Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

Keep going @elusivehope !

My worry for us all is that we use a blip as a reason for despair, and to give up trying.

We need to give ourselves the grace and forgiveness we'd give to others. We're still ahead of where we were, in the before times.

I noticed the autumnal nip as I was picking my tomatoes this morning @REP22 I love autumn and will be glad when my lawn starts showing a few green blades again.

I don't wish these blips on anyone but I do just want to say thank you for showing that you can just come back. I think it's quite natural to think you'd quietly just leave the thread forever but it's been inspiring to see the dusting off that happens and the will to keep going. It makes me sure I'll do the same.
Well done @elusivehopefor keeping on. As Annie Grace says mark it as a 'data point' and move on.

@LakeviewhouseI hope you're feeling okay about your social event tomorrow. I'm in the camp of needing to continue as is because I need to experiencing the art of not missing out due to not drinking. It's helpful to have a plan with what you'll buy or drink as soon as you get there. Most places have AF gin so go straight in for that and then that will stop you mulling (and prevents your pleading alcohol brain from getting in there first). Then you have time to decide what the next AF will be. Going to the bar or answering the host with confidence re what you want is your friend here. So saying something like 'oh I'd love a lime and soda please - I'm parched!'
'no wine for you Lav?'
'No thanks not tonight - how's the dog'?
This has helped me anyway. Especially when I didn't have driving as an excuse.

Lovely words @Lavrander ❤️ Slinking away, never to return is so, so easy. It happens a lot. That's OK, we are all different. But you're right - it's not in the failing. We all fail, every living creature, plant and basic organism fails sometimes. It's how we pick yourselves back up, smooth ourselves down and refuse to be defeated that defines us.

Numpties don't learn from their mistakes. We do. We may (and I certainly) will make many future mistakes, probably of a similar nature. But each mistake is an opportunity for future improvement and learning, and better wisdom to come. A lot of my own self-loathing after a blip comes because I hate myself for my stupidity. But it's not stupid, really. It's just human. We all fall down. Some of us stay down, rolling in the grimy ditch and filth; some of us reach out and pull ourselves free.

If you are looking at your phone, or sitting in front of your screen now - right now, this moment - it's because you have come here wanting to be better, whether in the grip of drink or hangover, seeking your own support and encouragement, or in offering your support and solidarity to others, just checking in, celebrating a milestone, sharing frustrations and fears to those who hear you and get it, just checking in, saying a quick hello today to friends here - however you are here now, reading this sentence, you have come to this place because you have insight, learning and a desire to be the best you that you were always meant to be, whatever has passed before. No-one forced you to seek us out. You did that by yourself and that is mighty. There is nothing artificial about your intelligence.

We are mighty. Not despite our failures - but because of them, how we respond to them and how we keep hoping and striving to be better.

Lord alone knows that my own deep psyche is a pox-addled vipers' nest. But I'm hitching on a smile today and still doing my best. And that's all we can do and therein lies our strength. 💪.

I tried to explain the concept of a vipers' nest to Sid. He listened and pretended to understand. Then I heard him bashing about upstairs. I've just gone to investigate and found his box of lungworm-prevention tablets shoved behind the back of the sock drawer with an old Haribo packet (he hates Haribo) on top of a claw-strewn bundled-up jumble of Dobby socks. Bl~~dy hell. 🙄

Ooh lads I'm in love with the farmhouse.

I haven't spent any
time on Friday night cravings. I'm playing house.
It's got a grape vine which I hope is table grapes!

I've decided to ignore my outrage at the skincare lot and plan my bath and body line I put on hold for this shower. Two can play their game and the decision will be made sober. I won't tell you what the DD called them, it's too rude for delicate ears but she says it with such wit.
Strength to you all.

Very exciting @WendyWagon. Keep us posted.

Bath and body sounds like the cut of my jib. I am a great fan of a scented bath.

I'm going to a family wedding tomorrow. It's all happening in the same venue (ceremony, wedding breakfast, then the evening food and dancing) so there will be a lot of hanging around, and people will be drinking all day. I won't be joining them, although I may raise a glass for the toast. It's going to be a long haul, but I will do it. I don't feel tempted at all, to be honest. I'm not sure what I'll drink instead of booze, but whatever it is will be AF.

Great shot of Sid upthread, @REP22. I love his smiley face.

Good morning shipmates.
Ahoy.
Off out for the dog trim later and to pick up a chandelier. I have a very musculine ceiling light. I hate it.
I'm carefully budgeting the tweaks for the house overhaul before going on the market. I shall be shoving things into the garage! 😁
I do have house fever.
One tea down.

Have a lovely time today @ShyMaryEllen

Hi alls, still here, still sober just busy.

