Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

teaforthetotal thank you for the Lena Dunham tip! I looked it up and I’d never have seen it and it’s just the thing to hide from the world, and from stroppy husbands with. She’s great and he is well, worth being sober for!

I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better @WendyWagon . And I'm glad you have your DD to look after you a bit.

Your wry description of yourself did make me laugh (even though I'm sure like @REP22 I'm sure it's far from accurate!). At least you haven't lost your sense of humour.

I also have a son (DS1) who can be an absolute arse to me, so I definitely sympathise in that regard. I know it's because he's processing his own mental shit, but it's not nice to be the scapegoat. I'm forever trying to find the right mix of setting boundaries (i.e. no, it's not OK to speak to your mum like that) and just not engaging (because the verbal conflict gets exhausting, and sometimes I feel like he's just baiting me). At his best he's a lovely person and a sensitive soul, but sometimes that part of him seems hidden deep down under layers of insecure young male bravado. Sigh. He can be an arse to his dad as well but for some reason I get the brunt of it. On the bright side, he is happy to expound knowledgeably and at length about the evils of toxic masculinity, as perpetrated for example by Andrew Tate and his ilk. Because I did do my best to bring up my DC to be feminists. However, there's just a wee gap between DS1's eloquent theories of gender equality and his actual practice when living at home with his mum 🙄

@Healthynow well done on day 5! And good luck with the cleaning. I hate cleaning even though once things are clean, the tidy space makes me feel calmer.

@Teaforthetotal thanks for the kind words. Like you I tend to focus on the negative aspects of myself rather than the positive ones. I've read that you should imagine what you would say to a friend in your own situation, and then treat yourself with as much compassion as you would treat your friend.

I thought about drinking a lot today. Partly because I was cleaning the house, and I always drink when cleaning the house (is there ANY vaguely challenging task that I haven't fallen into the habit of lubricating with alcohol? sheesh). And partly because DH was entertaining our friend with wine and G&Ts. I kept thinking though how much better I feel this Friday than I've done on the previous two Fridays, when I was still drinking and trying to stop drinking and wrestling with headaches and nausea and stomach pain, the whole shebang.

The evening felt a little long but it was lovely to see our friend. She's one of the few people I can entertain as a guest without feeling anxious or stressed out. I can just be myself around her. The DC love her too.

Wishing everyone a bright day tomorrow.

Morning lovelies. Ahoy from a sober top deck.
The bliss of no headache or gut rot.

I had milk with ice!
The DH was OK as I didn't go near the booze in the supermarkets. I did buy huge prawns in Aldi. Half the price of the evil sauce.
I was cosseted by the DH setting up a fan last night in the boudoir 😄

Tis a difficult journey this sobriety but I genuinely couldn't go back to nightly drinking. I never had any peace. I was angry and anxious. My stomach is like a washing machine God knows what it would be like with booze acid poured on it daily.

@elusivehope the DS has been trying to move out for over a year. Mother is usually the family ATM but with my sick leave I'm not in a position to help.
My son sounds very much like yours. He's been brilliant at nursing me and has literally fed and watered me when I couldn't sit up but boy is he sulky when it's not going his way. The DD has his number though and fights my corner and hers. She calls him a very rude word and from her posho lips it's very funny.

We hoped to have our share sale through by September 1st but the founder is ill. This has put everything on hold and I'm not well enough to step back into his shoes. If we loose the deal we loose the farmhouse but I have seen a cottage.
Ever resourceful is your Wendy and I could live there. I don't worry about houses in all my 17 moves. I just want no mortgage, peace and chickens.
I've worked since I was 12 and I'm knackered.

Today I shall read my book and eat lasagne.

@WendyWagon It's great to hear good news from the sober top deck - sounds like you're back on an even keel with a following wind. Bon voyage!

Bon voyage indeed . Well done !
Funny how irl. I feel like the grout between the shifting, massive tiles of family members, it’s quite a lonely place so it’s very lovely to share your journeys and hear all the news and that this thread is about alcohol but it’s so much more too.
I’ve made myself cry!
This is for everyone 💐💐💐🎂

Keep going everyone! It's worth it! Better to face up to feelings of loneliness or extreme boredom.

