Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

Sorry to hear that @WendyWagon. Have they given you any indication of how long it will be?
My DH is the same- loves to leave the TV on talking to itself even if he's in another room with the radio on. It's always 1 or 2 notches too loud so he gets a fright when I walk in (serves him right 🤣)

@elusivehope I've been on a low dose of Elvanse since diagnosis and also a period of it. I tolerate it well and it helps with managing dopamine, energy levels and anxiety.

I think many ADHD sufferers carry a lot of shame about the condition and think that self-control will solve their issues - but for me the medication helps a lot. If I were you (though I'm not!) I would look into it...

@Lavrander Thanks for posting that. I found it helpful. The idea that alcohol is associated with celebrating is so ingrained that it's difficult to avoid. I've had similar situations and have toasted somebody with water while everybody else had champagne. I felt awkward but I doubt if anyone else dwelt on it and I soon forgot. I'm getting more used to ordering a soda and lime or a tonic water or AF beer and not feeling odd about it now. But I do remember in the past when I was drinking that I'd think the one person ordering something non-alcoholic was a bit strange and not much fun. I couldn't understand why anybody wouldn't love alcohol. It's a bit sad that it's taken me over 50 years of drinking to see alcohol for the fraud that it is. Well done for achieving Day 3 - you've done the first really hard part and should feel proud of yourself.

@WendyWagon I can empathize re the constant noise. I've got an adult DC staying with me at the moment and there's always some kind of noise going on - TV, phone conversations, radio, music... Often more than one at once. I'm used to my own space and as much quiet as I need and it's really hard to stay calm sometimes. I've even considered going out for a drive just to escape the noise (with the added bonus of air-conditioning so I'd escape this heat too!)

Another day over. I'm still feeling positive, even though a voice in my head is telling me, OK, it's easy to stay sober when you're not stressed, but as soon as you're stressed again, you might drink again. I'm trying to ignore that voice and just take things a day a time, because it's all I CAN do. Every sober day is still a small victory.

I thought I would try to catch up with some work email today, and I swear, every time I answered an email, multiple responses and new requests would start popping in, like every message was a hydra sprouting more heads. That's why I hate email. Never mind.

In other thrilling news, I trimmed the front garden hedge with electric trimmers, and felt very virtuous to be manipulating a power tool sober.

I can't seem to get enough cold drinks in at the moment, we're going through them so fast. I might go back to that old stalwart, Becks Blue.

@Onewildandpreciouslife I love that quote about coffee, thanks. I drink more of it than I should, but at least it's unlikely to kill me.

Massive congratulations @Lavrander on your sober celebration! It's crazy the way we get alcohol cravings when we're celebrating as well as when we're stressed or low. There is HUGE cultural messaging around alcohol as a necessary ingredient of celebration.

I'm sorry your work is so stressful @WendyWagon . Incidentally, I'm another person who hates radio/tv background noise, whereas my DH and boys love it. They've got quite used to this idiosyncrasy of mine over the years (am I too controlling?!) and often turn the noise off and put headphones on when I come into the room 😳I also retreat upstairs a lot when the noise gets to be too much. I'm not the easiest person to live with.

@taylorean what you say about ADHD is so helpful. I really need to look into medication. The shame is very powerful as you say. I've spent a lifetime berating myself for being so disorganised. I've read a book by Brene Brown on how to move away from shame; it's called The Gifts of Imperfection, and it was good (although part of the slightly syrupy American self-help genre). But shame and neurodivergence is something I've only started to think about recently.

I'm still sleeping so much. There are definitely some early risers on this thread, which is nice! I'm a night owl.

Morning all.
I confess I am a background noise person! Much happier doing jobs with music playing- when I was a child radio 2 was a constant companion as my mum did all her jobs around the house, and I suppose I got used to it.

I didn’t use to be an early riser @elusivehope - one of the side effects of sobriety, I think! Going to try to get a run done before it gets too hot

Morning all.

I crashed and burned last night.
I fell off the wagon due to this situation at work which is impacting our life at home. I can't talk to anyone about it IRL. I found an old stash and the DS caught me. Big argument.

So I'm sorry lads for not being able to stay on the straight and narrow even after three and a half years. I felt desperate and had no one to talk to. I'm truly sick and tired of the highs and lows of life. I'm not in a good place.