Have had a week off my usual routine owing to weird stomach bug that laid DD and me low (strangely didn't seem to affect DH to DS).

Sorry to hear about the slips @REP22 and @elusivehope but really glad you are back here.

Nothing else to report on my side.

Morning all.
Good to hear from you @EastCoastDamsel - glad all is well, hope you recover soon from the stomach bug.

I’m frustrated by not being able to run and having all my plans thrown up into the air. I am very bad at just “being”, and want to hurry my physical healing (but that is of course counter productive!)

Enjoy your Saturday everyone

Morning All. I'm feeling quite down today. I've got a few niggly ailments and not enough time to myself at the moment. Was looking forward to a solitary day of catching up today but have been invited out to lunch - not something I can turn down - so that's most of my day gone. It's times like these when the prospect of a glass of wine in the evening would cheer me up.

I get really thrown out by new plans when I've had a plan to have a day to myself. Hope you can carve out a bit of time @LillyPJ.
Another 'new' for me is a long bank holiday weekend with no drinking. I can't remember the last time that a bank holiday didn't involve a very big stretch of being drunk. Again I'm feeling like I'm not making the most of it which is just ridiculous really. We'll have a BBQ tomorrow and I'm starting to feel like just replacing alcohol with AF stuff isn't going to cut it. I'm getting bored of just sitting around 'drinking'. I joined a new gym which is a bit of health spa type place so that will be a nice habit to replace the non boozing with I hope.

Thanks so much for the many wise and lovely words everyone. I've been reading and rereading these posts.

@FaithHopeCarnage that's a good point about just taking the time to enjoy nature. I'm in the south of France on the coast, and I swam in the Mediterranean yesterday. The sea is actually quite cold at the moment because of the mistral wind, but I felt so peaceful and invigorated.

@WendyWagon I'm not a huge fan of the heat either, but DH loves it. The first days of this holiday were the hottest and I think that contributed a bit to my bad decision to drink. In fact drinking in the heat just gives me a headache though. The last few days have been a bit cooler (albeit still hot) and it's so much nicer. I don't really understand how French women can walk around in the heat looking glamorous when I'm perpetually sweaty and red-faced, ha.

What you said about drinking because we feel we're somehow 'not enough' as we are really resonates with me. My DH is lovely and I have put him through a lot of shit, but I struggle with the fact that he just seems to cope with life so much better in so many ways. He's a much more successful academic than I am (he's very organised and dedicated when it comes to his work) and I feel like he's a better, more patient parent as well. On this holiday he's constantly playing sport with the boys, listening to music with DS1 (something they're both passionate about) and the three of them are so close, I feel like the odd person out. It doesn't help that he keeps up a near constant stream of banter (he has always done this) that means I'm often the butt of jokes... about how slowly I'm walking, how easily I get grumpy, how much food I buy and eat, etc etc. If I object I'm told I have no sense of humour. I don't want to descend into self-pity, but I talked to him about this a bit and told him he needs to model more respectful behaviour toward me, not least for the sake of the DC, because what is he teaching them about how men should treat women? Anyway he has agreed to lay off the banter. I want to just be happy about the fact he has such a close bond with our DC, without feeling like I'm somehow an inadequate parent myself. It's not a competition dammit. Anyway we went for a walk yesterday on our own without the boys (a rare event) and that was good.

@Lavrander and @REP22, your words about how the important thing is to keep on trying are so inspiring, I feel like I should print them out and carry them round with me or something! Thank you.

I must say that it has been loads easier for me to resume not drinking after this relapse, due to having just had 40-ish days of sobriety. I've had none of the lingering nausea, headache and fatigue that I had the last time I quit. Some psychological cravings, yes, but not the physical withdrawal symptoms. So that's a great thing!

Sending sympathy to everyone who is struggling. @Lakeviewhouse hang in there! Sorry to hear about your stomach bug @EastCoastDamsel . @Onewildandpreciouslife it's so frustrating when you want/need to exercise for your mental health and you can't! And @LillyPJ I hope you enjoyed the lunch! A last-minute lunch invite is exactly the kind of thing that would stress me out, ha. I love waking up on a weekend and having no social plans (!).

Off to make some more coffee with the brilliant French coffee machine in our holiday flat.

Just saw your message about the bank holiday weekend @lavrander. Bon courage! The gym/health spa idea sounds great.

I'm really hoping to start jogging regularly again when I get back home after this holiday. I'm fed up with how heavy and sluggish my body feels much of the time.

I hope it’s ok to join you all? I have hit absolute rock bottom and today needs to be day 1. I am desperately trying to keep positive. I have had recent eye operations and can’t see very well and quite painful. Meanwhile I feel so bad. I’d like to check in each day and hopefully say that I’ve resisted any wine.

