Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

@LillyPJ @Lavrander @WendyWagon @elusivehope @Onewildandpreciouslife @ShyMaryEllen

Apologies if I've missed anyone from that list. Thank you, thank all of you for your time and kindness and explanations of your own routes to not drinking.

@Onewildandpreciouslife - you mentioned noticing less anxiety on the days you didn't drink. Did that take long to kick in? After many, many attempts which have not got past day 2 I am currently on day 4.

My mind is just filled with the thought of having a drink. I'm distracting it with gardening and reading and podcasts but every time I pause the thoughts are straight back in. I'm filling - or have been - emptinesss with alcohol. There's so much in my life that I regret and such a feeling of loneliness. That child that never really fitted in just grew up to be a woman that never fitted in.

@ShyMaryEllen - oh, the ridiculous rules! I have many, many, many ridculous rules. None of which have ever really helped nor stuck. That part of your reply did make me smile.

I'm carrying on now reading and re-reading this thread and others on the board. Thank you all for the generosity and support that you offer.

Well done on getting to day 4 @honestyhelps . The first 4-5 days really are the hardest, so you are nearly through the worst bit. Cortisol levels take about 10 days to drop, so the anxiety should start to reduce about then.

You may be finding it hard to get to sleep at the moment, and be really tired. All completely normal.

Your brain is trying to look after you the best it can, and doesn’t like change, so will try lots of thinks that feel like self-sabotage to get you off course (from “it wasn’t that bad, everyone does it” to “look, you’ve managed 4 days, you can’t really have a problem”). Some people call this voice things like the “wine witch” or “wolfy”. I prefer to think of it as my inner toddler, stamping its feet and having tantrums. But whatever works for you.

For the next few days, just focus on not drinking (an hour or a minute at a time). Distraction is great, as are little rewards.

You will find that many of us on this thread have used alcohol over the years to bridge the gap between how we are and how we thought we should be, so we get it.

“You will find that many of us on this thread have used alcohol over the years to bridge the gap between how we are and how we thought we should be, so we get it.” Totally agree @Onewildandpreciouslife and I would even expand on that to say the gap between how the world is and how we think it should be. I don’t mean in a metaphysical sense, more about things/events around us. I’ve had to work really hard in sobriety around acceptance of how things are. Not winding myself up about things over which I have no control, like the weather. Or Tesco not having my favourite Brillat-Savarin cheese (I haven’t totally let go of my resentment about that, some three days later 😂 I’m a work in progress). Wot @elusivehope said, basically; cheese notwithstanding.

I seem to have got my mojo back, thankfully. Can’t say I’ve been a hive of activity, but I had the energy and inclination to do stuff should I so choose. I think I was just tired - I’m reading a great book (“Loaded - the life and afterlife of the Velvet Underground”, can recommend) and even though this is a re-read, I’ve found it really difficult to put down at a sensible time. I was also neglecting my gratitude/mindfulness, so whilst nothing was actually wrong, I was not fully registering everything that was right/good/lovely. Firm kick up the behind and I’m back to my usual good cheer. Apart from the cheese 🤣

I'll put that book on my To Read list, thanks, @FaithHopeCarnage. I'm a fan of the VU.

Greetings shipmates. Had a bit of a quiet week, but still here, still with you.

Welcome aboard @honestyhelps - I am glad you've found us. Brilliant on getting to day 4. That takes real courage. The all-consuming thoughts will fade, I promise. I've found the books The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray very helpful in the past.

Hope you have a lovely holiday @Onewildandpreciouslife.

Good luck tomorrow @WendyWagon - we shall be rooting for you.

Strength and courage my friends. All shall be well. Here's a smiling Sid, wishing you joy of your day. xx

@ShyMaryEllen It’s by Dylan Jones. It took me a few pages to get into it and understand the format, but once I did I found it really interesting. I find that whole 60s/70s New York scene fascinating. I was slightly obsessed with Eddie Sedgwick when I was in my late teens and am currently slightly obsessed with Nico. ‘Songs they never play on the radio’ is a great read also. I wish I could be slightly obsessed with more wholesome characters!

You can do it honestyhelps keep going and/or keep resetting. it will stick and youll be so happy. My friend swears by chanting when her mind is taking over. There's a few options on Spotify, the ancient practice is used to sooth and distract the busy human mind.

