Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

It's the million dollar question, @Shiningout

I certainly identify with your story. I imagine many of us here do.

Like with any long term habits, you have to change the your mindset, using tools and techniques, in order for them to become embedded.

For me it's been three weeks or so AF now. I've started to really enjoy AF drinks, and have been to a few bbqs and nights out and stayed sober.

I've read Claire Pooley - The Sober Diairies - listen to lots of podcasts, and basically take it from there.

You don't have to have all the answers - you find what works for you along the way. You just have to start 💕

Is anyone missing the buzz/drunkenness.

I guess you can't replicate being drunk without some kind of substance. But I do miss it.

Short of vaping THC again I don't really know what the answer is.

I'm not really, @NCgoingdry

I'm not sure I ever really felt a buzz, though - for me, it was more of a relaxed numbness when drinking at home.

How long have you been AF? I guess things will change over time.

Are you adding new activities/benefits to your life to replace the drinking?

@Shiningout Thinking in that way, madness lies...two things have helped me.

1. Listening to Allen Carr's Easy way to quit drinking. Not Allan Carr the comedian 😎 He basically says that you can still do all that. Sitting in the sun will still be lovely, going for a meal will still be lovely as it will be with your loved ones. Certainly once the initial urges are over. For me, it has taken time to appreciate that - but it's true. And where it hasn't been enjoyable, there are different reasons - for example, I've realised that I don't actually love really noisy busy places. Booze clouded that. And I've changed as I've got older

2. I gave up smoking 6 years ago and felt exactly like you do about drinking. And now I can enjoy all of those things without even thinking about having a cigarette. So, hopefully, I'll feel like that about drinking too.

@Shiningout welcome to the group 😊 I know forever seems a daunting prospect. I try not to think that way. I’m looking at this experience as better choices and making lots of smaller changes alongside trying to abstain from alcohol. I also advocate one day at a time and not focussing on events in the future.
I did a UK holiday without drinking and hand on heart I had a better time. I felt more present with my kids, I wasn’t rushing bedtime to open the wine and I wasn’t worried about drinking in front of them and them seeing that as normal. I slept well and I woke up feeling refreshed not ashamed. There really are so many pluses, I try and focus on those each day. I’m not saying it’s easy but it is worth it.

@NCgoingdry yes. I absolutely do. Mostly at the weekends. I wonder if it’s an element of boredom creeping in or if it’s because my emotions are much more balanced now so I’m not experiencing those highs and lows.

I just remind myself of all the things I’m not missing about drinking. They far outweigh that feeling and that’s what I need to focus on when the urge comes. Agree the warm weather doesn’t help.

I am definitely a little strung out this week. I have been bouncing off the walls with, I don’t know what really. A mixture of anxiety and a weird kind of sensation that’s like excitement but nothing is happening, so I can’t really explain it. And the urge to temper it is strong except that I still know that I have no chance of drinking and not smoking so I am trying very hard to focus on that. Off to another client event this evening, it’s bloody relentless!

Ah @TimesaChangeling sorry to hear that. I know what you mean about feeling a bit strung out this week. I’m the same, which I’ve put down to having some shitty news on Monday and it’s put me in a really bad mood. I put the kids to bed early and then ate 3 packets of crisps 😭 I would be more productive working!!! Hope your week improves!

@NCgoingdry thank you. We are in the collective consultation period at the moment, but should know more in a few weeks. It's very unsettling but I'm pleased I've had no real urge to drink.

Great to see other joining the thread too 😊

Using the sober app and that's what I've saved in 12 days. I think that's being conservative too as that's based on one bottle of wine a day.

Whereas in reality it'll be more especially over the weekend.

Feeling pure rage today. Not really sure why.

I mean, it is PMT week but I'm just fed up of the relentless crap from the kids, work is seriously over the top right now. Husband decides now is the time to have a row. I just feel very exposed and judged at every turn but I'm the only one DOING anything.

I would love to fully properly relax and FORGET everything and sink a bottle of nice red. That would be my normal answer to it. Get out of my own head.

I slipped on the diet yesterday as well, not terribly, but I think that's going to kill my motivation too when the scales don't shift that much.

Sorry for my rant. Just needed to get it off my chest. I either need to be out of my head drunk or sleep for a week.

Yeah my diet has been pretty bad since giving up alcohol but I'm trying to be kind to myself and tackle one thing at a time and be patient. I've also been getting very bored and going to bed at like 8pm just scrolling on my phone. Sounds awful but I used to love pouring a glass of wine and sitting and having a chat on the phone to my friend but I can't even be arsed to do that I feel really antisocial and just grumpy tbh. Hoping that changes once I stop craving a drink so bloody much.

Can I join you please? Day one (again) here but need to make it stick. My drinking has been a problem for years but has lately crept up to a bottle most nights. I find evenings really hard - can’t get out of the house due to looking after children (one of whom is 13 and very challenging at the moment but that’s a whole other thread..) and my elderly mother who has moved from the other side of the world to be looked after by me. My sister is a big wine drinker and is coming to stay this weekend too - her husband has just left her and I know she will be drinking a lot….

Welcome on in @Marchpane123
Sounds like a lot. Are you planning on having an AF weekend?

@NCgoingdry totally feeling your week there. The juggling is getting to the point where I am dropping balls left, right and centre. I wonder what the point of my husband actually is sometimes, he literally just creates more work.
I feel like I am one minor inconvenience away from a breakdown and am firmly in the danger zone of drinking. If I'd had win in the house last night, it would have been gone.

