Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

Into day 6 today and so excited to have nearly reached a full week!
After a long while of thinking about it, I’ve booked some counselling sessions. I’m hoping it will help with the AF process, but also general anxiety and various other issues that have been skulking around for a while. I think a lot of things have been exacerbated by menopause, but the anxiety has been there since I was a child (probably forever).

Funny to hear of all the vivid dreams! Nice to know it’s a common thing 😆

Morning all.
Hello to @mermadeincornwall

Very excited today to be seeing the town house and the BFF has left the fascist so is viewing a rental near by.
I met the BFF the year after I got married so I've known her since 1989.

Normally I wouldn't want to live that close but we're going to share a cleaner if it all suits. We do our own gardening but m'lady friend likes staff!

I might buy myself a Jane Austin book for my 60th at Christmas or some David Nieper pyjamas with matching robe.

The DS put his offer in on the house last night so fingers crossed.

Well done @TheSoberNoodle

I was dangerously close to stopping off at the shop today. The sun was shining and my toddler was tantrumming in the back of the car and it was witching hour (6pm!) but actually recognised “I am stressed at the moment but this feeling will pass when everybody is ready for bed.” And actually, the moment passed once everybody was out of the car! It’s quite amazing how wine can try to convince you you need it for all sorts of random reasons 🤣

Hope everybody else is having a good Monday!

@whichdayisit well done for resisting! i went to beach today and had strongest urge so far to buy wine on the way home. Not sure if it was the sunshine or the fact I wanted to avoid packing for upcoming trip. Either way it passed and I’m glad I didn’t give in either. Will be day 7 tomorrow.

I am SO bloated! Not sure if it’s a symptom of not drinking or something I’ve eaten. I had a belly on me before but it’s getting ridiculous. Was really hoping a side effect would be losing a few pounds but I might need to look at my diet too. Weight just creeps up and I can’t put anymore on!

Ahoy shipmates.
Up early due to the heat, I can't bear it.

I really like the town house but the floors need leveling downstairs. So many levels and madam here will go arse over t*t.
Lovely garden with figs and raspberries. I'm doing a costing.

I had fabulous fish and chips yesterday but ate too much. I'll be on the fruit today. My reduced weight is wasted on me at my age. I was so desperate to lose weight in my forties but I couldn't keep it off. I just don't have the appetite. God knows why that is.

Morning all.
Have had a very odd 48 hours. Veterans may remember I had cancer a few years ago, and have been regularly monitored since. Just before I went on holiday I found a lump and made an appointment with my consultant for the Monday I was back. Ended up having an MRI and minor surgery to remove the lump yesterday (although the urgency may have more to do with his holiday plans than anything else).

So all a bit shocking and unsettling- based on the MRI he didn’t think it was likely to be a recurrence but we’ll see when the results come back.

From a sober sisters’ perspective, the most amusing thing was upsetting the anaesthetist’s usual pre op patter by answering “coffee” when he asked me what my favourite drink was.

Well done to everyone swerving temptation, and those hitting their first week sober 👏

Wow @Onewildandpreciouslife thank God the NHS can work quickly.

I don't think the medics can quite get their head around non drinkers.
I will be keeping you in my thoughts. ❤️

@Onewildandpreciouslife I'm glad you got seen to quickly and hope all goes well - sounds like it will be ok. I'm looking forward to the next time I'm at the doctor's and am asked how much I drink. For the first time I can remember, I won't have to do a quick calculation to work out what's a reasonable compromise between the recommended limit and the truth!

@Onewildandpreciouslife hope all remains well now the lump has gone.

Well good morning. Today is day 7 (we’re smashing it @BatFeminist!). I too am heavier than I ever have been and one week in, am going to start really trying to focus on food and exercise to help with the process. I’m permanently exhausted and almost never wake up feeling refreshed, no matter how much sleep I have.

Does anyone on here journal? I’m thinking about starting - I think it would help order my thoughts (I have a VERY busy mind and suspect there’s an element of ADHD there). How do you do it? I think mine would be just a big mind blurt onto paper!

