The support thread for anyone trying to live an alcohol free life. Spring 2025.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome.
These threads were started by drybird in 2020 and have gone on to support many people to give up alcohol and live a sober life.
We are not a moderarion thread and only encourage sobriety. There is another long running thread if that's what you feel is right for you. Lots of support there.
We have newbies and veterans, some who have 5+ years under their belts.
We share life's up and downs (often why we drank) and no question is too silly.
Personally I gave up drinking three years ago. It's the hardest thing I've done and the best thing.
We call our selves sober sisters and even have a mascot, Sid the ship's dog.
He poses often for a cheer up picture.
We're not here to judge, just offer support and friendship.
It gets better I promise.

@mermadeincornwall it is hard but it was harder with the booze. Important to remember that. Glad that you overcame your obstacle on Monday, these things make us stronger. Yes, I am designing the life I want and it’s going well. I now recognise what I want rather than hiding in a bottle.

Thanks @WendyWagon yes belonging is it, I’ll get there I’ve always been an independent type but actually I want love around me. I have split from my partner a couple of years ago but I never got what I wanted from that relationship anyway.
Tried OLD and it did my head in! Maybe another time when I can be arsed with men! Enjoy your tea and cake and friends, sounds lovely

Morning all.

I know what you mean about wanting connections too. I have been working on that for a couple of years now - joining groups and setting up things if they weren’t already there, and it’s bearing fruit. At the same time, I am not getting on with my husband just now. I don’t know why - it seems to be coming from him, not me - but it’s wearing. I hope it’s ‘just’ a bad patch, as I don’t want to live with constant bickering and what sometimes feels like open hostility. It’s ironic, as nobody could have blamed him if he’d left me when I was drinking, but now we could be doing all sorts of things he’s withdrawn. I’ve tried to discuss it but he gets defensive and it ends in an argument, so I spent more time with other people and the cycle continues.

l have people round this evening for food and conversation (he will go out), so I bought wine for the guests and actually had my hand on a bottle last night- ‘just a glass or two while I pre-prep the dinner’. I was so ready to switch off from it like I used to. I didn’t. I put the wine back in the rack and got out a bottle of AF instead. But it was hard.

@Kindtomyself belonging and connection are important. This is why I drank quite a lot too. No real life outside of my family, isolated and really borne of circumstances. Those are changing and I am excited about the prospect of that. Was it on here someone talked about visualising? Maybe it was Clare Pooley’s blog. Anyway, I am visualising the future I want and trying to make it happen. So far so good. Slow but steady and goals on the horizon.

@ShyMaryEllen I hope things improve for you at home. My husband was away for a long business trip recently and it was bliss. I can’t really cope with him now that I’m sober. I have nothing to blot him out. He was communicating well whilst away and keen to resolve our problems and I warmed at little towards that. I was hopeful. I kid you not, he was home for all of 30 seconds before we had a blazing row and I stormed out. I went back a few hours later and he did apologise profusely and took all the blame so reset AGAIN. But for how long? Wearing is the word. Well done on not giving in!

@SmellyMe same here. I was tempted when I lit the bbq just by myself this evening, but visualising the future is what got me through. In fact I was saying the things to myself in my head literally !
“Clear skin, flatter tum, more headspace, more presence, better relationships, better focus , more patience, better sleep, less anxiety, no more middle of the night waking with racing heart, MORE TIME, new hobbies, dancing liver (she’s on a beach in the Maldives) and popping clear eyes to name a few !!!!
#Day 122
Hope everyone has had a kind Wednesday .

Morning lovely ladies on the good ship Sobriety.
I will not drink today.

I'm so grateful for this opportunity to improve my life, some people don't.

Love and kind thoughts to all.
Stay safe and sober.

I agree re connections
i have lost so many people
and will soon lose more
i feel so adrift
but safe and sober I will be today

Morning 60 days completed .

Exhausted this morning, slept like a log.

Another one here who has visualised her life, I actually did it prior to going sober. I hadn’t thought that alcohol was stopping any of my visualisation however it was and so I am seeing things happening now.

Lots of things I have wanted have appeared, it’s incredible. I actually have started to make new connections too. I believe it will all come together.

One I did visualise was to have calm and joy in the house. We have that now (me and kids), when their dad was here there was a lot of arguing and general negativity. I asked him to move out. It’s so much better.

Good morning all.

I saw a couple of friends yesterday and they reminded me of my friends I have lost to alcohol. Three in three years.

One had a stroke and due to the alcohol never came home.
My brother had dialysis after a hemorrhage and had 11% kidney function. He couldn't get better even though he gave up alcohol.
My friend from horse riding and AA who developed pancreatic cancer.

All alcoholics, all good people. 50-60 in age.
I didn't want to join them and I thank yesterday's friends for helping.

There is no good side to alcohol.

@ShyMaryEllen and @SmellyMe hope the struggles with your DHs reduces, it’s hard to live like that

@mermadeincornwall I’m currently reading May Cause Miracles by Gabby Bernstein, and today’s affirmation is: “I am grateful for this moment.” Throughout the day, I’ll be noticing the little things and repeating this affirmation.
It reminded me of your beautiful phrase — “Grateful for the opportunity.”

@WendyWagon thanks for the reminder, such a vicious disease

They are grim stats but true. My brother was the youngest and I miss him everyday. He started drinking after his best friend was killed in a RTA. It ramped up after our mother died.
My friend who had the stroke was a advertising man. Think mad men. Huge fun, but he's left one son devastated and his wife cannot forgive him. Both will never be the same again.