Morning All. I'm really sorry to hear that @WendyWagon Please don't beat yourself up about it. You've done three and a half years so you - and we - know it can be done. Sometimes life (and alcohol) gets the better of us and catches us at our weak points. I've been feeling tearful again these last few days for no apparent reason. I can imagine it would be really easy to just think 'what's the point?' and pour a glass. I hope that one little blip won't change things for you. @Onewildandpreciouslife I quite like background noise (music or radio) when I'm alone but get tired if there's too much else sound-wise going on. I was with a group of talkative people yesterday, including my brother who always says 76 words when one would do. I came home, shut the door and had a blissful silent evening doing my jigsaw in the shady lounge with the patio doors open. I am officially old!

Yesterday was my Day 70 so I've done 10 weeks now. We toasted my friend's new house with cheap Aldi AF prosecco and it was perfectly fine. The wasps thought so too.

@WendyWagon I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling like this. You don’t need to apologise for anything to anyone, and especially not us. Look after yourself today - lots of water and rest. It will get better x

My DD has just kindly brought me breakfast but my DH is not speaking to me.

Morning everyone
@WendyWagonI'm sorry for the way you are feeling. It does sound like so much going on but don't let this tiny percentage of time in your last 3.5 years define you. Your DH will come around he just needs to process the way he feels too. Remember this feeling you're feeling is a symptom of the alcohol as well as everything else so you've just got a double whammy today. Think of what you've already achieved and can do again. I'm absolutely in awe of how long you've done. All those times you've chosen not to is incredible. Come and join me in the early days and we can do this together ☺️
So many wasps around aren't there @LillyPJ. It's the warm weather. Last year I don't remember seeing any of them.
Well done @elusivehopeon another day! As well as having the energy to do the hedge. I can't stand the clean up afterwards so it's always the last job that gets done. I know what you mean about the emails. Doesn't feel that long ago that I just had a work extension and just chatted through things that need doing. My calendar had a quarter of the meetings in and I actually used to have time to pause and think and be creative because I wasn't responding to so many emails. Must remember that feeling. There's a great book called The Organised Mind that I read about 15 years ago all about, well, organising your life and work and whenever I go back to it it helps me to be more calm and less erratic about life and work. Would recommend - it's not syrupy at all!

Slept badly last night but my resting heart rate is below 50 now and my rings are loose. I didn't realise how puffy I must have been only two weeks ago.

@WendyWagon . Nothing you can change about it now
pick yourself up dust yourself down
and try again
we are all routing for you
hashtag team Wendy💐

Sending hugs @WendyWagon . You’ve been battling on so many fronts for a long time, something had to give. I hope you can find the time and space you need to heal. It’s ok not to be ok, and it’s ok to let other people sort their own shit out and not rely on you to fix it. Have a duvet day (although in this weather, perhaps a crisp cotton sheet day may be more appropriate) and the same tomorrow. And the next day - for as long as it takes to regroup. Eat ice cream. Drink sparkling water. Tell people who want things from you to fuck off. You’ve been such an inspiration to me - and still are. No minimising, no excuses, taking full accountability - even your slip has been done with dignity and aplomb. Have another hug 🙏

Bless you @WendyWagon , big hugs from me too. Others have already said it better than I can, but you've had so much on your plate lately - all the serious health stuff, plus the work stress, plus parenting (which is even more challenging in some ways when DC are young adults).

You've helped so many people. I've been reading your posts on these threads for a long time and your honesty and straight talk have always helped me.

It's impressive the way you come straight back on here after a slip. That means everything in terms of recovery I think. I speak as someone who has relapsed many times and tried to hide it (in real life I mean), and felt all the toxicity and shame of that secrecy. Whereas if you're honest about your setbacks, you can just leave them behind straight away and move on.

I have a friend who's a nurse who works in community drug and alcohol support, and once when I was telling her I'd relapsed, feeling so ashamed, she said to me gently, 'You know, it's a chronic relapsing condition.' Which weirdly made me feel better. Not to go all pessimistic and say that sobriety isn't possible, but for a lot of us, the fact that we can still succumb after long periods of not drinking is the nature of the beast. It's not an easy condition to keep at bay, honestly. So please be kind to yourself 💐You have done so well. It's the 3.5 years that matter.

And those fuckers at your work can fuck right off.

@Onewildandpreciouslife well done for running in this heat, gosh.

@LillyPJ 70 days is amazing! I love jigsaws even though I usually only do them over Christmas for some reason.

