On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat *2024*

[Swannyb]

@amdone123 @mj20 @touty @Hohofortherobbers @Coppergate7 @bigbus @colouringindoors @wellitywellness @Atacamadesert @Freezingfeetwarmheart @WouldRatherBeAPieceOftToast @Hohofortherobbers @mickandrorty @Mykittensmittens @afaloren @NoTeaNoShade @CrackersCheeseNoWinePlease @LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

The numbers are in for Feb.... 60 units for the month, 17 AF days. First time I have moderated or drank so little in maybe 40 years?!!! Moderation is working for me at the moment, I need to focus on the now - I have the motivation and the support (this thread is brilliant!) - Dh and I are partners in crime and we have agreed our ground rules for boozing and have a large stock or AF drinks in the fridge - which surprisingly seem to be working.

@Amdone123 flexing that control muscle - well done! We can observe our cravings and hopefully they just hang around for a few minutes - my sugar craving build and build and that's why for me sugar is a bigger devil than the demon drink
@Bigbus well done on the 3 gins, that's only 3 units!!!! - changing over to a drink that isn't your usual can make it easier to limit yourself - I'm going to try to remember to do that because I struggle to moderate when socialising.
@Needtokickthehabit you sound like you are in a better place, gradually reducing is great and writing everything down really helps - apparently, you can type, and password your file (for privacy) and it doesn't even have to be read back by the writer to make a huge difference to your mental health - it's been compared to being as impactful as therapy.
@touty I am in awe of you and your AF holiday - it sounds like a fancy health retreat I have visions of you strolling across a pebbly beach, wind in your hair, beach hut, checked wool blankets, sheep skins and a log fire, I think you need to be journaling too - just to complete the picture!
@Freezingfeetwarmheart don't let perfect be the enemy of good - get back on it.
@sixthvestibule Winning! Great job!

@StitchRipper 60 units in a month is great! Perfect moderating. I’m using the Drinkaware app to try to keep to under 20 a week but I’ve been struggling. I’ve been managing to stay around the 20-25 mark on good weeks but I’ve had a few 40 weeks! I dress to think what I was doing before I started counting.

@Amdone123 well done on your one glass, that sounds perfect. I often find if I have one then leave it I lose the momentum.

@Touty I hope that you are enjoying your holiday. I think sometimes I use alcohol to avoid thinking so perhaps that’s why I would struggle to have lots of time on my hands and stay AF. You must feel great in the morning though when you wake up without a hangover or any sense of dread about the night before.

@Needtokickthehabit don’t forget we’re here for you even if you’ve been having some ups and downs, no need to worry about any judgement here.

I had a good moderating win yesterday. I made a nice meal for me and DH because it was an anniversary and we had one nice bottle of wine between us and that was it! I think it helps that I’m really trying to lose weight and also really enjoying being hangover-free. I feel so pleased that I’ve made a plan and stuck to it twice this week because it’s the inability to stick to plans that worries me about my lack of control. 3 days AF and two days moderating so far this week!

I have had a few beers every nigjht but its been one HELL of a week so the fact thats all I had is surprising to myself. I am feeling good mentally though despite a few hiccups which is positive and thank you all for the support x

@Bigbus During lockdown - I think my units were close to 100 a week, I then had a serious fall and I cut back to around 40 a week for a couple of years. It's often suggested that moderation is impossible for everyone - it's not the case, we all have to follow our own path. We all use alcohol differently, I drink when I'm bored and to switch off from stress - I just need another activity for the boredom and another switch for the stress coupled with the right motivation - which doesn't involve being talked down to, spouting unfounded nonsense (there's a lot of this) or being judged.

Wow lots of positivity on this thread - well done everyone!

@Needtokickthehabit sounds like a huge cut down - well done! Have you ever tried any quit lit? I'm wondering if it might help you.

I didn't drink last night!! Normally on a Thursday I'll have a few glasses of wine, but I didn't last night (even though I wanted to) and feeling much more positive on a Friday morning than I would normally be. I've realised drinking makes me anxious the next day so I'm keen to cut down to avoid that horrible feeling.

