Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

I haven't moved on to the white one yet as I'm so taken with the red. They're like an aperol spritz!

Thanks for all of the recommendations all.

Ive almost made it to bedtime here. Did anybody find themselves super grumpy the first week of quitting? 🤣 I can feel myself just wanting to be alone but that’s quite difficult to achieve with children who need me for everything! How do I stave off the grumps?

How old are the children? If they are young or old enough I would go to bed early as though you were ill. Just for a few days, so you are on your own and can sleep at will. I did that for 2 weeks, but my children had left home when I gave up.

Mindless telly, scented baths and relaxing hypnosis were my routine for quite a while, and I’ve reverted to it again now I’m struggling a bit. I say that, but I really don’t fancy a glass of wine, even though there’s a bottle in the fridge. I think the Alcohol Aversion track must be working.

Exactly! Two friends have said exactly the same.

One is 8 and one is 2 and my other half works late during the week at times so taking off to bed isn’t an option until the older one is down - as it’s the holidays they are both tending to be up a bit later.

I wouldn’t usually drink until the younger one was off to bed but did find myself getting ratty and touched out by 8pm and that is when I’d traditionally pour myself a glass of wine to take the edge off! Which obviously is a very short sighted solution. Thats today ticked off anyway - tucked up with the dog and a glass of squash!

Glad to hear the aversion stuff seems to be working for you - I think I’ll have a look into it too 😊

well done on today!

School holidays are hard. Try to remind yourself that stopping now will mean that your children won’t remember a childhood with a mum who drinks. If I could change that for mine I would do it in a heartbeat. You can make it happen.

Morning all.
A better sleep was had.

I was super positive last night and searched for a bungalow (I hate them but health needs must) and I found one that has been partially renovated. They've done the kitchen and fitted a dressing room. I'm so excited re the latter. Old timers will remember my late brother promised me both when we bought the current abode.
I think I could do something with it.
If the share sale happens I can just move or rent it out to my niece.
I'm viewing tomorrow.

One of the diversion tactics I use is tidying a drawer. I shove things away and I love a good rummage. I'm so untidy and a hoarder but not quite 'sort your life out standard'. I need one of those declutters in prior to going on the sales market. That bit I'm dreading.
However another house on our development has sold in two weeks so I don't want to miss the wave.

Morning all.
Very irritating last night - went out to a nice restaurant, DH and DD shared a bottle of rose but EVERY time the waiter came to the table he asked if I was sure I didn’t want a glass too. Drove me mad!

@WendyWagon I had a hugely anxious time a few years back and couldn't sleep properly got weeks. One night I opened a big drawer full of underwear and socks, emptied it out and Marie-Kondo'd it into submission. It was very therapeutic and I still fold my knickers! A dressing room sounds very tempting - good luck.

Day 3!

Up and out with the dog early this morning and have been swimming with the kids and a stop off to look at the plants in the garden centre.

@ShyMaryEllenthat’s such a driving force for doing this - thanks for sharing your experiences.

@WendyWagonhow did your viewing go, have you been yet?

@whichdayisit Congratulations on day 3, with 2 small children to wrangle that seems a significant achievement!

@WendyWagon How did the viewing go? I love our bungalow. Didn't start out looking for one but fell in love with it when we saw it. Is there a particular thing you hate about them?

Glad that the first round of the legal battle went to you, sad that there is more to face. Do you have an idea of timeframe?

@LillyPJ I am now weighing up insomnia versus actually tidying something up. I suspect I could debate this ad infinitum.

@Onewildandpreciouslife That must have been so annoying. Ask once mate and then move on. Or I could be charitable and say perhaps he had something going on in his life that left him temporarily forgetful. But irritating for you and how easy to catch someone at a weak moment.

I have got through to day 6, my mind is still racing but I suspect that is more to do with it being this particular week. Hard to separate really what is driving it. It's making me think that I need to talk to my husband about alcohol and my relationship with it. And that means I need to think about what I want that relationship to be. At that point my mind starts going in circles - that would normally be enought for me to reach for a glass but, for today, I am choosing not to.

Sending all the best to you all and thanking you for your support.

Gosh, there's so much wise advice here. This from @Onewildandpreciouslife really resonated with me: You will find that many of us on this thread have used alcohol over the years to bridge the gap between how we are and how we thought we should be. And also @FaithHopeCarnage's point: I would even expand on that to say the gap between how the world is and how we think it should be. Yes yes yes! I've wasted so much time being cross about the state of myself AND the state of the world. There's a lot to be said for a bit of acceptance.

