Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

@CoffeeLover90 but it was going so well! Take a break would be my advice. Head to tesco and get yourself one of those meals 😀

I managed to clean and tidy the downstairs of my house today. Did a really good job too and bribed the kids to chip in. Totally worth it.

@AFmammaG it's still going but I just hate it. I hate the mess, the manual work, the smell. I've nearly finished the passage. I'm determined to have it all done by Monday.
I made a pasta bake! Was delicious. And 3 portions in the freezer for another time.
Fish and chips tomorrow. Chips in the air fryer cos I love the crispiness.
I'm powering through.
Day 15, the longest I've gone for almost a year. Feel quite emotional about that.

@CoffeeLover90
it will be done soon and you can feel proud of what you’ve achieved.

@AFmammaG amazing that your kids helped, I wish I could get mine to assist around the house…
D5 today. The box of wine is in the garage.
Tomorrow will be HARD, it’s the start of the weekend. I’ve been drunk every Friday night for years. I plan on having some chocolate and black tea. And watching a film with the kids (something we rarely do!).

I hear you @Cantdoitallperfectly Friday night is my hardest evening of the week. Plus DH is out tonight. I used to love a drink by myself. No one monitoring or judging. I will struggle tonight.

I managed an hour on the treadmill last night so will put the kids to bed and hop on that and hope to distract myself long enough that I get through the evening dry.

@CoffeeLover90 I am so, so proud of you. The longest you have been alcohol free in a year. That’s a massive achievement. Honestly. I hope you have a productive day with the decorating today. If it helps, keep telling yourself how well you are doing! I used to berate myself when drinking all the time. Well, when things are going well now I tell myself that instead! Why not? It’s important to acknowledge these wins.

Have a good day everyone. No doubt I will check in later to see how Friday night is going.

https://alcoholchange.org.uk/about-us/blog
Sharing this from another thread as it may be something to read tonight for those struggling. I love a good story, it does fill me with inspiration and hope - more so if I relate to the person.
Please do share anything you find too. I love a podcast but can’t listen to them at home in case the kids hear and there’s no way they would let me walk around with headphones in 😆

Whoop day 5. I’m feeling exhausted, but happier in myself. I’ve lost 4lb since Monday, doing intermittent fasting and only eating sour dough bread and salads and protein. I really enjoy the Aldi feta and grain salad for lunch.

Fridays always been a trigger for me but today feels different and I’m going to focus on self care and deep relaxation by getting an early night and reading my book.

One hour at a time x

Morning all, day 2 for me after first dry day yesterday.
I’d really like a long dry spell but have my god-daughter’s wedding next weekend. At the moment therefore I have aiming for a streak of 9 dry days and will then decide what to do in the wedding day.
Im back on my Try Dry app and got real joy from clicking “stayed dry” last night. I’ve also set the 9 days target in the app.

Feeling positive at the moment…although I expect I’ll need an early night tonight to avoid the Friday night cravings,

sending positive thoughts to you all

Well I went AWOL from the thread which always means for me, that I'm back drinking again.

I have had an absolute howler of a week, I don't even want to talk about it but I am quitting alcohol for good. I've tried so hard to moderate and to keep alcohol in my life and to what good? None. I can't do it. I am booting alcohol out of my life. I have been telling people - which I have never done before - and the support has been immense.

Good to see you again @Steppered; my absence from the thread also means I’ve been back drinking.

Sorry you’ve had a such a bad week. I know, too, that I just can’t moderate. My pattern is always dry spells for 10-20 days but then some event at which I decide I’ll have a couple of drinks. I don’t even over so it, but then it is suddenly as if I am back at square one and I start drinking a bottle of wine every evening again. Until I start the next dry spell. Totally ridiculous.

Well done everyone for staying dry and starting a new attempt.
I'd love to get back to drinking once every 7 or 14 days as I was before. When I enjoyed it when it was social. But I have to do a long dry spell to really work out what's best for me: staying dry or moderation.

I'm definitely staying sober in October. I've bought a little money tin and every Saturday I'll put in what the wine, takeaway and cigarettes would have cost me. Then I'll donate at the end of month.
I think seeing the money build up will really motivate me and will make my decision a lot easier.

I look at my savings account now and remind myself that I've also bought paint, wallpaper and flooring. That money would have been wasted, literally pissed up the wall, it's been an eye opener. But not enough to stop cravings.

Hi everyone 👋

@CoffeeLover90 - well done, and savings is a real motivator.

We've just got back from a week's holiday - our hotel drinks and extras bill was €350, compared to a usual amount of around €750.

Makes a big difference when one of you isn't drinking 😮

Shit. Just gone and eaten a whopping lemon crunch cheesecake in one go. It must have been at least 800 calories. I was saving it for tonight instead of wine. Oh well. At least I won’t wake up feeling crippled with anxiety and no self worth. Just a bit more cuddly, I can handle that!!

id love to be able to do moderation. Last Saturday and Sunday I proved to myself for the billionth time that I can’t. Oliver Reed takes over and fucks me right up.

not this weekend though. this weekend I’m clean and serene 🙏🏼 and full of cheesecake and icecream and anything else I can eat.

Hey @Orchid09

Cheese sounds yum! I'm about 4 months AF now and I ate a tonne of sugary stuff in the early days (it helped that it was around Easter, too!).

It helped keep the wine cravings at bay and has tailed off too now.

