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Alcohol support

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Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

1000 replies

Onewildandpreciouslife · 23/06/2025 20:45

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

OP posts:
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elusivehope · 16/07/2025 23:17

Ah thanks @REP22 , what you say about breaking the spiral is very interesting.

And thank you for the lovely words about me not being my mum. I do know on a rational level that I'm different from her (I've consciously chosen to parent my DC very differently, for example - she was very controlling, so I've tried to give my DC as much autonomy as possible). But as I age I sometimes notice my physical resemblance to her when I look in the mirror, and it freaks me out a bit. I made the decision to go grey fairly recently (my hair I mean).

I love 'This Be the Verse'. Pure genius, that poem. It gets cited fairly frequently in our house in various contexts 😂

Thinking back through the generations, my mother's mother (my grandmother) was indeed an even more troubled person than she was. So maybe things are improving a bit from generation to generation!

My mind has finally calmed down now; it often does later in the evening. Maybe it's because when it's late, I stop half-consciously worrying about all the tasks I could be doing. I'm trying to break out of the mode of staying up late and getting up late though. Had a work meeting at 10 this morning and I had to set the alarm 😂

The main thing though is that I'm still sober! Wishing you all a bright morning tomorrow.

mumzof4x · 16/07/2025 23:53

Super quick check in as not been on for a while and I’m sorry I haven’t caught up yet .
We’re at a gorgeous city hotel with our son ready for his graduation tomorrow !! Super proud mum day ahead nil so excited and emotional. He’s my only “blue” as we call him as he has three sisters. Honestly it’s like he has 4 mothers not one !
Anyway coming away was/ is a bit of a trigger for me. Lovely hotel and city break and big celebrations, but I brought with me a bottle of 0% Freixenet pink and popped that cork instead on arrival.
I think we get free champagne at the reception though tomorrow so I’m going to either give it to my son or ask for a soft drink instead.
Daily mantras are really helping atm and mine tomorrow is about not needing alcohol to actually feel and remember the moment. I am choosing to be present, grounded and clear to soak up all that emotion without fuzzing the edges. I chose clarity. I choose peace. I choose me xxx
Will catch up with the thread asap but for tonight sending love and kindness to all (and Sid) on our sober journey x

WendyWagon · 17/07/2025 05:52

Morning all.
Up early as in need of breakfast.

Congrats to your son @mumzof4x
My son's graduation was in the lock down so no small hat do at all.
I don't even have a picture.

I have my BFF coming for lunch and then a VC meeting tomorrow re the company takeover. I think the founder is going to turn them down.
Off to the quacks this morning for post op review.

mermadeincornwall · 17/07/2025 05:53

Ahoy crew.
I will not drink today.
I've been AWOL,but not drinking.

Love and kind thoughts to all.

taylorean · 17/07/2025 06:00

mermadeincornwall · 17/07/2025 05:53

Ahoy crew.
I will not drink today.
I've been AWOL,but not drinking.

Love and kind thoughts to all.

You're back!!!

I was a little worried you were going through something and hope you're okay. No expectation here that you should come up with an inspirational message by 6am every morning 😂But great to see you pop up again!

March2027 · 17/07/2025 06:13

Morning all
lets make it a good one
safe and sober

Onewildandpreciouslife · 17/07/2025 06:38

Morning all.
Lovely to hear from you @mumzof4x and congratulations to your son. Enjoy your day! I’m going to my eldest’s graduation next week- it’s a bit of a shock to be old enough to have a child graduate.

Good to hear from you @mermadeincornwall - look after yourself

Hope all the various meetings go as well as they can @WendyWagon - it’s hard when these things rest on others’ decisions

OP posts:
REP22 · 17/07/2025 10:46

Good morning shipmates.

Quick one as last day at work before Sid and I head off on hols tomorrow and the carnival of numpties through my work inbox has already commenced.

Lovely to see you again @mumzof4x and @mermadeincornwall .

Strength and courage. I expect there will be Sidpix from hols in due course...

Could never be contemplating holidays like this if I was still drinking.

