On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat *2024*

[Swannyb]

@amdone123 @mj20 @touty @Hohofortherobbers @Coppergate7 @bigbus @colouringindoors @wellitywellness @Atacamadesert @Freezingfeetwarmheart @WouldRatherBeAPieceOftToast @Hohofortherobbers @mickandrorty @Mykittensmittens @afaloren @NoTeaNoShade @CrackersCheeseNoWinePlease @LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

I managed AF all week.

Will drink this weekend but agreed with DH that we should just share a bottle. Will see how that goes 😁

@ShufflingAlong well done, that's great.

The very Thirsty Caterpillar really made laugh Formel. Welcome, I am new here too. I had a pretty much AF week and need to moderate. I was doing a bottle of wine a night, plus 2 bottles of Bourbon a week which is a crazy amount and I was functioning so I thought. This week I feel more alert and the anxiety has gone. Early days but so far so good. I actually went out last night and had a small jug of wine and just a couple of JD's, I see that as progress.

The anxiety is awful. I'm meant to be going out tonight. I'd flake, except that I'm meeting a friend who is then staying over at mine (she lives in a different city so I can't let her down!) I'm going to promise myself that my first drink will be a soft one. Hoping to stay AF all evening but I know that it will be noisy and busy which is always a trigger for me to have something to soften the effects. We'll see (and I hope my friend wants to leave at a sensible time!!)

@Formel good luck. Sometimes the thought of going out is worse than the actual event. I find that anyway.
One thing I do is play it forward and think about how I want to feel tomorrow. You can still have a couple ? Maybe try to alternate ?
I know it's difficult but I suppose most things worth doing are.
I sympathise with the anxiety. I'm the same but you know you're going ( because of the friend), you've got a plan and you're trying. No one's perfect, you can only try.
Let us know how you get on.

Can I join you all? I'm doing dry Feb, as January had too many drinking opportunities, so I wanted to be fully committed rather than not stick to it.

From mid Nov-mid Dec I reduced my drinking to 1 day a week (from around 3 days a week) and was going to do that again in January but there were birthdays and other things going on so I didn't stick to it. It took up too much headspace choosing which day to drink and I've been getting heartburn since all the food and drinking over Christmas and into Jan, so I just want a little detox and then after Feb to moderate.

If I'm just at home then I can moderate (have half a bottle) but once I go out you just carry on drinking because everyone else is (and sometimes I just want to!) and that's what society says you should do to have fun. Then the next day I get hangxiety and wished I'd stopped drinking earlier, worry what rubbish I was talking etc. Even if I know I didn't say anything bad, I just feel all anxious and guilty like I've done something wrong. It's horrible!

I want to get to the stage where I can go for a meal or see a friend in the pub and think no, I'm going to have a soft drink, without automatically ordering a wine in case I look boring. Don't get me wrong I still want to have it sometimes, I don't want to be AF, but just cut down or start off on soft drinks, then move onto alcohol (or the other way round).

Anyway, day 9 of AF and it has been absolutely fine, but I know as it gets towards the end of Feb I will struggle! Got my Schloer for tomorrow night while watching telly, to drink in a wine glass

It's Friday and it's not dry Jan and I'm AF. I'm not going to lie, it's difficult. Dh asked if I wanted anything from Tesco when he went earlier and I had to grit my teeth and just squeak no. No idea what tomorrow will bring, day by day.

Hi @Flumpywoo i can relate to so much of what you said! I seem to have patches when moderating is easy and times when I’m just a lush! Currently managing to play it forward but also I know there are some nights I have way more fun with a few drinks. I would never dance sober and I do love to dance! The problem is that I go too far and actually just stopping at the dancing phase would be perfect!

Morning everyone, ugh. So after my little break from posting and pro claiming myself to be having an AF weekend I had more than usual last night. 2 Proseccos abd a bottle at home. Feel really rubbish this morning 😓 luckily no anxiety! Hope everyone else is ok

@Bigbus omg yes that has made me think of when I've had too much to drink and the next day I remember dancing like a loon and I cringe. But then I'm sure (hope!) everyone else with me was too and I should stop worrying! I've noticed that sometimes if I'm not drinking but others are, I feel like I am anyway because you're part of the atmosphere and you forget you're not. And the next day you are so glad to have a clear head!

@Flumpywoo hi ! Yes, so much of what you say resonates with me. You'll fit right in here !

I'm going to post later - just wanted to say hi.

I did go out last night, and did very well by my usual standards. Got handed a prosecco on arrival so had two of those but then didn't have anything else for a few hours. Three gins towards the end of the night. I added it up today and that was 10 units total which still counts as a binge. BUT I didn't black out, fall over, or otherwise make a spectacular tit of myself, so..... onwards and upwards, right?

@Formel that's OK. At least you were mindful, too. Always a bonus.
I struggled with a craving yesterday. I thought I'd be ok, pushed work back, etc, head in the right place, but no, the wine witch would not go away. I only had 1 bottle though and that's good by my standards.
I actually want to drink today but I wouldn't go out for it. So, that's good too !
I think we're staying in tomorrow. Hope so as it's better for me.