And anyway - as far as I know, no one has ever had a cheesecake blackout so embarrasing it's given them crippling anxiety for weeks.

So not a problem at all, then!!

Stay strong this evening 💪
think how good we will feel in the morning!
an early one for me, off to watch a movie then bed.

DP is drinking so I’m avoiding him.

Hi everyone! Day 4. Been drinking solidly since 2020. In the past year a bottle of wine a night, sometimes was getting to two. Enough is enough. Going through a mega break up (from an abusive relationship) and taking this as the opportunity to change. No-one in my life knows apart from the soon to be ex.

Look forward to getting to know you all and hoping to stay on the tracks.. just taking it one day at a time.

Currently experienced constant headaches.. anyone have that?

Welcome @dontlookbackinangerr, very nice to have you on board. So happy to see new faces joining us. There are a few here around day 4 or 5.

I’m dry. Fuck knows how. Put the DC to bed and straight on the treadmill. It’s my safe space. I will walk for an hour while watching tv and by 9 I won’t be tempted anymore. Shower then bed for me tonight. Ok it’s not the most exciting evening but as someone said upthread, I’m focusing on how I will feel in the morning. As my mind was playing the will I won’t I game today I kind of made a deal with myself that if I still really want to tomorrow I can. Tomorrow I will make the same deal. One day at a time and all that.

16 days of August dry. I took a photo of myself today with the DC, i’m noticing a difference in my face again. I look much less tired. My wrinkles don’t look quite so deep. My skin tone is more even. If vanity alone was enough, I don’t think I’d ever drink again 🫣

Welcome @dontlookbackinangerr to the thread. I hope you find it helpful and supportive.

I got bad headaches the very first time I tried to stop (last October, when I managed 39 days) and they went after about five days. Oddly I have never had them again in my next dry attempts.

Apologies @Steppered for not welcoming you back in my last post, sorry to hear about your moderation attempts. I’m thinking about telling my bestie the next time I see her. I know she will be pleased for me rather than any other reaction, but I haven’t told her because once that genie is out of the bottle you can’t put it back. This time around I have realised this is how it needs to be. I can’t moderate successfully long-term either. At the moment the shame of my last drink is still burning brightly. I need to use that to keep me on track.

Plus, I keep asking myself why do I want to moderate? I’ve always found drinking moderately extremely frustrating 😆 what is the point? I don’t want to go out and sip one or two glasses of wine. I just don’t enjoy that. At least being dry, you get some rewards. Hopefully better sleep, hopefully a bit of weight loss, hopefully some mental and physical improvements. Moderation is just the shit from both worlds. The anxiety that comes with drinking without the high of getting shitfaced. Moderation sucks.

Well that’s how I feel anyway. Appreciate it may work for some 🫣

@dontlookbackinangerr agreed with others about the headaches, it should only last a few days.
I hate to go against the point of this thread, I'm so sorry in advance, but for you I say do whatever you need to do. Never be hard on yourself for alcohol, chocolate, fatty foods. You do you now.
I've been there. The most important thing, the only thing that matters is you never, ever go back to that ex.
It'll be hard to believe but I swear to you, there is a much better life to be had. You'll surprise yourself.

It's too long winded for me to go into my past but I managed over 2 years before, didn't bother me at all before then I would drink maybe once every 7 or 14 days. I'd love to go back to that. But maybe after everything, I'm not the same person. I don't know.

Thank you so much for the warm welcome, it's weird as I didn't exactly plan a day to start it just happened. But I have been mulling it for AGES. I think I'm so fed up of where I've been that all I'm doing now is focusing on steps to change my life. Rather than just escaping it. It's weird going through so a major life change and NO-ONE in real life knows about the abuse or the alcohol. Too much shame. Maybe pride. Also feeling no one would understand.

Well done everyone for good decisions tonight and sending strength to anyone struggling.

I'm retraining my brain to not go back to ex and not go back to alcohol. Every day. Sounds like you've been through it @CoffeeLover90.. I feel like I haven't yet fully committed to give it up forever, but know I should, but I HAVE committed to do every day at a time, and to consciously check myself on will this help me change my life or not?
I'm feeling it could even be a forever thing in my heart already.

Fingers crossed on the headaches too. Good to know 🤞

@dontlookbackinangerr if you can manage it, then I truly wish you the best of luck. I just don't want you to push yourself too far, that can lead you to self hatred and self hatred can lead you back to where you were. It's miles safer for you to take one step at a time, stay safe, prioritise yourself.

It's doable. Definitely, I did it without the help of a drink. But if you're already in that grip, it's just another battle and battles need to be prioritised sometimes, they can't be fought all at once.

I do remember the shame well. When I told everyone what he'd been like it was as if a weight lifted. This is not for everyone and I only shared maybe 10% of the truth. The point is no one acted with anything other than support. I didn't need to feel ashamed. Neither do you.

Thanks @CoffeeLover90... you're being so nice and I really appreciate it. It hit hardest 6 weeks ago and I'd say I have been at my absolute worse drinking in that period. I've finally come to terms with the end of the relationship (and feeling more peace) so now feeling I have the energy to stop drinking. And to have some dignity for myself. I just hope I don't experience more abuse as it is extremely triggering with the alcohol (currently in process of moving out).

Just read a thread from last year of the reality of people who die/the slippery road downhill which has helped immensely.

I will catch up with previous posts up thread to try get to know everyone more and where you all are on your journey so far. Thanks again for welcoming me 🙏