The trouble I have is that when I stop drinking, my CPTSD gets worse, the overwhelm and horrible feelings rise up to the surface and I don't know what to do. I'm having specialist therapy but they can't tell me what to do (which is what my husband seems to want, a timeline and ticklist of when I will be Normal).

Anyone ever used anti-depressants? I'm not depressed but my mood is so unstable and the rumination and negativity is epic - even with all the "right" things like exercise, journalling, meditation, quitting booze.

Just, ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Hope you're ok @TimesaChangeling , @TeeNoG ; @AFmammaG everyone else, heading into another warm weekend x

Thank you so much for your welcome @Steppered - I am sorry things are so hard at the moment and understand about the challenges in dealing with the horrible feelings without a drink. I am in Australia so Friday night here - I am armed with special non- alcoholic drinks (tonight yuzi spritz with lime and ice) and sitting on sofa (my absolute downfall is when I stand up and cook, particularly things I associate with wine like pasta, red meat etc…) But can’t live on takeaways all my life so will need to deal with the cooking thing another way somehow

That sounds refreshing @Marchpane123 . I know some people rely on batch cooking or whacking something in the slow cooker in the mornings to avoid that temptation when cooking. Hope your weekend goes well.

Yeah I’m struggling too. I actually do have wine in the house @Steppered and it calls me regularly but I ignore and distract as much as I can. I just stuffed myself full of fruit in an attempt to eat ‘normally’.

I will post properly once the kids are in bed but wanted to jump on and welcome @Marchpane123. Incredibly brave to start day 1 on a Friday. This is the hardest day of the week for me because it’s signals the start of the weekend… today I will be focussing on my previous dry streak and how good it feels to wake up on a Saturday morning without a shitty hangover.

U@AFmammaG Hope you're ok after your shitty news and shitty week.

I'm about 50% of the way to pressing the fuck it button myself.

I’m dry. DH is sitting next to me on the sofa drinking red wine. I don’t want any tonight. I checked out my dry app and I don’t want anymore black days! I also don’t want a hangover tomorrow. I don’t want to sit on the sofa drinking. So I’m not.
Today I am 1/47. I’m not a fan of recording it this way but actually, drinking on 1 day in 47 is a huge achievement for me and I don’t want to let that go. Thank you guys for being there and for listening and for not judging. It really shouldn’t be this hard but unfortunately it is.
I am sending you all my best wishes and hope you are managing to punch the wine witch in the face 😆

@NCgoingdry step away from the button….!

I feel the rage coming from this thread! Here’s the thing - there is lots to be angry about and it’s okay to be angry too. Some of the stuff people are going through is really hard and anger is a rational response to it. Although that said I definitely feel rage out of nowhere sometimes. I’m a walking tinderbox half the time and I have to work quite hard to not let it get out of my mouth.

@Steppered does your husband understand that CPTSD doesn’t just go away… I’ve not used anti depressants but I know they do really work well for lots of people (I’d say a good 50% of people I know are on them and whilst that may be reflective of an over tendency of doctors to prescribe them, I can see them making a serious difference to some people). Maybe worth investigating to see if they give you a happier baseline?

hello @Marchpane123 I empathise on the caring for an elderly mother. I’ve been there and no matter how much you love someone, it can still be a challenge.

@AFmammaG hope you’ve been punching hard! Sounds like you had a rough week, hope the weekend is better.

Hello @Shiningout and @NCgoingdry as well. I hope you made it through Friday okay.

@TimesaChangeling I punched hard!! It was worth it. I have one more shitty day to get through today and then I’m hopeful my life will return to normal tomorrow.
Next week I’m focusing on food, which hasn’t been great this week. I’m not a puppy and I don’t need to reward myself by stuffing shit in my mouth 😆

Hi all, I'm on day 7. Struggled massively the past couple of nights just felt miserable, sun shining and friends meeting up for drinks, I just don't feel like socialising at all and have been going to bed very early. Also eating like a complete pig this week. I have a 7yo daughter and my biggest challenge will be when she goes to her dad's next week, that's when I usually drink in the evenings and on the weekend. I brought a few of those trip drinks and had a couple last night and they were nice actually. Listening to e books, I loved the unexpected joy of being sober so I am going to listen to that again soon.

Thanks again for this thread and for everyone posting on here.

@Shiningout yes that is hard when everyone else is socialising and drinking. It does feel like missing out. I’m doing lots of coffees. Even lunch feels too risky right now.
Hopefully day 7 you are starting to feel some benefits? Cling onto them. Write them all down to look back at if that helps. It really is worth it.
If you like a podcast Sober Awkward do one on socialising sober although their top advice is to tell people in advance and I’m really not keen on that approach so the ones I go to I order something AF and then make an excuse about work the next day or an important meeting… anything to shut down the questions.

Hi everyone, please may I (re)join you? I was on the previous thread but have had a rubbish March/April with lots of day 1s and very few day 2s so I didn’t post much.

I am now on day 7 and determined to do better this time. I am already feeling the benefits of better sleep and a slightly calmer mind. The biggest benefit to me though is that I am much more present for my teen DD.

Just catching up on the news from old and new posters and looking forward to sticking with you this time.

I'm only day 7 but had two drunk dreams where I wake up in a panic then feel so relieved it's a dream. I am sleeping really well though.