Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

Morning all.

Morning all.
Glad you made it @LillyPJ and @March2027

A pub crawl sober is hard core @LillyPJ ! I think once you go AF you realise how much of our life is centred on alcohol, and when alcohol starts to lose its power over you, a lot of what you used to consider normal just seems a bit - odd.

I remember going to a fancy function with friends and after 3 bottles of water I was done. Every time they went to the bar it was “what do you want?” And I really didn’t want anything because I wasn’t thirsty 🤣

@Onewildandpreciouslife i love a fancy dress do.

I've just realised I've not been invited to a friend's birthday do. I'm not really bothered as she is not so nice of late. However I am interested in the fb photos. I'll see if my nemisis is there if I'm not. Originally a mutual friend who gossiped about my daughter and I caught her. She's a heavy drinker. No excuse though.

More gardening today, I need to get my cherry bush in.

Morning all. Made it through! Visit to parents was fine. Dad drunk when I arrived and just spoke at me for most of the evening but I bought some AF martini on the way up (thank you to whomever it was that recommended it further up the thread) and then we sat in the garden for the evening whilst he chatted away.
i wonder whether it felt easy as it was like turning up to a party when everyone is already drunk? You see it in front of your eyes and you just think I don't really want to be that right now. It would have been more difficult I think if I had got there at midday. But still a win is a win.

@WendyWagon sorry you've not been invited. It's good that you're not bothered but I always think it's nicer to decline than not be invited. Sounds like she's not worth your thoughts or time however.
Well done @March2027on making it through. And to @LillyPJfor a successful pub crawl - I can only imagine how boring that must have got. And to @Teaforthetotal - I'm really glad you had a good night and was able to do something that's usually alcohol fuelled without it. It shows it can be done :-)

@Lavrander It may well be me that recommended the AF Martini - someone even jokingly wondered if I was being sponsored by them! Well done for your win. Every little victory builds up our strength. My next big trial will be meeting my brother in a pub next week. He's a big drinker (easily 5 or 6 pints in a lunchtime while I'm there, and probably many more once I've gone) and it gets tedious even if I'm drinking too, so I know I'll be bored or get annoyed if I'm on soda and mocktails.

Sending love and support to the posters who suddenly go quiet, in the hope they'll be back soon xxx

Good afternoon shipmates. Sending you all love on this sunny Friday.

My M has been away all week, so Sid and I have been looking after her house. She's got one of those recliner chairs that you operate with a remote control type keypad (but like Davros in Dr. Who - it's a similar look). Sid has worked out how to press the button to raise the leg-rest - he likes a long stretch. I've had to take the control away from him in case he breaks it.

Strength and love my brave friends. We can make it. It's going to be alright. xx

Clever Sid. He looks very pleased with himself, doesn't he? 😉

I can't believe it's Friday already. This week has gone very fast for some reason. Have a good weekend, shipmates.

Ahoy shipmates , I'm waiting for the rain.

Rumblings from the DS re his house. He keeps getting outbid. We're just waiting for the broker to sort out the farmhouse. No news on the gallbladder. Still waiting.

It’s rained here. Thank goodness.so bit cooler
off for a nice cool dog walk in a mo

Sid giving you a side eye there @REP22!

It rained here too. Just after I'd filled up the bird baths. Am off for a picnic today so hope the weather holds out a little. Was hoping for a game of rounders as well if the kids are up for it.
I will not drink today.

He's master of the side-eye @Lavrander and high wizard of the well-timed withering glance. It's because I took the chair remote control away from him, hehe... Off half-way up the country in a minute to collect M from DB's care. Sid loves a service station.

Cooler here also (thank goodness). I have diligently watered my M's garden so, naturally it is going to absolutely wee down today. 🙄 But her geraniums, dahlias and sunflowers (and Sid's tomato seedlings) are still alive and look good, which is all I ask. I am a mediocre gardener at best. I can kill a plastic cactus at 50 paces.

Sorry I haven't posted much this week. But it's great to see the thread crackling and fizzing with newer posters and returners, @Lavrander , @ShyMaryEllen , @ADHDQueen , @March2027 - ALL of you. It does the soul good to hear from you, each and every one.

Strength and courage. It will be alright. xx

Hello ladies. Late to the bridge but an early start to a hospitality event. Free champagne from 11am and an open bar - in the old days my brain would have checked out by now. Today I’m safe, sober and fully present - it’s magic.

Hope everyone else is doing OK

OMG you’re up to 7 pages already!? I don’t think I commented on this new thread so haven’t been receiving updates. I will go through the thread in detail later on.

i have moved! What a hellish experience that was. We have so much stuff we don’t need. Just got wifi today. Aching hauling boxes about. If I ever move again, I’m paying someone to do it all!! My step count was through the roof and all without going outside.

Anyway, I hit the 6 month mark today. I defo feel significantly better now. My sleep is not brilliant but everything else is great.
moving was the epic hurdle I expected it to be but I never felt like I needed a drink once. The DH bought wine in for first visitors. He didn’t have any himself (he stopped for the first couple of months with me but drinks now again). It just seemed odd - drinking for the sake of it in the middle of the afternoon, one of them driving - just why? That’s what I really wanted away from and I’m glad I’ve done it.

I hope everyone else is well and @mermadeincornwall ’s affirmations are still doing their job. Ola to Sid 👋🏼 🐾

Joining in on day16 for me, I’ve tried moderating but I just can’t and I want/need to stop. The thing I’m finding the hardest or most annoying is everyone else seems more bothered about me not drinking than I am!, dh is fine with it and been very supportive but other family members/friends are just hard work and they want full explanations as to why I’m not drinking and when will I next have one. And keep offering me drinks when they know I’m not drinking 🤦🏼‍♀️.