I hate cleaning & it has all piled up because I've been working really long hours.

But if I can't tolerate it today - and I think I really, really need some downtime - then our home may remain fetid but I won't make myself unwell as a result.

I blinking hate cleaning @taylorean .
I'll cook anything but cleaning ah no
I have a couple of hours from my lady each week. The DC do their own and are both super tidy. Can't bring their washing down though!

I've had a Henry with fresh orange juice.
I'm debating my ice cream choices.

Good to have you back @Healthynow and well done on getting to day 5.

Hope you managed to get some downtime @taylorean

Enjoy your ice cream @WendyWagon

I went to an event where they had Heineken 0 on draft. I had a couple of pints - I don’t usually bother with AF alternatives when I’m out these days - it seems a lot of money to pay for gas - but I felt more comfortable with a pint glass in my hand.

Thank you elusivehope. thank you. It does feel wonderful and calming when everything is clean and organized. I’m thinking I could spend alcohol money on a cleaner. That would be a good motivation!
onewildandpreciouslife it is so nice to feel welcomed annd anknowledged! Cheers, here’s to your pint of af lager. I’ll clink with my bottle of af lager.
@taylorean gosh you are right, it is better to admit to being bored or lonely, then it’s sudenly ,’oh, ok, what can I do about it then’ rather than a confused drowning in alcohol. Thanks for the reminder.
also…a fetid home is a happy home! There are far more important things to do in life. I tell myself that because I am rubbish at cleaning, I make more mess. I also secretly love that DS leaves his science experimentS all over the house.
wendywagon your DC sound lovely. So does ice cream. I Recommend the Italian lemon stuff in lidl it’s nice and soft and yummo!
I am excited to report..day 6! DH cracked open my favourite AND I STUCK TO AF LAGER, which meant I got stuck with being the taxi- I’m so pleased!
thank you so much for being such a support everyone. I CAN do a week for goodness sake.
IWNDWYT🌸

Your DD does sound lovely @WendyWagon . And your DS sounds a bit entitled wanting money. Kids really do take their parents for granted sometimes. Fingers crossed for you about the deal! It's good you have a plan B. Here's to you getting your chickens, one way or another!

I had to google a Henry drink; I'd never heard of it. It sounds nice, just the ticket for this sweltering weather.

Hugs to you @Healthynow . And bravo to you for completing day 6! When you say, I feel like the grout between the shifting, massive tiles of family members, that's such a powerful simile. You're not the grout, dammit! You are your own tile and a beautiful one. (Did that even make sense? 😂) Anyway my family of origin in the US was very troubled. I spent a lot of time when I was younger trying to keep everyone happy... needless to say it was a fruitless task. Settling in the UK thousands of miles away was probably quite a selfish thing to do, all things considered, but it was a lifesaver for me. I also have a DSis who has cut ties with me. When it first happened years ago, it was my nightmare scenario (I had dramatically failed to keep a close family member happy!), but I've made my peace with it now. I still love her but our relationship was a massive source of conflict in my life, and now that conflict is just ... gone.

When it comes to chatting about my life, I'm a bit of an oversharer (I'm sure no one has noticed, ha!). I blame both ADHD and growing up in the US for this: it's like I got a double dose in the oversharing lottery 😂

@taylorean clean houses are overrated. I hope you rested today.

I'm still having some cravings, but my determination not to drink is very strong. I really want to stick it out this time and see some positive change happen. Posting here is definitely helping.

Felt very restless today and couldn't settle down to anything. Finally I cycled to the nearest garden centre (not really a proper garden centre, but never mind) and bought a few things which I then planted in pots: phlox with a beautiful scent, and campanula with the little blue bell-like flowers. The back garden is still a mess but it's nice to have made a start.

Stay cool everyone!

Afternoon/evening all.

