On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining, no judging, keep on being strong, new thread autumn 2024

[Nowstrong]

@Amdone123, @Freezingfeetwarmheart , @Bigbus,@Flumpywoo , @FiveShelties , @ForeverTipsy, @Hohofortherobbers,@Jbob1976,@walliedug,

Wanted to post and old thread wouldn't let me, so took the plunge...
Please tag everyone, don't want to leave anyone behind.

Still AF here and even starting to enjoy it. Nearly 2 months. Will write proper post later..
Hope you are all doing well. Stay strong. Wet vibes, 'cos it's raining.

Hangst is definitely a thing! It will pass shortly I'm sure, hopefully you can get some fresh air and good food today.

Hi, I'd like to join if that's ok? Kind of 'accidentally' stopped drinking 50 days ago and its made me reconsider things massively. Im a classic binge drinker. Can go days or weeks without drinking but more times than not when I start drinking I don't stop. Blackouts have become very common and I hate it
Im not ready to say I've stopped but now aiming for 100 days and seeing how I feel

Wow good to see more people on the thread.

11 weeks today and feel like I’m finally out of the danger zone….

very rarely even think about drinking now - finally got over the witching hour cravings! DH is still drinking too much and I feel another conversation will be coming up - it’s sooo boring watching someone getting slowly drunk for no good reason - I mean he’s just gonna go to bed so what is the point of it all?

apart from that, life is the best it’s been in ages and I LOVE being sober. Hope you’ve all had a good weekend.

Welcome @HorrorFan81 I think a break is a good idea - give yourself time and space to reassess.

I'm going to wake up tomorrow 13 weeks sober. It hasn't all been great, but I have to say I'm very pleased with myself actually.

I was at the gym today and my gym friend said I seemed really down, and yeah I guess I am, a bit. I'm grieving DM who died suddenly 6 months ago, and there is other stress from different family stuff too.

I've been feeling a bit up and down and just trying to be stoic, keep the self care going.

We have a saying in Scotland, "it's a sair fecht" (it's a sore fight).

Sometimes it do be like that.

I'm worth making this effort to change unhealthy patterns, and you are too.

Keep on keeping on everybody.

@HorrorFan81 well done! I’m hoping for 100 days which I feel will have reset my drinking. No real plans to drink after that but expect I will loosen up a little as time goes on. Problem is, this no drinking thing feels good so I don’t really want to spoil it.
@BezMills sorry about your mum - I guess that although you still feel sad, you are dealing with your feelings and grief in a wonderful and healthy way which I’m sure is what your mum would hope for xx

@HorrorFan81you sound just like me.
I feel that I should stop. I don't go out that often, but I worry how I'd navigate it sober. My social circle are drinkers & I worry how I'd be perceived. Stupid I know.
I'm 40 odd & worrying about that. Daft.

@ERN79 I really get that!

I had a great night out in September when I was doing sobertember. Me and my drinking friends went out out in town and we had a really nice time just hanging out drinking (fake beer in my case) and chatting.
Conversely, a couple weeks ago I turned up to a birthday sesh, and everybody was just messy drunk from being on it all day. I didn't really enjoy their vibe much and basically pulled a vanishing act after establishing my presence for one drink. So I guess it can go either way and depends also on your mood too.
My social life, such as it was, is currently non existent, and in some ways I don't mind!
I don't know where I'm going with this (the post, and sobriety!) but I am completely convinced this is the right thing for me.

In just under 3 months I'll be on a big birthday and I currently plan to just stay on the sober bus.

I know not everyone here is sober sober and obviously I'm completely fine with that. I honestly didn't have any idea I'd get to 3 months.

I'm here for moral support and encouragement, however you're approaching it.

I appreciate you all, bon courage.

This has been my Ted Talk

@BezMillsthank you. Monday morning now & anxiety still through the roof.
Trying not to beat myself up. But currently in the ashamed sorry for myself phase.
Although I have made the decision that I'm not going to drink until an event I have at the end of the month, with a different group of friends.
At the moment I feel like I want to completely stop drinking, but I'm actually terrified at what people would say if I tell them. Which writing it down makes it sound ridiculous. But it's true.
Want to hide away for a few days, but I've work to go to & a family to deal with. So onwards!