Hello ladies and congratulations @SmellyMe on your six months. And sympathy about the move; moving is utterly exhausting.

I did day one again today 😳Managed two days of sobriety and then felt so panicked about finishing my overdue piece of written work that I drank in order to finish it. I submitted it yesterday. I've also had my boss emailing and ringing me this week asking me to come into work and help with various things (eg uni open days) but I said no. There's a rota and it's not officially my turn. I've helped out loads of times when it's not my turn, but I've got to stop saying yes to so many things. I take on more than I can manage and then I drink to cope, which is no one's fault but mine I know.

So now I'm trying again. I have no big pressures for the rest of the summer, so my plan is to prioritise sobriety over everything else. In retrospect it was probably unrealistic of me to try to get sober just before a big writing deadline (but the alcohol was making me feel so sick that I couldn't write either, what a mess). Now I'm thinking I have to stay sober for awhile first, and then when I'm in a better place mentally I can start to find strategies for managing work stress and writing sober.

Anyway that's where I am today. I hope everyone else is all right!

@SmellyMe Congratulations on the 6 months and the move! Yes - it's weird how drinking seems so firmly embedded in so many of life's moments. Weddings, winnings, social occasions, funerals, launching ships... It's hard to imagine things like dinner parties, Christmas or barbecues without booze. When I think of afternoon drinking now, I remember the horrible lethargy and how I'd waste the rest of the day, and I wonder why I ever did it.
@Custardandcreams it's difficult when friends keep offering drinks but they'll get bored of it eventually. Just stick to your guns.
@elusivehope Good luck this time!

Morning all.
Not raining here but it looks a bit overcast.
Mr Tiggle is in love with our new bedspread so he's sleeping at my feet which causes issues.

Tis the DS birthday today. I'm off out to get the rack of lamb which is his favourite. Have a good day everyone.

Morning all.
Congratulations on 6 months @SmellyMe !!!👏👏👏 And on the move. Hopefully the sleep will settle down soon

Welcome @Custardandcreams , and well done on getting to day 16. Sorry friends are being a pain - sometimes people feel threatened by our sobriety as it holds a mirror up to their drinking.

Welcome back @elusivehope - saying no to more commitments sounds like a good start

Happy birthday to DS @WendyWagon !

Morning all!
congratulations on the move @SmellyMe. My last move I paid someone to pack and move and it was worth it. Actually sat and watched a film while they did which felt so lazy but like you after the time before I never wanted to do it myself again.
Hi @Custardandcreams- hopefully the annoying conversations will help you dig in a bit more. As already said I do think it holds a mirror up. It just shows how habitual it is - your behaviour is breaking their habit too in a way. Their brains will be relying on you to keep their own pattern continuing.
@elusivehopebe proud of yourself that you reset to day one. You can do this.

I'm struggling a bit myself today as I'm at the stage where my body and brain are feeling really good so the feeling bad is becoming too much of a faded memory despite it only being a week sober for me. It helps messaging here as my little daily commitment. Also just had a huge rain shower and so I'm taking that as a sign of new beginnings.

We've got this 😊

Feeling optimistic today. DH lost his temper with me last night (also a drinking trigger for me) but I just went to bed and refused to engage. Then this morning he actually apologised, which was good.

Coincidentally the topic we were debating at the time was about DS1 finding a summer job. He is 20 now and desperately needs some work experience, but without work experience, it's very very difficult to find a job. Sigh. A lot of his friends are doing restaurant/kitchen work, but he's really not keen on that. DH is now thinking maybe he should just wait and try to get a part-time term-time job at his uni when he goes back in September, as he may have a better chance there. Maybe this is right, but he's only been home for a few days, so it seems a bit early to me to give up the job hunt altogether... anyway I thought of your DD, Wendy. On a more cheerful note, happy birthday to your DS!

@Lavrander wishing you serenity and strength to keep carrying on! I totally identify with what you say the temptation to drink coinciding with your feeling better. A week has always been a bit of a danger point for me too (in my numerous past attempts to become permanently sober, sigh). But a week is also a great accomplishment because the first days are so hard.

I'm hoping that posting here will keep me accountable this summer.

@elusivehope are you an academic? The 24 hour working culture mixed with drink must make it a horrible cycle for you. The tiredness, the stress, the expectation that you do a bit more here and a bit more there, join this committee, run this event, the research, the writing, the teaching the admin. It’s a lot.

many of us on this thread had many attempts before managing to quit. I personally didn’t have more than one (so far). However, I felt like I wanted to stop for years beforehand but just couldn’t get in the right frame of mind. I felt like I was abusing my body and couldn’t do anything about it. Drink made me have poor sleep so I was irritable with the DCs, overwhelmed by life and felt I needed drink to calm me down and soothe the exhaustion. Then the pattern would be the same the next day.

it doesn’t call to me anymore. Before I felt like I needed it all the time. Like @Onewildandpreciouslife said earlier about picking a cafe based on it having licence… my thoughts were dominated by it. I planned a lot of my life around opportunities to drink.

The summer is a good opportunity for you to try and break the cycle. Don’t be too down on yourself. You want it to happen and it will.

I agree with previous posters - I never realized how much my life revolved around alcohol until now. If friends suggested meeting up, I'd be really disappointed if they picked somewhere that didn't serve alcohol. I'd never choose a soft drink if alcohol was on offer. I'd make all sorts of excuses to myself to nip to the supermarket (need bread, eggs, washing-up liquid, beans...) if there was no wine in the house. Life is much simpler and more free when I don't have to take alcohol into account.

Morning all
safe and sober. X

Morning all.
Youngest child off on a 2 day school trip this morning- I only have another year of him at home. Letting go is hard!