Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

Yes!! @LillyPJI definitely did feel quite bored at times.
Keep reminding yourself why you stopped in the first place, and imagine how much more stressed you'll be with drinking. Alcohol won't help relieve it for more than 30 seconds, and what will come with it will feel so much worse. Years and years of conditioning for us to get our brains out of!

Hi everyone, just checking in. I went to London yesterday to see a friend. It was a lovely day, but I'm not used to the big city, and I still feel exhausted today after the effort! I had a longish ride on the tube back to the train station, and the tube train was like a sauna, gosh. I was nauseous and dripping with sweat. London is only an hour or so from where I live, but I don't know how regular commuters manage it. That said, it was reassuring to know that the nausea was purely down to heat and travel, and not to the over-consumption of alcohol.

DS2 had a friend to sleep over last night and I made them American waffles this morning. No one else in my family seems to like waffles as much as I do (I use my dad's old recipe; he loved to make them and it was pretty much the only thing he knew how to cook). Anyway, DS's young mate ate five squares, which was gratifying!

Bravo @WendyWagon on the job offer, that is so impressive! It's so good to be appreciated for one's skills (regardless of whether or not you decide to take on the job in the end). The thatched cottage does sound beautiful. There are a couple of thatched cottages not far from where I live, and I always admire them. Re-thatching the roof seems like quite a task though; I saw it being done once.

Ha @Lavrander at your idea that if one is drinking 'lots of water in the absence of anything else', it will have a slimming effect. True that! I also sympathise with the way conversation can lag when you're sober and the other person is having a drink. I can't force myself to be good at conversation either; it's a kind of alchemy that sometimes kicks into action and sometimes doesn't. I would say you should just be kind to yourself. It's not actually your job to entertain your conversation partner at all times!

I hope your headaches are better, @CuddlesKovinsky . So annoying.

And I hope the work situation eases, @EastCoastDamsel . I admire people with management skills (managing other people I mean) as I'm rubbish at that myself.

I'm two weeks sober and haven't lost a bit of weight. If anything, I've gained a pound or two. My primary downfall is late-night snacking, sigh. Never mind. My mental self-image is definitely improving regardless.

Evening all.

Lots going on at Chez Wendy. Not good stuff sadly however I'm ever the optimist.

Thank you for the good wishes on the cottage. It's a downsize for us but we've just had a mortgage hike and I left it too late to change our deal. The bs have been blinking awful.
We've got to get ready for the market at the end of next month. I'm not a tidy girl.
The cottage owners have another house so if we sell quickly we can move quickly. Hoorah. I need my fire.

When I had my slip I was aware of talking utter sh*te. My husband is a man of few words but he is witty, DD too.
Think Yes Minister.
We would some really good conversations when I was first sober.
I also got to watch films I had missed the ending of due to falling into a stupor.
Give some time to recalibrate your relationships. Some will get better and others will be seen for what they are.
Two friends dumped me. I miss neither. They were both funny but it was on my dollar.
My late mum loved waffles @elusivehope
Harrods use to have a waffle bar where you could order a waffle, cherries and ice cream. I used to laugh my socks off thinking of The Witches of Eastwick (my mother was difficult).

Morning lovelies and even lovelier Sid.

Up early due to the water works. Age my friends.
DD has a friend arriving from Canada so we'll be tidying today. No chance of shipshape but we'll do our best.

Luckily no booze urges. All has been calm.

Goodly morn of Monday, sober crew!

I think I'm finally starting to get The Sober Boing! I usually find the first couple of weeks AF to be a slog, just generally knackered and bleh and wondering 'wosser point?!'... but one morning I get up and spontaneously jiggle my ass around the kitchen, and this day (11) may be it...

And so I went up the garden, observed aloud 'What a lovely day!' - and something immediately stang me in the neck! 🐝🤣 Well, it woke me up...

I was summoned to the nurse today to 'discuss my HbA1c' but this has been postponed till tomorrow... I knew my blood sugar was tending upwards... looking at it positively, I want to lose about 1 stone anyway, and this may be the kick in the pants I need (not literally, don't think the NHS has degraded that much yet...). Going to look at the Mosley books on this, I like to have a plan...

So I wish The Boing on everyone, wherever you may be!

And yes, the Wee Wake, even sober - it has been my pattern for many a year now @WendyWagon ...

Talking of water, I would love a water fizzer gadget - cheaper, and more eco, no doubt - but I suspect our tap water has passed through several Legionnaires before getting to us and don't like the taste of it...

