Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

Morning all.

Hair do today. I was hoping for pink as I was so incensed by the discrimination on the coloured hair thread. Sadly the hair has to remain corporate for now.

Morning all - happy Monday! And happy hair do day @WendyWagon! I really need to arrange a hair do - I successfully manage to avoid mirrors in my daily life, but I have a zoom call with my old rehab on Sundays, so I’m forced to look at myself for an entire hour. It’s very strange to watch yourself speak! I used to use Teams for work but always had my camera off. I have the camera as far away from me as possible, so everyone has a nice view of my bookshelves rather than my face, but it’s becoming impossible to avoid the fact that I need a good shearing.

Courage mon braves! A new week.

Morning all!

I'm struggling a bit today - not emotionally, but with tiredness. I've taken on too much and it's going to be a while until I get some time back - I've made commitments and have to deliver.

I'm working late consistently, working past midnight several nights a week. Please send positive, energising vibes 😊

I sense quite a few of us might have this type of work pattern and tendency to take on too much so let me know your tricks and coping mechanisms (other than the Bad One).

Morning!
started the Alcohol Experiment day one today which involved taking a selfie and I concur; I could do with a bit of a glow up.
No real advice @tayloreanthat I actually follow (yet) but the successful people that I see around me seem to thrive on routine and they're far more likely to say no without any apologies. So I think it's less about coping with what you have but not actually taking more on than you can cope with. Easier said than done but the more you can control your own environment the better you (we) will hopefully feel. My mood massively changes for the worst when I'm too busy. I just can't see the wood for the trees.

Bit of a rough day today. Temptation for 'fuck it' this evening is strong. But I shall not drink with you today.

I found The Alcohol Experiment really helpful @Lavrander (although I read that first chapter many, many times!)

It’s hard @taylorean - I think the most important thing is to acknowledge that things are hard, and not try to escape them. I usually ask myself: what can I control in this situation? And: what is the next right thing I can do?

Morning all.
Up with the sparrows but at least I didn't wake in the night.

I am going to write a things to do at sixty list. I was stalking the university lists for September. I really do fancy another turn at my old uni. Lots of courses I fancy but I really don't know what makes my heart sing.

Morning All! I met my brother in a pub yesterday lunchtime. I'd been a bit apprehensive because I'd usually always have a couple of pints when we met up. But I just stuck to tonic water and he didn't even ask me why. It's Day 68 for me and I think about alcohol a lot - mainly feeling surprised and curious at what a hold it had on me for so long. It's hard to believe I willingly spent so much money and time on it, and probably harming myself in the process. I felt sad to see my brother down his first half pint in one swallow. He was on pint 6 when I left.

That sounds fab @WendyWagon. What else is on your list? Sounds like you might have too much choice of courses - can you narrow it down by perhaps looking at the modules or even a typical time table?

@LillyPJi totally get how you feel about your brother. I'm finding that in order to repair my own relationship with alcohol I NEED to see it as a bad thing, and therefore I'm finding it hard to see the people I care about still drinking or talking about drinking to excess. I don't want to be a judgemental person or to worry more about other people due to a choice I've made about my own life/ health. Not sure how to square it to be honest. What I do know is that in order to steer clear I have to be negative in my head... but I don't like the way it makes me feel about others. Hmm tricky

I'm thinking of doing university-level German Studies when I retire... I'd like to learn one language properly!

Day 4 today. I'm feeling so much better physically after just a few days of not drinking, wow. No more headaches or nausea thank god. I've been sleeping deeply and for a slightly frightening number of hours. Maybe I'm just exhausted. But it's good not to be waking up in the middle of the night gripped by fear and remorse (which is what happens when I'm drinking). I'm having very vivid, complicated, crazy dreams though. I seem to remember other people talking about strange dreams in early sobriety.

