On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat *2024*

[Swannyb]

@amdone123 @mj20 @touty @Hohofortherobbers @Coppergate7 @bigbus @colouringindoors @wellitywellness @Atacamadesert @Freezingfeetwarmheart @WouldRatherBeAPieceOftToast @Hohofortherobbers @mickandrorty @Mykittensmittens @afaloren @NoTeaNoShade @CrackersCheeseNoWinePlease @LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

@Moderato2024 that's great, you're doing well. It's definitely all about habits. When I look back at my worse times, it had all just become a habit. Now, I think about it a lot more, my reasoning, etc.
Having said that, I struggled yesterday and I've struggled today, but as much as I wanted wine, I won't go out for it.
Feeling anxious today, not sure why.
I've only drank 1 day out of the last 7 days, including today ( it's not over !). So, all good really.

@MoodyBlues1 what I’d really love is to be able to go some weeks with no drinks at all but I think my DH and friends (and life in general) will forever hold me back from that!

I was thinking I might make a note of all the different reasons I drink for, and give myself another option of something to do to instead of turning to booze. Thoughts?

Morning! Wanted so stick my head around the door and say Hi!
I am on a mission to moderate, having come down from over a bottle a day during lockdown, to half a bottle a day last year. I completed DJ and now I want to properly moderate this year - for health reasons, I'm attempting to stick to 14 units a week - whilst maintaining my social life, eating out, and seeing friends who all enjoy drinking excessively!
So far so good - motivation levels are high, so this is the easy bit, we'll see how well things go when the novelty wears off. I'm approaching things in an Adrian Chiles style - I save and plan to use my units strategically, so rather than mindlessly drinking every night - I'm saving for the weekend and social events. AF beer, Sentia and long baths are my life-savers! I hope I can go the distance and learn to moderate because I'm not ready to abstain.

Hi and welcome @StitchRipper you sound like you're doing really well. Well done for cutting back since Lockdown and for DJ.
I like the strategic approach. I think I do this, in a way. Not so much saving for nights out as I don't really go out, but being more mindful.
Af beer is good - I'd drink it more in summer I think. I think I've heard of sentia ( is it like gin ?), but I definitely spend too long in the bath.

@Swannyb when I've had my cup of tea, I'll write my reasons and solutions. War And Peace coming up 🤣

1 ) hungry - eat ! Not just normal days, but if I'm meeting friends in the day, I make sure I eat before we drink. I never used to.
2) thirsty - drink af or 'go - to' soft drinks. Keep fridge stocked up !
3) boredom - a big one. Either accept I'm bored or clean up ( boredom usually goes away). Or go for a walk, exercise class, read, journal.
4) reward - I don't buy myself anything - I just recognise how hard I've worked and reward self with positive thoughts.
5) to escape / do something different because life can be boring - plan a mini break, make it challenging by getting it as cheap as possible. Something to look forward to. I often take myself to a Premier inn for a night ! Or go to Wales and walk, walk, walk.
6) feeling happy - I recognise why I'm happy and it's because I'm NOT drinking.
7) cooking / watching tennis - pleased that I no longer automatically drink with these 2. I've actually weaned myself off the habit. Progress.
8) socialising - I don't go out much but when I do, I'm mindful ( usually). It's hard but I remind myself of all the times I've embarrassed myself, put myself in danger, said things I can't take back and I pace myself. I haven't shown myself up since joining here tbh.
9) eating out with dh - we do this a lot so it's been hard. I never order a bottle. And I eat dessert.
10 ) tired - I can't believe I nearly forgot this one. I have a nice bath, and an early night.
11) when hungover - another one I forgot yet possibly, the most dangerous. If I wake through the night and see leftover wine, I pour it away. Otherwise, I'm on that slippery slope / treadmill mindset. I find it easy to pour away though.
12) anxiety - I was anxious yesterday but again, I recognise that drinking won't help. I usually talk to dh or write it down and come up with solutions. The worst anxiety can be through the night and drinking definitely exacerbates this.
13) I drink because I like it ! I prefer it to chocolate, sweets, cake - I recognise that this is fine. Lots of people enjoy wine but I ask myself do I need to drink today or can I save ,and savour, it for another day ?