And talking of drunken talking - yes, sometimes it would lead to free-flowing fun and cheery bollocks - but it was even more likely, for me and DH, to lead to circular arguments and over-reactions and stupid blow-ups. With advanced sobriety, I have found the free-flowing fun comes back anyway, and feels more satisfying - and that you can also spot when the mood turns argumentative, put a stop to it and not put up with disrespect.

So on balance, much better sober. As is everything.

(I mean 'advanced sobriety of the past' when I had 5.5 years - I know Day 11 is still early doors... 😄).

I've had the Wee Wake for years - and sometimes more than once. The difference now is that I can go straight back to sleep. When I was drinking I'd be awake for a couple of hours or more, tossing and turning.

@CuddlesKovinsky Well done for 11 days - you've done the hardest part! I think I've got the opposite of the Sober Boing though now. I'm on Day 81 and the last few days have been a struggle. It's not as exciting as it was at first, counting off the days, and I've had a lot of stress which I used to treat with alcohol. I just have to remind myself that drinking just made stress worse in the end - and that it's such bliss to get a proper night's sleep (even with a Wee Wake!)

Yes, absolutely, @LillyPJ ! After drinking, once I woke, it was Game Over for that night's sleep... and even if I managed to get back off after a couple of hours and sleep on, it clearly wasn't good quality.

Somewhere - and it may have been here - I heard it described as going from Basic Economy Sleep to First Class... 😁And sure, still get the odd one, but it's easier to recover from when you've paid a bit into the sleep bank.

Made it through another day. I don't feel like I'm out of the woods yet. For at least awhile every day, at some point or other, I start feeling out of sorts and thinking it would be fine if I had a drink. I know it wouldn't be fine though! I just wish I could fast forward to the point when I'm barely thinking about alcohol at all.

On the plus side though, there is always at least one good bit in every day when I think how glad I am to be sober. Tonight DH was out at a work dinner, and DS2 has gone off to Dorset for a few days with his best friend's family (that mum is a saint). So it was just DS1 and me at home, and DS1 was in an expansive mood and we had a long, intense chat over dinner about ethics and religion and some of the courses he's been doing at uni. It's been ages since we've talked like that. And I thought that if I'd been drinking, I wouldn't have been alert and ready to listen to him. I probably would have had a headache and been struggling to stay awake. So yeah, sober is better.

And yeah, it's very true what some of you are saying about how conversations do NOT necessarily improve when one is tipsy. If I've had even a few drinks, I'm so much more likely to get into a row with DH. At the time I always think that it has nothing to do with the fact I've been drinking and everything to do with him behaving like an arse (!) but in fact, the drink is a huge factor, because the rage washes over me and things escalate very quickly. Ugh. 😳

@WendyWagon I'm sorry to hear about the ongoing stress chez toi. I had to grin at the Witches of Eastwick reference. Believe it or not, when I was a little girl I once told my mother I was worried she might be a witch. !!! I remember it vividly. I think I was about five years old, and I was having obsessive thoughts. My DM did NOT react well when I confided this worry to her. Oh dear. As I recall she went on a screaming rant. In an ideal world she would just have given me a hug and reassured me that she wasn't a witch. But she had poor mental health and I probably just made her feel guilty. Omg the horrors of childhood.

Anyway, best of luck getting ready to put your home on the market. We're not a tidy/minimalist household either! There's a lot of, ahem, creative clutter lying about. Cupboards stuffed to the brim with objects no longer in use, that kind of thing. I'm hoping to make a bit of headway with the decluttering over the rest of the summer.

@CuddlesKovinsky that is so great about your Sober Boing!

@LillyPJ my sleep experience is like yours. I also do the 'wee wake' (ha) once or twice a night, but now that I'm not drinking, I fall asleep again quickly.

Speaking of which, hope everyone has a good night's sleep tonight!

Morning all.
Not having a good time at the moment, but trying to get some support structures in place. And at least I’m not trying to drink my way out of it this time!

Morning all,
Up with the dog.

@elusivehope my mother was an old witch (very interested in the occult and use to frighten me) but very beautiful and spoilt. She didn't like children and played us all off against each other. It was the first thing that popped up in my therapy sessions. I decided to spend my booze money on therapy and i did nine months. I should have done it years ago. My therapist specialised in addictions.

The DD and I are tidying for the house quest. The BFF is popping over for lunch. Shes still mooning over her stbxp (he's got very unsavioury political views). He may look pretty but is a bigot of the first order. Obviously not welcome at Chez Wendy.
I've not been having any booze noise at all. I've always had it (it never left me).

Have a good day all.

Morning all. Up early today travelling up north for work. No seats on the train.
Today will be another new experience for me - work drinks! But it sounds like from everyone else's experience they won't even notice. If they do I don't really care. I'll be waking up tomorrow morning feeling fresh and making use of the hotel pool 😀
Slightly lighter on the witch theme - when I watched The Craft as a teenager I desperately wanted to be a witch and would spend ages trying to get a pencil to stand on its point with the POWER of my mind. I'd be a good witch obviously.

