Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

Checking in.

I’ve been quiet but continuing to read how you are all getting on, thanks for sharing all of your ups and downs. Sending strength to all, you are all brave and amazing.

I’m at two and a half weeks now and I have moments where I’m pleased, but I’m also struggling to process a lot of the stuff I’ve been drinking to avoid. And there’s plenty of that. Trying to continue to go a day at a time and just keep myself busy, or in bed, in the evenings at the moment!

I’ve tried a few podcasts and audiobooks I’ve seen recommended on here in the past but none of really stuck for me. I have however been enjoying Bat Country on YouTube, the tales of his withdrawal have certainly put me off! He’s also got a nice open calm speaking voice that helps me feel sleepy 🤣

Keep going all!

Day 2. I survived yesterday evening. Took yer advice and kept busy. Was so tired from the previous night I fell into bed (sober) at 11 and had the best night sleep. I'll be OK now until Saturday night. Have to attend a party. Hate social events. Find them so boring talking to people I don't really know or like. If I don't make an effort ill be ruining the party. How do you all cope in these situations.

Well, I'm on Sertraline and very occasionally take a beta-blocker before something very anxiety-provoking... which I guess isn't what you meant!

I've got better at asking people questions about them, which I keep forgetting to do (anxiety...) and also leaving gracefully when I've just had enough.

I have the personality and temperament I have, and just have to work with them, and make changes where I can. I've made so many mistakes and feel a lot of sadness and shame over the time I've wasted, and friendships I've damaged. But radical acceptance is part of the answer. Other people do love me, so maybe there is something to like, even if I'm socially-awkward.

Sorry, I have no idea if this is oversharing or whether it helps at all!

Top stuff @whichdayisit and @Lakeviewhouse - takes real courage and determination. You're doing amazing. Keep going. Not heard of Bat Country, but will give that a listen. I found a lot of Catherine Gray's tales of post-drinking consequences in her wonderful book "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" to be grim but necessary and helpful reading; tales of lost dogs she'd been pet-sitting, awaking in strange and unsafe situations, lost keys and handbags, and coming around in a Police cell with only a tiny child's pink sparkly toy hairbrush in her recorded possessions in custody, among others. Sobering in more ways than one. x

It's all helpful @taylorean - all of it. We're all here in the same garden, but there are many, many different gates and paths leading into it. ❤️x

Well done on getting your first night done @Lakeviewhouse - it’s tough.

The first question I would ask about the party is - do you really have to go? In these early days, protecting your sobriety is your top priority.

If you don’t think you can get out of it, then plan very carefully. Decide what you’re going to drink, and take a supply with you. Have a plan for what you will say when offered a drink - some people like to fall back on the antibiotics excuse, or drive, or you might want to say you’re taking a break from alcohol. And have an exit plan- you may find you feel very tired very early (you won’t have the adrenaline and cortisol shots from alcohol to artificially boost your energy) so have a way of making a quiet exit when you need to.

The good news is that although you may feel uncomfortable for the first 10 minutes, after that you may find you enjoy yourself more. You can engage more closely with people, and you don’t need to constantly watch yourself (have I drunk too much? Am I too loud?)

Well done for getting through the day! Every little win is important. As to social events - I avoid as many as I can if I know I won't enjoy them but I sometimes feel obliged to go in order to avoid becoming a recluse. A group I meet up with regularly for a hobby sometimes organize a champagne breakfast if a special birthday is coming up. I went to the first one and didn't enjoy it at all, not just because the AF alternative was vile. I didn't like most of the food either, it was expensive and, apart from the hobby, I've not got much in common with the other women so I politely refuse now. Plus, I love my solitary Marmite-on-toast and Greek-yogurt-and-fruit breakfasts! When I do attend social events, I always plan what I'm going to drink. At first, I'd say I was avoiding alcohol for a few days and giving my liver a rest. I rarely need to explain now. I make an effort to join in conversations but it can be hard work. I find being with lots of other people is exhausting and can make me quite tearful. I now admit that I'm a lark and need to go to bed early.

