Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

Ahoy shipmates! I’m trying to sound hale and hearty in an attempt to trick myself out of the torpor that has beset me all week. Nothing’s gone wrong, I haven’t had any cravings or indulged in any other unhealthy behaviours; I just feel a bit meh and can’t be arsed to do anything beyond my normal, admittedly minimal, routines. I want to snap out of it - I’m boring myself and it’s affecting my little dog, who has started wanting to return home 10 minutes into a walk and refusing to eat her breakfast. A depressed, withdrawn spaniel is a very sad thing. I think I’m going to indulge myself for the rest of today and make a fresh start tomorrow - new week, new me, hoping for the sober boing! Anyway, I’m annoyingly Pollyanna-ish most of the time in sobriety, so I suspect a reset was on the cards.

I won’t mention everyone by name, but I have enjoyed catching up with everybody’s news. Keep trudging the path to happy destiny 🙏

Thank you all for the welcome. Just got into bed and very much looking forward to some more restoriative sleep.

Tomorrow will be day 3 ❤️‍🩹

Hope you sleep well! I was amazed when I discovered what great sleep I had when I hadn't been drinking - it's wonderful. And be proud of what you've already done - it's a big step to have taken.

Problem is i keep taking this step and relapsing after a few days or a week or a month... but I will never stop trying. What other option is there after all.

Plus I hate feeling like this and love feeling sober and clear headed and not a slave to crushing anxiety. So that is something!

What happens Becky37 when you slip back, could you write out any pattern you see and maybe plan ahead? Do you have support?

Morning all.

A better sleep again, yeay.
Off to the hospital this afternoon for a jab hopefully which will get me moving for a bit.

Good luck at the hospital @WendyWagon. I hope it’s not too painful.

We are having work done on the house, and Husband has finally got round to doing the things he’s been saying he’ll do in advance of the tradies’ arrival. This means I am juggling timings as usual, and to make things worse I am also working around the fact that unknown to him we are having four houseguests and an overnight ’do’ for his imminent birthday, so I also need to get rooms ready for that.

I’m hiding upstairs just now, but must surface before long as I need breakfast and to make some sort of start. If he finishes on time I’ll be going with him to choose a toilet - the glamour of my life overwhelms me at times😎

@WendyWagon yes, very likely! (about having the same water company I mean). Too bad about the cottage! I hope the perfect place for you comes onto the market.

Best of luck @ShyMaryEllen with the surprise birthday plans; what a lovely thing to do for your DH.

@FaithHopeCarnage it's good to hear from you again, and sorry you've been in the doldrums. I hope you felt more energised today.

After my post a couple of days ago about having lots of energy, I had a bad day yesterday. Just felt very anxious for no identifiable reason. I started to fixate on lots of little tasks around the house that DH and DC hadn't got round to doing, and lectured them about it 😳Needless to say this did not go down well. This kind of behaviour is more typical of me when I've drunk too much and am irritable, but yesterday I was sober and was irritable regardless.

I feel better again today after a good night's sleep. I don't know what was wrong with me before. Sometimes I think I overanalyse my own mental state. I've always suffered from intermittent anxiety and depression, and even though I'm much better at managing my mental health now than I used to be, I need to let go of the idea that I'm going to be bright and happy every day. Some days I just feel mentally unwell and I don't know why. I need to just get through the less-good days and not worry about them too much. And try not to release my stress in negative ways, eg by lashing out at the people I live with.

Maybe it's also an ADHD pattern. I feel energised and do a lot for a couple of days; I think, 'great! I am going to be busy and productive like this every day!'; and then I get a degree of exhaustion and meltdown, which takes me by surprise every time, ha.

Anyway I hope I'm not boring everyone with all this navel-gazing.

Am off to London tomorrow with DH to visit an old friend. Her DH died relatively recently (it was a great loss, although he was 83) and I hope she's coping all right. I have a long, slightly chequered history with this friend (she is amazingly funny and warmhearted, but can also be outspoken/critical to the point of rudeness). It will be good that I am seeing her when sober and therefore in a better position to handle emotion.

Hope everyone's week is off to a good start.

Morning all.
Saw a GP yesterday about getting some psychotherapy- the next challenge is finding a therapist with availability. Still, progress.

Good morning everyone.

Just had to catch up on three days of the alcohol experiment as I got a bit lax but am determined to take it all in. The one about alcohol and boredom very much resonated. I seem to have so much free time at the weekend - it's fine when it's the morning but I've been a bit twitchy in the afternoon and seem to be spending a bit too much time on screens. They said to write down what you enjoyed before alcohol but I was probably 15!

Last night I took the dog out for a walk in the countryside. He was delighted as evening walks are usually a plod around the block. However as the evenings get darker it wont be possible and I am concerned that by then I wont fully appreciate all the reasons I stopped so must get into good habits and routines now. Just need to have a think about what I'd like to do and look up what's on around the area.