@Lavrander I will definitely get hold of that book, thanks for the recommendation. By the way, given my 'syrupy American' comment, I should say I'm American myself (though I've lived in the UK for many years, have UK citizenship now, and feel much more at home on this side of the pond). I think because I'm American I tend to criticise the US more freely 😂

We have a guest coming tonight (old friend from Australia) so I have to tidy the house today. Am not looking forward to it. Might pop out to the shop yet again to stockpile yet more AF drinks.

@elusivehope you've made me laugh and cry.
I've been having such a hard time and a big shock Wednesday that I just had to freak out.
My son was a complete arse at Christmas and after my grim reaper scare I did question why I was bothering to be AF. But I know me and very quickly I'd be in the gutter, knickers on view talking shiite.
Tbh the grog was disgusting, fusty and not my thing and I did indeed go to bed in an elastic bra, a tomato sauce covered t-shirt and knickers. I'd also eaten pork sausages which I'm allergic too. I looked like a female version of Sir Les Patterson complete with hairy teeth!
Was it worth it? No. The DS had got to the recycling and caught me. Cest la vie.

Oh @WendyWagon I am popping out of my discreet lurking position to give you a hug, too. The other fabulous people have already said it way better than I ever could, so I will just reiterate what they have said. You have been an inspiration, still are, and always will be. If I can get to three and a half years I will be amazed, and if I have a stumble on the way, I know I have you lovely lot to support me and make everything feel OK. Alcohol is a nasty, nasty beast. Chin up gorgeous, and keep kicking arse! X 💗

PS I hope you're OK after the sausages x

I think the sausages have left!
I used to go for a big breakfast with a couple of our number. I couldn't resist but the gallbladder issues have made it impossible. I had gone a bit nutty last night. However with a touch of Revlon primer and lipstick I went shopping. I bought lovely fresh juice and marks wotsits so that will keep me off the cheese.
I was howling to the nurse on Wednesday so I should have put myself to bed but it's too hot. When the DD appears I'll get a hug.

MASSIVE virtual hugs from me and Sid as well @WendyWagon - you are such a bastion of love, support and wisdom. I'd be in a much worse place myself if it wasn't for your kind encouragement over the past few years. We all slip up, for so many reasons. Take care of your lovely self (you're about as far away from Sir Les as it is possible to be!).

It won't always be this sh~t. Sending you strength and love. Here's Sid, wishing you well - in a pose with his hose, before the sun got too hot. He sends you lots of love and snuggles. xxx

Strength and courage to you all. xx

If it helps with the self-loathing @WendyWagon - think about how much you give to others via your posts and your support on this forum. Keep going!

Evening lads.
Thanks for all the hugs.
I'm lying on the sofa without any thoughts of booze, hoorah.
I might treat myself to a blackcurrant squash shortly! Big ice.
Friday was always difficult for me. However this year it's just become another day albeit one I don't work. Hoorah to that too

Another relapsed/ lurker popping on to send love. I have kept away as keep mucking up. Once again you are an inspiration wendywagon it proves you’re human ! Total respect and thank you for sharing. It’s reassuring and a warning to know that it can hit anyone at any time.
5th day - again. But I think my mind set is changing thanks to you all. Have also signed up to alcohol experiment as a pp inspired me. Sorry too tired to look up your name - and faced with A MOUNTAIN of washing up and cleaning kitchen. Guess at least I’m sober - it would still be there tomorrow covered in flies if I’d succumbed! Yik!
love and respect to all xxxx

@Healthynow Well done for keeping on trying and for reaching Day 5 ,- and good luck with the washing-up! I need to clean the kitchen floor but it's just too hot to move from the sofa and the fan.

Sorry to hear about relapse @WendyWagon sounds like you've had a terrible time and it's understandable. Glad to hear that you've dusted yourself off and are back here with your usual positive attitude as the role model we love on here.
I've been giggling about what you said about knickers in the gutter that would be me too if I gave in and drank again.

I've been struggling a bit with negative thoughts recently so trying to keep a lid on those. I have a terrible tendency to compare myself to others but trying to focus on the positives this year such being on the sober journey. I often feel like I should be doing more, seeing friends more, going to events more etc but this journey is telling me to slow down and enjoy the quiet life.
I have my summer holidays with the kids coming up in a few weeks so that should be interesting in terms of a first being alcohol free.
So pleased things are going well for you so far @elusivehope
I'm just about to try the new Lena Dunham show on Netflix with AF Leffe.
Sober cheers.