Enjoy the tidying and the lunch @WendyWagon .

And enjoy your AF works drink experience @Lavrander Yes, they probably won't notice and even if they do, nobody really cares. As for witchcraft, I remember watching 'Bewitched' on telly and feeling really disappointed that Samantha wouldn't use her powers willy-nilly for everything. I certainly wouldn't be cleaning the oven or queuing in the airport if I could just twitch my nose instead!

Back from work drinks safe and sober. Cup of tea and bed. Bliss!

A rather boring day. I've been trying to dry the same load of washing for two days now. I keep hanging it up outdoors and then letting it get rained on. Argh! The rain is good for the garden at least.

I also miss DS2. Friends have taken him off to the beach for 5 days. He's an extrovert and can be very entertaining; the house feels quiet without him. Obviously the house is always either too noisy for me or too quiet!

I'm sorry to hear things are tough, @Onewildandpreciouslife . I hope you can indeed get some support in place.

I'm loving all the witch stories! I should have realised that the solution to secretly fearing that your mother is a witch is to become one yourself. 😂@WendyWagon I can't believe though that your DM actually WAS interested in the occult. Yikes. I've also had a lot of therapy to try to come to terms with my childhood, and it was hugely helpful, but I was young when I saw the therapists (uni counsellors and so on). I've often thought about seeing a therapist again now that I'm in my 50s. I like the idea of finding someone who specialises in addiction. (In my experience, people who have no firsthand experience of addiction, or of a family member with addiction, just don't 'get' what it's like.) The cost of therapy is so prohibitive though, I keep putting it off.

DH and I have had a lot of relationship counselling, and it has definitely saved our marriage. We saw one counsellor who was frankly shite, but then had another one who was brilliant, and saw her for several years.

Hope the lunch was good, Wendy. Sometimes I think there's a real shortage of decent men in the world. I hate bigotry though I scroll past a fair bit of it on facebook from my relatives in the US (they are mostly rural, working-class, right-wing Trump supporters). In general I don't try to argue with them, because it's pointless, but I've unfriended a few of them when the racist/anti-immigrant views became too blatant to ignore.

Big congrats on surviving the work drinks @Lavrander! Enjoy the hotel pool tomorrow!

Morning all.
Glad you got through the work drinks @Lavrander and hope you’ve enjoyed the swim.

Slept a bit better last night so hopefully I can keep my brain in check a bit better today- it does love to gallop away into worst case scenarios

Morning all.

More tidying today before the house guest.

Well I spoke too soon, my boing cometh before a fall... 😆 I was wiped out yesterday, a mess. And went to see the nurse re my HbA1C and it was 42 - early pre-diabetes - which surprised me (and her) because my diet's pretty good - but could be from previous breast cancer treatment or my screwy thyroid, so she said not to worry and they'll check in a year.

So I was gung-ho to start Mosleying a strict diet, but I realise that diets aren't a great idea in early sobriety... just going to focus on an interesting but intense work project, and general self-care and more sleep for a while. Over 9 hours last night, still knackered. I have to believe this will pass!

Our neighbour brought a bottle of wine round last night to thank us for some help we'd given. Gee, thanks, smile... put it away. I can deal with booze in the house fine (just as well, DH still drinks - rather too much, but that's another story)...

It's more the lurking idea that 'Oh, everyone has a drink, you're being too hard on yourself...'. But that's what I thought when I gave up on 5.5 years sobriety - I thought I'd 'reset' myself and could have the odd one. But it so quickly took over my life... the constant 'shall I shan't I?', then of course always did, then recovering from it... rinse and repeat... we've all been there.

Day 13.

@CuddlesKovinsky I don't think I've ever been given so many bottles of wine as I have since I stopped drinking! I'm building up quite a stockpile so I'm hoping other people have birthdays etc soon! I've not actually told anybody I've stopped drinking as I didn't want to make a big thing of it. (I also didn't want to be criticized if I failed!) Most of my drinking was on my own at home and most people don't even notice you've got some AF drinks in a pub. Well done on Day 13. I've found the days mount up quicker as time goes on which makes it easier.

@CuddlesKovinsky sympathy about the news from the nurse - though it does sound like there are multiple plausible explanations, and it's good she said not to worry.

Like you I've had thoughts of trying to lose weight, but have decided just to focus on sobriety for awhile.

I definitely relate to what you say about how once you have a drink, the 'should I / shouldn't I' thought cycle starts up again with a vengeance. It's exhausting. I just want to step off the roundabout and stay off for good this time.

