Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

@TheSoberNoodle day 4 for me too. The scales are on the way up but I’m hoping that’s temporary!

@TheSoberNoodle day 4 for me too. The scales are on the way up but I’m hoping that’s temporary!

Luckily I have not put away the Pom poms, because I’m a slob, so a big whoop whoop to @taylorean! Well done, 200 days is amazing.

And well done on day 4 @BatFeminist and @TheSoberNoodle! It’s just one day at a time, and even if the benefits seem elusive right now, they will come. Be kind to yourselves 😁

Brava @taylorean on your 200 days! Legend!

@WendyWagon you ARE beautiful, I'm sure of it. Your friend is right.

I've had a strange and emotional day today. A first cousin of mine who lives in Hollywood messaged me last night to say he and his family would be in my city today, and did I want to meet up? We had last seen each other at my brother's wedding in 2002. It was a dry wedding because everyone present were conservative Christians (secular music was also forbidden) and so cousin and I snuck round the back of my parents' mobile home and sneaked a few beers. We were the only non-evangelicals at the wedding. So much has happened since then! I don't remember if my drinking was already a problem then, but it was probably starting to be...

Anyway, cousin is now married to a minor US TV celebrity and influencer (very much not my world) and they have two young DC. So we all met up with one another today. It was fairly unsatisfactory in lots of ways: they were extremely jetlagged, their toddler was exhausted, the celebrity wife was clearly not very interested in meeting us (understandably). But cousin and I said a lot to each other in a short space of time, and I felt very moved. We brought each other up to date on our respective families. Alcohol and drug addiction and family estrangement were absolutely everywhere in our stories. It was kind of grim but it also felt as though we were fellow survivors. I told him there's a reason I don't drink any more, and he said good for you. It was also clear that he was a very involved, hands-on dad.

So yeah, I don't know what my point is really, but it's good to rekindle an almost instant bond with a relative you haven't seen for many years. It was reassuring to compare notes and see that people can come from unhappy families and break out of the patterns of trauma and construct good lives. Not perfect lives, but good lives, with our DC (hopefully) feeling emotionally secure in ways we didn't when we were children ourselves.

I'm exhausted now though; it was very intense, sheesh. I'm going to have an early night tonight.

Wishing you well mesdames!

Good morning shipmates. No Rocky seas for me this weekend. Hoorah.

The DS came home from a charity fundraiser in the Lakes and has decided to go for the 1980s pad. We chewed the fat together as we are the maths kings in our house. DH and DD are SPAG or Miss Apostrophy as we call her. I can't spell for toffee as most of you will know but I blame my mother making me learn so many languages at the same time.
He won't be coming to the new abode!

I'm buying house fixes this week (paint, new bath panel that sort of stuff). I have beautiful curtains to hang so I'm hoping the DS gets the drill out. I've lived with blinds for over two years. The DH will grump and say what's the point.

I do remember the vivid dreams. I was stepping out with Tom Cruise! Not my favourite at all.

Have a safe and sober day my friends.

@WendyWagon I bought a horse last night! Or rather the DH bought one for me and it was the hairiest, chunkiest beast I’ve ever seen. I was trying to be pleased but inwardly was a bit panicked about what on earth I was going to do with it…then thankfully I woke up! Insanely realistic.

Today is day 5 and I’m at work all day so no temptations. I have a lunch date with a very good friend looming on Friday. A celebration of her divorce being finalised. I haven’t openly said to anyone apart from DH that I’m not drinking anymore and I’m not sure she’ll understand. I’m working the next day so may use that as an excuse for now.

Hello@BatFeminist it’s nice to have someone at the same stage!

@TheSoberNoodle that's hilarious! I do love a cob though.

You can imagine what I was doing with Tom Cruise. 😄

The dreams seem so colourful. I think mine stopped after ten days.

@TheSoberNoodle I still have vivid dreams but they're nice ones now. I never told anyone I was giving up alcohol. I made a few excuses in the early days if people asked (hardly anyone asked) - I fancied a change, I was having a day off, I'd got a bit of a headache... I think people are gradually just getting used to me not drinking although somebody did say yesterday that Lilly 'likes a pint'! I probably still would but I daren't try one.

I loved the vivid dreams 😀. A free mystery cinema pass - what’s not to like?

My house guests are gone, and we are in the Lakes. I had my son, DIL, daughter, her partner and two dogs at the weekend. It was husband’s birthday and we went out to dinner and stayed in a cottage near the restaurant. All very pretty and enjoyable, but tiring balancing three households’ ways of doing things (and two dogs who hadn’t met before weekend). I’m ready for a rest now.