@MoodyBlues1 When I used to go to the bars here I used to drink vodka and tonic, they hand pour spirits here in Spain so the drinks would be very strong and I had no idea of the amount of units in each drink. I had to give up the booze as I used to drink until I was legless and I put myself in dangerous situations.

I am dreading the summer here, hopefully I won’t be here.

@Tilllly yes im working on that but it’s not easy xx

No @Touty but you're trying 💪🏻

So, I’ve drunk 5 nights out of the 7 for the week and I’m already thinking what day would be an acceptable day to start drinking again next week.

I’m feeling like I am well and truly on a slippery slope again.

The worst part is that this year it seems I have mastered how to drink without (consciously) affecting sleep, exercise etc. which means I’m not beating myself up so much like I used to.

Fortunately there are no more bottles of bubbles in the fridge, what else can I do? Where to from here? 😭

I think my moderating is winning because I need to lose weight but the alcohol tips me into the maintaining/gaining part so vanity is currently winning over the inner wine voice.

Had I not have two holiday of a lifetime coming up this year which means I have to get back into clothes as I can't afford to buy more I think it would be harder to moderate.

Had two glasses of wine last night from a wine box and have now put the box out of sight until next weekend.

Sorry to hear those that are struggling but hopefully it's just a small bump in the road.

@Swannyb I’ve been similar to you - in my defence it was my birthday but I suppose I need to stop thinking that celebrations and alcohol are intrinsically linked! To be fair, yesterday I had two beers in the afternoon and resisted the wine witch in the evening so I actually had a lovely sleep and feel very well today. I have the week off and have relatives staying so I’m focusing on moderation not abstinence for now. That’s what I’ve always wanted to do really. But I know some more AF days will be better for me. Like you I’ve had some days when I’ve been already thinking about when it’s ok to have a drink! Stepping out of routine makes it all much harder!

@ShufflingAlong i also need to lose weight and this is helping me to moderate because the alcohol calories don’t help and the drunken crisp gobbling helps even less!

@Swannyb aahhhh, don't despair - it happens. At least you're aware of it and trying to do something about it, which is not easy.
So, where to go to ?
If you drank 5 out of 7 last week, can you aim for 4 out of 7 this week? Don't put too much pressure on yourself - that slippery slope is very slippy.
Can you let us know your plan on here and we'll help you ❤️
@Bigbus ' drunken crisp gobbling' - just spat my tea out 🤣
I had wine Friday and attacked the pork pies. I love pork pies and never buy them. My plan was to have them INSTEAD of the wine 🥴.
@ShufflingAlong losing weight and clothes and being a vain sod all help me not to drink. Honestly, I abstain and it comes off easily. I look sideways at a bottle of wine and 2 or 3lb back on.

We're staying in today, yay. I know if we went for a meal, I'd drink and I know deep down, I'd be in the M n S food Hall post meal, buying drinks and nuts.
Also, I was ok yesterday but tired - and I struggled to go to sleep, which really pissed me off.

Thanks for the support @Bigbus and @Amdone123 🩷

My plan for this week is to make an effort to switch off and unwind in the evenings - take a bath/shower/home facial, put the phone away early, cook etc. I think I’ll book myself a massage for Friday as my thing to look forward to too!

It’s funny, because my dream is to only drink 1 - 2 times a week, but why isn’t my dream to just not want to drink at all?? 🤔

@Amdone123 the pork pies 😂 who doesn’t love a pork pie, especially after drinks!

@Swannyb just don't drink today (and whilst in the thick of it not for the next 20 minutes) works for me when I feel like that, it's bloody hard to make the first grab at solid land when you're on the slope.

I was very tempted to drink this weekend. I didn't as I recognised it wasn't the booze I wanted - it was the escape from feeling the consequences of my procrastination and wallowing in general disappointment. Did a jigsaw. Glad I didn't drink but still pissed off with myself for letting yet another week go by without making steps to balance and enjoy my life more.

I'm wondering if I could manage to ban myself from watching TV and using the internet for anything other than work for a few days to force things along...

@Amdone123 I love a pork pie!

Nothing yesterday, which means that if I have wine with Sunday dinner tonight I'll have had 4 dry days out of 7.

Why do I want to put a self-defeating disclaimer on the end of that positive sentence?

@Swannyb my dream is also to be able to drink a few days per week, without it blurring into everyday drinking again.

My hope is that doing 21 weeks of moderated drinking will help to make it a habit and make it easier for me from week 22 and on. That is the thought I’m hanging on to when I start quibbling with myself “just one now won’t make a difference” — when it’s a day I know I would be better off AF. If that makes sense. It is the same kind of sensation as when I did the Alan Carr quit smoking book. The one-off urge will pass with time, and the effect of resisting the urge will build over time to get me across to the other side of the hill and into a new habit. (The habit of not smoking, or of being able to moderate drinking).

Week 2 here nearly finished of fewer than 14 units, and at least 3 days off. Baby steps. Had a really tasty AF Kolsch with lunch after a long walk w the family yesterday, instead of the usual couple of beers w my dh. Strong urges to open a bottle of wine several evenings at the end of work, including after a late finish from an anxious work event; but the thought of achieving my 21 week goal got me through.