Would I be classed as an alcoholic?

[Isabelle728]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to get everyone's opinions on my drinking situation.

I never binge drink and it's something I don't think about first thing in the morning, however come 3/4pm I start to think about that glass of wine that I usually would have in the late afternoon/ evening. I do struggle to make it 1 day without a glass or two of wine. I told myself today that I want to stop mid week drinking and today is the day I start that, however I am already craving wine so badly.

I do think the wine for me is a quick way to relax and I also really enjoy the taste of it but it has become a habit.
Would this make me an alcoholic or addict if I have 1-2 glasses a day and does it also make me an alcoholic that I would struggle to put a stop to this?

I just feel a bit stuck on what to do. Do I continue to have a glass or two if it's really not that bad and it's my way of relaxing or is it bad that I crave it so much and I should just put my mind to it and stop? Thanks x

I suspect with the ensuing level of defensiveness that ‘you are only an alcoholic if you drink in the morning’ is something she has been telling herself about either her own drinking or that of a family member for some time…..

Not all alcoholics start this way ,they have a problem with alcohol long before it gets to this point .

its not the amount that matters, its the struggling to get through the day without it.....and you KNOW this or you wouldn't be asking.

Don't get hung up on the term alcoholic, that's a red herring. From physical health point of view you are definitely drinking too much, yes, but what's more worrying is that you're struggling to do anything about it. That is by definition a problem.

Drink problems come in all shapes and sizes, yours is an evening only, kind of socially acceptable, middle class shaped drinking problem, but it's a problem nonetheless.

The reason I say 'kind of socially acceptable' is because if your kids mentioned that Mummy can't go for a day without drinking there would certainly be safeguarding questions being asked.

Not sure what point you think you're making with that link, but it literally undermines your post wherein you say that the OP is not an alcoholic but is "just" dependent on alcohol, since it points out that that they are just different words for the same thing:

Although it isn’t a term that is used anymore as part of medical care, some people who are recovering from dependence still use the term ‘alcoholic’ to describe themselves. Alcoholism is also known as alcohol addiction, alcohol misuse or alcohol dependence.

I drink at least that much wine most nights, I know how much I can drink without getting any trace of a hangover. I look forward to it, and my husband is similar. I don't really want to stop. Several nights a month I go out to a nondrinking social event and that's fine.
Sorry that's not much of a contribution but I think quite a lot of people are like me and the OP is being made to feel very bad.

@paradisecityx Are you trying to justify your crap advice by name calling?

My take is that @thanksicloud is a realist.

The OP is dependent on alcohol. The 'rolling around in the gutter' image of an alcoholic is way out of date.

It doesn’t matter if you’re an alcoholic or not OP, the only thing that matters is that you know it’s too much.

The next bit is down to you - what are you going to do about it?

I would look closely at the function of your drinking (in your case, to relax) and seek to replicate that without using alcohol. You don’t want to end up depending on alcohol to feel relaxed, this is how serious dependancy can start.

It’s great you are self aware and questioning it. Can you try other ways to relax - preferably something physical, exercise, warm baths, yoga, progressive muscle relaxation? Relaxation is a skill that takes practice. Alcohol makes this much easier but as you are concerned I think it would make sense to make sure you have at least 2 alcohol free days per week and try other ways of de-stressing.

But if you can't go a day without those one or two glasses then yes, you are.

There isn't a convenient definition of an alcoholic. We're all different but it's usually progressive. I'd say that this is a habit more than an addiction at the moment, and that the quantities aren't dreadful - but good that you are aware of how dependent you are on this habit, and as others have said, it would be good if you could have your two glasses every other day.

The amount you report drinking is already creeping up on the thread OP. Half a bottle, every day, and craving it from mid afternoon is a problem. And if you’re really honest with yourself, is it actually a bit more?

The fact your are trying to rationalise it and get permission to carry on is a bad sign.

That amount is bad for your physical and mental health. The thinking about it every afternoon is bad for your mental health. If you are really honest, do you ever minimise the amount you’ve had before getting in the car?

I say all this not as a puritan but as someone who sneaks over the 14 recommended units once every three weeks or so, but always has at least three alcohol free days a week.

Could you consider buying smaller wine glasses which hold around 125ml? (Search for Paris wine glasses.) You'll get around 6 glasses out of a bottle.

Just to add OP, a lot of people find the ritual of making the drink relaxing - even just opening the bottle, using a nice glass, mixing the drink. If this is the case you can try non alcoholic options - there are some decent options nowadays! There are decent alcohol free spirits and ‘Nozecco’ isn’t that bad. You could still use a nice glass and have the ritual of having a drink in the bath but without alcohol. A lot of this is about breaking the habit and association. It’s all too easy to mindlessly slip into dependency.

I really relate to the feeling of looking forward to a glass of wine in the evening - you have a two year old! It's really nice to unwind while doing the rigmarole of bedtime. God, through lockdown my evening G&T was one of the few nice things I could do for myself.

If you feel you want to cut down, can you do some spritzes? I also find a 0% beer gives me almost the same feeling of reward.

@Plastictrees thank you for this comment. I can see people using the term 'dependent' rather than 'alcoholic' which I do agree on, I am definitely 'dependent' on it, even though I don't drink all day or drink to get drunk, I do think about wine towards the end of my day which is an issue and I do need to replace it with something else. I am going to change my daily glass of wine or two to just a Friday evening so then I have something to look forward to at the end of the week it's just finding that thing to replace it with. I have to break the habit!

Well, sure. But there are LOTS of things I wouldn' tbe prepared to exchange, even for a million pounds. Eg, frankly, I have zero interest in becoming a vegetarian. You could offer me a million pounds and tell me that I now can't eat meat ever again and I would not accept it. Does that mean I'm addicted to meat? Probably not, but it certainly means I don't want to live without it.

Ok.

You could test it by seeing if nice non-alcoholic wine fulfils the same thing for you or not. Maybe it's a habit, maybe it's the idea of holding a wine glass, maybe it's associated with evening relaxing with you. If a non-alcoholic wine doesn't make you feel like you're missing out, maybe you're okay.

I don’t think this makes you an alcoholic no.

I think you probably associate drinking with relaxation though.

@DownThePubWithStevieNicks it's never more than half a bottle a day. I am just trying to figure out if what I drink daily is a problem or not. I was just curious to find out from others. It's clear to see that yes I am dependent on it, but I am not lying about how much I drink. I don't drink to get drunk and I keep it to that limit so I don't wake up with a hangover. It literally is just a glass or two every evening, but it is every day.

Absolutely - just be mindful of breaking habits and try other things for relaxation. It’s better to recognise this now than later. Get creative and try new things!

As an aside, I work in this field and the term alcoholic is very outdated. We use the term alcohol dependent instead but of course that’s a broad spectrum which is massively varied.

Yes, in as much as it's a habit. You need to change your routine.

This thread is interesting. I think when you have kids life can become quite monotonous and the temptation to punctuate the end of the day with a reward of a glass of wine (or two) is so easy to slip into. I never used to drink at home because I used to go out one or twice a week (pre kids) and so did my drinking then (not loads). Since having kids (and not going out at all) I have actually found I drink more. I also no-longer get up and go to the gym at 6am because I can't. It's so easy to get into the habit of a couple of drinks every night, never drunk, but looking forward to it as a rare thing you do 'for yourself'. I've consciously made sure I don't drink at least 3 nights a week and ideally 4 or 5 nights. I'd suggest breaking the habit OP - take a few nights off each week but plan in something else you value instead.