@SmellyMe thanks for your super lovely post. So encouraging. I am indeed an academic, ha. Are you one too? Because your description of the job is worryingly spot on 😂I'm not at all eminent as academics go, so I do a lot less work than I see some of my colleagues doing. My post is mostly teaching-based, so lighter on the research. But I'm trying to make my peace with the fact that it's OK that I'm not as 'productive' as a lot of my colleagues. I'm surrounded by a lot of very driven, hardworking, gifted people... and comparison is the thief of joy as they say. I do love my job and feel lucky to have it, but I think I'm suffering from burnout to some degree after 20-something years of teaching, and perimenopause and my drinking problem are exacerbating things.

OMG @LillyPJ I've done the 'nip to the supermarket' thing so many times, on some stupid pretext or other, but really in order to get wine. Sometimes multiple times in one evening. And well done for making it through the pub lunch with your brother. I can understand the sadness on your part. I have a brother who is struggling with addiction (class A drugs not alcohol) and there's very little I can do for him right now, except try to keep the lines of communication with him open. As far as I can tell he's still in a state of denial about his problem, but it's glaringly obvious to everyone but him (a long story).

@taylorean sending you positive energy for your work! I definitely identify with what you say about work pattern and taking on too much. I don't have much to offer by way of a solution at this point but the advice from @Lavrander and @Onewildandpreciouslife sounds very sensible. I have a lot of trouble with routine (I'm ADHD, which I've only very recently realised). Am hoping to find some new coping strategies myself! Just being realistic with myself about how much I can accomplish in a day is something I find ridiculously difficult.

@WendyWagon from what I've read on these threads you sound like a very accomplished woman. I'm sure you'd flourish if you did some new uni courses. I also have a mental list of things I'd like to do someday: play piano (which I haven't done since I was a child), get serious about gardening, learn a new language (Arabic and Russian are two that appeal to me).

I do appreciate this thread and all the insights into living alcohol-free, which at its best I suppose is just living! since living in a state of constant craving for a substance isn't really living at all.

@elusivehope I have an ADHD diagnosis and have found the medication really helpful - are you taking anything like Elvanse?

Ahoy shipmates.

I think I'm falling apart. I hurt my hip yes and it's pretty bad this morning. Curses.

The DD has kept going with the part time job. All the other new starters have left. I'm proud of her for that.

The DS is still looking for a house. The prices keep going up. He's getting disheartened but tbh he is being very picky.

The one thing I'd love to do is restoration. Not as a profession but as a post retirement thing or gemology. I do love a diamond.

Morning all. Having a busy few days, with today starting with an early morning dentist trip. The day can only get better!

Hope all goes well at the dentist's@Onewildandpreciouslife ! Busy day here too - all nice things though, and weather not too hot so plenty to do in the garden as well. I slept well last night but was woken up at 6.30 by a ridiculously loud buzzing. There was an enormous bee just outside my window, trying to get in. I love bees but I didn't open the window for him - too early for visitors!

Morning all - I think it’s going to be a hot one 😁 Which means falling out with my little dog, who is a sun baby and would happily lie out in the sunshine all day. But I have to be the grown up and drag her inside - where she will find a patch of sunlight through the window and lie in that. Big sigh.

@Lavrander , if I can share my experience about regarding alcohol as a Bad Thing. I have had it drummed into me to accept the things I cannot change (I know it’s the first part of the serenity prayer, used in AA, but it can be applied universally with nary a 12 step in sight!). The biggest thing I cannot change is other people. What other people do is nothing to do with me - absolutely nothing. I know that alcohol is bad for me, and therefore I do not have it. And that’s where it begins and ends. If other people want to drink - whether I believe it is harmful or harmless for them to do so - it is nothing to do with me. I accept that I cannot drink safely. I accept I cannot change other people. I try not to dwell on what other people do full stop. It’s fantastically liberating! Not just in relation to alcohol - lots of things that used to irritate and annoy me that other people do, I just do not allow myself to have an opinion on. As a result I feel pretty fucking serene most of the time 😂 It takes practice, but it’s really worthwhile. A huge weight has been lifted from me.