Well done for reaching Day 7! I've tried journalling in the past and found it very cathartic. I found it best to keep the journal by my bed and every morning I'd do a splurge on the page - just write and don't stop to think. At night, I'd write about the day and my thoughts. I didn't make myself do it every time but I often wanted to. It's very interesting to look back and see what's changed - and what hasn't!

Ahoy @mermadeincornwall, it’s lovely to see you back! I’ve never found your mantras triggering or depressing in the slightest - the very opposite in fact. I’m a huge believer in positive affirmations. I used to be a bit sneery about positive messaging in general, but my time in rehab (the last time, not the times before!) has really made me completely pivot on that.

Im glad the doctors got into gear swiftly @Onewildandpreciouslife, fingers crossed for the test results.

@TheSoberNoodle for me journaling works best as a big mind blurt onto paper! Otherwise I end up treating it as an academic exercise and become more concerned about grammar, syntax and forming a cohesive argument than I am about getting my feelings out. It’s quite cathartic in that sense, but also useful if I read it back and see where the sense or otherwise lies. Usually otherwise 😂

Returning after a week away.

@Onewildandpreciouslife - that must be hugely unsettling. Do you have a timeframe for the results?

I just took myself for a week to be sad really. Grief is an odd thing. Split a bottle of wine with my mutual friend last week while we reminisced about our friend.

Could so easily have drunk so much more that evening but didn't and am now back to a 7-day run again.

Work is manic at the moment so I don't have time to catch up on all the pages I've missed. I am thinking of everyone though and hoping journeys are going as smoothly as they possibly can.

Brilliant! I’ve just bought a nice notebook and pen to get started 🥰

When I first stopped I used to draw three tarot cards each day and use them to get insights into my feelings at the time. I was very interested in healing and health, for obvious reasons, and looked for messages in them to reassure me about it, but also for answers to other questions about my life at the time. I do read the cards anyway - not as divination as such, more as prompts for ways to focus on situations from different perspectives - but if you get ones with detailed illustrations you don't need to have a real understanding of spreads etc. I wrote my thoughts down for a while, and found the book the other day. I might go back to doing it again.

Very pleased to see @mermadeincornwall back! And I loved the daily messages! Thank you for giving me a daily lift during a trying few months :-)

I had a bad surprise tonight. DS2 came home drunk at dinner time 😥😥
He's only 14 and to my knowledge he's never drunk before. He's not 'falling off his feet' drunk, but he was very flushed and reeked of alcohol. He went to bed almost straightaway. DH and I are going to let him sleep it off and then talk to him tomorrow when he's sobered up. He's a good kid and most of his mates seem lovely, but he's been hanging out with some kids I don't know recently. I felt utterly sick and upset when I first saw him (didn't show it, I was very gentle with him). I'm feeling better now after speaking to DH and also to DS2's best friend's mum (who is a close friend of mine). Best friend apparently was not with DS2 when he got drunk, but saw him afterward and said DS2 was not feeling well and told friend he regretted drinking. Best friend thinks it's the first time DS2 has tried alcohol.

I know it's fairly normal for kids to start experimenting with drink and drugs around this age, but 14 is too young FFS. Our talk to him tomorrow is going to be all about trust, honesty and freedom. We've given him lots of freedom because we trust him.

He also came home wet, so he'd been in the lake, which also makes my heart stop. Swimming and alcohol are a terrible combination. Young people in my city have died by jumping into local lakes and rivers when drunk.

Anyway I'm very grateful to be sober myself right now and therefore in a better position to help DS.

@Onewildandpreciouslife sending much love to you. That is so unexpected! What a relief that your doctor was able to perform the surgery so quickly. I'm crossing all my fingers for you that the outcome is indeed positive 💐

Thanks for the kind words about my mum @Lavrander ! And @LillyPJ your story about birthday bins did make me laugh. Your partner is lucky you don't hold a grudge!

Best of luck with the counselling @TheSoberNoodle . I've never really done journalling, but I try to do a daily gratitude list of 10 things I'm grateful for, which often does turn out to be a kind of mini-record of the day (for instance, I might say I'm grateful for meditation because X shite event occurred, ha). In practice I only do the list every other day or so, but it still helps.

