Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

Morning all.
Up a bit later after the airport run.

I spent the evening hacking off the nail gel ready for my interview. I always seem unable to get an appointment when it matters.
Another invitation to interview popped up this morning for the week after next. Neither are a conflict with my NED duties.
Both really interesting. One beauty, one SLT retail.
I doubt I'll get either. No one likes big cheeses doing local jobs.
I need to downsize all round.

What do you want to do, @WendyWagon? If you don't have to work, and don't want to do it for your own satisfaction, it is remarkably liberating to give it up. As your health is tricky just now, early retirement could be just what you need to reset your life, particularly in the light of a house move. Spending time making a new house your own can be very satisfying (although I may feel more confident about saying that when I don't have a house full of tradies under my feet!). You would also be able to rest when you needed it, and the benefits for your mental health can be massive.

@ShyMaryEllen ah the ultimate question. I've had a few toxic colleagues over the past few years. I also can't do ridiculous commutes. Five hours per day was the last one!

I'd like to work closer to home and less hours.
The house move is key because I need a different set up. We also feel it's in all our best interests to help our son buy a house..

I don't blame you for wanting to ditch the commute. 5 hours is insane.

When I left work I thought I'd find something closer to home, but in the end took consultancy work that I could do remotely. I did that for about 7 years on a very part-time basis, which made me feel useful and gave me a bit of money of my own to top up the occupational pension I accessed early. It's dried up now, thanks to The Cuts, but I'm very much eased into doing my own thing, and it's surprising how much money you save by not working.

I don't want to offer unwanted advice, but I honestly don't think I'd be here to tell the tale if I hadn't given up work. Leaving helped my sobriety by 100%.

Well lads I did the first interview. A record 26 minutes so I take that as a no! 😅

A no from you, or from them? Either way, it mustn't have been meant to be, and you'll find the right thing very soon, I'm sure.

I still have men in the house. 'Things' are not going as planned, and I want to kill them all. This was meant to be a small job, but thanks to incompetence and a failure to pay attention (on their part) it has snowballed. I wish they would hurry up and get it finished - I just want the place to myself again.

@EastCoastDamsel and @ShyMaryEllen

Thank you for your support. And thank you everyone here for welcoming me back with such compassion and understanding.

Day six and had an outdoorsy day with my twins. Finally stopped sweating poison out and feeling feverish and like i've got some kind of bird flue!. Going to get an early night tonight and just not think about the coming weekend. One day at a time ❤️‍🩹

I'm glad you had an easier day today, @Becky37 !

Those were wise words from you @EastCoastDamsel about how it's impossible to go back to drinking normally after being a problem drinker (for most of us anyway). The first time I got sober years ago, I did it through AA. And as you say, they put huge emphasis on the fact that abstinence is the only way, and that picking up even one drink again after a period of sobriety can be a question of life or death. At first I took this advice to heart, but eventually I did have one drink, and it seemed fine, so I sort of decided that maybe I was a special exception and COULD go back to drinking in moderation. Duh. I've now come back full circle again mentally, and have realised that for me at least, abstinence is the only route to peace.

Incidentally, there is a lot of wisdom in AA and I will always be grateful to the people I met there, but when I relapsed with a vengeance and went through a cycle of getting sober and relapsing that repeated itself many times, I found the AA ethos tough. It's very all or nothing. If you pick up one drink one day, all of your sober time is 'gone', and you're meant to do 90 meetings in 90 days, and start the 12 steps all over again. I felt like I was failing time and time again. I was so frustrated. I think this time round, I need a slightly less rigid system. In fact my frustration was probably down to my own perfectionist tendencies rather than AA itself, because they do say in AA that all the bits of advice are suggestions, and that everyone has to 'work their own programme'. I still go to meetings every now and then, because the people are genuinely lovely and I like the real-life connections, but I don't have a sponsor at the moment. I'm 'sharing' on this thread instead 😀 My current thinking is that everyone is on their own recovery journey, and that there are lots of different tools out there: AA, SMART, rehab, quit lit and so on. Various tools are useful to us at different moments, depending on who we are and where we are. However, I think having some kind of recovery community, in real life or online, is invaluable. I spent ages trying to get sober on my own before I finally ended up at AA, and I failed miserably.