Sorry to all that are not in great health or feeling low. We're here keeping on.

Morning all.
A bad sleep last night.

I went out to lunch with a friend who can be very critical @elusivehope . I'd refused to add in a mutual friend as in May the conversation was upsetting. I did try to shake her off but she came to pick me up, curses. I think some people smell trouble and what to ride on it.
I told her nothing. In my drinking days I would have got sloshed and spilled the beans. I had a elderflower presse.

I have the BFF for lunch. I can download there.
No houses chums. They are all selling like hotcakes.

Ahoy all!

Apparently the work will start on Thursday. TBH, I'll believe that if it happens, as previous experience with this chap shows him to be unreliable in the extreme, but we'll see.

Psychotherapy sounds interesting, @Onewildandpreciouslife. I hope you can access it soon, and let us know how it goes when you get started. The alcohol experiment sounds interesting too, @Lavrander. Is it an app?

How was the injection, @WendyWagon? I don't know how quickly you feel the effects, but I hope you are leaping 5 bar gates today.

Cuddles to Sid, @REP22. I will have two grandpuppies here for Husband's birthday weekend. They haven't met, so I hope they get on. One is an actual puppy (spaniel) and the other an old man (Frenchie) so I'm fairly hopeful, but sometimes young dogs can be irritating to their elders and betters, so we'll see. Old Dog was a pain in the proverbial when he was a pup, but I dare say he'll have forgotten his misdemeanours by now that he's older and wiser.

The app is called The Naked Mind @ShyMaryEllenand it's by Annie Grace. It's free and when you join you just join The Alcohol Experiment - it's a month of daily videos and reflections. It sounds simple but just the act of doing the daily reflections have really helped me. Better than hoovering up quit lit in a couple of days for me anyway.

Hi Everyone,

Glad to see Everyone doing so well. I'd love to come back if you will have me? I managed 5 months late last year but stupidly, thought I could go on a holiday and moderate! Spoiler, I went back to drinking pretty much daily.

Some days we're OK only a bottle of wine, I know that's not actually ok, but for me was normal embarrassingly.

But I actually found that after the lapse I was drinking more than ever before, sometimes vodka too or ever 2 bottles of wine and feeling awful the next day, memory lapses. My relationship has had so many arguments all absolutely stupid things that I know for a fact we would not have had if we were sober as we didn't fight at all for 5 months!

I am also having niggling pains where I assume my pancreas/gallbladder/liver is so that is quite concerning.

I had actually planned this day in my head as the day I would stop due to trips, days out etc I know how stupid that is because there will always be an excuse, so now or never.

I plan to read William Porter Alcohol explained, it really clicked last time the audio version. Last time I told so many people, this time I am too embarrassed so will share here.

I know I am on day 1 but I feel like I am not back at the start, I have learned a lot and hopefully it will help me this time.

Thanks again x

You're not back at the start - you've had five months to remind yourself of what 'normal' life is like for those who don't drink. Obviously 'normal' is very variable, but you will have reminded yourself of what your normal can be. Also, you will have reset some things physically, which is good, too.

I think that heavy drinking rewires our brains, so that even after a long break, as soon as we go back to what we think will be moderating we slip back into old habits. It's rubbish, but true, unfortunately.

Anyway, welcome back @sugarytea2024, and good luck this time round.

@ShyMaryEllen you are so right, it's like a pause button and I ended up right back where I was before I started and got progressively worse.

I have had a few false starts since I drank again in the Spring, but I feel like I know what I need to do this time around, I will be following along, this thread is very motivating.

Welcome back @sugarytea2024. I find posting here has definitely kept me from slipping. Even just random musings help my 'reason' to stay front and centre rather than convincing myself I can moderate. Hope it helps for you as well.

Morning all.
Ah yes @Lavrander - who knew how much time alcohol was taking up?! My solution was to increase my running- it filled my mornings and left me too tired to get bored in the afternoon! But find something that works for you right now - by the time the nights are drawing in you might be in a completely different place mentally

It’s interesting that I’d forgotten how much of my thinking about stopping drinking must come from the Alcohol Experiment, although I did it old school and read it as a book. I did re read those early chapters quite a few times until it stuck!

Welcome back @sugarytea2024 . You’re right - you will have learned a lot, both in the 5 months you were sober and in the time since. Glad to see you back

Morning all.
A good sleep was had and I think the steriod has kicked in.

Off on an airport run this afternoon. Then the DS has his girlfriend staying.
They are house viewing Sunday, yeay.
He wants a particular road and there is a newly reduced abode. However it has mock cottage interiors with a dash of Lawrence Lewelyn Bowen cira 1980s!
Locatiom location says I. Let's hope he agrees and I can have a bit of peace.