Everyone except DIL and me was drinking, but I wasn’t remotely tempted, so I think I’m properly back in the zone. They were drinking beer, which has never been my choice though. There was a free bottle of wine in the fridge but I didn’t even look at it.

Hello all,

Still here and still going at day 9 which is an achievement here - especially after such a busy weekend! Took the car to the bbq on Friday and could feel I was debating with myself a bit on Saturday so stayed for the meal then toddled home early when everybody headed to the pub afterwards. Not the most sociable and I did actually feel like a bit of a party pooper at the time but very pleased with myself on Sunday 😁

Congratulations on 100 days @LillyPJ 👏

@elusivehopei actually think it’s a great age gap - I had the same logic (wait till the first is off to school!). I don’t know if I’d have coped with two littler ones both off at the same time 😂 my pair get on 80% of the time but this just means they gang up on me haha! And yes, having more patience for them is a main driver of why I’ve given up.

@TheSoberNoodledreams are something I’ve noticed since stopping as well. I never dream if I’ve had a drink. Last night I was away up a mountain… 😂 the nightmares aren’t so much fun though, or waking in a cold sweat!

@whichdayisit
You will need to put yourself first for a bit when socialising. I drove or stayed in at first.

Funny conversation with very grand friend the other day. She can't take WLI so wanted a 'fix'. I suggested Jane Plan. Initially she was interested but then said her DH wouldn't like it if they didn't eat the same dinner. (?) Sometimes it has to be all about you.

Her husband can have a Jane Plan dinner then?

I am considering Mounjaro. My DIL is taking it and looks amazing. Obviously she is a lot younger than me though, and I'm a bit worried about sagging skin and the old 'your bum or your face' dichotomy. My excess weight is mostly round my middle, which is bad for the liver as well as making clothes look awful. I need to lose about 3 stone, and I can't exercise much because of health issues, so the WLIs are sounding more and more attractive.

I think that only happens if you lose too quickly @ShyMaryEllen. I agree it is certainly tempting and with all the money I'm saving at the moment (although where that money is I couldn't tell you) it does feel like a possible investment. They do work wonders for some people and there are some studies now being done on them helping with alcohol cessation.
That being said I do seem to be a few pounds lighter anyway so will be interested to see where I land anyhow.

Perhaps just get the drinks in first @TheSoberNoodleso you can ask for something AF in a fancy glass? Celebrations are hard I think I've mentioned it before. For me it still feels a bit like I'm cheating the celebration. I've come across some sober people in the quit lit that say they still know people that have quit but will have champagne to toast at a wedding. I find that frustrating to read/ hear given that moderation just isn't an option for me or I think most people in the end. However I know I'm only responsible for my own journey (repeats The Serenity Prayer AGAIN).

Have a safe and sober day shipmates!

Totally agree @Lavrander, I can’t work out how to celebrate. It was my birthday last week and I just didn’t want to acknowledge it at all. I enjoy my sober life, I am happy and can laugh so it’s not that I don’t have a good time. But celebrating is as yet beyond me. To me it feels hollow somehow, or lacking. It’s just not the same! And before, even if I didn’t drink at whatever event, I had getting home and getting slaughtered to look forward to.* It’s as if I can’t celebrate with a drink then ergo I won’t celebrate. I got unfeasibly annoyed with my mother who insisted on coming over, after I had declined the offer of lunch out. I have carved out a very happy life for myself, most days are pretty good, I’m now 61 - it’s not like birthdays are rare these days! I did make bread and a cake, but I make bread and cakes all the time anyway. Ho hum, bah humbug. Things may change or they may not, but for now there’s no celebrating for me!

*Writing that down is incredibly powerful. How blummin tragic is that?!

Yes! This is sounding very familiar. My Birthday is coming up and whilst I know I don't want to drink I do feel indeed very bah humbug! I'll have a nice meal, but it's not as if I don't have nice meals a lot...
I'm wondering whether I should have arranged a day / night out doing something different to the usual but I didn't think far enough in advance to get someone to look after the dog.

In fact writing all that down has made me think that's exactly what I need to do... just need to think of what the special thing is. A year to plan..

Re celebrating - I've got a Big Birthday coming up this year and am planning to go on holiday with my friend who's the same age (have known her for over 50 years). It'll be my second sober holiday so I'm not too worried about that but I do feel like there's something missing. I want something purely for me, something a bit selfish even. I'm not into clothes or make up and jewellery. I think I might buy myself a little greenhouse. The very small ones seem to cost more than the big ones, so that seems indulgent enough to me. (And I could store my AF Martini and tonic in there in the winter.)

@LillyPJ are you the same big birthday as mine?