I am here now in bed during the storm in a rental house near the Atlantic (remote), wind pounding at the windows and roof, unable to sleep. My mind racing (not about alcohol but world events and worrying about my kids). I've put on music to calm my head. Tomorrow I will stay off social media as I am recognising I cannot cope with some of the sad stories and images shared. I need to protect my mind.

Morning all.
Difficult day for me today.
I have a legal battle on my hands this morning. Horrible.

I've not told anyone bar the BFF and the DH.

Morning all.
Sorry you’ve got such a difficult day ahead of you @WendyWagon - I hope it goes as well as it can

Good luck, @WendyWagon Hope it goes well for you.

Hope it goes well @WendyWagon. Is it work-related?

Morning, storm Floris in full.force here today. Which I could just hunker done in bed all day tbh.

@honestyhelps I found the first 10.days really really tough. I was so so tired and the wine witch was on my shoulder constantly.

In the first month I treated myself with something smaller every day. Usually sweets/biscuits/cake or a hot chocolate. And started taking long baths of a new evening

And I also started "saving" the wine money for a big treat at the end of the week. So on a Friday I would buy a big bunch of flowers or some very expensive bath oils. It gave me something to look forward to.

I can't remember exactly but I noticed less anxiety (and reactivity) a couple of months.

I also did A LOT of cleaning and listening to podcasts/audio books while doing so.

I am still rewarding myself with a piece of cake and a nice coffee at 4pm every day. It’s become a ritual - marks the time when I stop ‘doing’ for the day. Thankfully I have cut out the elevensies! Although I am making no pretence of watching my weight for the time being.

Good luck today @WendyWagon, sending strength your way. Also thinking of @mermadeincornwall, I hope you are doing ok.

And who the blinking heck is Eddie Sedgwick?! Possibly Edie’s younger brother…

The early days are about just getting through. Eat what you like, do (or don’t do) what you like, just don’t drink. Your sleep is likely to be disrupted for a while (in my case it has never returned to normal, but menopause could be responsible for at least some of that), and you might feel a bit fluey.

Bearing in mind that other causes of feeling ill are available, and getting investigations if you have real concerns, just treat the first month as though you are a patient and be gentle with yourself. It gets better as the month goes on, but you aren’t going to reverse many years of drinking in hours.

If you can get by without getting up at set times, let your body decide when it wants to sleep, eat and so on. Work commitments obviously limit options here, but do what you can. All things must pass.

Oh, and take the Thiamine!

Thinking of you today @WendyWagon. x

Stay safe in the storm @EastCoastDamsel x

@WendyWagon Thinking of you and sending all the vibes that things go well for you today.

I'm onto day 5. This wasn't an intentional stop on day 1, more a total weariness of where I was and with how I got there.

The days are seeming very long. I naturally wake early and I've <mostly> held off until 4pm before my first drink. I've been busying myself out of the house between 3-5 but boy, there's a lot of evening to fill.

Sad anniversary for me this week, it will be the first time I've faced it sober for a few years which will be interesting.

Good luck and a good week to everyone. I am very aware I've sneaked in and, so far, my contribution has been very one-sided. I am a kinder person than that and when my mind slows down I will interact more.

Morning all - I’m here at day 2 again 🫣

Over the last year I’ve been on a merry-go-round of cutting down then the drinking creeping back up again. I’ve been a long time lurker on this thread, and have posted before!

I’ve not had a big bad hangover or a fear incident to kick start this post - I just know I need to stop completely because moderating takes too much mental energy.

Here for the community and to make a more public promise to myself! My wonderful, supportive OH knows I’ve been struggling (and usually failing to moderate) but I’m too embarrassed to share with anybody else in real life!

Reasons I want to quit completely:

~ it’s a waste of time (not just drinking hours, but the hours where everything takes longer because I’m a bit fuzzy from the night before!)
~ it’s a waste of money
~ I’d like more mental clarity
~ “Moderating” makes me grumpy!
~ I’m worried about the effects on my health and I’d like to get more fit, exercising never happens for me on a hangover.
~ I’d like to set a better example for my children.
~I’m better company sober!

