Day 1 or 1000 all welcome on the tulips and snowdrops thread 🌷

[AFmammaG]

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/4930949-tulips-snowdrops-and-another-day-1?page=40&reply=134961706

Ladies I’m making this new thread as we’ve gone up to 993 posts on the other thread and I need to link it before we fill up!

Will post a proper into later.

Oh and I put on another pound. After eating like a fucking pigeon for 10 days.

@AFmammaG this was how I was a couple of days ago. If not too late (and it's OK if it is) think ok how will I feel after a cup of tea? How will I feel after a shower? A pizza... before you know it it's nearly bedtime and not worth it.
Horrible though. It is. but judging by the long time AF posters here it becomes something you think of only once you've battled a special event without it, like a victory, and days like today will become less frequent. Maybe there forever but not weekly or even monthly. Just there. And if you give in just remember 9/10 days without is a hell of a lot better than 9/10 days with it.
Or rage eat brownies. Whatever works. I'm cheering for you either way.

Thanks @CoffeeLover90, I didn’t drink tonight. I’m glad about that. I’m twitchy and irritable. Hopefully I’ll wake tomorrow feeling more positive. Yes it does sound like the night you added the wine to your basket. How was your evening tonight? How is the redecorating going?

Oh and I snacked on dried nuts tonight. I just have to shift a couple of pounds.

It does sound similar and I actually felt no better for tackling it. Just scared it will happen again.
Redecorating at a stand still. The easiest bits are done. Destroyed me. Maybe time to admit defeat and call on decorators, I'm conflicted on this.
I had a little crave last night. I felt better after a cup of tea.
I'm OK tonight. Little one went to bed late and I occupied myself.
Now I'm off to bed. So happy you managed to fight through this. Tomorrow is another day. Never feel bad for the crave, feel good for the win.
It's day 10 and I think we're ahead.

Thanks @CoffeeLover90. I haven’t been sleeping well, which isn’t like me. Last night I was churning things round in my head again and it took me a long time to get to sleep.

I know it sounds silly but the last couple of nights I’ve felt really resentful towards DH. His snoring is so bad when he drinks and he falls to sleep pretty much instantly. I was lying there last night feeling so cross with him. Like I can’t sleep because of him but I’m the one making positive changes and he’s the one drinking. Very frustrating. I guess I just have to keep concentrating on me.

Up this morning with a clear head and ready to get back on duty. I have stuff to do today with the DC and I’m grateful I can take them out and not worry about stinking of booze. I’m able to look other parents in the eye without shame.

I’d keep pressing ahead with the decorating if you can. You sound like you’re doing a great job!

I guess part of the whole perspective is that in the big scheme of things a couple of weeks is really early days and the intermittent cravings likely to still be really strong. I still remember that imagery of a horrible field and trying to get to the gloriously flowery, sunny, bunny strewn one and we do the early part but we give up. And so we end up doing the hard part over and over again. I can’t remember which quit lit writer it was but it always reminds me that it is better to keep going than to restart the journey.

The snoring warthog would drive me demented too. But snoring quite aside, although it’s grounds for murder, is it possible he is just the focus for all of your worries / anger at the moment?

I did have a really wonderful day yesterday, out of 10 of us one glass of wine was drunk (not by me). One! Today is another glorious day so walking, reading and I might venture for a swim later. I’m determined to be Pollyfuckinganna today!

The snoring warthog is potentially the focus of my anger @TimesaChangeling 😆 I know what you mean about redoing the hard bit but I have found over the course of the year that it gets easier. I guess it’s always harder to give something up when you’re sat next to someone who isn’t…. the same goes for our weight. We are both trying to shift a few pounds. He did really well at the start of the year and as a result his snoring improved. He’s slowly lost momentum and now when I watch him stuffing I know it will impact the snoring and it feels 😬 selfish?! Maybe I’m just losing the plot…

Hello
I’m joining you lovely folk if that’s ok!?
D1 today. Over a bottle of wine a day. Anxiety levels are high and I drink to relieve, waking up jittery and full of angst. I drink coffee to wake up which is the worst thing for my anxiety - almost need to give it up too.
To know me, you’d never know. It’s like my dirty little secret. In fact when I go out, I often abstain as I am driving. It’s at home. My children see me half drunk in the evenings. DP is a drinker too. Sounds awful when I write it all down, I want to stop and have tried many times.