Hello @Lakeviewhouse I hope day 2 is going smoothly. I’m rather in the camp of @Onewildandpreciouslife and ask if you really have to go? Sometimes, especially in early days, I’ve had to question who I prioritise - friends/random unknowns or myself. And as addiction is a selfish disease, so recovery has to be selfish. I’m not implying you’re an addict btw, only you know that! And leaving booze out of the equation altogether, why should you go somewhere that you don’t want to or won’t enjoy. But I’m practically a recluse, so probably best not listen to me. If however I do find myself in the unfortunate position of having a social event, I always have an escape plan. I work out in advance what the minimum ‘polite’ time to stay will be - sometimes literally only 30 minutes, sometimes an hour or a set time, eg 9pm - and then I can leave without guilt. Or I find that I’m actually enjoying myself and stay till whatever o’clock. I also don’t get involved in making the journey home any kind of joint enterprise. I don’t want to sit there having an awful time, having to wait for other people to finish their 18th glass of wine. Unfortunately I seemed to have no idea of this when the boot was on the other foot! I need to be able to leave when I want or need to. It’s not even the lack of alcohol right then, it’s the sitting there wanting it, planting that seed, that will result in me giving in/relapsing in the forthcoming days. Been there, done that too many times to count.

tldr: don’t go; if you have to go, leave early. Or go and have a fabulous time! Most people are not as curmudgeonly as me 😁

Morning all.
I’ve got a couple of days of travel ahead of me, which I’m finding more stressful than I usually would. My brain doesn’t seem to want to focus on the task in hand but is running off all over the shop. Time to reach for my favourite Brad Stulberg mantra “this is what is happening right now; I’m doing the best that I can”

Ahoy shipmates.

Very excited to be off to look at a thatched farmhouse tomorrow. Probate sale. Lots of DIY going on here. The DS made me laugh, he was out buying clearance tiles. He hated them and came back and ordered the posh ones. Apparently people have no taste so by association I must have!

I do love a thatch and a farmhouse. Aga too.
The downside is we would be surrounded by a planned expansion. It will keep the London johnies away. We'll see.

My dear friend in Germany is paying me to go on a sales road trip in October. I got the offer of being squired in a DB9 but I think too low. They'd have to hoist me out. Let's hope I don't get called for my op the same week. I apologised that I may still be on a stick and my friend said even if you're in a wheelchair we need you. Made me cry! Not everyone is sh*ts.

For those worried about events I hid for a year. I had to. Sobriety was so important to me. I was very ill and very alcohol dependant. I'm not an evening person so it's not a problem anymore but if I do go out I drive. Coppers daughter so I carry the family shame gene.
I once took four tins of faux gin and tonic to a posh party. Lots of interest from others re what they taste like.

I m off out picking up a few bits.
Have a good my friends.

@Lakeviewhouse good luck with your event whatever you decide to do. The unexpected joy of being sober book says that you are more likely to stay sober if you say you are not drinking tonight then if you say you cannot.

lots going on for everyone. Have been catching up after being away at a festival with no signal. Day 15!

my eyes are brighter somehow but still can only think one day at a time otherwise it’s overwhelming. No weight has been lost but my face is less puffy.

@WendyWagon am envious of your country idyll!

Pleased to report last night's dinner went well, although only one guest had any alcohol (bottle of beer) and I've now acquired another two bottles of wine to add to the collection. Re eyes @BatFeminist , mine are definitely whiter and brighter than they were- perhaps as much to do with better sleep as with not drinking. I wish I could say I looked 10 years younger but that would be an enormous lie, unfortunately. Still, I feel better and more clear-headed and I've not got the constant nagging thoughts about all the harm alcohol could be doing to me. It was exhausting trying to ignore them.

Brilliant @LillyPJ - so glad it went well. xx

I can promise that the more events you go to and don’t drink, the easier they become. One thing I got right (for me) was to carry on going out right from the start. Possibly unusually on here I am a party animal and needed to be able to socialise if sobriety was ever going to work. I somehow convinced myself that lime and soda was delicious and took it from there. It’s so important to know our individual triggers and play to our strengths.

Hello all, I'm not sure what to say exactly but I got very stressed and drank again for a few days 😥😥😥

I'm at the end of day 2 again now and having another go.

I've just read through the last few days of posts and reading what @REP22 wrote and all the responses to her helped me a lot, even though they weren't addressed to me. REP22 it's great that you are back!

I can't believe how quickly things went downhill again when I started drinking. I tried to hide it but because I was drunk I misplaced a bottle and of course DH found it straight away. I got very stressed and defensive and was back on bad terms with DH and DS1 almost immediately. I also went from feeling reasonably happy with myself to feeling utterly shite about myself. That I think is the worst part of my drinking. All the self-loathing comes back almost instantaneously, and as a result I'm not very kind to the people around me either.

I feel a bit better now that I've been off the wine yesterday and today.