We don't see the impact on others until much later. To be honest it's a disgrace how we advertise alcohol. It's not a foodstuff it's a drug. Happy drinkers? Until we're not.

so sad @WendyWagon like you say ‘Happy Drinkers until we’re not’, so true and chills me to the bone.
I drove past my local bar yesterday around 5.30pm and it was packed with people.

I don’t want to be the voice of doom when it comes to relationships and drinking/not drinking, but my ex-husband left me after nearly a year of (my) sobriety. As @ShyMaryEllen said, no-one including myself, would have blamed me if he’d left whilst I was drinking. But two things happened when I became sober: I was no longer holding the guilt and shame of stupid things I had done and said, which he had manipulated to keep control (even making things up, which I couldn’t dispute as I couldn’t remember - but other people told me); and I got a life which didn’t depend on him - new friends, new connections etc so his importance to me diminished. I couldn’t mitigate the little annoyances I felt with what he did and said anymore as I no longer felt I deserved to be treated like shit. So off he fucked, having an affair with the mother of someone I was in rehab with. Nice. I am genuinely happier on my own, with just my little dog. She is better company and much nicer to share a bed with - even when she snores, it’s a little, gentle wuffling noise, rather than the kind of noise that made me want to throttle him.
I would like to stress that is only my experience - I do know people whose relationships have become stronger when they stopped drinking. On paper, it’s logical that relationships improve when problem drinking is stopped. But they almost have to be re-negotiated. I certainly drank in part because I was unhappy and uncomfortable in the relationship - the worse it got the more I drank, and the more I drank, the worse it got in a horrible downward spiral. Sobriety definitely opens one’s eyes and changes both parties in a relationship.

Thanks for the support, shipmates. He's been fine this morning. To be fair to him, I am a bit concerned that he might be depressed, or that there is something going on health-wise, as this moody/stroppy behaviour is relatively new. I'm very much a 'talk it out' kind of person, and he just isn't. He broods and sometimes things get him down, but I can't help as he doesn't talk about it. It's maddening (particularly the moods😡) but we've been together for decades and I wouldn't be without him.

Ahoy crew of the good ship Sobriety.
I will not drink today.

I really want to drink sometimes,but I really love my life AF all the time.

Love and kind thoughts to all.
Stay safe and sober # @newme2025

Your post reminds me of 'the girl on the train ' @FaithHopeCarnage , I realised my then husband, now ex,was manipulating me all the time but taking advantage of me drinking to do it even more. The penny dropped when I was watching the film. Best thing I ever did was dump him.

I have written the quote down from Gabby Bernstein ' I am grateful for this moment ' and throughout today, I'll also be noticing the little things and repeating this affirmation. @Kindtomyself .

Morning all

Sorry to hear you an DH are having a rough patch @ShyMaryEllen . Your DH sounds a lot like mine. He bottles things up, mostly because he doesn't always even understand himself why or even what he is feeling.

He doesn't do introspection very well. Although he is getting a bit better at it.

I do you you are able to sort it out.

I love the Girl on the Train @mermadeincornwall , I read it and have never seen the film. I love an unreliable narrator, mainly because I think it is the most reflective of real life.

Ahoy and good morning to you all.

A few annoying people cancelling visits and jobs in the house this week.
I don't usually work on Fridays so I'm planning to stagger around the garden with no shame. My mint has survived!

Hopefully all will be safe and sober.

Morning Day 61 completed

I am tackling my judgy thoughts today, having reflected on them they’re all to do with me. So I am forgiving myself for having the thoughts and choosing love instead.

I had a disagreement with my son yesterday- he’s almost an adult. I barely ask him to do any jobs because it’s hard work. I asked him to wash the dishes, he left one big dish that was soaking because he ‘didn’t see it’. It was in the washing bowl. Apparently I should have told him about it before or drawn his attention to it afterwards ffs.

I hope everyone's well and enjoying the spring!

I'm extremely busy at work - working very long hours to finish a project - and finding things much easier without a nightly 'reward' (actually a punishment)

Great to hear from everyone. I check this thread every day and love reading everyone's positive reflections. I hit day 100 yesterday, very pleased. I feel like I have more energy for going out AF, sometimes 3 nights in a row, which I could never do when drinking, as I had to factor in a day off for a hangover!

Keep going everyone!

I have had some very bad news regarding a friend's health. It's really had to take, as I've known her since we were 16, which seems like yesterday, but is a long time ago.

All is not over by any means, but there is a lot to go through. I don't like 'fight' analogies, as they seem to suggest failure if things go badly. I am not in a good place tonight, though.

@ShyMaryEllen sorry to hear about your friend and I totally understand why you’re finding it difficult. It’s a big shock to get this kind of news. How are you doing now?

Morning beautiful sober sisters on the good ship Sobriety.
I will not drink today.

I'm planning a relaxing weekend, getting jobs done and enjoying the moment. Not trying to hide hangovers,and thinking about how I can sneak more drinks in.

Love and kind thoughts to all.
Stay safe and sober.

I’m sorry to hear about your friend @ShyMaryEllen - life can be very tough. And I completely agree with you on the whole “fight” thing - ridiculous on many levels

Had an evening run last night - don’t usually run in the evening and it’s not my best time, but it was a really gorgeous evening weather-wise. I ran past lots of people drinking in the sunshine and I didn’t have a single flicker of envy. Losing the romanticisation of drinking in the sunshine has taken a looong time, but it’s gone now.