I went out for a jog today for the first time in quite awhile. I'm overweight and unfit, so my jogging pace is such that people often pass me when they're walking briskly 😂I try not to mind. Another slow-jogging, overweight woman gave me a broad smile and thumbs up as our paths crossed. It was a welcome moment of solidarity!

Sometimes I wish my neighbourhood weren't QUITE so friendly, as it's inevitable every time I go out for a jog that I will see multiple people I know. There's a river path that is beautiful, but very heavily used. And the more I heave and pant, the more people I see. Sod's law. Today for instance I saw: an English professor, one of DH's work colleagues, a couple of mums from DC's primary school days, and a Bronze Age archaeologist. Also a local C-Beebies celebrity but he doesn't know me, so he doesn't count. 😂

Anyway I'll sleep well tonight as a result of the exercise. Wishing you all a good sober sleep.

Morning all,

@elusivehope you will get there on the weight loss. The first year I lost two stone, ditto the second. The third year I was poorly so the next two stone came of quickly. I still need to lose two stone more but my surgeon said no dieting until I'm better.
With the booze I use to eat cheese and now I don't bother. I also only eat bread twice a week and it's got to be posh.
I was eight stone overweight and I never thought I'd look normal again.
I do have a packet of crisps a day and I've settled on the ridged ones. They are less fatty. I can't exercise due to my mobility but I'm going to ask for a hydrotherapy referral.
The new me is wasted on a 59 year old but it is funny how I get so much more help from people. We have the power to change our lives. We don't need a secret potion but we do need determination and belief. I was very fat and very drunk for twenty years (the best years of my life?). Don't be me. Choose the new you. It'll be worth it. X

Good morning, chaps! Always lovely not to have drunk the night before... 😄

@LillyPJ , I know, it's uncanny! It's like a reverse Law of Attraction, the Universe bringing you exactly what you don't want! And people never know what to get you if you don't drink (I'm easy - pretty scarves, socks and fancy soaps will do - but they never listen).

Bloomin' well done on your jog, @elusivehope ! I think people should know you never stop a jogger... but hey, you have a river right there - push 'em in! 😄 ('CBeebies Sleb in random push attack - police seek sweaty woman')...

@WendyWagon , what an amazing turnaround on your health! Brava, you! You could do one of those photos where you stand in your old trousers, holding the waist open, 'This was me before the Soberplan Diet!' Interesting, if dispiriting, that you got treated so differently when you were carrying the weight... 🤨

Watching our neighbour move out today. In the words of a classic Aussie book, 'The Magic Pudding', he is 'one of those fine, upstanding, bumptious skites who love to talk all day, in the heartiest manner, to total strangers while their wives do the washing.’ True to form, his wife is doing it all while he supervises... He will not be missed.

Eating well but sensibly (Wendy, I love Manomasa olive crisps) - feeling the potential of Boing returning... two weeks today...

Happy Thursdaying all, hope the crew on holiday are enjoying themselves and that Sid is excelling at Sidness in his usual manner... 🤗

I'm shattered. Crawled to the end of the academic year. Thank goodness there is no school run tomorrow...

I used to feel guilty and think I was tired because I'd had a glass of wine. Now I realise I'm shattered because there is just too much to do.

Ah thanks for the pep talk @WendyWagon ! That's an amazing accomplishment. Wow. Cheese and bread are two of my favourite things. I did manage to lose some weight in the past by reducing carbs and/or replacing them with whole-grain carbs and more fruit and veg. I plan to try that again... just not right away!

I agree with @CuddlesKovinsky though, it's disheartening that society treats people so differently on the basis of their physical appearance.

Thanks for making me laugh about the jogging, Cuddles! I dislike being a spectacle, but I've reached that stage of life when I've finally stopped caring so much about what people think. It's very freeing.

Great quote from The Magic Pudding! I had a quick google and that picture book does indeed look like a classic. Seriously, men like that give me the rage. One can only hope that their wives will end up on the MN relationship threads and have their hand held while they get their ducks in a row and LTB 😂

I've had a low mood all day today, I don't know why. Just free-floating gloom. I didn't particularly want to drink, but it did occur to me that when I have moods like this, I usually drink, just because I want to feel different. Of course alcohol being a depressant, it's not much of a remedy. Anyway, today I had a large pastry and also a nap.

DS2 gets home tomorrow from his beach holiday and he should liven things up, bless him.

DS1 observed tonight that being on his own with both parents (ie while his brother away) is 'hell'. I do think everyone in this family is prone to a bit of self-dramatisation 😂

Happy sober Friday for tomorrow! Raising everyone a glass of their favourite AF beverage!