Continuing support thread for those trying to live an alcohol free life - summer 2025

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.

The original thread was started by @drybird in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.

Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.

All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain completely . If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there if that is your aim. That doesn’t mean that none of us has ever slipped, or that you can’t post here if you do - all we ask is that you are genuinely trying to stop drinking alcohol completely.

It’s not easy to be sober, but it is so, so worth it. Your alcohol-free life can be better than you ever dreamed. Come on in.

I'm finding The Alcohol Experiment so helpful too@Onewildandpreciouslife. It's good to take some time every day and reflect properly.

Morning All! I always thought I drank because I loved the taste and it relaxed me @Onewildandpreciouslife. But now I realize that, if anything, it made me overall more tense and anxious. I don't know if I'd still love the taste (I suspect I would but daren't test it out) but I've discovered other drinks I love the taste of. And yesterday when I got home after a strenuous and hot day's walking, after my shower I had... a big glass of fizzy water. In the past I'd have automatically poured a glass of wine without even considering what I really fancied. I do think routine played an enormous part in my drinking. I never stopped to think about it - at 6 o'clock I had wine, in the pub I ordered a pint.

The Alcohol Experiment sounds interesting. I'll have to look out for it.

I came home to a blizzard (well, quite a lot anyway!) of posts on here yesterday. I read them all and as always found them interesting and entertaining. Didn't have time to respond individually but wanted to say to you all how much I appreciate everyone's contributions and support. I wouldn't have got this far (Day 74 today) without you.

Last night I dreamed I accidentally had a sip of an alcoholic cocktail. First, I was horrified and second, I knew that I'd have to confess here and go back to Day 1. I knew you wouldn't be judgemental. Still, I was relieved when I woke up and realized I hadn't done it!

@LillyPJ if routine/habit was your driver, maybe look to replace drinking with other routines? I switched to AF fizz, so the ‘opening a bottle and pouring the wine’ habit side of it all was satisfied, and knowing that I was likely to sleep badly at first I made an effort to go to bed in a pleasant room with nice smells and enough to do to stop me being bored when I was wake. Low energy things like ‘gentle’ tv, easy books or a magazine to flick through- that sort of thing.

Routine was to drink the fizz from a proper glass, scented bath then bed in a tidy and similarly scented bedroom knowing I wouldn’t have to lie there fretting if sleep didn’t come fast enough for my ADD brain. I listened to hypnosis recordings through sleep headphones (available in very cheap versions from Amazon - you can upgrade to fancier ones if you love them as I do).

That worked for me, as one of the reasons I drank was that I genuinely didn’t think I could sleep sober. It was a real fear, possibly born of early bedtimes as a child, not being allowed to get up, read, even talk to my sister- just lie there for ages bored and overthinking. Anyway, I retrained myself to learn that of course I can sleep sober. Just going to bed tired and being prepared ’just in case’ did the trick.

We all have different drivers, but I firmly believe that understanding what they are and dealing with them accordingly is key.

Apologies to old-timers who have heard all that a million times 😂. Whilst I’m here, though - Newbies should all be sure to take vitamin supplements when stopping drinking. B1 (thiamine) is very important as it can help prevent irreversible brain damage. Read up on it. You won’t overdose (you pee out excess in alarming orange urine) so go for it. Take the highest strength version for 6-8 weeks of genuine abstinence- adjust for any lapses.

Good morning shipmates. Thankfully cooler here today.

Well done on not folding to the wine witch @elusivehope - and thank you for your kind words.

Hope the cottage vs farmhouse debate goes your way @WendyWagon.

I've realised I need some new T-shirts for our holiday, so later I'll head to Sainsbury's and get my Nectar card dirty. Nothing but the finest for me and Sid.

Here he is, enjoying the attentions of his number-one fan.

Strength and courage. It's going to be alright. xx

@ShyMaryEllen I did it the other way round - I changed the drink and where I sat but kept the routine of drink at 6. Then after a while, I began to forget about 6 o'clock, often realizing it was much later in the evening and I'd not stopped for a drink, so the routine sort of broke itself. I think habits and routines are often like little webs all tied together so if you change one part of it, everything else shifts too. I never had any problem going to sleep but staying asleep was another matter but I never thought alcohol was to blame for my hours of wakefulness in the early hours. It's been a revelation to sleep right through!