Stay safe and smiling. xx

CuddlesKovinsky · 17/07/2025 10:52

Ahoy, me hearties! Back here on Day 7 - aka One Week! 😄 I was lurking before as I had my 60th birthday to get through last week - wasn't going to get away without a drink then, and also had to deal with my mother 👹, which would drive the Dalai Lama to Jagerbombs...

This is the first day I've felt 'together' enough to post... Even though I was keeping it small, those few drinks were wrecking me, I was yearning to stop by the end... I can just tell that my whole mind-body cannae deal with alcohol any more.

Anyway, glad to clamber aboard again, breathless and dripping from the salty swim - a pat on the head to the ever-handsome Sid. And @mumzof4x , congratulations - graduation is such a lovely occasion, you'll be bursting with pride - and the nice thing about giving your drinks to people is they're always so delighted to get them - a win-win! 😄

Lavrander · 17/07/2025 11:08

Morning everyone.
The daily mantra idea sounds good. I've been really focusing in on reframing my 'why' and retraining my brain to understand the fact that alcohol is not a good thing that I need to stay away from but something that is not in anyway pleasant.

There was a really good exercise on the Alcohol experiment this morning which I'll share here if it helps anyone:
Take the following emotions ; Joy, Gratitude, Serenity, Interest, Hope, Amusement, Inspiration, Awe, and Love. Write down all the way alcohol adds to these emotions, and all the ways it takes.

The most interesting one to me was amusement - my brain straight away goes to all the times I've laughed loads or been silly whilst under the influence. THEN I remember the cringe I feel actually looking back at something I did or said - other people might have found it amusing but all I felt the next day was shame and embarrassment.
Needless to say I had many more in the 'take' column and my 'adds' wasn't related to the alcohol at all, but related to the company or the general environment.

Must keep digging into this to get it to stick. A long road ahead but will get there.

Have a wonderful holiday @REP22and Sid. And have a lovely proud, clear headed day that you'll remember always @mumzof4x

IWNDWYT

REP22 · 17/07/2025 11:44

Thank @Lavrander.

I hear you on the amusement thing - and the cringes. I used to think I was the most witty, urbane, comic genius at parties - the love-child of Stephen Fry and Jane Austen, with the feisty pluck of Elizabeth I... Actually I was mostly a tedious little tit.

The memories are vague but the mortification is real. It's hard for me to let go of that. But I can. It's not who I am anymore. Those emotions that you mention are far more precious and well-worth the carrying in the emotional rucksack that we all have strapped to our backs. Mortification and shame, like difficult/overbearing/abusive family members/"friends", are heavy burdens that we don't need in that rucksack. Feel free to set the pack down, take them out and leave them there on the side of the road (emotional fly-tipping, but the council can't do you for that). They weigh us down and bring us no benefit. Like an old, wee-sodden duvet. Put it down, release the weight and the burden, and walk away lighter and freer.

You can always walk back and pick them up again if you really want to, or can't face letting it go (because it can be harder than you think to let go of an old duvet, heavy and soaked with the incontinent pee of a long-deceased but much-loved elderly pet (or relative). "We loved them once!" "It's all I've got left of them!".) But you don't have to carry them on your shoulders. Put down the heavy bits, hoist the lightened rucksack back onto your shoulders, and walk on with a spring in your step carrying only the bits that no longer weigh you down.

I'm still a tedious little tit. But I embrace it now. 😉 xx

CuddlesKovinsky · 17/07/2025 12:58

the love-child of Stephen Fry and Jane Austen...

🤣

@REP22 I don't know which of the two would be more repelled by the prospect of the liaison - Stevie F or Dear Jane!

REP22 · 17/07/2025 13:01

CuddlesKovinsky · 17/07/2025 12:58

the love-child of Stephen Fry and Jane Austen...

🤣

@REP22 I don't know which of the two would be more repelled by the prospect of the liaison - Stevie F or Dear Jane!