I didn't want to end on 13, so I've thought of 14 ) holidays!! I'm a lot better than I used to be, but I'm still a work in progress there !

I don't drink to aid sleep but I know from reading on here that many of you do. You can just read this post next time 🤣❤️

Hi @StitchRipper !

Great idea @Swannyb and your list is brilliant @Amdone123 , very useful.

I'm sat here staring at my 2 page per day diary which now has many past blank days. Just made myself write in it - first entry in February. That's my big news 😂otherwise still stuck in AF no man's land.

Morning all. So a bit of a boozy weekend but def more restrained. Back to AF last night and intend to do that all week. Wish I could find a solution to getting to sleep though. It's a nightmare
swannyb I feel the same. Weekend with friends are really centred around the bar and drinking. I am learning to drink more slowly, baby steps.

Argh, a few hours after I wrote Monday’s post, I went down with food poisoning/stomach bug. Needless to say, it’s helped put me off booze for a few days which is good! 😂

@Amdone123 thank you so much for the list! I’m going to do mine and share it later.

I'm back! Was away for 12 days and totally AF for all that time. So very pleased with myself. Was tempted a couple of times because a cold beer was available but had sparkling water instead. Was a very physical holiday so will weigh myself tomorrow to see where I am weight wise too. No nibbling and no drinking. There must be an up side to that.
Now I'm back to the same old day to day routine, or nearly, so I would really like to be able to refrain from nibbling, which is my downfall. Also hope to remain AF for as long as possible.
My relationship with alcohol has greatly changed. I'm now able to go without for days on end without really feeling that I'm missing out. I'm going to work on that for the moment. I would like to be able to have 1 or 2 glasses from time to time, but I would also like to be able to go to meals out, at friends' or restaurants and be able to say "no thank you" without hesitating. Still work in progress there.
Haven't had time to have a catch-up read of the thread. Hoping that you are doing well. Will give myself some time perhaps tomorrow to have a good read.
In the meantime, wishing you all a great day. Stay strong. x

@Nowstrong that's fantastic, well done. I know you wisely don't drink when travelling solo, but there's still temptation. I bet you've lost weight, let us know !
@Swannyb oh no, hope you're on the mend. Every cloud though 🥴

I was going to go out for lunch but it's absolutely peeing down here so we've cancelled. I have had quite bad cravings since Saturday really but instead of caving, I'm trying to just roll with it and accept it.
If I'd have gone for a pub lunch today I'd have had 2 glasses but I haven't had time to have breakfast yet, so I think it would have ended quite badly.

How are we all @Bigbus @Coppergate8 @Formel @Freezingfeetwarmheart @Gemstonebeach @Hohofortherobbers @MoodyBlues1 @Mykittensmittens @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 and @Tilllly especially, I hope you're doing OK ❤️

I think I'm doing okay thank you. I have several days without any alcohol and when I do have some I don't feel like I need to drink the whole bottle

I suppose having the cancer treatment and a new puppy are impacting on that, it's not like you come home from chemo and feel like you want a glass of wine really 🤣

And a brand-new boisterous puppy is certainly distracting if you think you might

Amdone aww sorry your lunch was cancelled. I'm good AF night only trouble is I am experiencing terrible insomnia. Had a relaxing evening watching NetFlix, lots of water, went to bed at 12.00 and tossed and turned for hours. Drinking I would have gone straight to sleep.

Hi @Amdone123 thanks for the tag. Sounds like you’re doing well with the cravings. I’m going for lunch today but no one there will drink so it won’t be difficult.

@Tilllly nice to hear from you. I hope things are not to horrible with the treatment and that the new puppy is lovely x

Nice to hear from all the newbies and oldies and returnees. @Mj20 I think you said upthread that you’d had a few more drinks recently. (Sorry if it wasn’t you - if I scroll up I’ll lose my post!). It was my birthday last week then had my brother staying and he’s a guaranteed partner-in-crime so I seem to have used these things as an excuse to turn into a lush. I have continued to track my drinks and had 50 units in 7 days which is a real eye-opener. What really shocks me is that in the past I would have drunk a lot more so goodness knows how many units I was having in similar ‘celebration’ weeks in the past. I’m still off work until next week but guests have gone. Dinner out with DH tonight but he is the king of moderation so that should be ok.

