What is going on with me

[multishack]

I've always enjoyed alcohol. Loved a good night out but as my
Marriage started to crumble I found solace in wine, at home.
We separated at the beginning of Covid restrictions and I drank most night. Traumatised, traumatised kids, loneliness , boredom etc.
I cut way back when life got back to normal.
Now I find myself having a bottle on a few nights per week... Thursday and Friday, sometimes Saturday.
I then have no interest in it and enjoy my early nights.
Wine gives me a buzz then a nostalgic feeling then it helps me
Sleep. It makes me
Happy.
I don't get hangovers but can be tired and sluggish.
I still think it's too much alcohol but once I. decide I want it, that's it, I just get it and finish the bottle everytime.
Then I'm happy to be taxi for my kids at night so don't crave or get upset if I can't have it. I'm currently
On a weight loss journey so have a bottle twice per week.
I'm struggling to make sense of
Myself and to decide whether This is problematic.
Perhaps it's because I'm the only adult drinking in the house until my adult child comes home.
I don't discuss this with anyone as it's not a matter I want to discuss with friends or family
. My own family and friends have a busier social life with alcohol than I but perhaps it's the drinking on my own that makes me feel guilt or shame?
It never happened in my home as a child.
Can I have your thoughts please?

Thanks for your most recent messages also.
Writing this down and asking for your thoughts was a way to process advice when I didn't want to discuss it in real life with anyone close to me.
Thank you for that.
I agree with posters who suggest that as I'm thinking, perhaps overthinking about my intake and habits , I must feel that there's something wrong.

I do know that I enjoy it.
I do know that it relaxes me and at times takes away sadness
I do know that I have shame and guilt around alcohol , all my life, as it was taboo in my home in childhood.
I don't think that drinking alcohol without company sits right with me.
I feel guilt and shame that my children think this is normal , if it's not. Hope that makes sense?

I do know that I can take or leave it as I offer to do the taxiing regularly on weekends when they can sort themselves if they really needed to.
It isn't my intention to underestimate my drinking or to try to normalise by suggesting others do same. I don't know what others do but in my circle, they drink more regularly but more socially than I at similar quantities , but that's what they say. I'm not with them.

Having read all of your comments, I think it's time to ditch alcohol at home and save it for the rare social occasion, if I then fancy it , as I'm not getting to the bottom of my confusion and feelings surrounding it .

Honestly I think a couple of nights a week is fine.

I don’t get the issue with drinking alone. I have a male friend who feels this. He is also single and he feels it’s wrong to drink alone.

i can’t grasp that concept. I don’t really drink much anymore to be honest, a health thing, but if I wanted to drink wine I would, I don’t grasp why my husband or friends need to be there.

Sounds to me more like habit than a dependence on alcohol. “It’s the evening and this is what I do. This is my routine”