I’ve put on a stone in the last 6 months and could do with losing that too.

@Cantdoitallperfectly yep, me 10 days ago. I've suffered with anxiety for years. Now rely on coffee and red bull through the day as I didn't sleep well, which effects my sleep... so have a bottle of wine to balance... and repeat, repeat, repeat.
No one knows, except those on here.

I'm determined to have a dry August, although I still get almost daily cravings. I'm not thinking about September. But I do want to do Sober for October. I believe the original idea was you set aside what would have been spent on alcohol that month and donate to cancer research. That gives me a good incentive.

This month I put more in my savings, bought paint and accessories and it's helped to see how much more I could get for my money if I wasn't wasting it on wine, takeaways and chain smoking.

@CoffeeLover90 haha love your username.

yes - this is me. I vape constantly, I am edgy and short with the kids.
on the surface I have a lovely home and a good job. But I’m a mess underneath. I can’t enjoy anything. I have a stressful home life which I do need to tackle, but one step at a time. Well done on your progress so far - like I read upthread by the OP, this is not a linear process - I’m sure there will be bumps in the road!

@Cantdoitallperfectly I had a little lol at our similarities. I've also been short with DS, which was an incentive to sort myself out. Only difference is I'm a lone parent but that does make it easier to concentrate on myself I think, I don't have temptation in the way with a partner that keeps drinking.
I wait until DS is in bed before drinking. At 5 he wouldn't fully understand but he's autistic and picks up on mood and speech changes which put him on edge.
We're attending a wedding next month and I've asked the bride for extra juice on our table as I can't drink while with him.

I've not had any weight loss, which is surprising but my energy has increased. My sleep has improved, caffeine intake decreased. It's going to be a long hard road.
Determined to get on with this decorating tomorrow! Oh dear, pray for me 😂

Welcome @Cantdoitallperfectly very nice to have you with us.

On the surface no one would really guess I’m struggling. I turn up for work. My kids are clean and fed. They do clubs and I get them to school on time.

The cracks are starting to show though. I’m usually the last one standing on a night out. I never feel like I’ve had ‘enough’. I used to drink at home every Friday and Saturday and then nights out during the week.

I’ve managed to cut that down significantly. I just got tired of feeling like crap all the time. I’m now trying to do the whole of August with @CoffeeLover90 and a few others 👋 I’ve done a few 6 week stretches since joining this thread last year but I still feel completely confused about my long term goal. Just getting through one day at a time at the moment.

Thank you @AFmammaG
Funny isn’t it the secret struggle some of us have. Well done in your alcohol free stints! I’m going to try and take it day to day just now, and check in here when I’m feeling overwhelmed. Usually 5pm when dinner is due… that’s when I reach for the bottle. Not tonight though! I’ve had horrid palpitations today but just been for a lovely walk with DS and enjoyed the sun. ☀️

Day 11
I have rediscovered my love of tropical fruit juice. Not had any in years. Seen it on offer at the shop this morning. I went to the shop to buy nann breads, to go with the chicken curry I was planning on making. Came back to find I'd forgotten to take the chicken out of the freezer last night.
So I'm craving curry over anything else.

Maybe I should deliberately sabotage my meals so I crave said meals rather than wine? Cos honestly, I would pick a tikka masala over a drink right now.
I joke of course. As I would forget to sabotage. I have been keen to cook decent meals lately though. Maybe that's my old energy returning. And I'm definitely going to start decorating the bedroom tomorrow. I promise.