I have wasted today. I had planned to defrost the freezer (as I am the only person in the country who doesn't have a self-defrosting one😡), do a million loads of washing, as we've been away for three weeks, and start to muck out a room that's supposedly being done up now that the carpenter has resurfaced after ages in hiding. None of it has happened, probably because of (undiagnosed) ADD overwhelm. I've sat in front of the TV all day watching the first 20 mins of crappy films then giving up and searching for something worth watching. I haven't been sleeping because of the heat, so am very tired, which doesn't help. I'll try to do the freezer later, stick some washing in and leave the rest for tomorrow. That will mean there is less to do, so it won't be as overwhelming. In theory, at least.

How are you feeling, @WendyWagon? Don't beat yourself up about a lapse. If you are counting, just knock a day off the total and keep ploughing on. IME, if you reset the clock to Day 1 after ages of abstinence there will be more temptation to defer a sustained restart. Anyway, you know what works best for you. As I've said before, work was my undoing, and it was so much easier to give up drinking when I gave up work. I'm struggling just now though.

Adult children can try the patience of saints, I know (not that I'm a saint!). I think it can be even worse when we feel guilty about being ex drinkers - it certainly is for me.

How is Sid in this heat, @REP22? My Frenchie grandpuppy struggles with it. He loves it, contrarian that he is, and seeks out sunspots, but has to be steered into the shade and onto cooling mats to prevent heatstroke or burning.

Oh. It's tomorrow! I started this post ages ago then got distracted and started watching Live Aid. I came to switch off the laptop and here it is😂. I'll post it anyway. Goodnight (after LA) everyone - sorry to bring up the rear as usual - just backdate everything by four hours or so.

Good morning all.
One Yorkshire tea down.

@elusivehope sadly I can join you on the NC sister.
I ended the relationship one night when I found out she'd given her DIL my address. The daughter in law was friends with the man who had stalked me and attacked the DD. However she had previously hurt me as a child and accused me of financial abuse of my lovely old dad. My mum had always said she was jealous of me and I had had enough. I'm sad I have a sister I don't see but as she bullied her daughter too I can't even be arsed to try.
She ignored me at our brother's funeral and left his heartbroken fiancee on her own. When I got my diagnosis earlier this year she did nothing. Some people are fucking mean. She's one of life's arses.

I was too hot last night. I watched some Miss Marple. No ice cream so I'll have that today.

I have orange faux gin if I want it.

Morning all.
it seems I need to join in a lot at the moment! I really want to keep going, and this next few days are when I feel a bit scared of not drinking if that makes sense. So I’m really focusing on the positives.
elusive hope thankyou( and I love a bit of over sharing! It makes us interesting imo) and campanula! also wendywagon we have similar in a way, our DD is trans and has been persuaded that society, and we, will hate her so has gone NC. Hence an incredible amount of alcohol and confusion. I send her love everyday, hoping telepathy will work!
I found this and wanted to share in case it’s helpful to anyone. It sends me to sleep anyway, which is a good thing!
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-hypnotist/id1506748871?i=1000715597992
going to reseal the shower today, go me!
a lovely sunny day to all 🌻

Good morning, it's a bit cooler here this morning which is a relief.

Welcome back from your hols @ShyMaryEllen . I also get task overwhelm. Maybe you were expecting yourself to do too much yesterday? I'm the queen of unrealistic to-do lists, which means that at the end of the day I'm always disappointing myself. Starting out small and telling myself that it's OK if I do just one thing on my list sometimes helps. I do get stuff done eventually, it just takes me approximately 10x longer than I initially thought it would 🙄

I'm sorry about your DSis @WendyWagon but I'm glad you've found the courage to go NC. These situations are painful and sometimes detachment is the only way. I reacted to my DSis going NC with me by plummeting further into alcoholism (this was years ago, before the first time I got sober), but now I've realised that the estrangement is probably a blessing in disguise. Like yours my DSis did some pretty awful things. My DM had a brain injury in a freak accident (the brain damage is permanent), and my DSis, who was the only child living nearby at the time, ended up carrying out some pretty severe elder abuse (she stole all my mum's money, insisted on becoming her sole carer but then neglected her, etc). My DB and I had to step in and stop it all via the courts, and get our DM into a care home where she would be safe. Getting a court order was a drastic solution but honestly it was the only thing to do in order to ensure my DM's safety. After the court decision my DSis went NC with me. One difficult aspect was that other family members refused to believe that my DSis had treated my mother the way she had. Well, I wouldn't have believed it myself, until it happened. Families, eh?