I'm fine, am actually on day 32 which is amazing for me. I just ate a massive bar of Cadbury's chocolate with Daim bar bits in though, and am rather regretting the quantity consumed! Sweets are a bit like alcohol for me in that I don't seem to be capable of moderation. I do believe in treating oneself, however, especially in the early days of sobriety. I've just bought two novels nominated for the Booker - usually I don't buy new books in hardcover (I request them from the library instead), but these two weren't even listed in my library catalogue yet, so I decided to go for it. The pound signs in my app indicating how much money I've saved by not drinking are steadily mounting! That said, I don't feel noticeably richer 😂

My moods are still up and down, but my anxiety levels are vastly improved compared to where they were a month ago. I feel like I've already forgotten what it was like to be nauseous and headachy all the time. I still think about drinking every day, but I go for long periods of the day without thinking about it at all. Which is pretty miraculous really, given that as recently as a few weeks ago I was thinking about it pretty much every waking minute.

Am still cleaning/decluttering, albeit in a slow and half-arsed fashion. Yesterday I managed to get a large, ugly smudge of bird shit cleaned off my bedroom window. It's been there for months, with me seeing it every time I looked out the window. Its removal is symbolic obviously! I can see clearly now! until the next bird arrives with a deposit 😂

@WendyWagon I'm so glad you made it through the first legal hurdle. I hope justice will prevail! Fingers crossed about the bungalow.

@Onewildandpreciouslife that waiter is a dick! How infuriating. Honestly I think some restaurants (and people) could do with a little sensitivity training. There could be all sorts of reasons that someone isn't drinking wine with dinner.

@whichdayisit and @honestyhelps and everyone else in the early days, bravo to you and remember it does get easier!

@Cartooner I forgot to say that I know what you mean about news and social media. It's just too much sometimes. If I'm in a bad place mentally, doomscrolling just feeds it.

Anyway I hope you've had a good screen break! This is one of my favourite cartoons.

Morning all.
Don’t feel you need to have it all figured out @honestyhelps - you could just say you’ve decided to take a break from alcohol for a while and see how it goes. “I don’t know” is a perfectly reasonable answer to any question.

I remember a friend asking me when I was about 2 months sober if I’d given up for good - I said I didn’t know because I couldn’t imagine going on holiday and not drinking. On my first sober holiday I told myself if I really, really wanted a drink I could have one (but my desire for the teacup in the TryDry app was much stronger).

Day 32 @elusivehope !! That is amazing work

I read one of Clare Pooley’s novels yesterday (she wrote the Sober Diaries which is much loved on these threads). “The Authenticity Project” - an unashamed feelgood romance, so perfect holiday reading, with interesting side nods to sobriety

Morning everybody.

Day 4 here, I hope it’s ok to be posting every day at the moment even though I’m not very far through the journey yet. I spent a lot of time yesterday reading back through the thread and it’s amazing how similar my experience is to so many of you here.

I was grumpy but resolved around dinner time again yesterdat - even did a food shop later in the day (red flag usually!) but swapped out the wine for some 0% cider. Reading this thread is strengthening, it’s a reminder of all of the reasons I’d like to kick the habit, and I feel less alone.

Day 4 is historically a “danger day”, if I’ve done half the week AF I’ve been fooling myself into thinking that’s “normal” moderation and that I can tank a bottle of wine (sometimes more!) wed - sat! NOT TODAY!

@elusivehopewhat a nice well deserved treat for yourself - well done on saving those extra £!
@honestyhelpshow are you doing today?

Hi @whichdayisit - post as often as you need to! As many times a day as you need (or not at all if you feel raw - I suspect there are many people who watch this thread but never post, and that’s fine too). We’re here to support each other - sometimes the best support is someone who is in the trenches of the early days with you, sometimes it’s someone who can offer hope it gets easier.

@whichdayisit Please keep posting whenever you want to. I'm further along than you but still have days when I think about just giving in and having a drink. It really helps me to read posts like yours - it motivates me to carry on, almost as if we're a team who all help and rely on each other. Like you, I always find it helpful to know that other people have had similar experiences - the same feelings and experiences, the same triumphs and slip ups. I think I posted on here at least once a day at the start and I still read the comments every day and post often. I don't think I'd have managed to persevere without so I'm very grateful to you all. Good luck with Day 4!

Good morning shipmates.

I'm in awe of how well you're doing. Finding it inspiring as I'm struggling a bit ATM. Bonkers dreams (one last night where I accompanied T. Rump on a diplomatic mission and he sold me to Kim Jong-Un. Bizarre and deeply unsettling - needed more than one Sidcuddle to get over that one) and unable to sleep. But I did not drink to blot out, so I will count that as a victory.

