I wish I hadn't married a drunk

[IP654firtle]

Just that really. Birthday meal planned (booked by me) and he's passed out drunk on the sofa. We are supposed to leave in 25 mins and I'm not going to do damage control and wake him up. I know it sounds pathetic but I've had my hair done, bought an outfit and put my eyelashes on to look good. And he hasn't even bothered to wash. I feel like an absolute idiot and am tempted to book a hotel and leave him to it. He is the sweetest man but I just can't fix him. Sorry to rant but I feel very alone!

A warning. He is probably aware that he will lose you, so he has promised to get help. However words are easy compared to actions. You need to establish a timeline with him of what he has actually done to 'get help'. Be very careful that you don't take control of any of it. He has to want help and put the work in to accepting help. Be very clear that if your timescale isn't adhered to, you will walk.

You must have known he was a drunk and what he was like before you got married to him.

The above, but don't bother leaving a note. Let him sweat a bit.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation op, he's not a sweet man he's a selfish addict.
I'd be telling him that him being passed out drunk is also very unattractive, as well as the emotional side.

You will always come second to the booze. You can't change him - that's only in his control. From experience, it gets worse. The gaslighing when he was pissed and screamed that he wasn't was the lowest for me. Also, the constant anxiety and embarrassment in every group situation with alcohol. I left and have never looked back.

Huge well done on your own sobriety OP. It’s even more reason to step away from him. You can’t save him but you can do something to save yourself.

Agree with this 💯

He can change and people do.. but only he can do that! You being around him just puts you in difficult situation with your own journey please don't let that happen.

We seem to be each others enablers which I know is not healthy - we should find strength in each other not weakness...
I've found this thread massively helpful and am trying not to rant/post long streams of rubbish but it is helping me just writing things down.
Last night he woke up just after my posts and got ready so we left in time for our meal (an hour away as we are really rural). I drove there and parked and just couldn't go through with it so we went home. Silly but I hate windy roads in the dark and felt super stressed with the drive. And the thought of a hearty steak on top of that was too much.
I know it sounds bad (as it is my house purchased by me) but I'm looking at clearing out with my lovely dog and laptop for a week just to get some peace and healing. He can deal with this how he wishes.

OP I'm so sorry.

You're obviously stronger than him atm. If he can't pull it together he will drain you which you don't deserve.

Go get some peace for a week and do what uou need to.💐