Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

Thanks @elusivehope - much appreciated from me and He. That's a MASSIVE victory, not buying the wine and actually sending the email. Approaching goddess-level when you're under the cosh and feeling grim. All power to your mighty elbow. 🏆 xx

@REP22 what a handsome boy Sid is! We recently adopted a pup (shes around 7 months now) and we’ve all fallen in love with her - plus she’s been such good exercise for me 😂

Well done @elusivehope- that’s a double win!

Ive really struggled with mood again this evening. It gets to 6pm and I just get so crabby until both kids are in bed (and my eldest isn’t going to sleep until 9pm at the moment because it’s the holidays!)

I really just feel so sapped by tea time - it feels like I’m at everybody’s beck and call all day (I’m talking about 3 “muuuuuum”’s in 2 minutes, minimum.)

Debated hitting the supermarket for a bottle of wine on the way home from a tea time dog walk but talked myself out of it. Snuggled in with a blanket, safely in PJS, in front of the telly now but can’t say I’m particularly pleased with myself 😂 trying to remind myself wine is not a reward / it’s not a good thing!!

I found thinking ‘I really fancy a glass of wine, but I don’t drink now, so what will I have instead?’ was helpful. If there’s nothing you feel like drinking, you could have ice cream, or something else indulgent. As I’ve said, I think we can be retrained, which is why I go in for hypnosis and ritual bedtime routines, so I think repeating ‘I don’t drink now’ even in my head reinforces the message.

@Onewildandpreciouslife - I'm doing ok thank you. Yesterday was day 7. I am meeting a friend tonight to celebrate the life of our mutual friend who died too young. Am currently musing over what to do. We normally share a bottle of champagne - ironically I rarely overdo the drinking when with other people. I have noticed that the cravings have dropped up and accept that if I do have a drink they will come back. I can offset that with the cheery knowledge that I have an appointment for some root canal work tomorrow and I know that after that I will not want a drink for at least a couple of days while I process the horrors of dentistry (apologies to any dentists here)

@elusivehope Well done on dealing with the work issue (I too hate chasing payment for my work, it raises all sort of ire in me) and dealing with it without (really, English is such an odd language!) wine.

@whichdayisit - thank you for that obeservation that I don't have to have it all figured out. It struck a chord. I think I've used alcohol for so long to avoid dealing with things that I was becoming overcome that after just a few days without alcohol I wasn't reaching absolute clarity on life, the universe and everything.

@WendyWagon - I hope things get easier, you seem to be dealing with a lot at the moment. Hang in there.

@ShyMaryEllen - I love the way you framed it in your last post. Another saying/approach to add into my pondering pile.

I hope I haven't missed anyone and wishing all of you a most excellent Thursday.

Good morning all.

Sleep is so fantastic. I didn't hear the DH get up and I'm off out to breakfast. I shall need to resist the bacon or the gallbladder will play havoc. The surgeon weirdly enough said alcohol didn't effect it and then asked me for tips on giving up.

A period house in our old market town has come up and they've bought two parking spaces. As the DS looks set to buy the Lawrence Lewelyn gaff I'm tempted. He might allow mother to come on his viewing tonight.
The town house has a walk in wardrobe and a dressing room! It will all depend on the stairs as I'm prepping for stair lifts! They have fitted a downstairs bathroom. The DH was excited by the size of the utility room.
The bungalow was OK but it's not me and I don't know what I'd do with my stuff.

I'm in need of Gordon's af but I'm keeping out of the shops

Morning all.
Glad you got better sleep @WendyWagon - take care of yourself

Day 5.

Have had a busy few days with the kiddies and I think combining running them round everywhere with giving up the vino is leaving me particularly frazzled by 7pm. We are having a house day today (bar walking the doggo 🐶). Normal service resumes tomorrow but for now I’m in my PJs at midday!

Hello shipmates, late in today as have had big work meeting. Happy days.

Your pup sounds adorable @whichdayisit - they are such great company. Well done on not heeding the call of the Wine Witch. I got really irritable in the early days - angry and frustrated at the smallest of things, plus anger and resentment because I couldn't have a drink to make it "better". But it never does make it better, really.

Sid always enjoys meeting new pups. Sadly, the world of canine ladies is one of bafflement and dismay to him. He's a big fan of Eurovision... if you know what I mean 🌈 He's a lot like his predecessor - a sweet and sparky female Jack Russell - in many ways. Both eager to seek and delight in the company pf elderly, obese male labradors. But I love him, just the way he is.

Strength and courage my friends. xx

Hi everyone
Back from my holiday refreshed and first ever holiday sober ticked off!

Husband got v drunk one night but I was thinking wow that was me almost every night. I still had a nice time even if his company got a bit samey. I wanted to ask him to not pour another glass at times but thought that wouldn't have been helpful for either of us. This is my issue not his and I remembered the serenity prayer (which, by the way, is serving me very well across all aspects of my life so thank you to the person who recommended it - I'm sorry I did try and look back and find who it was but lost it). It will help me again this evening with a visit from my v alcohol dependent Dad.