Hehe, yes, quite. I highly doubt there'd be any actual offspring of such an union. 😉

ShyMaryEllen · 17/07/2025 15:12

It is a truth universally acknowledged that SF is not in search of a wife 😎

I am off on my holidays on Monday, too. Have a great time, @REP22 and Sid.

REP22 · 17/07/2025 15:29

ShyMaryEllen · 17/07/2025 15:12

It is a truth universally acknowledged that SF is not in search of a wife 😎

I am off on my holidays on Monday, too. Have a great time, @REP22 and Sid.

Thank you @ShyMaryEllen - have a wonderful time too.

But there certainly are not so many [straight] men of large fortune in the world as there are pretty women to deserve them.

Sid, on the other hand, would get on EXTREMELY well with SF. In every sense and sensibility. If you know what I mean. 😉x

CuddlesKovinsky · 17/07/2025 15:35

REP22 · 17/07/2025 15:29

Thank you @ShyMaryEllen - have a wonderful time too.

But there certainly are not so many [straight] men of large fortune in the world as there are pretty women to deserve them.

Sid, on the other hand, would get on EXTREMELY well with SF. In every sense and sensibility. If you know what I mean. 😉x

Sid is so mauve! 😉

I suppose Jane A would bow out if 'she happened unawares to look at Stephen Fry'...

CuddlesKovinsky · 17/07/2025 15:37

ShyMaryEllen · 17/07/2025 15:12

It is a truth universally acknowledged that SF is not in search of a wife 😎

I am off on my holidays on Monday, too. Have a great time, @REP22 and Sid.

You got that right, @ShyMaryEllen (named for the song? Got me singing it all day now!) It does seem so naughty, oh my... 🎶

ShyMaryEllen · 17/07/2025 17:47

CuddlesKovinsky · 17/07/2025 15:37

You got that right, @ShyMaryEllen (named for the song? Got me singing it all day now!) It does seem so naughty, oh my... 🎶

Yes! I didn't expect anyone to recognise it. My grandfather used to sing it to us as children.

🎼 Kissing and cuddling are nice, so they say
But how to do it I don't know the way. . . .

CuddlesKovinsky · 18/07/2025 03:49

Aww, what a lovely memory @ShyMaryEllen ... 😍

We used to hear it on The Good Old Days on telly. Some great stuff on there! Would love it as a kid when you saw a TV star dressed up in the period costumes, blew our little minds...

WendyWagon · 18/07/2025 07:27

Morning all.

I'm up and not feeling too bad.
I have a meeting early with a very attractive French man.
I shall dress up.

I returned from the quacks with a whole list of issues. I will consult the DS on Monday. He'll want to change my diet no doubt!

Good luck for a safe and sober Friday everyone.
@REP22 enjoy your hols

Lavrander · 18/07/2025 09:25

Sounds very exciting @WendyWagon(the French man not the diet!)
Morning. Up at 6.15 and had a PT session so feeling very virtuous today.
Friday always the challenge but the Ocado shop came yesterday with plentiful AF drinks so I'm looking forward to closing out the week with those.
Have a great sober Friday everyone.

LillyPJ · 18/07/2025 09:47

Morning All. I spent more than I should at the plant nursery yesterday (money I've saved by not buying alcohol?) and planted some of them in the garden. Now I realise they're in the wrong place so I'll be busy moving them today before any forecasted thunderstorms arrive. After a hot gardening session, I like to have a drink so I'll put an AF beer in the fridge for my reward.

Blueskies3 · 18/07/2025 12:01

Hello all, not sure if I have posted. But I gave up drinking in December, so 7 months on (who is counting?! Me!). My husband was diagnosed with epilepsy so had to give up alcohol and he was my favourite drinking partner. I kept drinking for a year, but then it made me feel low being on my own, I also thought it was a slippery slope as I have anxiety. How have you socialising? I am 40 and am finding every woman I know socialises with a wine or two, or cocktail nights. I don't go out much, and already have social anxiety, now I feel like I stand out even more. Have you found good friends/good ways to socialise without alcohol?

elusivehope · 18/07/2025 12:34

Congratulations on your DS's graduation @mumzof4x !