Hello, it is SO NICE to have cooked and cleaned the kitchen, and be awake, not snoring on the sofa! I look forward to catching up with you all every evening, there is something about the gentle tone of this thread that suits my brain.

The Alcohol Experiment is good, thank you for the recommendation. I was a bit cynical but it seems to genuinely want to help first rather than sell first. I did like the way it’s explained that we usually give up using will power, whereas she suggests learning about it, which will change how you relate and giving up will come easily. It’s your webs all tied together LillyPJ.
shymaryellen af fizz in a nice glass and a scented bath, bedroom sounds heavenly! (Tomorrow I’ll make my bedroom really delightful.)
as does the B1 tip, I did NOT know that. Maybe that’s why I have a lot of ‘smokers lines’ tho I don’t smoke. Ah well, I’ll have to rely on my personality!
Day 8. Im actually on a second week! And a LOT is thanks to you guys.
IWNDWYT🌸🌸🌸

Day 10, double digits, hurrah. Thank you all as always for the support.

I haven't tried the Alcohol Experiment, but it does sound good. I read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace a couple of years ago (I think she's the person who does the Alcohol Experiment), and it was excellent. She brings a lot of different types of information together.

I've read a lot of recovery lit over the years because I've been struggling with this for so long 😥I feel like I have the theory but not the practice! I think ongoing connection with other members of a community is important. Trying to stop on my own hasn't been very successful for me so far.

Tools I'm currently using are: the 'Coping with Cravings' meditation pack on Headspace. I've listened to it numerous times and I find it very soothing, in terms of being reminded that my cravings aren't the whole of who I am - I can put a bit of distance between myself and my thoughts of wanting to drink. I also subscribed to the Reframe app about a month ago. I'm not sure how much it's helping (it's rather expensive and I'm not making use of any of the community resources on it), but I like the little daily blurbs. I've also read the book 'Push Off from Here' by Laura Mckowen a couple of times. In fact I think I first saw it recommended on these threads. I have found it helpful partly because it addresses relapse a lot, in quite a compassionate way, and encourages you to start where you are regardless of how many times you've 'messed up' in the past. She has a list of nine principles, many of which are linked in pairs (eg, 1. It is not your fault. 2. It is your responsibility. 3. It is unfair that this is your thing. 4. This is your thing. Etc). In other words, it's quite nuanced when it comes to finding a balance between self-compassion and taking responsibility.

I also had a drinking dream last night (the dream also involved me failing to meet a writing deadline! how unsubtle is my unconscious brain!) and was relieved to wake up. I also ate an enormous amount of crisps last night. Comfort eating obviously.

Today I have felt calmer. Did some more work on the email mountain. Also had an online meeting with other committee members of an organisation I volunteer for. I'm in the process of handing over my volunteer role to some new people, and once the transition is complete, it will be great. I will be so free. It's part of my attempt to clear out more time and headspace for myself, and focus more on improving my own mental health. This volunteer role shouldn't necessarily be stressful, but it has been mega stressful, partly because another volunteer who works with me in the same role is just very critical of everything I do (at least it feels like that sometimes!). We are actually friends, but she is a terrible person to work with. She even messaged me tonight after the meeting because she disapproved of something I had said to the new volunteers. Honestly! It's amazing that our friendship has survived volunteering together. Once I've left the role, we will certainly get on better. She means well but suffers from massive anxiety and perfectionism I think.

Another plus is that I was very much awake for the meeting. I've usually had a few drinks and am struggling to keep my eyes open.

A demain mes amies and stay well!

By the way, @LillyPJ I think it's very insightful when you said, I think habits and routines are often like little webs all tied together so if you change one part of it, everything else shifts too.

There's a very good book called Atomic Habits that makes that precise argument! Without using your 'little web' metaphor though, which is a great one.

I do have to laugh at myself because I'm such a classic example of someone who reads a lot of self-help books and then continues to lead a chaotic, dysfunctional life! I have to stay positive though. Small steps.

Oh my!

