On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining, no judging, keep on being strong, new thread autumn 2024

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@Amdone123, @Freezingfeetwarmheart , @Bigbus,@Flumpywoo , @FiveShelties , @ForeverTipsy, @Hohofortherobbers,@Jbob1976,@walliedug,

Wanted to post and old thread wouldn't let me, so took the plunge...
Please tag everyone, don't want to leave anyone behind.

Still AF here and even starting to enjoy it. Nearly 2 months. Will write proper post later..
Hope you are all doing well. Stay strong. Wet vibes, 'cos it's raining.

Hello all , back from a lovely holiday and ready for some sober action. I am contemplating a sober sept too, for now im going to commit to mon to Thurs this week whilst I summon up the courage to dig in for all Sept. I need the better sleep and the calmer headspace.

Morning all. Hello @harriethoyle.

Has anyone had counselling for drinking?
Still feeling deflated & just quite down after not a huge night on Friday.
Wondering whether counselling or similar would help me break the cycle.
I can abstain or moderate for weeks or months at a time, but then one night will ruin it. 🤦‍♀️
Mentally drained & can't go on like this.
I'm mid 40s so also wondering if perimenopause is a factor.

Welcome @harriethoyle fellow moderator and weekend drinker here.

I’m off to a conference with my new job today, there are drinks and dinner later. I am jumping between wanting to stay completely sober for all the good reasons we know, vs thinking about having 1 or 2 so I relax a bit. It’s the first of the month, and a Monday and I would never usually drink on a Monday …. Would rather the event just ended at 5pm TBH!

I haven’t but I have had CBT for other behavioral patterns and it’s worth a try. Good for helping understand yourself and how to change behavioural responses. Don’t be too hard on yourself though - you’re doing great.

@Addictforanexthank you. I'm really trying to just ignore the anxiety, its just easier said than done isn't it 🤦‍♀️
I hate this feeling after a drink, I really don't know why I keep doing it. Ridiculous isn't it.
I think a lot of it is peer pressure, which at my age is crazy.
Why do I care what people think if I am or am not drinking. 🤦‍♀️

@ERN79 can you use an excuse like driving so you escape the peer pressure? I am doing that this Thursday and for a leaving party next week. I have said DH is away (he isn't) so I will have to drive from the station (I won't!). I totally get what you mean about peer pressure, even if its only self-imposed, I'm exactly the same.

@harriethoyleit's usually friends & gatherings in the village, so walking distance. I wouldn't get away woth the driving as an excuse.
I don't see these friends as regularly as I did, but theyre big & almost daily drinkers.
I've not plans with them for the foreseeable, so that's a good start I suppose!
Daft aren't we! 🤦‍♀️
Good luck with your nights out. X

Luckily @ERN79 my first trial night out is with a friend who totally gets the need sometimes to drive to stay in control - so that will bolster me up for the rest!

Village life is tricky in terms of walking distance - what about saying you're doing Sober September/Stoptober etc and joke that they needn't worry you're not looking for sponsorship to brush any protests off?

Ah, that'll help with your friend @harriethoyle.
Tbh at the moment I've no plans with them, so will just play it by ear.
Maybe say I'm tired, or going elsewhere if needs be!

@ERN79 I wanted to be able to moderate but now think it's easier for me just to not drink at all. I fear that if I have a drink occasionally, I'll have to have the struggle of stopping over and over again. I haven't really felt much pressure from friends. Some of them have asked questions or said things like 'Just one won't hurt' but once they start drinking, they're really not bothered what I'm doing.

@LillyPJyeah I find once they get started I don't really stay too much longer though tbh! They're big & regular drinkers. I only drink socially, not at home or very very rarely at home & then would be just the 1.
They drink most days. I just couldn't hack that!
I'd live to be able to moderate every time, there are times I do. And to be honest Friday wasn't massively heavy. Yet I'm still getting over the anxiety.
Think I'd rather just have my head down the loo for a few hours than the anxiety! 🤦‍♀️

So @ERN79 @LillyPJ I just had lunch with my excellent and understanding friend and she made the point that the first drink is the hardest to refuse - once you've said no to a wine and got a coke or whatever people are much less likely to ask if you want a wine in the next round. And I thought that was an excellent point! She had been discussing it with her son who was stressing about a rugby club day at which he was going to have to be sober (driving home) and he came back and reported that she was bang on - once he'd got his first coke instead of a pint, there were far fewer offers of booze...