Anyway, that was a bit of a digression!

Best of luck @WendyWagon with all the work decisions. It all sounds very full on. I agree with @ShyMaryEllen that you should put your own mental and physical well-being first... whatever that turns out to mean in terms of jobs. TBH I'm finding it easier and easier to stay sober at the moment, and the fact that it's summer and I'm not really working (apart from doing a bit of research, and fielding some emails) is making a huge difference to me. I'm just focusing on sobriety right now. That said, there have been plenty of recent summers when I was also not working, but WAS drinking. Crunch time for me will be when the new academic year starts again, but hopefully by that time I will be calmer and stronger in my sobriety.

Both DC are sort of driving me crazy at the moment, but it's nothing too awful. Basically, DS1 needs to get up and get out more, instead of lounging about in his room all day, and DS2 needs to stop going out with his friends every single moment of the day, and start getting home in time to join family dinners.

But yeah, everything is OK, I am grateful for this thread and for all of you. Keep on keeping on!

And oh yeah @ShyMaryEllen good luck with not killing your workmen! 😂Seriously, having people underfoot in your private space is very hard.

Morning all.
Up with the dog for tiddles.

I think I'll get a 'no thank you' letter today re the interview. I not too posh to push but people seem scared of me. I have another coming up and that should be more me.
One Yorkshire tea down.

Morning everyone!
I've missed posting for a few days but have enjoyed reading your updates. There seems to be a lot going on.
My TryDry app is telling me it's 32 days today! I've done this before but it feels different this time. Before I think I was very much about denying myself something GOOD. I'm really working on sitting with the cravings now and working through beginning to end how I'll actually feel and it's been such a revelation. I really recommend that way of reframing for those in the early days like me and I think it will also serve me when my drinking becomes more of a distant memory.

@elusivehopeI loved reading about your friend. She sounds a cracker and I think we all need a walking tour of Hackney with her.

I'm off to the lakes today for a few days. The place we booked has a lovely outside area that I'll be honest I booked at the time thinking it would be perfect for some outside drinking late into the evening. So this will be another new experience. That being said I've searched up a local park run for tomorrow which I would never normally have felt like doing and also bought lots of lovely ingredients to experiment with some new recipes. That and a few walks and a happy content dog will replace all the boozing and I'm really looking forward to it.

Too many (yay) to tag today but I do want to say hello to @sugarytea2024and @Becky37- well done for keeping on. As everyone else says those early days are the most challenging but you WILL see the other side.

Ahoy, shipmates. And the customary cuddles to Sid.

Well done, @Lavrander. 32 days is massive. It really will get easier the longer you go on.

Another day in paradise here. The snags are building up, but I am managing to stay calm, outwardly at least. No murders yet, @elusivehope, but that's only because I was out when they left and I didn't realise that what was meant to be absolutely definitely finished today will not be restarted until Monday 😡

I don't know if anyone uses the Clear Minds app? If so, the Alcohol Aversion Therapy hypnosis is very good. It's a female voice, and she puts you into hypnosis then you imagine drinking a glass of wine* and realising that it tastes horrible and burns as it goes down. She also repeats that you are turning away from 'what no longer serves you', which is a good way of looking at it. It's not the same as giving up something you still enjoy, but is recognising that you have moved on, and something that used to feel like a positive in your life is not seen as positive any more.

*she uses 'alcohol' rather than 'wine', which I find a bit jarring, but other than that, the track is very good.

Thank you @Lavrander 💜

Still here and still sober. Just mainlining herb tea and winding down for the night watching 'sort your life out'. Inspiring me to basically do just that 🙄😆. Baby steps though. For now just staying sober and being healthy is the focus. Night fellow sober warriors

Morning all

Eleventh day of house guests. I can't sleep as we have to shut our door.

Pottering day today. My box has blight. I have the caterpillar eaters ready.
Curry and seville orange faux gin tonight.

Big legal meeting Monday and it's kicked in my anxiety. People are such liars and they don't care how they treat others.