Keep posting @Healthynow , it sounds like you're doing so well! Much love and sympathy about your DD. I'm sure that having an estranged child is much harder than having an estranged sibling. And the trans issue adds a big layer of complexity. I have a trans niece in the US (M to F); I haven't seen her since she transitioned a couple of years ago, but by all accounts she seems happy, which is great. MN is not a good place to seek support on trans issues IMO, because the discourse on the feminist chat threads is so extreme and so polarised that calmer voices get drowned out (that's how I see it anyway). Anyway, I'm sure that what is going on with your DD is much more about what she's going through than it is about you. I hope she will find her way and come back to you again 💐

I woke up with another headache again this morning, which is annoying, but it's nice to look in the mirror and see eyes that aren't bloodshot.

I invited two sets of neighbours round for afternoon tea today (one couple just moved in a couple of doors down) and now I'm wondering WTF I was thinking. I get into these expansive moods and invite people, and then regret it, ha. I don't know what to give them by way of cake! I should probably bake something, but what? I'm so out of the habit of baking. Argh.

I have a state-of-the-art Kitchen Aid mixer that sits on my countertop gathering dust.

@,Victoria sandwich. 8oz of everthing. In the mixer. 25 mins in the oven. Strawberry jam and cream.

Hello shipmates, fellow-procrastinator here. I should be roasting some veg, doing a load of washing and prepping for the holiday on which Sid and I are departing on Friday. In reality I've done nothing.

@elusivehope are you able to get Deliveroo or similar where you are? I might be tempted to order in some cakes and picky bits, but I'm bone idle by default (see above).

@ShyMaryEllen Sid does not enjoy the heat. He prefers to just sit quietly on the floor indoors. I only take him out first thing and literally last thing at night. I went to the theatre last night, so had to walk him at 6pm (he won't download his data in the garden). Even that 10 minutes round the block was too much for us both. I sat him down in front of a fan when we got back, which he seemed to enjoy - he was still dozing in front of it when we got back from the theatre. He doesn't pant much, just quietly sits. There was one night at about 3am when he was really struggling though, so I sat up with him and sponged him gently with cold water. It really grinds my gears when people are out and about with their dogs in the baking sun. We shall stay below decks today.

I don't go in too much for AF booze alternatives - I did try a lovely new presse yesterday though - Bottle Green are doing a new lime and mint cordial. Very nice with lemonade.

Hope better times increase @WendyWagon - keep at it. ❤️

Strength and courage mes braves. All shall be well. xx

Afternoon Shipmates!
Well done @Healthynowon almost a week done. It's these little moments where we have to make a conscious choice to go against the grain that build up and confirm to us that we CAN do this. I'm two weeks now and I have to say this feels so different to something like dry Jan and probably why I never could stick to it. It's so much easier when everyone else is cosseted up indoors but in July in beautiful weather and no hold up on socialising we have to be more vigilant but I think it's where we learn what we're capable of.
I'm definitely being tested every day but I know in my heart that passed the first sip I won't be satisfied. Just must remember that.
@ShyMaryEllenhow's the freezer looking? It's grim job. Not sure whether you're into it and I have a feeling you do have to pay but the organised mum (on instagram - TOMM) has a patreon which are guided sessions taking you through various household chores. I find it helpful to stick one of those on - definitely a freezer one in there - wherever I need a bit of focus time. You often find that a 15 minute session you can get so much done. Would recommend.

@elusivehopeyour update about your neighbours made me laugh. I have those out of body experiences too. The Victoria sponge recipe is a fail safe. A bit of cream and strawberries or raspberries. Sorry about your headaches - the heat won't be helping and your eyes will only get clearer. My skin looks clearer - less red splotches around my nose.. and I don't know whether it's non alcohol based or hormone based but am going with it. No weight lost yet which is slightly disheartening but I have to remember it's not about that.
@REP22i have a Sprocker and he's bored out of his mind. Have tried some tricks with him but he just wants to go out and play. Might take him on a trip on the car just to give him something to do.