Lots going on with everyone but so many wins - well done everyone. We're not giving in! I heard something today (yes still bleating on about the Alcohol Experiment) and it said our aim is to make Alcohol small and insignificant. I'm visualising it like a tiny squeaky ant that I occasionally feel crawling on me that I need to repeatedly brush off, but it will never grow into a monster unless I let it.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend @honestyhelps. Have a plan of what you'd like to drink instead and don't be afraid to ask for a posh glass for your alcohol free drink. The scenario will feel exactly the same as always but with you feeling good in the moment and in the morning. Remember that. Alcohol doesn't make the memories, people do.

@Lavrander Well done for the sober holiday! I was worried before I attempted my first of those too (with a group of friends who all but one drank) but it was surprisingly easy and enjoyable. I like your squeaky ant idea - it reminded me of Alan Carr's 'Easy Way' to stop smoking (which worked like a miracle for me). He talks about a nicotine monster who thrives on nicotine and without it he gets weaker - we just have to stop feeding our monsters and they'll eventually wither. It's often easier said than done though. I wish I could stop feeding my worry monster.

@honestyhelps sending you sympathy and warm thoughts as you remember your friend ❤It is good to mark these things, even though there is sadness.

You said I think I've used alcohol for so long to avoid dealing with things that I was becoming overcome that after just a few days without alcohol I wasn't reaching absolute clarity on life, the universe and everything. I totally recognise myself in this! I don't want gradual change, I want it to be instantaneous!

@WendyWagon Ooh, the period house in the market town sounds very tempting. Love the idea of a dressing room! For me it's also crucial to be within walking distance of shops. I'm not much of a country girl. My DM was a would-be 'homesteader' and while I do have some idyllic memories of chickens, goats and gardening, they're outweighed by even more vivid memories of loneliness and of how much bloody work it was to stay on top of all those chores.

@whichdayisit you're doing so well chalking up the sober days when you've got small DC to look after. It's so demanding when they're younger. I remember DS2 standing outside the shower while I was trying to shower in peace, and him crying, 'Mummy, watching you have a shower is BORING!' It's comical now but at the time it was claustrophobic to say the least! Now I have other worries, such as how DC1 is going to earn an income.

Your description of Sid made laugh, @REP22. I actually went as far as to google 'Can dogs be gay?' I won't try to summarise the answer here, as, well, it's complicated 😂

Massive congratulations to you @Lavrander on your sober holiday! Being the sober person when you're hanging out with loved ones who drink too much is never easy.

I'm still feeling proud of myself today for having sent the email chasing pay. At first yesterday it looks as though the extra teaching I had done hadn't been officially approved, but today the HR person unearthed the relevant chain of emails, and it WAS approved - the pay just never materialised. So it looks like I will get the ££ without too much hassle. Relief! It would be nice if it arrived before I leave for our holiday later this month (I'm not good at managing money) - it probably won't, but at least I know it's coming eventually.

I'm still feeling cross at myself for how little I'm getting done every day. I feel so unmotivated to work on the house and garden. I used to drink while I cleaned and obviously I'm not doing that now (!). I do have an old friend coming to visit in a week's time, so that should be an incentive to make the place look better.

Had an easy dinner tonight: ready-to-cook chicken shawarma thighs from M&S, with flatbread on the side. The kids loved it. It wasn't cheap but it was still cheaper than a takeaway would have been, and it went nicely with AF beer.

Tomorrow I'm going to get some nice cold drinks in and do some more housecleaning, dammit. Sleep well, shipmates!

Also about to embark on my first sober holiday of sorts. Its just 4 nights away in Helsinki visiting two close friends but will be a test of my willpower. I do have my 15 and 7 year old with me so having them will help keep me accountable.

I want to do this and I know I can. Scared and anxious but that will be nothing compared to ths fear and anxiety if I did drink. I will stay strong and will try and check in each day to make my pledge.

Night sober warriors, very grateful for this thread 💜

@Becky37 Hope it all goes well. I'm sure it will - I found it much easier than I expected.

You can do it, @Becky37. Keep telling yourself that you don’t drink, but you can do anything and everything else. It’s a small thing when looked at in that way. Have a great holiday- send us some photos if you can?

You can definitely do this @Becky37. Check in as often as you need.
@elusivehopewell done for sending that email. I'm terrible at things like that - I act like I'm inconveniencing other people for asking them to do something they said they'd do. On the point of housework - not sure whether you like that sort of thing but have you seen Rock the Housework? They're guided sessions by The Organised Mum (see instagram) and I find they're really helpful when I get overwhelmed. There's an app and you choose the room you want help with (she also has whole house resets etc) and she'll natter in your ear - and you can use your Spotify with it so you've got music as well. It's paid for but she might do the first 7 days free I think. They tend only to be around 30 mins in length and it's surprising how much you can get done.

Strength to everyone x

Morning all.
Have an amazing time @Becky37 . You will be surprised how much more time you have - my advice would be to make the most of the mornings because you can see and do things before the rest of the world is up. (Mind you, not sure what time your 7 year old gets up - my kids are late teens / early 20s so I’m on my own until about 11!)

@Lavranderwell done on the sober trip away. I hope the visit with your dad went ok?