Hello @Theweecatsmum It's great to have you here! It sounds like you're going through a tough time so I hope you find the support on here helpful - I certainly have. It's really hard to stay positive sometimes but even just writing down how you feel can help to stave off the worst of it. Good luck for your Day 1.

Welcome @Theweecatsmum - it sounds like you’ve got a lot going on at the moment. It’s hard facing these things without alcohol, but ultimately much, much better. Check in as little or as much as you need.

Happy bank holiday to all! Although as I’m “retired” every weekend is a bank holiday - without the Tuesday hangover, yay. I’m feeling particularly energised and positive, mainly due to sugar overload. I’m hoping to time the crash neatly to bedtime, we’ll see how that goes. Sugar is provided via the giant trifle I made. I’m utterly unable to moderate the size of things I cook - still appear to be catering for 12, even though it’s just me. I was also hampered by not having a glamorous and sophisticated trifle bowl, so made do with a glass mixing bowl and felt somewhat compelled to fill it. Reader, it weighs 2.5kg 🤣🤣🤣 Anyway, it’s making me happy. If anyone wants to help me out, do pop round!
(salt added for scale, not to trifle)

oooh @FaithHopeCarnagebrings spoon . Trifle is my favourite dessert. I'd be eating that straight out of the bowl.

Welcome @Theweecatsmum. Post every day if you need. I certainly do. It genuinely helps. Even if it just general musings. I'm sorry you're feeling bad. It will be alright x

Welcome @Theweecatsmum, posting here is a great way to get a handhold (or multiple handholds) when you're giving up the poison. I'm sorry about the eye troubles and I hope those will improve.

@FaithHopeCarnage that trifle is the stuff of legend! It looks superb.

I have a sweet tooth (especially in the absence of wine) and I've been bringing new sweet things back from the French supermarket every day. Today it was something called Gateau Saint Genix, which is basically a giant brioche with pink pralines (pink candied almonds) running all through it. I hope the DC finish it off quickly because I've already eaten about half of it on my own. It's like panettone only yummier. Sample image stolen from the internet...

Obviously this is all part of my very serious, highbrow exploration of French culture.

Hi all
I'm day 6 today and why do I feel so down in the dumps?
I went to the party yesterday and stayed an hour. Told everyone I had a tummy bug and left. Id say they were all glad to see me go!
I felt brilliant this morning when I woke up, no hangover, headache, sickness, guilt etc.
Got up, hung out a wash and then this darkness has come. It's like I feel I've missed out on my weekend. No party, no drinking, no fun. And tomorrow is Monday and I've to do it all again. If I was hungover I wouldn't feel this shit.
I'm going out for a walk now to try and get the endorphins going.
Overall I'm glad I didn't drink.

@Lakeviewhouse well done on getting to day 6 I have no advice as I’m only on day 2. Definitely getting out in the light for a walk should help though.
I feel great to get to day 2 and my first goal is day 10. I feel much better this morning than yesterday in spite of nothing changing apart from no wine. Eyes are still sore and worrying and i have all the same problems. I am focusing on the positive things like my lovely DC and GDC. I partially retire in a week and i want my eyes to be recovered by then. I think no wine will help them. Good luck everyone today 😊

Morning all.
I’m sorry you’re feeling glum @Lakeviewhouse . You are making a big change, and that’s hard. You should be so proud of yourself getting through the party sober (even if it did feel like a grind).

There is a great quote in Alcohol Explained by William Porter: Alcohol doesn’t make boring things interesting: it makes our brains stupid.

Some things just are dull. But if you are sober, piece by piece you can start to build a life that is genuine. I hope you feel better after your walk. Can you plan a nice treat for this evening?

Alcohol doesn’t make boring things interesting: it makes our brains stupid.

Thanks for that post @Onewildandpreciouslife. I quit 6 weeks ago and yesterday I really struggled to fill that void. The weekends were my binge time and if I wasn’t drinking, I was too hungover to care. Suddenly I have to fill this time and deal with uncomfortable issues that I used the alcohol to blot out, but I got through and as ever, so pleased to wake up clear headed this morning!

I think @sundaymunch that's exactly my problem. I have to deal with uncomfortable feelings that I'd normally block out with a drink or a hangover. It's 11.30 and I'm up with most of my chores done and a long day ahead. Usually I wouldn't get up until after this time and not become functional until much later and then the day would be over.
Sunday is a big problematic day for me emotionally and that's what I must work on. I'm finding today really uncomfortable.
This might sound daft but as a young teen I used to have to leave my mum, Dad and siblings and go to boarding school on a Sunday. That's the dread feeling I have in my stomach today.
Sorry for the rambling. I need to get busy and keep busy.