I'm so grateful not to be dehydrated and groggy when the weather is like this. I'm annoyed for all the time wasted. Ho hum.

We have a collie. Did 2 hour walk at 6am.
we are both now watching the tennis
safe and sober this weekend

The freezer is don, @Lavrander. Well, I say done, but at some point I will go back and sort out the food so that there is some semblance of a system. I took out all the baskets, hacked away at the ice with a fish slice, and balanced a washing up bowl of hot water on the shelves one at a time to aid defrosting. When husband is not around I sometimes use a hairdryer, but he's been hovering, and it's not worth the hassle. It took a while, so the food in the baskets was starting to thaw, and I put it all back and switched the freezer on again to keep it frozen. When I have absolutely nothing else to do, and can't even dream up something pointless but preferable, I'll take out the baskets one at a time and sort through it all.

My life is so exciting. I now have a washing machine beeping at me to remind me to take out the towels I laid around the freezer to soak up the water and melting ice. I really CBA to hang them out though, so am ignoring it.

Thanks for the podcast link @Healthynow. I'm a fan of listening to things like that in bed, so will give it a try tonight.

Well, the 'meet the new neighbours over a cuppa' went well, but as soon as they left, I had an enormous urge to rush out and buy some wine... which is why I'm posting here instead. I don't even know why, I just feel like I'm concentrating so hard sometimes when I'm interacting socially, and once the guests have left I still have all this leftover adrenaline and I really want to calm myself down with wine. I won't do it though, it's madness, it's just a feeling and it will pass. Damn.

Thanks for the Victoria sponge suggestions, that does sound delicious and perfect for summer. I've actually never made one before though, so it sounds intimidating to me (I think it's very British as I never had it growing up in the US). However, I've now looked at the recipes and it does look quite manageable! Anyway I ended up making zucchini bread instead, a tried-and-true American standby. This was inspired by several people on my street offering spare courgettes from their allotments on the street whatsapp group, although typically for me, by the time I finally made up my mind to go for some of the free courgettes, they were all gone. So I ended up getting them from Tesco 😂I'm pleased with myself as I haven't done any baking for ages. I grew up doing loads of baking, but I sort of left it behind in my adult life (along with religion, right-wing politics and patriarchy, ha). I will be bold and try a Victoria sponge next time I entertain.

Deliveroo is also a good idea, @REP22 . We do use it a lot for takeaway but I never thought of using it to get party food! And poor Sid in this heat. I'm not a dog person (cats for me all the way!) but I have noticed that Sid is a dog with an exceptionally expressive face. And you are exceptionally good at interpreting his thoughts and feelings. 😍

@Lavrander I'm hoping for clearer skin! I've noticed just this year that I have a few of those little red burst veins on my face. Not nice. I suspect that they're evidence of my drinking. I don't think they disappear but I'm hoping not to get more (or at least to slow down the process). And I haven't lost any weight yet either. I'm envious of people who lose weight when they don't drink. But realistically, weight loss isn't my focus right now. One thing at a time.

congrats on the collie @March2027 and on the empty freezer @ShyMaryEllen !

Morning all.
Slightly cooler here. Hoorah.

I drank a lot of squash yesterday and I felt better for it. I've never been good with water.
I'm missing some summer clothes so it's my task to find them today. I'm wearing my mother's old shorts and she's been gone twenty years!

Big debate on the cottage versus the farmhouse due this week.

Morning all.
Well done on avoiding the wine @elusivehope
I think once we start to see our behaviours around alcohol for what they are (I want to drink because I want to escape my feelings) rather than dressing it up (I like the taste, everyone does it, I deserve it) etc it makes it easier to address. That’s one thing I found really helpful about The Alcohol Experiment- how it challenges our beliefs about alcohol but in a really open way

Morning all!
I'm dry mouthed this morning from the sharing bag of crisps I ate last night.
I feel a little like I've moved on from the elation to a bit of boredom/ nothingness- not depressed just a bit meh... again could be hormones but just noticing it. Or could be the crisps.
Good luck for this week @WendyWagon(for the summer clothes and the house!)
Well done @elusivehope! Being social is tough but you made it through - one more lesson in the bank.
IWNDWYT