Look what I found I my inbox💕

Every now and then, the lovely Sid sends me a missive from him to you. He prefers to send them to me, as he knows that @REP22 is very discerning when it comes to poetry and other literary forms, whereas I am a klutz who can't tell doggies from doggerel, so I encourage him in his poetic endeavours. I would love to think I may be his muse, but that would be presumptuous, so I am content to simply pass on his latest work to all shipmates.

Ahoy there shipmates old and new
I have another poem for you.
It’s great to see yet more new faces
who are no longer hopeless cases,
but a brave and hopeful happy band
always there to lend a hand
to those who risk slipping or falling.

We don’t do flogging or keel-hauling
on the good ship that we sail,
we ban words such as ‘wrong’ or ‘fail’.
We know the waters can be choppy
and whilst we’re rarely trite or soppy,
we’re ready with encouragement
and words that are sincerely meant

to help shipmates, mascot and crew,
so here’s a WOOF for all of you!
I wag my tail, I use my bark
to lead you all to light from dark.
So come on up, join me on deck.
Are we downhearted? Are we FECK!

Good morning all

Too much mumsnet for me yesterday. Bun fights from the same old crew.
I was wearing a different hat for research purposes. I had a very funny retort from 'yes minister' but I didn't use it. Not sure if the posters would get it.
Thank god for this thread.

Too many people in the house at the same time atm. All objecting to me working off my phone. Wednesday will be less busy

The DH also closed the bedroom window so I couldn't hear the birds. I feel sealed in.

Oh Sid you are a pup of so many talents. Thank you @ShyMaryEllenfor publishing. It's given me the oomf I needed this morning.
The cravings are a little tricky at the moment. Replaced last nights by sitting out in the garden with ddog and a glass of AF gin and tonic in a posh glass. But it's so sweet! I can't find the bloomin AF martini anywhere but found on Ocado so got a shop coming from there Thursday and have stocked up. The driver is going to think I'm mad.
Alcohol Experiment theme today is about self talk and a bonus on Alcohol and Society. Is it sad that I'm actually looking forward to it unlocking today?! I find it so interesting.

@Lavrander Sainsburys is the only place I've seen the AF Martini. I had to bulk buy from Ocado once too. I'm amazed other supermarkets don't stock it (yet?) I've not found a single AF gin that tastes anywhere near nice or even very gin-like.

Well done elusivehope that’s a milestone ticked!👍 thank you for the book suggestions. I do find it tricky in this modern world to remember what I actually want to focus on so I’m hoping real, 3d books will help - they don’t suddenly vanish or turn into multiple books of a similar vein.
well done with realising the committee stuff. It’s very easy to think we should etc . It’s hard to put yourself first ( or I think it is!)
shymaryellen what a stirring post! I’ve written a reply to sid if you would read it out?!
woofity woofle woof, woof woof woof woof woof woof. With woof woof wuffle, wufflety WOOF!
i hope he won’t mind if my rhyming isn’t up to snuff.
wendywagon sorry to hear about bun fights. I think sometimes mumsnetters posters can be a bit strong, and some seem to just want to stir. It’s not always a pleasant place to be.
lavrandr af in a posh glass! I need to get the martini, sounds good. but find peach tea, a bit of sparkling water and a teeny tiny bit of cider vinegar to stop it being so sweet is actually ok!
I think that’s great that annie grace has managed to produce such an interesting course. Of course I forget to look at it!where is my brain? Apart from more blooming cleaning. I lost the plot for a good ten years with various illnesses etc. and am only just really realising how neglected the house, and me! Are. Even scrubbed, the paints coming off my once lovely kitchen and it looks erm, characterful. sigh.
IWNDWYT.🌷🌷🌷good luck everyone!

Peach tea @Healthynow- is that something you buy already made up or is it a fruit tea? This sounds promising...

Oh @ShyMaryEllen - that's wonderful that our Sid has inspired you into more of your lovely poetry, what a glorious thing to read today. You are so very clever. A muse for all seasons to uplift and amuse. Sid is very honoured. We shall keep that poem at hand (and paw) to make us smile. ❤️

Sid also thanks you for your kind reply @Healthynow - he entirely concurs, and has only "woofle-wooorf wooff wufff woof porkchop wuff wuff wooffle woof. Yes.".