On our recent holiday, Sid fell into a bog and I had to lie on my tummy to pull him out, so I didn't sink too. So I am now looking at my not drinking a bit like that bog. I do what's unpleasant but necessary to pull myself free - otherwise it will suck me down under and I will drown. I am determined not to be defeated. Easier said than done though. One day at a time - it's a cliché, but it works. Some people settle for "one hour at a time" in the beginning. Whatever gets you through. We are strong, my friends. We are going to make it. ❤️

I love Clare Pooley's “The Authenticity Project” too @Onewildandpreciouslife (an incidental but clanging partiality disclaimer (sorry); I know her parents fairly well) - I HIGHLY recommend her other novel "The People on Platform 5"; a nuanced and deeply satisfying read, which I enjoyed immensely, it bears re-reading to get the most out of it. Her more recent third novel "How to Age Disgracefully" is also great, but the Platform 5 one is my favourite.

Sid has developed a new-found respect for his sometime nemesis, Parsnip the cat. Someone has just moved into the street with four new cats and at least two are using our garden as their latrine. Parsnip was having none of it and gave one of the miscreants a thoroughly good hiding yesterday. The interloper seemed minded to mount a defence, but Parsnip is packing several ounces over the newbie, and he scuttled quietly but hastily away after having his ar~e handed to him for a second time by a jubilant Parsnip. I'm not sure Sid fully understands what a cat is. But Parsnip doesn't sh~t in his garden and he greatly enjoyed the entertainment laid on yesterday.

Here's Sid, in a "Heathcliff" mode. The clouds may be assembled above his furry little head, but he is looking hopefully ahead to a walk in the sunshine. And so will I.

Strength and courage to you. It will be alright. xx

Afternoon shipmates.
I'm back after the bungalow viewing.
I quite liked it inside. The dressing room was the fab but the garden is a nightmare. Builders rubble and it will need a mini digger. It's full landscaping.
It's basically an unfinished project plaster walls, mock worktops but it's got some quality features.
If I have to downsize that much it would be OK.

I think I'm going to have a bit of counselling. I need an outlet for my stress and I'm not coping as well as I hoped. I'm not going near the shops.

Hang in there @WendyWagon - it will get better. Sorry it's grim just now. We need you, cheering us on. The decks would be desolate without you. xx 💐

@REP22, the postman has just been, and he brought this by special delivery. Sid has been at it again, but wants you to know that this is not for all shipmates - he's happy to support us all, but only you can live in his heart:

Ahoy! my dear REP22,
I’ve written this one just for you
to let you know, my dearest friend,
that I’ll be with you till the end,
that all you have to do is shout
and I’ll be there to help you out.

I’ve never had much cash to spare.
The truth is that if you weren’t there
I’d struggle for my bed and board.
Most days I’d be bereft, sad, bored
without your company and your wit
I love you – that’s the end of it.

So don’t despair, my lovely chum
When days are hard, and feelings numb
I’ll share my wags to cheer you up.
Cuddles from your favourite pup
should chase away all thoughts of doom
and light a pathway through the gloom.

Love and licks from Sid
xxx

@ShyMaryEllen - Awww... not for the first time - you've made my eyes leak. ❤️💦❤️ Such lovely words and so beautifully written. Thank you. I'm going to print that out and keep it to hand.

Thank you. 💐❤️x

Ugh, I came very close to buying wine just now. There's a difficult work email that I've been putting off. Basically, I was underpaid for some work I did (and I'm also meant to carry on doing more of this work for the coming academic year), and instead of resolving it straight away, I just procrastinated and left it for ages, which then made it even harder to chase payment down. I'm entitled to the pay, so I don't know why I find it so hard to stand up for myself. Low self-esteem I guess! Anyway I really wanted to have a couple of drinks in order to write the email. I almost convinced myself that it would be fine, as a one-off. The problem is that I have a history of relying on alcohol to help me get stressful things done.

I didn't buy the wine, and I did send the email, so that's a small victory. I did however waste a lot of today faffing about NOT sending the email. Sigh.

I'm glad this thread is here. Best of luck making it through day 4, @whichdayisit! To echo what others have said, you should definitely post here any time ❤

I really want to check out Clare Pooley now; I've never read anything by her.

I love the photo of Heathcliff Sid! It's also great to hear about the formidable exploits of Parsnip. I hope things get easier for you soon, @REP22.

Therapy sounds like an excellent idea, @WendyWagon. As I've said before, you're 'firefighting' on so many different fronts: health, work, househunting, the legal stuff, and then there's always parenting. Grabbing all the support you can get is a very sensible idea.

Sending tea and AF martinis to anyone who is struggling x