Bought myself a highly rated Nintendo switch game to keep myself distracted in the evenings ( - this has helped get me through the first week before!). I think I need a better plan for “occasions” - I’ve got a group dinner out planned for Saturday which I imagine might be a challenge (weekend + company.)

Happy Monday everybody! Away to read some more of your quitting tips 😊

Sorry you've got a sad anniversary this week @honestyhelps - wishing you strength and courage to face it. xx

Hey @honestyhelps, no need to apologise/qualify your posting here; we’ve all been where you are and some of us will be there again. And hello to @whichdayisit. I was thinking the other day how achieving sobriety (was going to say ‘giving up alcohol’ but that’s a negative slant on what is a very positive thing!) is a bit like learning to play the violin - it’s really painful at first but the only way it gets bearable is to keep practicing. I could stretch the metaphor further, but you get the drift. Eventually it becomes a joy, despite the bum notes.

Exercise helps, doesn’t need to be strenuous. Just a walk outside, breathing in fresh air, noticing nature, changes of the seasons etc. I get to a point halfway through the evening when I start looking forward to getting into bed, knowing I won’t wake up in a hot, sweaty headachey anxious state. Sleep does take a little while to regulate, but again, it will come in time - some people are better sleepers than others, but even a bad night is better sober.

Another vote for thiamine! I’m prescribed 3x100mg daily. Also prescribed vitamin B complex forte. My cognitive function is definitely not what it was; years of heavy drinking and menopause have definitely dulled my brain, but I suspect it would be even worse without the extra help.

Ha ha to the house cleaning @EastCoastDamsel! My house has never been so clean. When I was drinking I was endlessly buying cleaning products and implements but somehow not seeming to compute I would actually have to use them to make a difference. I don’t like housework but I like a clean, clear environment. The state of my mind is directly reflected in the state of my house. I hope Floris is not being too devastating. Preferably not devastating at all :)

@whichdayisit My best tip ( or what worked for me best) was discovering an AF drink I liked as much as wine. So then I could stick to my routine of downing tools at 6 and relaxing with nuts and a drink. I was surprised at how one drink could last until dinner time (the large glass of wine would always have to be topped up at least twice) and very pleased when my sleep improved as I hadn't realized it was alcohol that kept me awake for a couple of hours every night.

@FaithHopeCarnage Ha! Your comment about cleaning materials made me smile. I used to house-sit and I learnt that the houses with the most cleaning products stuffed under the sink were usually the dirtiest. People seemed to think just buying products would magically clean their house!

Thank you all.
First round to me regarding the legal matter. Sadly not over.

No corner shop. Hoorah.

Top stuff @WendyWagon - glad there has been at least some positive progress. x

Welcome @whichdayisit - glad you've found us. This is a great and safe place to be. x

Hello all!
Welcome @whichdayisit! I've found the community here to be invaluable. Day 34 for me and I've definitely found social occasions to be tricky. The lead up to them has tended to be harder than actually the event itself. I find having a clear plan ie playing the 'start' out in my head before diving in is the best way to approach. That and having some decent AF alternatives.
My top recommendation from this group is the AF martini which I think was @LillyPJ!
Other tips from this group and I'm sorry I don't remember who but is the Naked Mind app with the Alcohol Experiment for the first 30 days - it really did help me get through and out the other side, especially in the first two weeks which were the hardest. I definitely am still finding the days are stretching for longer than I've experienced for a long time. That being said I do have more time for exercise and I'm being far more productive at work which is making my head immeasurably clearer.

If anyone would like a tip for what NOT to buy it's the Botivo AF drink. I was very excited to try but can only recommend if you enjoy the taste of watered down vinegar. An expensive mistake. I think I'm going to need to mix it with ginger beer or something. I can still taste it. Bleurgh.
Love the reframe there @FaithHopeCarnage- achieving sobriety is a good way to think about it.

@Lavrander It was indeed I who recommended that Martini! I didn't name it in my last post because I think I went on about it too much before, but it's still my favourite. I'm saving so much by not buying wine that I'm treating myself to Fevertree tonics of various flavours to go with it. The Spanish Orange one is lovely with the red Martini and a slice of orange, and the Elderflower tonic is great with the white Martini and a slice of cucumber. I'm enjoying experimenting!