I know that it’s going to be hard to reset after this boozy week so plan to moderate tonight then AF tomorrow then take it from there.

best wishes to all

Since you ask @Bigbus ....

Tilly omg so cute

@Amdone123 not doing great. Its a hard week for me this week.

@Tilllly oh wow what a cute puppy! Looks very content x

@Needtokickthehabit sorry hear it’s been a bad week. I’ve been using the drink aware app to track my drinking and although it is horrifying I think it does help a bit because I know if I drink something I have to face the judgement of my phone. Also if you drink under 6 units in one day you get a different colour on your chart, it gives you something to aim for in terms of moderation if you’re not ready to stop completely.

I'm using the same app. I'm going to try to stay AF for Lent, starting today....

Hi been a bit absent here, but the moderating isn't going TOO bad! I decided after my unexpected hangover a couple of weeks ago after just 3 drinks that I'm going to try not to have more than 2 drinks when drinking at home and have stuck to it so far.

Last week I didn't quite stick to the weekend only thing though - had one on Monday as I thought I was working at the weekend. Then two on Thursday as I nearly got eaten by an angry dog when out for a walk so I invoked the Extremely Bad Day Clause (it didn't get me but it clearly really didn't like me, or thought I must look really tasty, and it's owner had to wrestle it to the ground and lie on top of it while I slowly backed off then legged it!)
Then on Friday I had read my shift pattern entirely wrong and had an unexpected Friday night in with DH. So we had a couple then!

All in all I am happy with this level I think, just need to be very careful it doesn't creep back up as usual. To say last year I was having up to 4 drinks PER NIGHT- and now according to the Try Dry app I've only had 16 units in the whole of February , and spread out too rather than all at once - this will do for now!

May have a few at the weekend. Friday we may have another visit to the PILs so will probably need it after!

@Freezingfeetwarmheart sounds like you're doing well, and obviously an improvement on last year, so well done !
A 2 drinks limit is a really good idea. That was my target today had I gone out. I think it's just right really. I read somewhere that 2 is a recommended number because it relaxes you, etc and the drinks AFTER the first 2 ( for some, 1 ) serve no purpose other than to get you drunk. It makes sense to me.
I'd need more than a drink after the dog encounter. I'm scared to take my granddaughter out round here, as so many dogs off lead etc. I even have to pick my own up when out with him (good job he's tiny).

I'm still AF but not thriving on it. This week off work is proving painful - far too much time on my hands and I'm wasting the opportunity. Had a word with DH about his drinking today. It is really getting me down now. Very much doubt anything will change though - I just needed to say it.

What I really, really need to do now is sort my eating out. Not just so that I can start losing weight (and that is very much needed) but so that I can start to thrive. I am a mess of carbs and sugar - very possibly worse than when I was on the wine. I eat healthily during the day when I'm at work at least, so this week when I'm not have exaggerated it. I've got ZOE membership until August, and signed up for weightwatchers at the weekend (cheap and friend doing it remotely) but have done absolutely nothing towards actually starting. I guess that is for a different thread though!

@Coppergate10 it's ok. I know lots of us on here mention weight loss in their battle with alcohol. I know losing weight for me is one of the biggest benefits of moderating / abstaining. I'd be best abstaining as I lose during the week then weekend it's back on.
I remembered you were doing Zoe. At least you've got that til August. Ww is good too.
I'd just pick a date to start, then a small plan to get ready for it - the foods you need in, etc. I find that once I start eating properly, researching new recipes, upping the water / exercise - I quite enjoy it.

@Coppergate10 i have exactly the same problem. I can be quite healthy all day then a big carb magnate in the evening. When I put my mind to it if find that Slimming World works because you can eat lots and carbs are not banned.

@Bigbus sw definitely easier than ww for me, though about 10 years ago, I did lose 2 stone in about 6 months with ww. I was constantly hungry though 🤣.
I like sw - it's a lot of cooking from scratch, etc but I used to do that on a Sunday. Some lovely recipes and ideas on sw.

@Swannyb ,ok so how does this work? Do I sign up, make a pledge or just say what I want to do?