I'm not entirely sure what triggered things, but I get very stressed before we leave to go on holidays. I don't like change very much, even good changes. I'd also had an emotional week seeing my relative from the US, and also trying to get the house ready to host a friend who was coming to visit from NYC (like others here, I'm an anxious host!). Then she cancelled at the last minute due to getting Covid, and we had a very intense two-hour facetime conversation instead. For some reason communicating with loved ones from the US is almost always difficult for me, even though part of me needs and wants to do it. I start to feel guilty about how long it's been since I've been to visit my mum in the US (who has dementia) and the painful feelings are hard to cope with.

Obviously none of this constitutes a good reason for picking up a drink.

We're now a few days into our holiday in a beautiful place. I feel like I've messed up the start of the holiday really badly, but we're here for another week, and if I don't drink for the remainder of the time here, I will hopefully feel calmer and more relaxed every day.

I'm very glad this thread is here. Sorry everyone and thank you 🙏And welcome @Lakeviewhouse !

No need to apologize, @elusivehope I think we all know how stress is a huge trigger and,as you say, a change for the good is also stressful. I'm glad you're back here and have already achieved two days. That's a really good sign. Hope the rest of your holiday goes well and is relaxing and restorative.

Hi all. Day 3 and I'm struggling. Just one teeny tiny drink. Pleeeeàse. I know, I know.
My daughter needs me more than I need a drink. 1st day back to school tomorrow and her anxiety is up the wall. I have to do it for her.
My brain is going round in circles the last hour.
I think I'll go to bed with a cup of hot milk. This is hard.

Yes, it's hard but you've done another day. Well done! One day at a time. The temptation will get weaker and not happen so often. You just have to distract yourself when it happens so hot milk and bed is an excellent idea. Then you can feel proud of yourself in the morning. And one more day means you'll be more than halfway through a week already! Hope you have a good night's sleep.

Hey, off to bed with the hot milk! If sleeping is difficult at the moment, could you try listening to something in the background to drown out your own head-noise? Some people here like sleep meditations, I listen to the radio - even though I’m good at sleeping (!) it just stops me thinking. A wise woman once told me “never think in bed” and she was so right! Sleep is often disturbed for a while after stopping drinking, but hang on in there as it really does get better.

I hope the first day back goes well for your daughter. And you 😉

Hang in there @Lakeviewhouse - hot milk and bed sounds a great idea. You are in the hardest part now - it WILL get easier, and you CAN do this. You will be so pleased with yourself, and much better placed to help your daughter if you can hold on.

Welcome back @elusivehope - well done for stopping the spiral and starting again

Never apologise, never explain @elusivehope! Being on holiday somewhere beautiful is a great opportunity to really relax, get out into nature and really appreciate what’s around you. I hope you have a very lovely time. Weirdly, holidays were about the only time I didn’t drink - or hardly drank - when I was caning it at just about every other opportunity. Until the time came that I couldn’t even contemplate going on holiday. Bad times. I hope you find peace and happiness for the rest of your break.

I've had my hot milk and I'm in bed.
Good night and thank you all. Tomorrow will be day 4 😊

Morning all.

Well done to all those who climbed back on board. We are but a work in progress.
We share a common goal but our journies are different.
Stress for me plays a big part, social anxiety too.
As a life long validation seeker alcohol took away the feelings of not being enough. One of the lessons I learnt was you are enough.
I hate the heat so don't go away until November each year. It's not so busy either. I've grown less tolerant of crowds.

Do what you have to do to keep off the booze. Posh fruit, mangos, cherries, apricots will give you that sweet sour hit. Ch
eaper than wine too.

I went out yesterday, early evening, and there was a cocktail menu.

There was a no-and-low alcohol section... I was really tempted by the low alcohol one, which looked lovely, kidding myself that it was probably only like 1%. But after a struggle decided to stick with the Nogroni.

Thinking back to it, I'm annoyed, because it just wasn't clear, and the low-and-no choices were bundled together. But if it were 4%, that's quite a lot! It should be like allergens where they're required to be transparent.

Hello @elusivehope - welcome back. The sisterhood is powerful when it comes to falls from grace and climbing back up out of it. Massive kudos from me to you for owning it and trying to pull free. Glad you are here walking beside me in this and I'm glad that what's been said here is as helpful and bolstering for you as it is to me. I would struggle to keep going without this thread and every single poster. It will be OK. We can do it - we're doing it now, look. 🙂xx

You too, @Lakeviewhouse - you're doing so well. I mainlined the milk when I was giving up the rotstuff. Chocolate milkshake or warm straight stuff. It genuinely helps.

Still sober here. Not finding it easy at nights, but so, so thankful for the sober mornings and the clarity they bring. Anyone else noticing a bit of an early autumnal nip in the air in the mornings? It reminds me that I like this time of year.

Strength and courage brave shipmates. We're going to be alright, we are. xx