I know what you mean about it feeling good. Part of me doesnt want to go back to it. Will see how I feel after 100 days...

I have the same worries. I had my first fully sober social experience last week though - a quiz night. Everyone else was drinking heavily and after a few minutes where I was tempted just to join in it was absolutely fine. I was really surprised. And I expected comments about me not drinking but no one cared. It was quite eye opening

@HorrorFan81I'm out with my best friend at the end of the month, just us 2, scared to death to say I don't want to drink as the night is literally food & drinks. Hoping to at least moderate & not go mad.
I then won't see her for another couple of months so feel if I get into my stride with not drinking it will be easier to face. If that makes sense at all.

Yeah its definitely hard when there is just two of you and the whole focus is on eating/drinking. Hopefully moderation will work out 🤞

For those who've stopped or want to stop, did you tell people?
I feel like I'm tearing myself up inside worrying & feeling ashamed. I don't even want to speak to my husband. I feel like I've let people down.
Did others feel like this?
Having an internal struggle with myself & desperately trying not to keep going over the evening the other night.
Alcohol just isn't worth the aftermath is it.

At the moment I haven't committed to stopping completely so I'm just saying 'im taking a break' and keeping it vague

Im chatting on messenger to one very unjudgemental friend who had her own issues with drinking and gave up nearly 2 years ago

Ive started opening up to my husband a bit but am definitely holding back alot and I get the impression hes slightly worried about the change in dynamic if I give up completely. He likes a drink and we've had such fun boozy nights together but he rarely takes it too far (unlike me)

Am scared to talk to anyone else about it as I might go back to it and dont want the judgement 🙈

@HorrorFan81I'm definitely holding back too. And completely understand the not talking to people about it.
Just feels like it's your whoe world at the start doesn't it. Im trying to block out the worrying about people's thoughts. Why would they be bothered about me?! You know. Easier said than done though eh.

It really does. Like half my personality is margaritas and gin and tonics in the sun, mulled wine at Xmas. Which is sad when you think about it. But so much of my social life is 'let's get together and have drinks' and i just don't know how to adapt to that changing. Or how others will react

And ridiculously I keep thinking of all the booze in the house (literally dozens of bottles of gin, tequila and wine) and thinking 'what a waste' if I never drink it. Which i know is stupid

@HorrorFan81not at all. You sound just like me.
My social life is the same. Currently im just planning to avoid it all for the foreseeable! I can't face alcohol or the people frankly!

I am similar. I haven't come out as sober or anything like that on social media. People from my local mostly know, as I have been consistently AF when I am there, and one or two friends that I have mentioned it to.
I haven't said I am never drinking again or antything like that, but I am leaning more and more into this being at least a significant time period AF.
Jus today I messaged someone on my FB who is 4 years sober, privately, to thank them for being openly sober and the positive influence they had on me. I have a few ex drinker sober friends but I haven't reached out to any of them apart from this one person who I actually don't know well.
I think it is OK to just keep your own counsel and not live it out on socials or in your friend group. You can if you want, but yku don't have to!
Maybe like me, you're kind of winging the trip a bit and not even sure what the plan is. I am "having a break" or "some time off" is clear enough to get you through a social event or sth without being a big Sober Manifesto Commitment!

@BezMillsdefinitely winging here. I've been on & off these threads in the past few years. Alcohol definitely affects me differently now to how it used to.
I was out Saturday & whilst I'm out I know I'm drunk & know what I'm doing at the time, the morning after I've no recollection of half the night. Like I know I'm not dancing on tables etc, but then memory loss the day after.
I've a big bruise on my arm & no recollection of how.
Am avoiding letting anyone see it as I'm so ashamed of not knowing how I got it. Even my husband.
There was a big fall out between 2 of our group on Saturday so the spotlight is on them as such, nobody has mentioned me. And they're not likely to. I'm the one beating myself up about it all. I just can't seem to stop.
Planning how to avoid drinking with them again. What excuse to make for the bruise if it's noticed. I just feel an absolute failure at the moment.
God, sorry for the rant all.