Morning all.
Enjoy your pottering @WendyWagon

Off on holiday today

That is a very long stay @WendyWagon. I struggle to have anyone in my space for longer than a couple of days!
First day of holiday today. Beautiful views I've been enjoying watching the birds in the garden. Very excited to see a nuthatch. We don't see them at all back home. Enjoy your holiday @Onewildandpreciouslife

The first name change for me since I've been on MN. My drinking has crept up over the years and I no I am dependent on it.

I have a question to which I suspect there are many, many different answers but for those of you that are settled into a path of sobriety - how many false starts did you make, if any, before it finally clicked?

I can't say I've arrived at sobriety yet (can we ever?) but I am pleased with how far I've got and I do feel settled in this path. I'm not sure what counts as a false start. I made a vow to myself to cut down almost daily for years but never managed a single day off. So that could be hundreds of false starts! This is the first time in living memory that I managed to go one day without, and then another and another etc until today. I'm aiming for 100 days but not sure I'll dare, or ever want to, try drinking again. Getting over the first hurdle of doing a day without was so very difficult and every day since has been comparatively easy. There seems little point in drinking now except that it makes things a bit easier socially sometimes (e.g. not having to refuse the free champagne.) Good luck!

Probably 3 or 4 @honestyhelpsand that was because each time I convinced myself I could moderate and also I believed that alcohol was good and it was me that was the problem. It's clicking for me now because I've finally worked out that alcohol is the problem. I have to keep reminding myself of that but honestly I'm getting to think that I don't drink alcohol for the same reason I don't do crack. It's that realisation that is helping me. If that's any help at all to you!

@honestyhelps welcome and welcome back if we've met before.

I can only say the day you don't want a drink and almost forget you used to is pivitol.
I remember going past the corner shop and not stopping.

Alcohol dependancy is a lapsing condition courtesy of one of our shipmates. I've found that saying useful over the last month or so.

I also think forgiving ourselves for the past is a major turning point. Before 08/01/2022 I had only stopped for eight weeks. Babies aside.

I'll get off my soap box and stir my curry!

Honesty I think is the key my friend. X

@Lavrander and @Onewildandpreciouslife enjoy your holidays!

Well done to you @Becky37 for mainlining the herbal tea. Hope you had a good day today.

And commiserations to @ShyMaryEllen! It seems to be a principle of house renovations that builders never, ever finish when they say they will.

@WendyWagon I don't think I could ever manage such a long stretch of house guests, no matter how lovely they were. I'm impressed! Sending you strong positive vibes for the legal meeting on Monday. It often helps me when I'm anxious to remember the serenity prayer's distinction between things I can and I can't control. Other people's shitty behaviour falls under the latter category. Regardless of what happens, you will be OK! You've weathered so many tough times already and come out the other side. We're here for you.

@honestyhelps that's a very interesting question. I heard (or read?) someone say once that they'd had more relapses than they'd had hot dinners, and I identified with that statement a lot! I'm still not sure I'm out of the woods yet. The responses you've already had to your question here are very wise.

In my case I think the crucial thing is not to stop trying despite the relapses. That's why I really liked the quit lit book Push Off from Here by Laura McKowen, because she had loads of 'false starts' and finally got it. Reading about her experience made me feel more hopeful (see my username, ha). The title 'Push Off from Here' also suggests that you should just start from where you are, regardless of how many times you've tried and failed in the past.

It also depends how you define a false start, as Lilly said. I could see my past stretches of sobriety as false starts, or I could see them as building blocks that taught me something. For instance, they taught me how much better it feels not to be 'in active addiction' (as they call it). I want that feeling back again, and I want it for the long haul.

I believed that alcohol was good and it was me that was the problem. It's clicking for me now because I've finally worked out that alcohol is the problem. That's so helpful, Lavrander!

I'm still feeling positive. It's such a nice change from the exhaustion of daily anxiety. I'm on anti-anxiety meds and I know the alcohol prevents them from working properly, so maybe I'm finally getting more of the benefit of that too.

DH and I have just set up a chore/pocket money arrangement with DS2. He seems quite enthused about it at the moment, so fingers crossed. I'm terrible at routines (for both myself and my DC), and I haven't done well over the years at getting them to do chores regularly. Speaking of false starts and 'clicking', maybe this time it will click! At least DS2 is extremely keen to earn money. DS1 was the most weirdly unmaterialistic child ever. He was literally unbribable. If you offered him money for doing chores, he would just decline.

