Scared it’s too late for me

[newme2025]

This week I’ve drank a bottle of red wine a night. I’ve had chronic diarrhea all week. I’ve just googled and it’s one of the early signs of liver damage. Today I also have a bad headache. I’m scared.

I drink to block out feelings of self-loathing and anxiety. I’m on sertraline meds but take them on and off as I forget. When I’m on them they do help. However, I can’t stand myself, don’t think I ever will and nothing can change that.

Have you been to the GP about this before? I think you probably need to seek help and get checked out if you think you could have liver damage. That’s the only way you are going to know. I think you have to have been drinking heavily for a long time to cause that kind of damage though I’m no expert.

Is anyone with you right now in RL?

Do you want to get help with the drinking? That’s the first step. Why you do it makes sense, but it’s the long term impact that’s the big issue plus tackling the addiction as the body becomes dependent.

I’m terrified I won’t see my DC grow up.

A bottle of wine a day is a lot but the reality is that it does depend on your weight and height

Yes that must be a really horrible thought. Just try to be kind to yourself and not google as that usually makes you feel worse. If you can get some help and admit there’s a problem, that’s the first step. And the hardest I would think.

Ok well that sounds scary. Is this drinking a long term issue or a more recent thing? The headache might be dehydration possibly? Have you had some water and pain relief today ?

OP the liver is an organ that regenerates in a remarkable way. There is so much hope.

Is there anyone with you? A partner? Your children?

I have a partner who’s a big drinker also. Which doesn’t help when it comes to cutting down. I won’t go to my GP as I absolutely don’t want this on my record. That would just cause me a whole other level of worry and anxietty.

You need to think of your children op

this is no environment. For them

do it for them. Please

Your going to be feeling extra anxious and sad cause you're hungover. If you are worried about your health then go see a GP and then can also sign post you to more support if you feel you need it.

You will feel a lots less shit if you stop drinking, and you deserve to feel happy and well.

Diarrhea can be caused by lots of things your GI tract will be pissed off because of all the red wine.

You need to start taking your sertraline reliably. Set an alarm on your phone. If you're really crap at taking it get a friend to ring you everyday at a certain time to get you to take it. Just for a week or two till you get in the habit.

I don't drink anymore. I used to drink more than you and I've not knackered my liver. I didn't get any support to stop drinking it's worked out fine for me. I didn't fancy AA, I'm not convinced it's not shit and/or culty. My friend has used SMART recovery meetings and they looked really good but in the end I didn't feel I needed any support. Lots of people finding the quit lit useful. The only thing I did was tell people around me that I wasn't drinking any more because that has helped me stick to it.

Id a friend who did a bottle a day. Told us her liver tests were fine years before . Died of other cause, and she had liver cirrhosis when she passed as revealed by rhe autopsy.

so yes you need to stop drinking and you need blood tests. You can google early signs of cirrhosis and liver disease.

beinf scared isn’t going to fix this, neither is avoiding the doctor, I’m sorry op; if you really are worried about your kids you would act.

I don't think that tactic works and is probably just going to make her feel more shit and ashamed. Shame isn't helpful for tackling problem behaviour. Empowerment and self belief are much more useful for making good decisions.

Yes. The hangover will make to feel more anxious, depressed, frightened. Drink something with electrolytes, those little bottles of smart water have them and there's that diorolyte ( or something) you can get in the shops. Please be easy on yourself. Don't put yourself down. Take and hour at a time and when you are physically feeling stronger with a clearer head start your own journey via support etc. if that it what you feel you need. 🌺

Please go to your GP and ask for a blood test to check liver function. They’re not there to judge you, and hopefully you can get peace of mind so you can tackle the problem at hand. Dr Google causes nothing but anxiety, and anxiety will be high anyway from the daily drinking.
I’m saying this as someone that’s always had a bad relationship with drink, and was also drinking a bottle of wine+ daily for a long time. I haven’t drank in 3 months and honestly it was the best thing I could’ve done for myself and my children.
You want to be here to see your kids grow up, so it’s time to face reality and really work at this.
Are you able to get counselling? Or join any online support groups? Try look into all the resources available to help. Listening to podcasts and reading ‘quit lit’ may also help keep you motivated in the process.
I think being in a relationship with someone that won’t stop drinking will be an issue here. But ultimately you have to choose to do what’s best for you and your kids in the long run, no matter what else is going on around you.
Drinking is a coping mechanism and often a mask for all the unresolved pain/trauma we hold inside. I do think getting counselling will be helpful while you go through this process, because you need to get to the root cause of why you drink daily and work on healing that, so you’re not vulnerable to slipping back into this way of living.
Let this worry be the kick up the arse you need. Be kind to yourself. And take it one day at a time. But it all starts with day 1. So start today, if you can ♥️

Do you want to stop?

If yes, then you will find help and support as well as practical advice and a friendly ear at AA. They are online and in person meetings every day.

If you can the helpline, they will put you in touch with a local woman who is in recovery and will call you back to talk.

0800 917 7650

https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/find-a-meeting/

It absolutely won’t be liver damage after a week of binge drinking.

For context, I drank 3 bottles of wine or a L of vodka every day for at least a year (and drank heavily for 20 years before that) when I stopped. Now I wouldn’t recommend that level of drinking and some people do have problems at lower levels of drinking. But I have a healthy liver now with no permanent damage. I’m even on medication (unrelated) that can cause liver issues and my liver has been fine.

The liver and the body as a whole is incredibly resilient and does bounce back after you stop drinking. I’m 2.5 years sober now, but all my liver function tests were normal again in a month.

That said, alcohol does cause inflammation in the stomach, pancreas and bowels and that’s going to be what’s causing issues. You simply need to stop drinking and it will all go back to normal fairly quickly.

Fwiw, I quit without any support from my GP as I also didn’t want it on my NHS record. I wouldn’t care now, but it was hard to talk about it at the time. Look up Bee Sober. They are a great source of support and there are other similar groups (you can search on Facebook). You absolutely can stop if you want to. I haven’t looked back and it was one of the best things I did. Dh also drinks a lot less now too. We’ve both lost weight and are much healthier.

You have been posting for months about your alcohol dependency.
Please go to the gp - they will not judge you.

The Op has posted extensively about her alcohol consumption for a long time.

Same old advice from mumsnetters

Meanwhile children grow up surrounded by two parents soaked in alcohol.

The OP needs to prioritise them. The end.

and go to the GP

I’m absolutely not going to my GP. She is awful at the best of times and will no doubt just hand me a leaflet to AA and send me on my way. There is no way I want this on my official records either - that would just give me a whole layer of extra anxiety that I don’t need.

Meanwhile children grow up surrounded by two parents soaked in alcohol.

Drinking a bottle of wine after DC are in bed is not a parent soaked in alcohol. I don’t lie on the sofa all day drinking vodka - we do plenty of activities together. Please leave me alone as your aggressive and hyperbolic posts aren’t helping.

Drinking is a coping mechanism and often a mask for all the unresolved pain/trauma we hold inside. I do think getting counselling will be helpful while you go through this process, because you need to get to the root cause of why you drink daily and work on healing that, so you’re not vulnerable to slipping back into this way of living.

Thank you. The reason I drink is because I don’t like myself, which causes me massive anxiety. I have had counselling (CBT) in the past and it did help a little, but I don’t think anyone will be able to change my mindset to make me like myself. I think it’s impossible as it has been deeply entrenched from early childhood.

I woke up with awful diarrhea again. I will restart the sertraline today (which also gives me and upset stomach initially) and try not to drink until Friday.

one day at a time
good plan though op