I'm also using the drink aware app, and it's consistently on 'if you drink this much every week you have an increasing risk of alcohol affecting your health' (it scores low/medium/high) - I think my goal is to keep in under low consistently. Still allows a bottle of wine a week, with 5 units 'spare'. I'm early 30s so I really should be listening to the glaring warning in front of me.

Having said that I'm already fancying a couple of glasses tonight, and if I do that will take me out of 'low'. I've got a dissertation to write to I think I'm going to try and focus on that tonight instead as the deadline is looming!

Happy Friday everyone x

Funnily enough this has just popped up in my feed:

Quit lit books www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/5000316-quit-lit-books

So I did it...29 days AF all Feb! Has anyone else who did dry Jan / a dry stint notice less bloating around their stomach? I don't look at myself in the mirror for any length of time because I know I need to lose weight but this morning when getting in the shower felt that my stomach has gone down and it must be from the alcohol, as I definitely haven't been on a diet. That's my next goal, ditch the snacking! But was a pleasant surprise as I hadn't weighed myself so don't know if I've lost weight or just lost the bloating. Either way, I'm happy!
Going to have 1-2 glasses of wine tonight as I'm going to the theatre, then nothing til next week on Mother's Day. Moderation here I come, trying to stick to 14 units a week.
I have the try dry app as well that will hopefully keep me motivated, but we will see!

@Flumpywoo well done - you've done really well.
My stomach definitely goes flatter, in fact I lose weight quite easily when af.
@enoughisenough4 well done for not drinking last night. I wish I'd been more aware when I was in my early 30s.
Focus on that essay this evening - your future is brighter without the poison 🥴

@Amdone123 thank you and good luck moderating in March. You can do it and lose your 7lb!!

So, a bit of an odd one here, but a local pub has very kindly offered to let me use their back room function space as a quiet space to write my dissertation. I got there at 5 and I'm only just home. I had one 0% beer which tasted exactly like the real thing. I did drive there but I parked in my friend's driveway and could easily have left it and walked back if I had a drink, BUT I DIDN'T!!!! They love their wine too and it would have been so easy to go in for a few at theirs as well.

I'm still dreaming about the bottle of white I know is in the pantry. But we don't have red in for DH and the shop closes at 10pm, so just a little longer and it won't be an option. (I know it would, as there is a bottle of white here, but I don't fancy drinking it on my own). Obviously I'm hoping he suggests going to get some red, but I've made little noises about it and he hasn't bitten, so I'm not going to actively suggest it

@Bigbus yes i know what you mean and that is one of the hardest things to deal with is not being able to escape or numb my thoughts, but I find that actually moving the body helps, it’s like a forward motion motivation, if I sit still for too long I can feel my thoughts attacking me, so I try to do a lot of walking which physically and mentally tires me.

@Amdone123 thanks, yes I enjoyed the break, it took a bit of getting used to not having a drink on holiday but I kept myself busy and did lots of walking, I also avoided going out in the night. I’m back home now.

So I had a lovely night but didn't stick to 2 drinks. I enjoyed it though so it was worth it and I wasn't drunk. Had an awful sleep though and felt like I was tossing and turning a lot in the night, which is a reminder why it's good to moderate, as you sleep so much better.
Have friends over today but I'm sticking to my AF rose fizz.
Well done @Touty for staying AF in the pub!
How has everyone else done?

Sorry tagged the wrong person. It was @enoughisenough4

@Flumpywoo that sounds like a good plan sticking to the af rose. I slept so well last night but I was shattered so that helped.
@enoughisenough4 I used to dream about being stuck in a pub ! Well done on abstaining, that took a lot of strength and willpower.
@Touty you're doing brilliantly. Not drinking on holiday is superb. I hope you're feeling a bit better. I love walking too. I just have to remind myself to walk past pubs / shops.

Day 10 here and I'm feeling really good. I wanted to drink last night, quite badly but I played it forward.
I've lost 2lb this week - I'm aiming for a March of eating properly, moderating ( 1 bottle a week) and limited spending. Feeling happy and positive.