Sorry you're feeling sealed in @WendyWagon - MN in other areas can be unkind at best. It won't always be this way - you will fly free again.

@Lavrander - I don't think it's sad that you are looking forward to unlocking the next stage - it sounds mighty and powerful. Hope it's enjoyable and adds more sparkle to your crown.

I'm trying to get a bit more of handle on looking after my house too @Healthynow - long-neglected in my case, though I am doing a bit better. Little and often are my watchwords. A bit I can manage each day, so the place looks less like the abode of someone who hasn't coped with life and health for a number of years. It's infinitely better than it was and progress continues. I sat down to sort out the airing cupboard last night (a precursor to packing for our holiday). Sid was in attendance until he noticed the quantities of socks emerging and hastily departed for his bed, lest he be drafted in to help match the pairs. For a fit young lad, he's remarkably idle.

Didn't make it to Sainsbury's yesterday (emergency road closure), so it is a treat deferred for later today.

Strength and courage. We're going to make it, we happy band of pilgrims and poets. xx

Great poem @ShyMaryEllen . Following on from what @REP22 said, I'm definitely in the pilgrim category myself rather than the poet one. 😂

@WendyWagon sorry about the MN toxicity. I've been on MN for a long time under various names and I've sort of learnt which sections tend to be kind and which tend to be dramatically less so. People can behave so badly when they're behind a screen.

I also get frustrated when there are too many people in the house. Covid was dreadful for that reason; there were four of us working and (supposedly) learning at home, in a smallish terrace house with dodgy internet. How we survived without inflicting violent harm on one another is a mystery. Even now, I always feel freer on days when DH isn't working from home.

@Lavrander I get Ocado, it's a luxury but I love it. We're a car-less family so getting shopping delivered really helps. I've tried other supermarkets for delivery, but Ocado always comes on time and almost never have any missing products. (Gosh, I sound like an advert.) I will put the AF martini in our next shop as I'm keen to try it.

@Healthynow good luck with your house, I'm still trying to get on top of the cleaning as well, but I'm being quite half-hearted about it. (See above about DH working from home and getting in my way, cough cough.)

I'm happy today because my students' final exam results just came out and they did amazingly well. Half the cohort I taught got 2.1s and half got Firsts, which is a higher percentage than usual. A couple of the people who got Firsts are hardworking but modest types who won't have been expecting it, which makes it even nicer. And of course there's nothing wrong with a 2.1 either. I'm so pleased for all of them! It's down to their effort not mine but it's given me a boost.

Thank you for the kind words, but I am merely Sid's postie. I'm pleased he liked your response poem, @Healthynow. He's a discerning dog when it comes to things poetic, so his approval is praise indeed.

It's pouring here, and I have to go to a medical appointment in an hour. I hope the rain has stopped by then - it's for a B12 jab, which isn't fun at the best of times as they sting, but being stabbed when wet is an even less appealing thought. It's only a ten minute walk, but I might ask husband for a lift.

My attempts at doing chores ground to a halt after the freezer. I have a long list that has to be completed by Thursday evening for various reasons, and I've only managed to cross off defrosting the freezer 🙄.

I always put on my list make to do list so at least I can cross that off 😁
have a good day all
safe and sober we go

Morning All! It was wonderful to see rain yesterday. It gave me an excuse to stay in and do inside jobs so I caught up on some cleaning and baking and paperwork. I went to a lovely Art class in the evening and had a cup of tea when I came home. (That NEVER would have happened in the past!) Yesterday was Day 75 so I'm three-quarters of the way to 100 and the days seem to go by more quickly now. I still think of alcohol every day and have occasional thoughts about drinking but I've not been sorely tempted. I feel I've been liberated from something that had a hold on me for so many years.

Morning all.
I managed to sleep beyond 5, which is my achievement for the day! I have a lot of emotional “stuff” going on at the minute which results in a bout of vivid dreams just before 5 which then wake me up.

You’re spot on @LillyPJ . Being free of alcohol is true liberation. Craig Beck in his book Alcohol Lied to Me, talks about drinkers being mice perched on the pad of a mouse trap - they’re enjoying the cheese, but never know the moment when the trap will spring and their drinking will become truly problematic. Once we’re safe off the trap, we look at the others still sitting there, still munching the bait, with horror- it’s a trap, but no one will listen because the cheese is all they know

Ahoy shipmates.