@Lavrander Oh, how I wish I could do that! I get so irritated by what other people do, although I do try to hide it. Other people's driving in particular drives me up the wall... I work hard on trying to accept it and I have improved, but there's a long way to go!

@FaithHopeCarnage that sounds bloody brilliant, I’m going to try and think that way.
Day 20 for me today. we’re away this weekend with friends so I’m just stocking up on my af ciders. I’m determined to do this!!

@FaithHopeCarnage Sorry - my last comment re not worrying about what I can't change should have been addressed to you. (I've had a not-alcohol-related headache all day and can't think straight.) I get headaches quite often, though it is better now I'm not drinking. I was amazed to learn that some people never get headaches. The heat doesn't help.

This is great advice @FaithHopeCarnage. I actually felt pretty serene after repeating it.

Yay!

Sober sign in

@taylorean that's very interesting that you're finding the ADHD medication helpful. I haven't tried any meds yet but maybe I should.

Much sympathy about the hip, @WendyWagon .

@FaithHopeCarnage those are wise words about not trying to change other people. The serenity prayer really is great. TBH it's that kind of attitude that's helped me cope with my brother's addiction. It's not that I don't care about him, it's that I've realised I can't help him until he wants to change.

@LillyPJ in a weird coincidence, I've had a killer headache today too. A properly throbbing, pulsating one. After my happily proclaiming yesterday that my headaches were gone 🙄Maybe it's to do with the heat as you say. As a result I've been pretty useless all day.

Spent the afternoon with DS2. Took him to collect his new glasses from the opticians: he decided he hated them and refused to wear them, despite the fact he carefully selected them himself last week. Bought him an expensive cold bubble tea: he didn't like the flavour. Went to a few shops because he needs some summer shorts: he didn't see any shorts he liked, but there was one brand-name pair that he indicated might be acceptable. As it cost £60, we didn't purchase it. In short, a lovely afternoon of mother/son bonding. 😂

I came home and soothed myself with black coffee (I know, but it's my main drug of choice in the absence of booze) and one of my tins of AF G&T.

Wishing everyone a good day tomorrow, as headache-free and pain-free as possible.

Morning all.
Hope your hip is feeling a bit better today @WendyWagon

@elusivehope There’s a line in Guys & Dolls “Coffee is so good I can’t understand why it isn’t a sin”. I think of that quote often!

Morning everyone.
Felt like my first big test yesterday. DH got a big promotion that he's been working towards for a few years. Yesterday it was either going to be commiserate or celebrate. Happily it was celebrate!
I spent most of my time in between hearing the news and getting home arguing with myself in my head about whether I needed to drink to celebrate. It feels so strange not to instantly turn to it. I also felt like I was not honoring his achievement by not drinking to it.
He wanted to go out so we did. We went to the pub and I did order AF but was so apologetic about it. Thing is, we had a lovely evening. He had his pints and we still toasted it, and then went out for a meal. Didn't stop us at all from celebrating.. but I still feel like I didn't do the achievement justice...
Have to say the Alcohol Experiment really helped with the battle in my mind. It was day 3 yesterday (but day 8 for me overall) all about how we get that dopamine hit with the first drink but the depressive part lasts a few hours afterwards. I just thought how can I celebrate and be happy for you if I'm going to feel shit physically and mentally later?
Still.. very tough. It helps to have this space. I wanted to do it and tell you all about it afterwards.. silly really.

Hope everyone is doing well. It's going to be a hot one!

Morning all.
Thanks for the good wishes. Yesterday was a stinker. I had a turn in the doctors.

Delays to the company restructure so I'm fuming. I started back May 1st and it's been very hard even wfh. Until everyone is consulted on the deal it means nothing.

The DH is home this week and I'm itching for silence. He likes multiple TV radio etc at the same time. Hum.