@elusivehopethe story about your son yesterday gave me a real smile so thank you - that’s the stage I’m in 😂 even my 8 year old still seems quite “attached” and at times it feels like the two of them, and the dog, are all competing for my attention 🤣 the two year olds war cry at the moment is “need some juice muuuum” - he’s the best hydrated child in Scotland! Is age two young to tell him to make it himself? 😜

@Becky37 have a wonderful trip away

Day 6 here … nearly a week? Ive got a couple of hurdles to leap over this weekend. I’m at a bbq tonight- taking the kids and the car so I won’t be tempted. I’ve got a dinner out tomorrow though and alcohol is included with the meal (we’ve booked a party room) and I know it’s going to be a struggle for me. There are a couple of other non drinkers going so I won’t be alone.

Last weekend I went to a wedding evening reception at a very expensive venue - I only had one glass of fizz while I was there (couldn’t bring myself to pay the eye watering prices at the bar and my other half was driving so thought I’d stay relatively sober to keep him company.). We actually had a lovely time, however, on the way home we hit the supermarket and proceeded to buy loads of rubbish food, a bottle of wine and lots of cocktails and I went to bed at 2am and woke up on Sunday with a hangover, regret and back at square one having to fight the urge to drink all week

This is a reminder to myself that even if I manage to swerve the alcohol at the meal, I need to avoid the shop on the way home!! My danger place appears to be on the sofa in front of the telly.

Whilst I think we are all different in triggers and reactions, I firmly believe that for most of us (specially in the early days) having 'just one' is ill-advised. I think that wears off after a few years (years, not weeks of even months) and a toast at a wedding is ok; but if we have a taste of a drink we just want more at first.

It has to be a firm 'No' for five or so years, or we are just torturing ourselves. I graduated to a wedding toast or a thimbleful of some sort of sample when pressed, but not for a very long time after stopping. When I had my blip (about 18 months ago) it was because I thought I could have an occasional night out as before. The first time it was fine - I sipped one large glass of wine - but the next time I had finished the first glass before the food came, so got another one with the meal, and a third 'to be sociable' after. That was a bottle. Then I started to look forward to nights out when I could 'just have one' until I decided to cut it out again, and I'm back to 'I don't drink alcohol, so what can I have instead?'.

I'll give it a while before going back to a toast to the bride.

@ShyMaryEllen- you are very wise. The truth is I know I can’t moderate very well (that’s why I’m here, trying to just kick the booze altogether!)

I’m feeling very grateful today for my lovely partner who always comes last on my list of priorities - after the children but often also after my work, the housework, and more recently has been coming in after my wine. He rarely grumbles and just quietly continues to support and love us all. He very rarely drinks (but never judges!) and I’ve been considering today how much more difficult this process would be if he did.

Hello shipmates.

Hlad we made you smile @elusivehope - Sid is definitely in the fraternity of dodgy butchers*. He's obsessed with my friends elderly male labrador, Polo. He also regularly sees two retrievers on our walks, a brother and sister, who are both always very happy to see him. He ignores the lass and makes an enthusiastic beeline for the lad.

Strength and courage to you my friends. xx

*has his meat delivered 'round the back

@REP22 Re your 'dodgy butchers' remark - we definitely NEED the laugh emoji back! 😆

Evening me hearties.
I've been fielding house fever with the DS. The chosen abode was a cross between a Hill Billy rock cabin (the fireplace) and a 1980s shag pad with something from the fast show! He thinks he can turn it into a young executive pad so mother's not interfering. I'm having my town house to myself!

One of the town's evil estate agents (In my minds eye i see the three bastards chanting in the local famous forest, Macbeth has nowt on them) has a business near the house but he's not seeing me off a walk- in dressing room! 😄 I might ask my older brother to pay a visit if he causes trouble. He's blonde with pale killers eyes! A career I can't talk about.

After this week I could have laid down in a vat of grog but I haven't so I'm proud of me. Friday without Saturday shame. A large glass of full fat milk awaits.
Safe and sober my friends.

Having a ramble, ignore me.

Morning all.
Curry night and hoorah to wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed.
Congrats to all those achieving mile stones.

Hello

have been reading through this thread as everyone is so inspiring. Today will be day 3 for me. I’ve stopped before but never more than a month. Usually it’s a stressful event that leads me to pick up the wine so I need to retrain myself as work is always stressful!

i used to be a binge drinker, but it seems to have crept up to a bottle of wine most nights. I think the last month I have drunk something every day. This has happened so gradually, probably over 12 months or so.

i have a very short term cash flow issue so needed to rein in my spending, also worried about the impact to my health and on my DDs. I suffer from anxiety plus I think I have an addictive personality. All in all stopping seems to be the only way forward.

I am worried about failing though. I have 2 holidays coming up which would normally involve a fair bit of drinking. And I have friendships that are based around drinking, will these friendships end? But I’m trying not to think beyond each day. Am meeting DP later and he normally likes to treat me to a cocktail, so the only hurdle is a small one as he won’t push it and I can happily enjoy another drink I’m sure.

Sorry for the long introduction. There’s such a lot to think about.