I love this thread, avast me hearties. (My knowledge of nautical vocabulary is shite, sorry!)

Morning all. Enjoying my morning coffee watching the sun spread across the valley in front of me. The best bit of sober holidays. I must admit to a few pangs yesterday as DH and DD drank wine, but as I’m starting to unwind I’m also starting to appreciate that my mind really isn’t in the best place at the moment. So the desire to escape is very strong, and equally giving in to it would be A Bad Thing.

To answer your question @honestyhelps , I had about 2 months of trying and failing to stop- would string a couple of days together and then drink again. I then committed to do Dry January- told everyone I was doing it, signed up to the TryDry App, got those teacups.

When Dry January finished, I thought I’d just see how it went- with predictable results. BUT I kept using the app, and I realised that the days I drank were the days I was anxious, angry or bored. So I signed up to Sober Spring (20 March to 20 June), which is the magic 3 months/ 100 days which gives your brain time to start to adjust, and then I kept going, by setting incremental targets after that.

That was 2022, so I’m over 3 years sober now. These threads have been so helpful- I remember posting on my first break in the UK that I couldn’t go into a country pub and not drink wine, and being firmly told that was a “false narrative” and of course I could!

Ahoy me lovelies.

I've managed to read my weekend paper without interruption or noise. I've also scoffed a breakfast crusty role which will give me jip later.

Last day of house guests. We're be having an easy evening meal.

I didn't get the local job but at least the owner rang me. Very abrupt person but obviously has manners.

Thank you for the reminder of the serenity prayer @elusivehope . I'll need that tomorrow.

Morning! I'm sipping breakfast tea and thinking about sourdough toast with sour home-made blackcurrant jam, a gift from a friend.

I'm broke but have just discovered Vinted, so will spend a few minutes now hunting for a specific beautiful thing which will pull some outfits together. It may not exist but will enjoy the quest!

I've just read samples of the Laura McKowen books and they sound excellent - thank you @elusivehope I enjoyed Catherine Gray and Clare Pooley. I think I need some memoir in there, rather than pop science.

I think it’s a lot to do with mindset. I used to want to be a non-drinker, but at the same time didn’t want to stop drinking. I would set myself all sorts of ridiculous goals- don’t drink on consecutive nights, only drink when out, just at weekends, alternate with water, whatever else I could think of that didn’t mean giving up. Unsurprisingly none of it worked, but if you count those as false starts, then about 4528.

When I was diagnosed with cirrhosis I stopped immediately. My mindset became that of a non-drinker, and stayed that way until I was told that I have fibrosis, which is still bad, but not terminal and not necessarily progressive. I thought I could dabble 🙄🙄🙄🙄, and tried for a while, but of course that was never going to end well, and although it was nowhere near every night (as it used to be) I was soon drinking bottles rather than glasses. So I stopped - no ‘occasional’ drinks, I’m teetotal again. Mindset is all, I think.

At my recent checkup I was told that they won’t reverse a diagnosis of cirrhosis (even though the fibroscan shows fibrosis and my LFTs are normal). It is officially irreversible so that’s that. I know that’s not the case. The British Liver Trust says that’s not the case, and I didn’t have a fibroscan when I was diagnosed so it was probably a wrong diagnosis in the first place. I was very upset, but staying on the books means I get annual liver scans (Ultrasound) to check for cancer, which remains a high risk with fibrosis, so swings and roundabouts.

Anyone not at the liver damage stage should really consider whether they fancy living a round of constant clinic appointments, blood tests, scans, endoscopies and so on. It’s not fun, and it’s time consuming. It’s also humiliating to have to explain to all and sundry that you have cirrhosis - yes, our notes are private but if you fill in a form for insurance, a dentist, any sort of medical treatment, (even a podiatrist or a Pilates class FFS) there is a question about liver disease. Get off the train now if you can. It’s only going one way.

On that note, however, l will say that the diagnosis saved my life, as I doubt I would have stopped without it. I am actually healthier now than I have been for years, whatever the liver team say, and it is clear that not drinking can halt or reverse things. I am back on the hypnosis as it worked for me before, and am determined to get my mindset back to that of a non-drinker.