The estate agent seems to be playing silly buggers as we want to view
Fhe cottage. Not heard a word. Of course their commission will reduce.

Good morning shipmates,

Warmer here again today but plenty of rain yesterday so... hosepipe ban from Monday. Plus two trees down in road next to us. God bless the British summertime.

T-shirts and a jumper successfully procured for holiday yesterday. I stumbled across a 70% off rail hidden behind the maxi-pants which bore rich bounty. Yorkshire Gold Teabags also secured (lovely soft water down there).

Liberation is a good way to put it @LillyPJ and @Onewildandpreciouslife - it is hard won freedom, and the victory of liberation never gets tired. I have to keep this in mind when tempted to slide. We deserve our triumphs, whether small or large.

A bit of unpleasantness today. Sid and I live in a HA property which, every so often, has to be inspected (kitchen and bathroom mostly) - this year they have picked me. For lots of reasons, like @elusivehope , I don't always like being among many - but I have a particular aversion to having a stranger in the house, alone with me. I am ashamed of my house, though it's better than it was. And I am very, VERY averse to having a strange man anywhere near my bedroom (reasons not unconnected with why I put concerted effort into drinking myself into oblivion for years). But today I must acquiesce - I'm waiting for his text to say he's on his way. I've warned him that it's not that tidy (though it's not unhygienic). He's just texted. Will saddle up Sid and head there. I shall be strong (and Sid will be between him and the door).

@WendyWagon Did you see that BBC news article about estate agents yesterday (Dubious sales tactics at two leading estate agencies uncovered by BBC investigation - BBC News) Fagins all.

Strength and courage my brave friends. xx

All done. Phew. Sid was tolerant, and the surveyor lives to see another dawn. That's all I can ask of him, really, hehe.
🥳

@WendyWagon how annoying about the estate agent. I also saw that BBC article about dodgy estate agents.

@REP22 congrats on making it through your inspection. We rented for many years before finally being able to buy a house (I still feel very lucky to have a house of our own), and the estate agents insisted on doing twice-yearly inspections. I hated it. Six months seemed to come round so often. They would go into every room and take photos. It felt very infantilising, and like a violation of privacy. At least you know it's over with now and you and Sid will have some peace for awhile!

I'm having trouble with a restless mind. It just feels like thoughts are rushing round at a mad pace (I've heard the term 'washing machine head') and I can't relax. I feel like I can't settle down to focus on anything. Usually I would have a couple of drinks, but I know the ensuing relief would only be short-lived. I'm worried I'm turning into my mother - horror. 😂She could never relax properly, and she was a very stressful person to be around.

I'm hoping this is just a symptom of early days of sobriety and that my ability to concentrate will improve. In the meantime I guess I should go back to my headspace app and do a bit of meditation, to see if that helps.

The rain yesterday was indeed a good thing. I even did a bit of weeding in the evening because the ground was softer. We have a hosepipe ban starting next week too.

Hope everyone else is having a good day.

Thanks @elusivehope - I'm glad it's done with, these things unsettle me more than they should.

I have a restless mind too - constantly on overdrive. I did some cognitive behavioural therapy for something else years and years ago, but I still find the tactics helpful. That every thought is a link in the chain of the endless circular spiral - break just one of those links and the chain can stop. I taught myself to recognise the signs or the spiral starting and distract myself. Or even just saying "stop it" to myself. Distraction can also be helpful. I am especially troubled at night - I have to have something to listen to on permanently as I sleep (sorry Sid). Usually all available episodes of Saturday Kitchen on the BBC iPlayer on auto-play. Harmless, you see. And unlikely to wake at 3am to the sounds of torment and horror beyond those of a sunken souffle. Easier when one lives alone, however.

I worry that I might turn into my M one day. But then I realise I am me and that is something that would never happen. You will be OK. You're strong despite your mother's stress - and you have broken free and see it for what it is, Do you know the poem "This Be the Verse" by Philip Larkin? You may call me cynical, but I can't call him wrong. 😉 x