Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

Day 6 done. Mostly by being a hermit at the moment and busying myself with packing! I actually did some oil painting on canvas today..
I can't believe it! I used to love painting and haven't in years.

I'm soo glad to hear you resisted the urges @AFmammaG @Limeandsoda2023. You've done so well. I'm yet to be tested like that. And nothing beats a fresh and tidy house @CoffeeLover90 very jealous! (Mine is turned upside down!).

@Cantdoitalll 100% get the same conflict of feeling bad for not being honest to parents. But it would really not help. Thanks for asking, I don't exactly know my plan yet. I don't want to rent somewhere and be tied down so might live with a friend for a bit. I think.

Morning, finding this really helpful.. hope everyone is doing okay.

Noticing when I wake up I automatically feel guilty as my brain automatically assumes I was drinking the night before.. then have immense relief realising I didn't. Best feeling. Got to keep holding on to that.

Thank you for the well wishes @Cantdoitalll & @dontlookbackinangerr. I am feeling better this morning. As @Limeandsoda2023 said, I was happy I didn’t open that bottle before I even got to bed last night. Why do we do it to ourselves?!

Yeah DH drinking doesn’t help, nor does having it sat there in the fridge chilling but I am responsible for my own decisions! And I’m doing this for me.

@Cantdoitalll your DP sounds annoying 😆 why hasn’t he done his jobs? Not fair to leave it all to you. My DH is like a machine. Makes me feel like the lazy one…. When he’s hungover he works hard to prove to everyone he isn’t, which includes running round the house doing a billion things at once. I on the other hand would be the one struggling in the mornings.

Congrats @dontlookbackinangerr on day 6 in the bag. So truly grateful that I a, to back to day 1 this morning. You will be a week dry today 💪

👆That should say I’m so happy that I’m not back to day one this morning.

Also passing on my congrats to @CoffeeLover90 who has managed to do the redecorating in her dry August, what an achievement!!! You must feel super pleased.

@dontlookbackinangerr I went into a shared house when I got divorced and he took pretty much everything. Pig. I wish I’d been on mn then. Funny thing was, I made some new friends while saving a load of money for a year so it wasn’t the end of the world.

Oh and I weighed myself this morning. Drum roll please 🥁 …. Stayed the Same. Ha ha. Good times.

Oh wow, there's been a few messages this weekend, I was hoping to reply to everyone but not sure my tiny brain can remember all the salient points!

@AFmammaG you're doing brilliantly. Well done. Also with the weight loss/plateau, it might be that you are gaining muscle? Often happens to me when I add in workouts and it is frustrating. Just keep on going and know that it's doing you well, mentally and physically.

@Limeandsoda2023 I am not a take it or leave it drinker either. Never have been, never will be. I remember my first alcoholic beverage (and it wasn't just one) and how it made me feel, it was like manna from heaven, took all my cares away.

@CoffeeLover90 well done on all the hard work and remember, that is a space you've only had sobriety in - if you need an impetus to remain sober. A sober nest.

Thanks @Steppered, how did you get on over the weekend?

Yes it might be a change from fat to muscle. I swear my stomach looks flatter so I just measured it. Appreciate its first thing in the morning but it’s 3 inches smaller than when I measured in July. 3 inches! I thought my jeans felt more comfortable yesterday!

@dontlookbackinangerr shame and alcohol go together hand in hand. I think it's a major factor in this whole scenario:
When you've drunk a skinful the night before and feel crap and swear you're not drinking again. Then as the day wears on and the symptoms lift slightly, the guilt and shame kick in and the only way to get rid of the noise is drinking again. Argh. Sounds like you're having a really tough time. I hope you can kick both these toxic relationships and please reach out any time, we are all here.

@TimesaChangeling I too feel like walking is a saviour of sobriety. I agree about keeping hydrated. You are doing amazingly!

@Cantdoitallperfectly well done on the AF night out. You sound like you have tons on your plate right now. Be kind to yourself.

Headaches? Someone mentioned? Classic early days alcohol withdrawal.
I've had it a few times myself.

We're off on holiday in a few days and I'm really glad actually it's so soon into my journey. I have less time to stew and worry about it. Plus I feel so sick of booze it isn't in the least tempting right now. Not saying holiday will be easy as I've never had a sober one but it will be such a huge victory for me to achieve it. Sober holidays have always been a big fear of mine so it will be good to break that bond, I know I can have a lovely holiday without it.

Hope you all have a good week. Anyone got any pressures or stresses coming up?

I've got a wedding at the weekend although I said all along I won't be drinking there as I have the little one with me. Brides organised a bottle of juice for my table, like the children have 🤣 the other adults have prosecco and beer. I don't like either.
I'm also near the end of summer holidays. Feel like hiding in a cupboard. If I hear the word WHY one more time...
I've got the garden to sort next.
Back to work on Wednesday.

Nothing too stressful!

@AFmammaG 3 inches is a great result - there you go! Well done!
Quiet weekend thanks. Zero temptation to drink as still dying from last week. Still eaten up with guilt and shame and couldn't sleep last night. But have managed to say NO to a thing that I did NOT want to do, so that's a win for me.

@CoffeeLover90 sober wedding is another big tick! Think how great it will be to have that under your belt. I also hear you on the hiding front... I adore DC but wow they don't stop talking (to ME)!

With the to do list completed I'm going to take him on some outings today and tomorrow. I feel awful he's been stuck at home the majority of the holidays. It's been a mix of him being poorly, me having no energy and then being busy.

Then tonight's activity is looking into a holiday destination. Either UK or Disney land. Just me and DS. I need a break from people and work and chores.