And @CuddlesKovinsky congrats on your one week! The first week is definitely the hardest.

@REP22 and @ShyMaryEllen hope you both have lovely holidays.

Ooh la la @WendyWagon on your rendezvous with the Frenchman.

@LillyPJ I'm glad you're getting your plants sorted. The ones I bought the other day were looking so good, I got a lift every time I looked out the back door, but they're wilting now - I'm going to have to water them more conscientiously.

@Blueskies3 Seven months is very impressive. Even though I'm still very new to sobriety this time round, I stopped drinking socially many years ago (after relapsing I did all my drinking in secret, which was not good for all sorts of reasons, but I digress). Anyway it felt weird at the beginning, but now feels completely normal, and in fact I've noticed that more and more of my friends go for AF options as well when we're out. At pubs, I usually have an AF beer or a pint of something like lime and soda. If I'm out on a (rare) girly night and others are having cocktails, I have a mocktail. No one really seems to notice. As long as you have a glass in your hand that doesn't look like tap water, people are pretty oblivious.

One thing though is that if I'm not enjoying myself at a social event, I tend to go home earlier, because I don't have the alcohol-fuelled buzz enabling me to stay. That's OK with me though.

Long dinners at other people's houses where everyone else is drinking CAN sometimes be triggering for me. I make sure to come prepared with my own AF drinks (which I obviously offer to the hosts, but sometimes no one else is drinking them apart from me). That way I know I'll have drinks I like. I often bring a bottle of wine to give the hosts, plus an AF bottle.

I have one friend who cooks amazing three-course meals with wine carefully chosen for each course. With dinner I like to drink sparkling water (Badoit is my favourite), and once when I brought a bottle of Badoit, he poured everyone a glass with dinner, and then I had nothing nice to drink as a refill. I know this is a first-world problem, and I was after all being treated to a gourmet dinner, but since then I've always brought LOADS of sparkling water when I go to his house, to make sure it doesn't run out. Strategies!

Had a busy day yesterday. Watched DS perform in a play, went the pub with the rest of the cast and parents afterward (drank a Lucky Saint), went on to my book group and drank homemade elderflower cordial (most other book groupies were drinking prosecco, but the cordial was lovely and at least a couple of others were drinking it as well).

Predictably though I am all peopled out again now and looking forward to a day of solitude albeit with various family members underfoot.

My biggest conundrum at the moment is what to make for dinner as DS2 is super fussy, and I'm bored of all our usual options.

I'm feeling very positive still about being AF. Am still slightly bothered by the fact that I haven't ticked off more domestic and work tasks this week, but honestly, fuck it. Not everything has to be done at once.

LillyPJ · 18/07/2025 14:18

Well done to @Blueskies3 - 7 months is brilliant! I've just done 7 weeks, so I have far less experience but I've haven't found socializing to be a problem. I just do what I did before and have different drinks. In a pub, I might start with an AF beer but then go on to soda and lime or plain tonic water or sparkling water. Really, I agree with @elusivehope that nobody else notices. The only downside is that it can get tedious if everyone else gets drunk so it's a good idea to have an escape route in mind.

I drink loads of sparkling water at home - I love it. I did invest in a Sodastream machine to save on the plastic but making just one bottle at a time, I never had enough and got fed up of the faff so I'm back to buying big 2 litre bottles. My understairs cupboard is full of them. Nothing as posh as @elusivehope 's Badoit though. I get mine from Aldi, 39p a bottle.

I got my gardening done this morning and am happy with where I've put the plants now. I also picked a load of runner beans - amazing crop this year considering it's just two plants I grew from last year's seed sown in a large plant pot. I have to water them every day but that's a pleasant task.

After the gardening, I sat in the shade with a cold AF beer. This time I tried Aldi's (as you can tell, I'm an Aldi fan!) 0% St Etienne and thought it was excellent - perhaps my favourite AF beer so far. Also only 99p a bottle.

It's getting very hot and humid now. Bring on the thunderstorms!

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