Something to ponder on and factor in, I think!

@harriethoyle Yes! But ironically, if I have the first one, it's me who finds it almost impossible to refuse the next. So in that sense, for me, the first is the easiest to refuse. Having some kind of strategy or excuse prepared - a fancy sounding alcohol free drink, needing to drive etc - to get around having the first one makes the whole thing easier in the end.

Hi ladies, hope you’re all having a good start to the week! I’m back on the moderating wagon today after a stressful time with elderly family and holiday drinking, bit of a boozy few months all round 😌 feeling a bit blue but determined the week days will be clear headed and booze free!! Have been drinking 2 bottles of wine a night very often recently, so a lot worse than most of you! 🤦‍♀️ so it’s REALLY necessary that I make this move!!

Hard to know what to say really but hopefully looking forward to some more steady behaviour/good sleep etc 🙃 this is a great thread to help each other, so Hi!!! 👋👋👋

Hello, please can I join you all? I drink too much and would like to moderate, but probably not give up completely.
It is habit in my case, I think. Once I get into the groove of not drinking I don't mind it too much.

Welcome @MyMarmite

I personally found it easier to not drink at all than moderate. I'm not saying it was easy to not drink - sometimes it was a battle - but I stopped "for a few weeks" which has turned into months now.

However you are approaching it, I wish you good luck and we'll support you here.

Hiya Mymarmite! 👋 Know exactly what you mean hun, it’s like cycles, I’m sure the new term/season will help us all!?! Going to try new recipes for autumn dinners and have joined a gym on a low membership to do a few workouts when I can. Anything that changes my routine!

Thank you for the warm welcome, it's really appreciated.

Yep @LillyPJ - once I’ve said yes to the first, it’s almost impossible (for me anyway!) to then stop there. But as my BFF said once I’ve refused the first, it’s way easier to do that going forward…

First night done ✔️ and I do think that a sober sept might be on the table.

I didn’t drink tonight so that’s good. Of the last 15 days I’ve only had 6 alcohol free, including tonight and that’s not good, it’s when I started recording it again. Oh well, it’s something!

Morning all. And well done!
Still a bit antsy here, nervous tummy feeling. Fighting my mind! Which won't switch off.
But we crack on!
Hoping you all have a good day. 🙂

I’m liking the drinkaware app - feels very satisfying to see a dry day being recorded…

Morning all, and welcome along @harriethoyle and welcome back @Asyoulikeit123 😊 Yes, I really like the Drink Aware App, too. Warns you when your drinking may affect your health.

Re: counselling for alcohol. I've not had that before, I went three years ago primarily for grief and low mood. Found a wonderful lady and went regularly for six months. I found that I went for one thing but often found myself opening up about others. Our problems are all interlinked, aren't they? I don't think I talked about alcohol last time, but probably will this time as seems relevant.

I thought I joined this thread in January, but now see it was last Autumn! It's so helpful to me. We're still on our anniversary mini-break. I had a whole bottle of fizz yesterday, and a glass of wine and half a cider ! Feels like a last hurrah before joining some of you for some sober fun very soon. Home tomorrow but not back to work til next week...will see how I feel.

Well done to everyone who is doing Sober September 😊

Hi all, and welcome to the new members. Seems like September is a good time for a fresh start 😊

All going well here. Back from my holiday (boo) but stayed off the booze, meaning it was my first sober holiday in 31 years (!) and its now been 198 days since I had an alcoholic drink. I was initially apprensive about not having a drink whilst away but honestly had an even better time without the fuzzy evenings and dehydrated mornings. Plus saved a fortune 🙌