I'm out today for the family meal. I'm hoping to not go mad. The day out won't be the problem, it'll be when I get home, but I'm aware so all good.

Well done everyone lots of positive posts!

I am on day 9 AF, doing my best to eat and sleep well too. Went to a few clothes shops today, gosh the mirrors are not forgiving. Being semi clad in the harsh lights was a horrible reality check.

@endlesswashing well done on your AF run! I totally agree about the mirrors. I can sort of persuade myself I look ok when I squint in my own mirror with the lights dim - I think I’ll stick to that.

I’m picking DD17 up from a party later so I’m AF today. Last night I had one small glass of Prosecco and 1 large glass of red which is exactly what I had planned so I’m
pleased with that.

@Amdone123 I hope you had a lovely day.

@Touty I hope you’re feeling ok after your break. Sometimes I feel a bit down coming back to real life, especially if I’ve been away on my own.

@Tilllly how are you?

@Tilllly I've been thinking about you, too - hope you're ok.

Oh dear. No breakfast, drank wine. I did eat, I don't think I was drunk but I don't remember coming home so I probably was.
Granddaughter was picked up safely ( thanks to a sober dh).
I'm af for March ! 🙃

Morning all! Not doing too well here. Am drinking daily. Not alone, so that is one positive. But still drinking. Feeling depressed and a bit sorry for myself which isn't like me. Need a big kicking. I'm going on holiday in a week. Hopefully will be feeling better by then. Got a really busy week too. Shake me someone!

@Nowstrong sending you shakes ( no pun intended).
It's not like you at all ! You're probably just having an off time - we all get them.
Start afresh today. Positive thoughts only, lots of water and good food and plan your holiday ☀

Still AF but I am really tetchy! I'm irritable for good reason right now but it's harder to disguise it without the sedative effects of alcohol.

Happy Sunday everyone. @Amdone123 sometimes the drink just creeps up on us - as long as there was no drunken texting then that’s a win! Looking back to how you were in the past you must still be very pleased with your progress.

@Formel I got very tetchy a few weeks ago. I feel resentful that other people seem to be able to drink a lot more than me and they are ok and that other people seem to be able to eat a lot more than me and not be the size of a (big)bus! Of course they don’t eat and drink more than me, they just have a better balance.

This last week has been a week of moderation and I am feeling really well for it. I had hardly any sleep due to drunken teenage party drama (not my DD17, she doesn’t drink, but I had to rescue several of her friends from the party and she ended up having to stay with there BFF whose party it was as she was the only sober one and friend’s parents were away). Long drama and little sleep. But I’m sooooo glad I’m not hung over and that I was sober and able to help them all out last night.

@Bigbus thanks, I am pleased with my progress. I was on day 10 til yesterday and doing quite well. Great that you're moderating and that you were able to do your Florence Nightingale impression !
@Formel I have noticed that roundabout day 5 or 6 of being af, I get really tetchy. It's a pattern. I used to cave, but now I go with the feeling. Sometimes I just need to vent.

Hi all, lots of positive posts to catch up which is always great to read.

I feel like I’m in a really good place atm. I’ve had a few drinks here and there but happily put a stop to it quickly. Given things are going so well, I’ve decided to cease the moment and start a diet as I have a holiday in a few months.

The thing I’m struggling with the most is being a bit miserable about socialising, as in, I don’t want to do it 😂 and I’m getting annoyed if DH invites people over. It just isn’t the same when you aren’t joining in. Is that just me?

@Swannyb it's not just you, no. We don't entertain at home but I'd find it difficult going out socialising and not drinking.
It's a great idea to combine your healthy eating with abstaining though - I'm doing similar. 7 weeks til hols and going to do my best to lose half a stone. Atm, I'm the lightest I've been in a long time, and most of it is due to moderating or abstaining.
When people visit you, I wouldn't even say you're abstaining - I'd just drink af.
Fake it til yer make it.