@CoffeeLover90 thats great about cooking and prepping heathy home cooked meals, it’s a form of self love! I love to cook but don’t enjoy cooking for my family - a blended family with lots of picky eaters and criticism. Meal times can be fraught - hence wine!! Good luck with your decorating tomorrow. Just me and DS here tonight so no stress and chill time. I did go and count up the bottles of wine in the recycling - 14 in one week :( Not alll me but still. The £££ alone!!

Thanks for all the kind words so far. Feeling a bit more settled tonight. Does anyone talk to people IRL about what they’re going through?

@Cantdoitallperfectly I haven't told anyone. I told a friend a while ago that I wanted to cut down, that it was getting out of hand but didn't go into details. We don't see each other often but when we do it's often to drink. Instead she's happy to stick to coffee or tea.

Good morning everybody, this is my first post in here. I’m really glad to have found you!!

I have a problem with alcohol as in sometimes there is no off switch. Yesterday for example I drank a bottle of white wine, couple of gin and tonics and a large Baileys, and I nearly opened a second bottle of white wine but I stopped myself thank god. This morning I feel very anxious and angry with myself. I should be in work today, but I advised them yesterday that I wasn’t going to be in today or tomorrow, because I’m recovering from a kidney infection that I was diagnosed with last weekend, and I am rundown and exhausted so need the rest. But I really should have gone in.

I have done some good stints of alcohol free, and really enjoy the benefits from not drinking. Over the last two years I’ve tried to really educate myself on alcohol by listening to podcasts and reading books and buying alcohol free options. But it did come as an absolute shock that I can’t get through a Friday or a Saturday night without wine!!! Sometimes I just give in and the next day despair and lack of confidence in myself is horrid. On Saturday I had a bottle of wine and I originally planned to just have a glass, no moderation whatsoever.

I have started to see an alcohol free coach so I’m starting with him on Thursday, but I don’t know whether I should speak to my GP and see if there’s any medication they can give me, I don’t know if anybody has any experience with medication that can help?

My drinking habits are only at the weekend, it used to include a Thursday but I have managed to not drink that day now. What I really want to do is be able to have just one glass of wine, but I know that I can’t, because one glass of wine leads to the rest of the bottle. Normally I’m up at 6:30 every morning going to exercise classes or going for a run, and my drinking at the weekend doesn’t stop me doing any of this, even this morning I’m up at 7:30 took my daughter to work. But the anxiety is unreal, the shame of being drunk on my own at home dancing in the garden! I mean, it’s ridiculous and I have pure hate for me today.

I’ve been drinking since I’ve been about 14 I’m now 50. I hold down a very demanding job, am a good mum to 2 amazing kids who are 18 and 20 and I’m married, somewhat happily. However, they have been far too many times where I have lost it on alcohol and embarrassed myself, nothing aggressive, just been drunk and I know they all want me to stop.

So how are you all doing it or managing it? I bit the bullet and rang my GP this morning so I’m expecting a call back to discuss options later. I’m a bit terrified of being judged but I need to do something about it. Has anyone got any experience of smart recovery? I see that name being shared in this group and I just wondered what it was all about. anyway I’m so glad to have found you all in here 💓

Thanks for reading. X

Hi @Orchid09
I’m day 2 today. I relate to your post! My drinking is normally Thursday to Sunday but over last 6 months I’ve been drinking every day. To numb myself. I have some family problems that I want to escape from. I know that I need to tackle those but it seems too hard just now. Like I said upthread, I mask it all well and those on the outside don’t know! My children see me drunk but have not asked me to stop - but they’re still young and I worry about the impact having a depressed mum has on them. They are my world ❤️

I don’t know about medication, but having a coach sounds like a great idea. GP services are usually just signposting but I think it’s a good idea to check in and see what support you can get.

Keep posting x

Hi @Orchid09 and welcome to the gang! I think a lot of us can relate to what you are saying. I don’t have any experience of smart recovery I’m afraid, maybe someone will be along who does.

I would describe myself as a flip flop 😆 I go from “I don’t have a problem and I’ll drink if I want to” to feeling rough as anything and realising it has to stop. Unfortunately moderation isn’t for me. I am an all or nothing girl.