And well done to everyone who has managed to resist the wine witch, especially in this heat. (Though maybe some of you are in cooler climes.)

@mermadeincornwall I thought your daily affirmations were great. And sad posts are fine too in my opinion. Everyone needs a safe space to vent. One of the things I liked about going to AA meetings is that you could actually say shocking things out loud (like 'I'm having a lot of suicidal ideation at the moment') and everyone would just nod and be sympathetic. In other words, things that you wouldn't say to your work colleagues or to the other mums at the school gate or perhaps even to your partner. You didn't have to pretend that you were feeling fine when you weren't. Sometimes just voicing negative feelings and feeling listened to is therapeutic in itself.

@elusivehope It sounds like you did the right thing with DS - gentle tonight and talking tomorrow. As you say, lots of kids experiment - but most of them don't carry on. My DSs both got blind drunk when they were in their teens. One had to sleep on the kitchen floor (with a bucket) because we couldn't get him up the stairs. The other one fell asleep in the bathroom after being sick in the sink during the night and we had to break down the locked bathroom door. Happy days! Neither of them are at all bothered about alcohol now. I think times have changed and many young folk don't drink. Vaping, on the other hand...

Re the bin incident - I don't hold a grudge but I do bring the subject up whenever it's to my advantage!

Thanks so much for the comforting words @LillyPJ . Seeing him come home in that state has really thrown me for a loop (to use an American expression). I'm very much hoping that this is a one off and that the experience will be a deterrent to him! His older brother was very cautious as a teenager, so this is definitely new parenting territory for us.

Had a social media break whilst on holiday so haven’t caught up but hope all are ok

Good morning shipmates.

I shall be up and out this morning.
I need a few bits. Paint buying.

I've worked out how to update the townhouse and the DH will view Monday.

Sadly the DS hasn't had his offer accepted on the chosen abode. I hope he's pragmatic about it when he comes home tonight. It's not sold in six months and he was very close to the guide.
Nutters because it would normally be an auction lot. I do need him settled before we move again.

Neither of my adult DC drink. The DS is the booze police (he was really effected by my drinking as a child and calls me a recovering alcoholic) and the medic DD thinks it's an unregulated drug so absolutely nowt for her.
The DS got drunk a few years back and had an interesting conversation with his dad at 11/12 at night. It was very funny.
Neither were teenage drinkers although I started at 14. i stopped many times and it didn't take hold until my late thirties. I do agree most gen Z seem to be turning off alcohol.

Have a good day my lovely friends.

My two (Millennials) both drink. My daughter, who is very censorious about my drinking, drinks more than she should, and if questioned about it would probably say that it is my fault for setting a bad example - my place has been in the wrong for her for a while now, but that does seem to be changing a bit. My son is much more of a social drinker. Neither has children of their own, and nor do most of their friends (COL considerations mainly) but are settling down now, so that may change. My son bought a house a year or so ago, and my daughter is in the process of doing so now, so their outgoings are impacted accordingly.

It's difficult seeing them make their mistakes (whether drink-related or not) but all we can do is try to keep communication open and be there if they need us. Where I live has a fairly hard-drinking culture, and kids getting drunk at 14 or so is almost a rite of passage. It by no means leads to a life of debauchery though. Most of them grow out of it very quickly, and as Wendy says, this generation is far more sensible than we were.

Morning all.
Finally got round to contacting one of the therapists BUPA will cover - 6 month waiting list! Too wiped out post op to worry about that now.

Good morning shipmates.

Awful end to the day yesterday. I had a shouting match with the DH. Very rare.
He'd washed my designer trousers in with his sweaty work clothes.
They were supposed to be dry clean but I put them on a solo wool wash. He didn't check the drum. Add in an arse of a millennial boss who's been lying to me I lost it. How I wasn't in an alcohol induced stupor I don't know.
I made a curry and took to my room. I watched celebrity dating agency. I love Tom Wilson but he's not in the holiday bit. It's the voice, old school and funny. A bit carry on matron.

I'm off out for morning coffee. I fancy buying a summer dress. Something floaty which I couldn't wear for work. Last time I tried one I looked like a deckchair!