him move in.

In fact, LTB … obviously thinks he can deceive you so trust is gone ??

1983Louise · 16/11/2025 17:00

Skip happily down the road to your new house and never look back x

loganrock · 16/11/2025 17:13

Start your new life tomorrow OP and don’t look back. Be strong.

Violetparis · 16/11/2025 17:17

Leave, don't give him a key, get him out of your life. Surely you know this is what you need to do.

80smonster · 16/11/2025 17:20

Take the house, if he wants to be around he still can, but you won’t be reliant on him. If you’ve said he’s broken promises before, he could again.

DaisyDreams4 · 16/11/2025 17:27

Gettingbysomehow · 16/11/2025 16:59

He will never ever change. They never do. You are literally scraping the bottom of the barrel with this man. You cannot ever live with him again.
He is revolting. Are there kids involved?

We don't have kids together, but I have one and he has two. The bond between mine and his kids is probably one of the main reasons I stuck around for so long, but I talk to his family anyway (he doesn't speak to them) so I'm sure the kids will still stay in contact.

OP posts:
Eviebeans · 16/11/2025 17:36

Move to the lovely new place (which has come into your life for a reason) and make the most of the fresh start

CagneyNYPD1 · 16/11/2025 17:37

Of course he wants you to stay. Who else will do all the housework and cooking while he is pissing his wages up in the pub? Sorry to be blunt but he wants you to stay because of what you do, not who you are.

Dollymylove · 16/11/2025 17:49

Why are you even with this loser?
What positives does he bring to the table?
Get away while you can

Climbinghigher · 16/11/2025 17:52

Go. And read up on codependency.

He won’t change.

Bananalanacake · 16/11/2025 18:04

Well done, stick to your guns.

EastCoastDweller · 16/11/2025 18:16

When you move into your new place please don't let him have any access, keys or any visiting. He will just try to move all the problems into your new place. If necessary get a restraining order on him.

Good luck in your new home and your new life.

OttersMayHaveShifted · 16/11/2025 18:29

You would be absolutely insane to stay with this man. He has shown you already that he is not willing to change. And he was the one telling you to leave?! It should have been the other way around! You have already put up with far too much.

MissDoubleU · 16/11/2025 19:45

Good for you for getting out. You and your child deserve so much better.

Muldersmum · 16/11/2025 19:57

Go for it..I'd block him but tell him u need time to yourself. You've got this & deserve this

Francine84 · 16/11/2025 20:18

Leave him, move into your own place and please get some therapy to work out why you’re willing to tolerate a relationship with someone who offers nothing and treats you with so little love and respect.

ChaToilLeam · 16/11/2025 20:20

Just go!