As you know I’m aiming for a dry August (day 12 yay) and for every day I don’t drink my body thanks me. I have more patience with my children. I feel stronger, more confident. My face looks different. I don’t carry around the shame.

It’s a no brainier really. If there’s anything any of us can do to make this a little easier, please do ask. We are certainly experienced in stopping…! Good luck to us all!

@Orchid09 Hi, I don't think you would get any medication to stop drinking unfortunately. Ex was a full, bona fide alcoholic- so I should know better -and he wasn't given anything. Even when he begged. Was given anti depressants instead, which don't work while drinking, so all very helpful.
I do wish there was a magic pill though. Or a time machine so I could go back and punch past me the first time I reached for wine on a weeknight.
I started off just a Saturday, then a Friday too. Then a Wednesday as it's half way through the week... then every frigging day.
BUT I'm on day 12! Woooo
The ceiling is painted, the first coat is on the walls! Woooo hoooo
I did take the chicken out of the freezer last night so a tikka masala is in the process! Yaaaaaay

Happy Monday 😁

A Time Machine would be perfect. I know exactly what you mean. I feel we have all been lied to about alcohol, it’s really fecking bad for us.

Congratulations on your day 12 that is bloody massive. Lots of productiveness going on, you must feel fantastic. You are doing fabulously. I can’t wait to get to day 12, I will have lost a few lb by then…. Unless of course substitute wine for cake.

I’m already skipping a planned social at the weekend to keep me on track as I know there’s temptation there and I’m not quite strong enough yet, but with all the CBT, counselling and life coach sessions I’m hoping something sticks 🙏🏼 and I can be proud of myself.

@Orchid09 I don't feel fantastic (yet) but I have noticed a difference. I do replace alcohol with treats. Mainly chocolate, because it may not be healthy, but it's not as unhealthy as daily wine. It's also easier to tackle when I feel the need to.
Although no chocolate tonight. I'm stuffed from the tikka masala.
Wednesday I'm going to make carbonora. I realised earlier, like an epiphany, that I haven't had this for over a year. It feels like a lot of effort for one person, DS has food sensitivity, but I need to realise I'm worth it.
My body is a temple. Large, old and crumbling haha

Funnily enough I am in the have an ex who is a full blown alcoholic club too. I actually kept a lid on my drinking quite a lot with him as it was just too much but, perhaps crucially, my bar for what was normal was completely obliterated. After him, life went through some crappy turns and when my own relationship with alcohol went downhill, it turned out that I had a lot of bad behaviour patterns which started there. A bottle on my own being normal, drinking on the train home from the office or from other drinks or just carrying on when I got home. The hangovers were a lot worse though!

Seeing what became of him was one (of many tbf) reasons that motivated me to sort myself out. And I had just about enough self esteem, if you will, to know that I didn’t want to be doing in private what I would be so ashamed about in public. If that makes sense. I was terrified of keeling over with a heart attack and people finding out.

anyway, I have eaten my body weight in cake. So my body, if not my ego, is now planet sized!

I’ve put weight on since cutting back 😭 I can’t explain why because I’m exercising pretty much every day to some extent (even 30 mins walking on the treadmill) and I am working really hard to cut back on the junk food. So for example, the kids had a packet of crisps with their picnic today, I didn’t. The kids had an ice cream. I would normally but today I didn’t. So I am making good choices. I wonder if the difference is that before I was chronically dehydrated and not eating anything in the evenings when I drank.

As others have said, I feel so much better so I’ll keep chipping away. Day 12 of August done. No cravings today and I realised I have more energy. I had to run to the shops for something I forgot to buy. And I just did it. Previously that would have felt like a massive effort! Small wins and all that.

The other thing I have noticed, which is weird is that I used to get really angry if I hurt myself. Like pure rage. I think it was because everything feels worse when hungover. The other day I whacked my leg, massive bruise and I was ok emotionally. Same when I knocked my head recently. I just sucked it up and carried on. Aware I am rambling a bit right now. Reflecting on some of the unexpected changes of a sober life.