@ERN79 omg do not feel like a failure- what you are doing is amazing!

I’ve been out a few times now with my drinking buddies - I drink af and after 5 minutes nobody cares. I get the feeling shame but we are no different to anybody else in that we are trying to live our best life - however that may look. I tend to say I’m giving up for spring but that I am enjoying it so much, I may continue ….

and I get you on the memory loss the day after - I have whole conversations that I literally cannot recall - now that is truly embarrassing.

@HorrorFan81 im with you on the house absolutely full of booze just going to waste now! Strangely none of it holds any attraction for me now despite the fancy bottles.

@Seenoevil33thank you, you're very kind.
Im sure you know what I mean though. Feeling ashamed & like everyone is talking about me & my actions. Though in reality I don't think I was any worse than anyone else. And they've probably not given me a second thought!
The memory loss really worries me. I've a huge bruise which I have no recollection of which scares me.
Trying to think positive, forget it & move on. Its just a lot easier said then done. The mind is a powerful thing.
Don't know whether to sit down with my husband & say how I feel or just try sort my head out on my own.
I'm adamant that I don't want to be in that/this state again. And this group of friends just does not help. One is a good friend, the others are now friends that I've made through her & our only things in common are the drinking. So hopefully they will be easier to avoid.

Sorry you are feeling so stressed out @ERN79. I totally get where you are and the anxiety. You will be right, no one is likely to be talking about you. They will be fixated on themselves (and maybe the bigger drama of the night) and probably have the same fuzziness as you anyway.

I know you are also unsure where to go from here. Just take one day and a time and don’t make any big decisions/ announcements and with every small act of self care (glass of water, early night, yoga class, warm bath) trust that you will find the right answer for you.

I also have friends that are big boozehounds and we always get trashed where we are out. Funnily enough last time we were out we had so much less to drink - I was being “moderate” and some others for different reasons were all doing the same. And the rest just matched us. I did wonder if that was maybe the start of a new way to be for us all, as the WhatsApp group the next day was all about how amazing we felt… time will tell.

I have a new rule this year that I don’t drink at home on my own, and my DP is away a lot. Even when he is here we only drink Friday/ Saturday unless we’re out/ it’s an occasion. So I had a few drinks on Mothers Day - 2 glasses of champagne and 2 glasses of wine. Then AF until last Sunday when I was round at friends and had same - 4 drinks. When I got back old me would have had a nightcap before I went to bed - but I had a large iced water instead. Have to say even 2 days later I think I am feeling the effects - I’m just a bit meh and unproductive and beating myself up over a work meeting I didn’t ace yesterday (wasn’t bad just wasn’t great) and am preoccupied with who is judging me and how. I am partially blaming the booze for that and wondering how much sharper I would have been if I hadn’t drunk the night before - even though I didn’t feel hungover. Am now rambling …

@Addictforanexthank you. Think I need someone to tell me I'm being ridiculous! And hopefully you're right, they've not given me a second thought.
If they have i can't take it back, so will have to own it & apologise if necessary I guess!
Not planning any big declarations but am wondering if I should speak to my husband about it. I just feel too ashamed at the moment & worried what he thinks. If that makes sense. I don't want to feel like I've let him down. Stupid I know!
We don't drink at home, only when out & I'm hoping to avoid that for the foreseeable!
The aftermath is just not worth it for me. Something needs to change!

Morning all. Still anxious, tummy off with the anxiety 🙄 But trying to ignore & crack on.
Have just been for a run & had the mindset of sod it all, it's done & if anyone says anything i can only apologise! 💪
Home & that mindset has faded a little... but im trying to get it back! 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️
What a blooming mess eh.
Hope everyone is doing OK.

Hello, I am here again under another new username. Drinking about half a bottle of wine and one beer a night. Every night. I have been way worse in the past but I need to stop.

What does everyone recommend as an app for motivation?