I was going to have a party but that hit the buffers. Next I thought a posh holiday, Husband has a leave ban in December. I've got bags, clothes and jewellery to make Joan Collins blush!

I could go away with a girlfriend but which one would come on a sober gig makes a short list.

@WendyWagon whisper it... seventy. I can't believe it really. I don't think I've grown up yet!

Still feeling fragile today after my big emo day yesterday. I also hosted a meeting tonight with the group of volunteers I'm part of. We're doing a gradual handover to a new set of volunteers. I will be so happy when that responsibility is off my plate. I've learnt a lot doing it for three years, but it was stressful. I felt very anxious before the meeting, and once it was over, I felt a bit manic. It's like a saner part of me is just standing by watching the manic part, thinking, 'yes, she's very emotional, she's talking too fast, she needs to slow down'. 😂I'm trying to be compassionate to myself even though I can see myself being a bit bonkers.

I know it would be even harder to cope if I were drinking.

Also had telephone meetings with uni colleagues today conferring about A Level results. I just want to accept everyone, including the candidates who didn't make their grades. I'm sure they'll be fine. Ultimately the decisions are in the hands of the admissions people though.

I'm enjoying reading about all the vivid dreams; I've had those too! Mostly scary ones. Tom Cruise is all yours, @WendyWagon, I don't fancy him at all with his crazy scientology bullshit 😂

Congrats to all who have birthday celebrations coming up, regardless of how you feel about celebrating! Personally I kind of hate celebrations anyway, so I don't find not drinking during celebrations to be much of a hardship. One of my nicest birthdays happened during lockdown, when a couple of neighbours came by with flowers and a card for me, but I couldn't invite them in, ha! I like low-key birthdays. And 70 is young @LillyPJ! The father of DS2's best friend (aged 14) is in his early 70s, though you would never know it to look at him. People in my community tend to have children later in life.

I do like the idea of procuring one's own luxurious birthday gift, whether it's a holiday or something else.

I'm reminded of another funny story about DS2 when he was little. He made me a birthday card that said 'I love Mum'. Then when DH's birthday came round, DS asked me to give him the card back so he could use it again. I pointed out that it said Mum on it and DS said that was fine, he would just cross it out and put 'Dad'. I did refuse to relinquish the card but it made me laugh a lot. I think he just thought he had done such a great job on the card, he should make the most of it.

I'm rambling again. Wishing everyone well for tonight and tomorrow. It's warm here, so keep your cold drinks ready.

I was just thinking about why I dislike celebrations, and I think it's childhood trauma (again). My mother would get very upset on her birthday/mother's day/Christmas if she felt we hadn't made enough effort to make her feel special. As a result I still have anxiety around birthdays and gift-giving; I have a deep-seated (irrational) fear that whatever I do isn't going to be good enough.

I felt stressed just reading your follow on about your mum @elusivehope. No wonder you enjoyed the lockdown Birthday- absolutely no pressure whatsoever as the situation gave you an out. I hope you do get yourself a lovely gift, whether that's for your Birthday or whether it's for reaching an AF milestone. At the risk of sounding like a L'Oréal advert - you are worth it.
That's very efficient thinking from your DS2!

Up early today with a long drive for work. Thinking that only a few months ago I'd be doing it hungover and probably over the limit - yeesh.

@elusivehope I could quite happily forget all about birthdays (and Christmas). My friend is the opposite. Her DH has organised all sorts of things for her 70th including a surprise meal with many guests. They're always off to shows, weekends away, boat trips, concerts, holidays etc to celebrate something or other. My (long distance) partner on the other hand, ignores birthdays and doesn't do Christmas at all. I happened to be staying at his place on my last birthday. He didn't mention it all day. I kept quiet to see how long it would be before he remembered. He didn't. At 11.30, we were in bed when he suddenly remembered he'd not put the bins out and suggested I might do it. I declined. I do think that on your birthday you have a right not to have to get out of bed to put the bins out!

Ahoy absolutely amazing shipmates on the good ship Sobriety.
I will not drink today.

I've had a bit of AF shore leave while I was dealing with some of life's issues. I felt a hypocrite giving mantras whist I was struggling myself. I also felt some of my ramblings were triggering and depressing.

Sometimes we find life hard because of outside events and sometimes for no reason at all. It's not how,or why we fall that's important but taking the time to put in the self care to lift ourselves . Its not a quick fix.Then making sure we continue with self care to build resilience .

Throw love at yourself, and every where you go.
Nurture..... Mind ,Gut and Body
💕

I’m so pleased to hear from you @mermadeincornwall - hope you’re doing OK.

I’m so pleased to hear from you @mermadeincornwall - hope you’re doing OK.