I'm very stressed over a legal matter but I've managed to stay off the booze. In years gone by I would have been around to the corner shop daily. I have surprised myself.

Another day survived. Still sweating and feeling like utter crap but its only day 5 so I know its going ti be a couple more days at least for my body to sort itself out. Tucked up in bed hoping another nights sleep will help

@Becky37 Well done for 5 days- that's a big achievement. I hope you have a good night's sleep - you deserve it and it will keep improving.

Yes, well done @Becky37 , these are the toughest days to get through! Pamper yourself as much as you can.

Good luck @Onewildandpreciouslife with your search for a good therapist.

Hello @sugarytea2024 and welcome! I have had a trajectory not unlike yours. A longish period of sobriety followed by a period of drinking more than ever. Today is day 26 for me and I'm feeling so much better already, physically and mentally. Posting here really does help me keep going.

@WendyWagon ha at the 1980s mock cottage interiors. Fingers crossed for both you and your DS in the house hunt. I'm sorry to hear about the legal stress; well done for keeping away from the poison.

I saw my old friend in London yesterday and it was quite a day. She lectured me a bit about my life choices, but not much, ha. She was clearly trying to be on her best behaviour. 😂It was touching to see her coping so bravely without her late DH. Also, she is 81! How had I not realised she was 81? I guess I've known her for 30 years and I still think of her as being in her 60s, not her 80s. It's hard to be cross about someone being bossy when they've reached that time of life. She is a character. She uses a walker, so she moves slowly, but OMG she took us on a walking tour of Hackney that lasted 3.5 hours! DH and I were shattered. 😂Friend has a small, overweight, poorly trained, and much beloved dog who accompanies her everywhere. She keeps insisting on taking the dog off the lead and then the dog runs away, rushes into shops, tries to interact with strangers, etc. It's hilarious and annoying in equal measure. Friend and her dog seem to know everyone in Hackney. At one point we stopped at an oyster stall and friend ordered a single oyster, which she then covered with garnishes and tipped back into her mouth on the spot. When she took out her purse to pay, the stall owner said to her gallantly, 'Madam, it's on the house.' If I live to be in my 80s I hope to have a fraction of her energy and zest for life ❤So that was a good day and I'm pleased to have been sober for it.

Today has unsurprisingly mostly been spent recovering from yesterday's big London adventure. DS2 is due home tonight from his camping trip.

Hope everyone has a peaceful night and a bright day tomorrow.

👋🏻

Just popping in to sy hi.

@elusivehope York friend sounds amazing. I would like to be like her when I am 80!

Glad to hear you are exploring psychotherapy @Onewildandpreciouslife . I 2 years of weekly sessions in my 20s and it was transformative (still didn't stop me drinking too much in my 40s though - but the issues needing dealing with were different).

Welcome back @sugarytea2024 . Like @ShyMaryEllen says. It's not starting from scratch as you have proved to yourself that you can do no drinking for 5months (a real achievement) and now have a data point (The Naked Mind term) to reflect on what happend when you drink again.

SIL (sober for >10 years) and I were discussing a celebrity that had a drink and drug issue (went to rehab got clean, and now drinks "normally" )apparently last weekend.

She said that she has seen too many people "in the rooms" (She's in AA) trying to go back to normal even after may years of sobriety that she would be too scared to even try. And I feel the same, who knows if it is possible to take a break and then reset to "normal" (whatever normal is? Personally I think normal drinking in the UK is a AUD anyway) ? Maybe for some people it is possible but, knowing we're I got to and how it affected my mental health. I really don't want to risk going back.
At the moment (14months in) I don't feel like I am depriving myself by not drinking either.

I used to see a glass bottle of wine of an evening as my reward, and for a long time, I couldn't contemplate stopping drinking as what would I reward myself with?

Now going to bed early is my reward and although this probably sounds really boring to most people. I really really love it.

Hand in there @Becky37 these first couple of weeks are HARD! I am sure @ShyMaryEllen has already told you to but I hope you are taking high dose thiamine (other B bits are also good) and taking it easy. We're all rooting for you.

Edited to add some punctuation. 😂

Yes, Thiamine is essential in the first few weeks. I wonder if we should add that to the opening post on the thread? It can make the difference between getting brain damage and not, and is such a simple fix that I'm surprised it's not more widely known. When I first stopped I joined a community called Bright Eye (sadly it is no more) and a woman on there had quite serious damage because she hadn't been aware of the need to supplement with Thiamine (B1), and was passionate about passing on the information.

I asked ChatGPT about the role of thiamine in alcohol cessation and got a lot of information. It's too much to post on here (and of course people can do it themselves) but I screenshotted a summary. WE and KS are both serious brain conditions, sometimes called 'wet brain':