@Steppered you are so right about being kind to myself, I never am! I read this poem and thought it was nice for those who have that shame or guilt feeling - a reminder that we are a lot of other things too. Good things!

I was in Tesco yesterday and was dithering about buying the pukka night time tea (it’s a fiver). Chuckled to myself when I realised I normally would have 4 bottles of wine in the trolley costing £30 odd.

That is true @Cantdoitalll 😂 it's like money for wine doesn't count when you're doing it (although it very much does..!). Thanks for the poem, I need this today.

This afternoon I've had the first moment of stress/trigger which would normally send me off to drink. I'm trying to just observe it. It happens when my ex/person I'm separating from gets annoyed/frustrated at me often for really small things. I can feel it brewing. Got a work call so hoping distraction will allow it to pass. Feel a bit sad though to get that feeling back.

That's a lovely poem @Cantdoitalll , thanks for sharing.

And you are so right about the alcohol justification. I have done exactly the same and have to catch myself on! Baulking at spending a fiver on some pukka teabags that would yield me 20 cups of tea when the same on a bottle of wine would evaporate in a few hours?! Absolutely bonkers! But once we see this behaviour, we can't un-know it, so we move forwards x

@dontlookbackinangerr hope that you’re doing ok. Keep making plans - clearing out a cupboard or sorting your clothes for moving. Or just making a list, a list of all the lovely things you’ll do when you’re not being worn down by a toxic partner. The freedom!

The craving will pass in time. I think it’s normal to have them, I’ve been saying to myself, no not today dear you’re better than that!

I’m almost finished work for the day, a few jobs to do then home. I often have a glass of wine when I get home but I’ve got my pukka tea now 👌

@Cantdoitalll a lovely poem. Hope you enjoyed the pukka tea. We had a tiring but lovely day out. Despite the weather turning bad. But DS doesn't care, as long as he's dressed appropriately, he'll stomp around in rain all day.

Holiday planning slightly stalled. So, I've decided disney land as a definite with a mini break in the UK too. Now, with the mini break, if I manage to pass a driving test before the end of the year I could take my pick. But without a licence I'm limited. Would have to be a coach trip type of thing.

Reason number 6765 to save money.

##browniesnotbeer

Day 19. Over half way there! No crave tonight as I kept busy until just now and now would be past the time I'd pour my first glass
I haven't decided a plan for September yet. Just taking it one day at a time.

@dontlookbackinangerr is there any way you could cut off communication? I get sometimes it's necessary to stay in touch but your mental health is the priority here.

Evening! Managed another dry day - thought of you all as I determinedly walked past the M&S at the station avoiding going in to buy a bottle of wine.

3 inches is amazing @AFmammaG - I didn’t quite have the energy for the treadmill tonight but you have given me another reason to try to get back into better exercise habits.

I hear you @Steppered and @Cantdoitalllabout how easily I would spend money on a bottle (or two) of wine but deny myself other more useful/ beneficial things!

Hope you’re all doing ok

Well done @Limeandsoda2023 Monday night drinking is never a good start to the week.
@AFmammaG i forgot to say congratulations on the 3 inches - amazing! You must be delighted! I’m stuffing chocolate into myself at the moment, anything to get through, weight is the same after initial loss.
Still grumpy with DP. He’s spent the day gaming. I should start thread!
but the headache is away. Yay!

Well, it’s been 365 days (ooh, 366 actually, leap year!) since I began this in earnest. Aug 20, 2023 was my day 1 after I waded my way through 2 bottles of wine and spent the morning after trying not to vomit (which I never do but heaving was become a more common occurrence). I was drinking a bit less often but drinking more when I did. I don’t think it would have been long before I would have been drinking those amounts much more often.

I then went 125 days dry and completely blew myself away. I wasn’t happy, cheerful, trampolining from pink cloud to pink cloud. I actually felt immensely sad for lots of it but the whole idea that I actually had the ability not drink for that long if I chose was some kind of absolutely novel beast and it completely altered my perspective on what my life could look like. A lot was the same, the world did not suddenly stop turning because I wasn’t drinking (ie it was essential for absolutely nothing). But a lot did change, more serenity (I just rage with slight less vigour), a much lower resting heart rate, blood pressure and weight and a slight penchant for going off on random adventures that make me stupidly happy.

I don’t think life is at all perfect, I still have vast amounts to worry and stress over but that’s the human condition. I can actually see all the good bits at the same time and there is now space for them. I have not been 💯 dry, but I do reckon I’m 💯 better. Not perfect, just better.

All assisted by the good ship Tulip of course!

Ps 3 inches is insane! That’s a whole damn dress size!

Wow amazing @TimesaChangeling sooo good!! Massive well done and you should be so proud! Did you always commit to 125 days from the beginning?

I have made it through 7 days now and so happy. No glass in the recycling this week..!

Also thank you for suggestions @CoffeeLover90 @Cantdoitalll too. I'm just keeping g strict boundaries for now which mostly is working and it should only be a month or so to go...

Thanks @TimesaChangeling for your positive update and all your encouragement along the way for others. I'm so pleased for you to have had a real year of change and happiness. Kudos to you x

Congrats on your 7 days! That’s sometimes just as hard as a longer stretch, especially at the beginning. I hadn’t had 7 days off for I think about 10 years…

I didn’t really have 125 days in my head. I hoped for 100 and for a long term change but I didn’t really know what that would look like. I took it day by day without trying to think about what was happening a month or two ahead, it was just too daunting so I took the time honoured approach of burying my head in the sand and applying it usefully for once.

@Steppered these threads are great. I hope peppapig (who started the first one) is out there doing ok and @AFmammaG has done a wonderful job on these last two threads.